Bon giorno amici,

The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat indeed.

[Last Weeks’] dispatch contained an error that begs correction. A Sacksian Slip if you like.

Erratum:
The Russian Egg Principle was referred to. It should have been the Russian Doll Principle.

This resulted either from the unhealthy onset of dementia, or from a healthy flight of imagination. I like to think the latter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLgYAHHkPFs

Many years ago an Indian lady, Mrs. Rama Kushna taught at Yuendumu School. She taught cooking to senior girls.

In Warlpiri, ‘juru’ is head, ‘juru-rama’ means dizzy or confused (here those who know Warlpiri better than I must forgive translation inaccuracies-never let truth or accuracy get in the way of a good story) Crazy people are called ‘ramara’.

Inevitably Mrs. Ramakushna became known as Mrs. Ramara. When she tried to ethnocentrically convince her rather carnivorous Warlpiri pupils to use meat frugally, the aptness of her nickname was confirmed.

Kevin Rudd’s famous Apology to the Stolen Generations turned out to be empty words (the stealing of children continues apace)

I much prefer the following ‘Sorry’-
Mi dispiace:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drNqZWzj5GY

Arrivederci,

Franco

Dear reader, the following is an edited extract of an address prepared by The Minister for Immigration the Rt. Hon. Peter Dutton to the IPA Melbourne. This address was to have been presented by Royal Commission Head Dyson Heydon, but due to time constraints, (the invitation had to be re-written from email by feathered quill onto parchment in copperplate the sent by courier in litter), the Minister kindly agreed to perform the task in person.

The Immigration Minister. Protecting our interests by dismissing Fairfax and ABC as rubbish!!

There’s been some disturbing news recently. Claims have been made that the Federal Government has embarked upon the militarisation of the bureaucracy. There’s a level of shrill hysteria being exhibited out there. People are “seriously worried about the rise of a paramilitary”. There’s even claims being made by the Fairfax press and the some in the ABC that what we’re seeing here is the thin end of the wedge, the rise of a ‘Gestapo Mentality’. To instill fear, retribution and paralysis amongst the so called chattering classes.

What rubbish!!!

The Intervention. Protecting Aboriginal Australians

To survive, we need a Stronger Australia And it’s simple. We have proven that Aboriginal Australians have been saved by military intervention. And it works. Natural then that lesson should be applied to the rest of us.

Australia is at the crossroads, The future poses severe challenges! I have it on personal authority from none other than George Brandis and his esteemed colleague Corey Bernardii, that there’s a jobs boom for good civic minded citizens. In the interests of ‘public safety’ our uniformed officers just want to get on and do their their job. And a bloody fine job they’re doing at that. Australia need these people. WE have lost thousands of jobs in manufacturing. There’s just not enough real estate left to sell to the Chinese to prop up the economy. We have staggering youth unemployment. With the wise crackdown on renewables we shall see a permanent underclass of willing, supine, pliant dolts. But they must have some source of valuable employment. Because the figures speak for themselves. It’s an economic reality. There aren’t enough jobs (in the saviour of humanity sector industries) to go round. Coal can’t do all the heavy lifting alone!!

Law and order are the new Growth sectors. We’ve streamlined our service sector, but there are still radical improvements that must be made. For starters, we’ve got rid of the carbuncle of tram conductors, station masters and an entire panoply of time serving wastrels. We have replaced them with our new PSO.s. With your safety in mind they are all heavily armed. And like our policemen wear black. Border force will grow beyond its initial seven thousand jobs. Their guns will make us all safe. To ensure that those borders, outside, inside, and within, are rigorously enforced. This is just the beginning. Sherriffs will soon be issued with new uniforms, and carry bigger guns. School crossing attendants will be armed to give new meaning to “Road Safety”. Teachers, librarians, state and federal public servants, members of City Councils, and the vast bulk of employees will be issued with new uniforms. Cleaning up the mess left by Labor’s ‘debt and deficit disaster’.

New Uniform being trialled for School Crossing Supervsors. Road rage and Bullet proof.

And to make it easier for you our there, (not in uniform yet) we are introducing a colour coded scheme to ensure that these new uniforms for Team Australia are instantly recognisable;

Law and order; black or very dark blue. The Green Corps; dark green. Academics, Teachers; dark Grey. Legal fraternity; light Grey ABC journalists; beige or pink, (under consideration). Health care workers; white. Cultural workers, (museums, libraries, galleries) crimson. Emergency services; very dark blue. Army; green. Ancillary service sector; mechanics, plumbers, electricians; cobalt blue.

How easy , it’ll ensure that people in service are identified by colour, thus making it easier to identify those in the street who are not in the right colour. To facilitate this we’ve deleted brownish, blackish or yellow-ish as not appropriate ‘Team Australia’ colours.

We’re adapting surplus stock from DDR to make Australia Safe. New Border Force protective headgear being trialed.

So it’s goodbye manufacturing and that pesky intelligentsia and hello to a new, smart, disciplined force of uniformed officers designed and coordinated to protect us. With this clarification of roles, between government and executive officers there will no longer be the hazy quandary of separation of powers. We will be stronger, and better equipped to deal with future challenges and ensure that the rest of the world knows that Australia is ‘Open for Business’. The message is clear. Look out, leaners, boat people, the poor, the disenfranchised. If you don’t like it, get the message. Get into a uniform and serve. Demonstrate you’re backing Team Australia. And, in answer to the critics, these new uniforms though not manufactured in Australia, are not MADE in China. We have jobs to ensure that the stocks generously donated to us from the former Democratic Republic of East Germany are of the first order, and can be adapted to ensure that every strata of society is attired in the correct uniform. To demonstrate unyielding obedience to the rule of State.

Thank goodness we’re repealing laws. Thank christ we’re ensuring that we walk lock step with strong leadership in assuring that this country stands for something. So sing with us in chorus;

We’ve stopped the boats, To make us SECURE

We’ve arrested the budget crisis,  Labor made us ENDURE

We’ve stopped labors debt and deficit disaster, It was a seven year ITCH

And thrown out pesky Gillard, We’ve ditched the BITCH/WITCH

And we’ve imposed no new taxes, Our commitment to this promise is SEALED

Repeal Laws for species (not mentioned in bible), Open cut coal mine’s in every FIELD

We’ve retained Dyson Hayden, There aint non FINER

We’re making Australia safer, By selling it to CHINA

The Kawanshi, essentially an adapted Hudson Bomber belonging to CIC Thomas Blamey. The most visible adaptation being the distinctive twin turrets as illustrated.

This aircraft had a most unusual history, having the unique distinction of being used both as a transport for senior Australian and Japanese Officers during World War 2. Originally constructed as a Hudson bomber it was briefly used by the RAAF, as personal transport to the Commander in Chief of the Australian Army. General. Sir Thomas Blamey.

Blamey inspecting defences with North-Force along Rabbit Proof fence. The precursor to Border Force.

Blamey had a penchant for comfort and oversaw the fit-out of Its luxurious interior which included a water bed, cocktail bar, valet, and a sumptuous bathroom equipped with toilet,(fitted with radical light-weight plastic toilet seat) bidet, hot and cold water, gold taps and an ornate marble bath. Inexplicably the aircraft was captured intact, parked outside the Fantan Club in Lavender Street Singapore with the trans sexual contortionist Mata Hairy being the sole occupant. How it arrived there is a mystery as the aircraft was reportedly being used to tour the extremities of eastern defences. Fortunately the Commander in Chief was not with the plane having escaped on ‘urgent personal business’.

Mata Hairy. Only known photograph of the exotic contortionist. Photograph generously donated to us on this occasion by the Minister for Education. The Rt. Hon. Christopher Pyne. From his personal collection.

Kawanshi. Manufacturers of fine maritime flying boats.

Once captured It was then radically re-designed by the Kawanshi Flying Boat company as a medium sized luxury courier aircraft to transport senior IJN officers. A Shinto ceremony was performed to cleanse the “enemy aircraft” of evil intent. Once “cleansed” it was commissioned into the IJN. The directors of the Kawanshi Corporation were then faced with the daunting prospect of developing another code name for this unique Japanese Aircraft. They decided to adopt a novel approach. The firm held a naming competition, with an exciting first prize for a new ‘female’ code gendered aircraft. This established a continuity to the then current fleet of feminine gendered, Mavis’s, Betty’s Emily’s, Kate’s, Judy’s, Dinah’s, Sue’s, Delores’s and Vulgarias”. The first prize comprised a guided tour of territories annexed under the recently augmented Greater South East Asian Co Prosperity Sphere. The proposed first prize tour, (not bettered until recent activities by the Rt. Hon. Member for Mackellar Bronwyn Bishop) inspired hordes of Japanese salary workers indentured to work long hours with one indexed day per year as holiday.

Allied officers being told compassionately they’re ineligible for the prestigious naming competition by Japanese soldiers.

The planned prize for the winner of the competition comprised an unheard of, all expenses six week tour of recently acquired possessions. The competition was fierce, and in spite of rumours of Hari Kiri being committed by unsuccessful entrants and the first ever recorded immolation by a disappointed mother who pushed her explosive laden pram directly into a hangar of parked aircraft on the IJN Akagi, the response was overwhelmingly positive. Curiously, the submitted names puzzled the event organisers, the names not being female derived at all, but irrepressibly masculine. By far the most numerously proposed being; ‘the Richard, the William, the Long Tom, the Rooster and Knobby‘. It transpired that there had been a mistake in the wording of the competition, and instead of being ‘find an alternate name for glorious empire japan fighter for boys lady name’, it was misspelt, as ‘find big lady boy name’. Amid much laughter and the subsequent suicide by the competition typesetter consuming an entire Konichi typewriter carriage, the judges decided not to re-run the competition but reach a compromise position.

In light of the inducements on offer as part of the trans south east asian tour winning prize, they decided to encourage further enlistment and instill nationalistic fervour by picking of all the thousands of entries, a beautifully illustrated text recently submitted by a convalescing private Fushida of the 124th Teriyaki Infantry Battalion. His beautiful and evocative description of the delights and hardship encountered on the road to conquest, spoken in haiku, expressed the yearning for ‘Comfort’, and ‘Woman’. Indeed the new aircraft combined both feminine grace with creature comforts. Thus, “Comfort Woman’ as it was christened, encapsulated all the latest in Japanese technical knowhow, with an attendant illusion to the delights and exotic tastes on offer in the rest of the orient.

Private Fushida of 124th Teriyaki Battalion. Lithograph illustrating ravages of “HKLD” shortly before death. Lithograph kindly lent to us on this occassion by the Minister for Educashion the Rt. Hon. Christopher Pyne. From his personal collection.

Sadly, the successful entrant though enjoying a first class tour of the Empire, succumbed to the dreaded HKLD, (Hong Kong Long Dong). A terminal ailment allegedly brought about by personal contact with non-sterilised plastic toilet seats. As a precaution, (because it is entirely infectious and the lingering belief that it was left as a memento by the departing Commander in Chief AIF) the Comfort Woman was burned in shinto tradition on the tarmac at Honshu. Proving the truth behind the ancient Japanese proverb; ‘Sleep with enemy, catch more than fleas’.

An in depth report by Cecil Poole  SCOOP Photos at bottom of page!

Our Government, your government and my government, the Abbott Government, is all about JOBS.

Well, JOBS and growth, but let us just focus on the area of our greatest success, yes our government’s generation of JOBS.  And make no mistake, you and I have played our role in their creation, you and I have demanded these jobs be created, helped formulate their descriptions and ensured that the positions have been filled.

Pat yourself on the back, and as I have done and continue to do, pat your neighbours and friends on the back too, for without our vociferous support these jobs would not be there.  Our government has listened to its people and it has delivered.  It has been our strength through an exhaustive process of argument and counter-argument, emboldened by our progressive liberal education that has produced what can only be seen as one of the most innovative job creation projects in the history of this great country of ours, a history that goes right back to 1788.

We need a strong government and we have a strong government.  This is due to us, we make our government strong.  The Czech playwright Vaclav Havel writes of the importance of buying into the ideology of the government, of the need for the punter to be “passively complicit” and I use this term in the nicest possible way, to mean that we the people actively ‘help’ the government in accomplishing its objectives, in effect, our objectives, by being passive.  We work together with our government and that obviously is good. (I know Havel was critical of that in the Eastern Block countries in the 70’s and 80’s, but they were communists.)

Now a lot of thought and planning goes into these job creation schemes, they don’t just spring up out of fresh air.  Planning and ground work are keys to success.  To suggest any of this is accidental would be doing something or other with the ‘long bow’.

Our government knows that since the fall of the communist block, since the end of the cold war, and now that we are friends with the reformed Chinese communists, we have had trouble sleeping.  This has been brought about by lack of worry.  Culturally we need worry for a sound sleep. We slept soundly knowing that our armed forces were there ready to protect us through our sleep, so the communists, that resided under our beds, would be too frightened to come out.  Since the end of the cold war people have worried incessantly that they have nothing to worry about.  We have tossed and turned not knowing what it was that was going to disturb our sleep.

It took a Fish and chip Shop operator to alert us to what the real threat was.  The light went on in our then Prime Ministers head and there it was – illegal immigrants and terrorists, the Asians and the Muslims.  The cause of our lack of sleep.

A Glock between us and the problem

Now this is the really clever part, our government in effect could kill two birds with the one stone, make us safe again and create numerous jobs.

Yes, Border Force is the answer.  Uniforms and a ‘Glock between us and the problem’ is the solution.  As our great Prime Minister said on the inauguration of Border Force “God bless you, God bless your work.”

Australians, one and all, we can be proud.  And again sleep soundly in our beds.

(Breaking News: Border force to number up to 6000  Members of new agency will be allowed to handcuff people – and know how to use a gun. See below!!)

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/#ixzz3kObCq9BR
Follow us: @theage on Twitter | theageAustralia on Facebook

The PM and Head of Border Force Roald Quivering. Costume per the generosity of the Hon Christopher Morris Pine

PS Should any News Limited Editor be looking for a new columnist I would be interested in discussing ways in which we can further support the great work of our government.

Even before issuing of uniforms (Thanks to Christabelle Pine) our well equipped boys were training at a secret location.

Our highlight today is from Ireland’s love poems edited by A. Norman Jeffares.

I Wish My Love Was A Block Of Wood

I wish my love was a block of wood
and I was a burning coal,
I’d hold him in my warm embrace
And roast his wee arsehole.

Anonymous

G’day you mob,

When a microphone is aimed at a speaker into which the signal picked up by the microphone is fed, an electronic loop is created. The result is a squeal known as feedback. Jimmy Hendrix used this effect to great effect https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53JpbrxM7O0 The pitch of the sound depends on the frequency at which the signal travels around the loop. Thus a shorter loop results in a higher pitched sound.

The same principle applies to electronic devices called oscillators but instead of audio frequencies, these generate radio frequencies that sally forth into the ether as electromagnetic waves. Higher frequencies still and you get light.

“ and we all know what happens when two mirrors stand face to face… a strange and infinite loop…” (the fellow being infinitely looped is Orson Welles in a scene from Citizen Kane)

Another way to describe this is to invoke the Russian Egg Principle or some images derived from Chaos Theory.

Feedback is also used to describe what happens in conversation.

Those wonderful people at the AFN (Australian Facilitators Network) are an infinite source of mirth and inspiration:

“… Excited to be co-hosting a class on ‘How to host intercultural conversations’…Will be relevant to any kind of facilitation work and we’ll be sharing practical tools from Adaptive Leadership & Deep Democracy & drawing on knowledge in the room. (I told you, feedback is everywhere) …we are both really passionate about creating spaces for people to reflect on, develop new insights & gain useful tools to support people to feel more confident & effective when they work inter-culturally …I’ve just returned to Melbourne after 12 years living and learning in and loving the desert and the top end of the NT…”

I am also excited, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdt0SOqPJcg (Good Vibrations…. Giving me the excitation). I’ve suddenly worked out how I will be able to usefully and profitably occupy myself in my retirement. Using the Russian Egg Principle, I could end up hosting classes in how to host classes in how to host intercultural conversations.

Dr.Seuss: “…a bee that is watched will work harder you see. So he watched and he watched, but in spite of his watch that bee didn’t work any harder not mawtch. So then somebody said “Our old bee-watching man just isn’t bee watching as hard as he can, he ought to be watched by another Hawtch-Hawtcher! The thing that we need is a bee-watcher-watcher!”. Well, the bee-watcher-watcher watched the bee-watcher. He didn’t watch well so another Hawtch-Hawtcher had to come in as a watch-watcher-watcher! And now all the Hawtchers who live in Hawtch-Hawtch are watching on watch watcher watchering watch, watch watching the watcher who’s watching that bee…”

Thus within an expanding universe there is an expanding facilitators network. And an expanding justice system. And an expanding police presence. And an expanding prison system. All social loops generating feedback, ever more feedback (the noisy squealing type).

In Yuendumu’s Baptist church Napangardi read out from the Warlpiri bible (from 1 Peter 5. 1-7). Some extracts:

“…Nyurrurla jaajikingarduyu wiriwiri warrawarra-kangkalu-jana Kaatu-kurlangu yapa yangka jiyipikingarduyu-piyarlukuja kajana-warra-kanyi jiyipi nyanungunyangu…”

“…Warrki-jarriyalurla Kaatuku kujanya, kula talaku, lawa…”

“…Kuja kankulu-jana yapa warrawarra-kanyi jaajirla, kulalujana kulungku jinyijinyi-mani, lawa…”

“…Nyampunya wangkaja Kaatuju Payipulurlatju:

“Kaaturlu kajana yapaju mamparl-pinyi kuja kalu-nyanurla pulka-pinyi wiri-piyarlu. Kala nyanunguju ngurrju yapakuju yangka kuja kalu-jana yapa-patu-kariki wurdungu warrki-jarrimi”

Napangardi’s reading in Warlpiri was followed by her husband Jampijimpa repeating it in English:

“…Just as shepherds watch over their sheep, you must watch over everyone God has placed in your care…”

“…Let it be something you want to do instead of something you do merely to make money…”

“…Don’t be bossy to those people who are in your care…”

“… In fact, everyone should be humble towards everyone else. The scriptures say:

“God opposes proud people, but he helps everyone who is humble”

Myself I don’t go to church, but it has always struck me that the Warlpiri people who regularly attend the Baptist church are also heavily involved in Warlpiri spiritual matters.

I’ve since become aware that so much of what is written in the Bible perfectly fits the Warlpiri worldview. To be a “good Warlpiri” is synonymous with being a “good Christian”

As a non-believer I struggle with such concepts as the Holy Trinity. To Warlpiri people the Holy Trinity is a cinch. Their Jukurrpa (a cosmology most inadequately translated as “The Dreamtime”) is chock a block of sacred multiplicities.

As my mother used to say:
Ik ben niet protestant, ik ben niet Katoliek,
Maar toch ga ik naar de kerk voor de mooie muziek!
(I’m not Protestant, I’m not Catholic, but still I go to church for the beautiful music- In Dutch it rhymes)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KM2kbogwgBM

And, why not, another version from my all time favourite singer….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NshR2v2Pqgg

See ya’s

Frank

Kid arrested and jailed, knuckle dusters and a knife.

Dear reader, by now you are all aware of the recent dangerous terrorist plot unmasked in Melbourne’s north. Allegedly a teenager was reported to have been loitering near the shrine prior to Anzac Day. He was in contact with a villainous fourteen year old in London. He was involved as a pawn in INTERNATIONAL TERRORISM. For the past four months, in the interests of public safety he has been locked behind bars. Though a magistrate threw this case of INTERNATIONAL TERRORISM out, and criticized the security forces, police, ASIO, FBI, Dr Who, the boy was denied freedom for four months. And we can all rest assured that he has learnt his lesson. Clearly these actions prove that the security forces are up to the game, and any other young Turk, (although they are esteemed allies) should know that we have no tolerance for extremism of any kind. Furthermore, we must recognise that this kind of extremism, carrying a knife and being in the possession of a pair of knuckledusters is just the thin end of the wedge. Good thing then the that we’re safe for now from extremists. Corralling this ne’r do will discourage others of mischievous intent.

But, I’m seriously worried, I have been told by none other than Cecil Poole, that he, (during metalwork classes at school) and his cohorts manufactured knuckledusters, to the horror of their teacher. Their motive, ‘For the fun of it”!! Gladly I can say that no child is encouraged to do metalwork these days, nor anything that requires hands. That’s all done by 417 visa holders. Kids don’t do metalwork anymore. Training is now intent upon turning us into functionaries, and we’re much safer for it.

Dangerous behaviour. In the 50’s and 60’s it was common, normal and acceptable for kids to shoot rabbits with a .22 or even, (as shown) a Blunderbuss.

Billy Carts! Another example of Dangerous behaviour . Banned!!

Dangerous use of Hills Hoist in the 60’s. Dangerous Behaviour!!

I am still deeply disturbed about this young hooligan who was jailed for four months with a pair of knuckledusters and knife exhibiting villainous and terrorist intent. I’m deeply confused. When I was fifteen, way back in the mid seventies, I possessed an air rifle. I would delight in shooting starlings, blackbirds and sparrows. It was a reign of terror imposed upon introduced bird species. When I bought my first air rifle I took it home on the tram. The cadets did the same with their rifles. Old knockabout .303‘s. I also enjoyed the use of a twenty two rifle, we shot lots of rabbits, and then would gut them with a knife. Odd weekends at the tip, scrounging for stuff, burning tyres throwing bricks at old telly’s, good harmless fun. Manufacturing billy carts. Dangerous billy carts, and bikes with no brakes. On the train it was obvious that some of the tech kids1, (now superseded) possessed ‘nun chuckers’. I wasn’t sure what a nun chucker was, though I did know it wasn’t a person who threw nuns about. But I felt imperiled. It was a fear of the unknown. The sharpies may get me with their nun chuckers, in my summer uniform, navy shorts and white walk socks, they sneered at me. They were cultural terrorists. We also enjoyed an awful lot of fireworks. For twenty dollars you could buy enough crackers to go all weekend, blowing up letterboxes, cracker guns, and rockets, to be aimed horizontally at passing cars. But the highest order weapon was the Shanghai. Everyone had a Shanghai, (local idiom, also described as a ging or more mundanely, a catapult.) You wouldn’t be seen dead on a weekend not having a shanghai hanging out your back pocket. Our favourite source material was a windmill down at the old dam, It had a really tough wire that was still pliable, perfect for lacker bands, (rubber bands), or as Cecil tells me, they used tyre rubber, clearly demonstrating that fabled capacity for improvisation common amongst our agricultural fellows. So on the face of this poor bugger in the northern suburbs, we were all potential terrorists.

An example of the pasty faced inside-doors boy. Most likely to be fiddled by a Catholic Priest.

But you see we weren’t. This kind of behaviour was NORMAL and ACCEPTABLE then. Now, all of it is regarded as anti- social. I don’t think there were any shootings back then, no food allergies, no ADHD, and not much in the way of obesity. We were too busy being outdoors having fun. That’s all banned now!! The only buggers left indoors were clearly being fiddled with by Catholic priests. What an unhappy society we are now! Even the Catholic priests have lost something. And our Kiddies are ALL INDOORS! Stuck on COMPUTERS!! But as they keep telling us, we’re safe.

Look at it in more worldly terms. Capital has won over Labour.

And the Wowsers, and safety do-gooders have closed down fun for kids.

To the kid in the northern suburbs, look what WE can do to you!! Is the lesson well learnt?

Shocking news. Australia leads the world in Species Extinction.

We should mention we are grateful for the assistance offered in writing this piece from the former leader of the opposition Mr Mark Latham. (COMPETITION: pick where Mr Latham has helped most – Prize will be a personal handshake from Mr Latham)  And indebted to his decision to take time off from the Melbourne Writers festival at about 4.30 Saturday, and make a beeline for the publishing officers of Messers. Cockburn and Poole.  (COMPETITION: pick where Mr Latham has helped most – Prize will be a personal handshake from Mr Latham)

The last of the Tasmanian Aboriginies. Most probably killed off by their inability to adapt to the saviour of mankind and humanity into the twenty first century. COAL

Dear reader, once again we feel compelled to tell you the shocking news. Australia leads the world in species extinction. I suppose it’s like alcoholism and the ravages of ice addiction. Once taken hold, the habit is unstoppable. Extermination defines our culture. It is intrinsic to our national character. The Tasmanian Tiger, the numerous parrots killed by wind turbines, the Tasmanian Aborigines, (well at least the less troublesome original ones), the obscure marsupials. Not a day passes where we must stand ashamed as another species of rare marsupial, reptile or amphibian passes into oblivion.

In this respect we, as editors, have a duty of care to inform you, the general public, you were mistaken. All of us, (that’s you on the computer, and you on your phone) were deluded by the fallacy of conservation. But now, from the mouth of the respected Treasurer who HATES wind-farms, renewables and any emergent economical coal challenging technology, (nay technology itself) we hear that one of the mainstays of the Australian economy, (akin to the kangaroo itself) is threatened. Extinction looms unless drastic steps are made NOW!!!!!

Environmental Activists. Vigilante activists employing LAW to destroy the future of Australian menial jobs.  And the “Australian way of life’!

The mining industry, only recently saved from extinction through the ditching of the proposed ‘evil and unfair’ mining tax is under severe threat once again. This threatening is un-Australian. The mining industry needs our help. We saved it from the certain death imposed when some lefty aparatchiks thought perhaps a mere percentage of their enormous wealth should contribute to the commonwealth, and society. Quite rightly, they made their point. They got rid of Rudd.They killed the car industry when the dollar was up to buggery. And now, in spite of all they’ve done to turn manufacturing, education and technology in this country into a wasteland, they are threatened again. But this time not just by disgruntled greenies, but a hideous instrument of oppression. THE LAW!!

The accursed skink. Not worthy of preservation. Nor was this species ever mentioned in Genesis or the story of Noah and the Great Flood.

The Aborigines have nothing on the persecution suffered by the Mining Industry. Miners are truly persecuted, and unless we change the law and make it impossible for these greenies to shut another australian industry down, we are all going down the gurgler. Not a bloody skink, or a frog, nor a parrot, nor a moth, but an entire industry. And they know what’s at stake. Better to fuck the Great Barrier Reef and kill tens of thousands of tourism jobs, because COAL is right on the big picture. This mine will be the biggest in the world. It will employ almost a thousand people. And it will make a score of people, maybe one, very very rich. He’s already a billionaire, but he needs more. It’s critical to HIS Survival. And that person is imperiled. If these pinko greenie bolshie basket weaving lefties get their way they will not only damage the coal industry irreparably, but we might see the huge profits, the despoliation, the pain, the wasteland denied to that one man. Mr Adani, mate to all aussie politicians who visit him WILL be extincted!!!

Change the law. This must never ever happen again!

Fuck the eco system!!

Fuck the planet!

Fuck everyone!

Coal is good for humanity but better for Peabody shareholders. P.M in discussion with expert on Clean Coal Technologies. P.M;”Jeez mate will this coal sewer work to make Australia  truly an effluent society’? Expert:’No worries mate you want jobs, this can cater for BIG JOBS! It’ll ensure that once and for all your prophesy is correct that ‘as P.M you’ll be the suppository of wisdom”!  Jeez mate if you don’t mind me saying, you’re looking like you need to do a big job right now”. P.M: ” nah mate it’s these suspenders that go with the fluoro vest lent to me from his personal collection by my mate the Minister for Educashon, Chrissy Pyne”.

Because this coal mine is so important to our standing as a nation. It lets the rest of the world know once and for all that we are the number once eco system and endangered species fucker upper of the world. Stand proud Australia. Stand proud lone trillionaire. And stand proud that there’s good blokes like Joe, Barnaby, George and Tony who will fuck us all over to demonstrate that not only we’re open for business, but when it comes to getting fucked over no-one is a bigger fucker-er-upper than you fucken good mates in the Liberal National coalition. And anyone, (taxpayers, scientists, lawyers, academics, conservationists, general public, thinkers) who don’t agree with us, (law abiding citizens), are a pack of lefty soft cock fuckers.  Youse can all get fucked!!!

I love this country. And I’m so bloody glad Johnny Howard, (A Great Australian) got the ball rolling to make us narrow, insular, defensive, anti intellectual, insecure and happy to fuck up everything to short termism and fear. We’re open for business. And it is  Gods will to be small minded.  Amen.

Coming soon….Australia, are you still sleeping?  What we really need now are tax breaks!!!

Our beloved leader. Dear Treasurer, the Rt. Hon. Mr Joe Hockey steps out in style at the Gay Mardi Gras. Exquisite costume provided by the Education Minister Mr. Christopher Maurice Pyne. From his personal collection.

Passive Complicity applauds Joe Hockey for the enormous lengths he is going to to make Australia great again. He understands that Australia is made up of LIFTERS and LEANERS. And there is no doubt Joe has his shoulder to the wheel, leaning right in to get that forward motion, moving forward. He understands what is AUSTRALIAN and what is UN-AUSTRALIAN. How fortunate we are to have him as treasurer, surely sometime soon he will be recognised across the globe as the “World’s Greatest Treasurer”. Mr Hockey understands in ways that the ‘fair minded observer’ (employed to evaluate the behavior of Trade Union Royal Commissioner, Nissan Cedric) could only dream of.

For too long, Mr Hockey says, we Australians have lauded fairness above all. This fairness has only kept us down. This commitment to fairness has stultified our growth, has frightened industry, innovators and capital away from Australia. Surely it should be obvious to all that “Jobs and Growth” are the only important things in our narrative. And jobs and growth will only come if we can transfer the burden of state onto those lazy leaners. Yes, people we need to understand, as Mr Hockey does, that progressive taxes are actually a hinderance to “Jobs and Growth”, that it is regressive taxes that actually fuel “Jobs and Growth”. We need understand that progressive in the tax sense is actually regressive for “Jobs and Growth” and that regressive in the tax sense is actually progressive for “Jobs and Growth”.

Our Treasurer. Awake to the Budget Emergency.

Further Mr Hockey has not been accorded the recognition due to him for his victory in the battle of the BUDGET EMERGENCY. In his self deprecating manner, he’s not the sort to blow his own trumpet on this, but surely it is a trumpet worth blowing. This is an extraordinary victory for responsible budgetary management, a victory won on behalf of all Australians despite many traitorous Australians working hard against it – Take note Labor and Cross Bench politicians. Mr Hockey has killed the Budget Emergency stone dead, so much so that we have not even heard of it now for nearly a year. There are other areas too where Mr Hockey has shown his patriotic colours. It was he who first alerted the public to the grave danger we faced from Wind Farms, it was he who persuaded our Prime Minister to join him in denouncing this insidious evil.

Our children will thank him for this, and thank him for the gift of coal, and the sensible change to our aid budget, where now we give coal to nations looking to copy the west rather than money to some airy fairy touchy feely third world project.

Our dear Treasurer. Not a smirk, but digesting the tough medicine that is economic rationalism.

Mr Hockey has also helped the major driver of our economy (after coal mining), that is property development. That all australians should be able to own their own home is a given. And that the people who sell property should pay less than half the tax on their profits than wage earners is so obviously a stimulant to economy that it beggars belief that some question it. Dear Joe, we are proud of your efforts so far, and we would love to help you more. Maybe you can give us dot point responses to those who suggest so cruelly that it is you who are Un-Australian by your regressive taxation policy, your support of negative gearing, your ongoing support of tax concessions to superannuation, the coal industry, mining and the tax avoidance practice of multinationals.

Our dear Treasurer. ‘Australia is open for BIG BUSINESS’. Responding to a question related to tax reform and opportunity for the ordinary taxpayer.

Joe Hockey – Patriot. We salute you.

A high performance couple. A high performance moment,”Phew, i think she’s just opened her lunch” James and wife.

Amazingly, though several have been asked, it has been suggested by the publisher, Mantac and Jackson, that we, the esteemed duo of Cockburn and Poole make a contribution to the most excellent book, “Enhanced” the autobiography of the celebrated footballer James Hird. This superb tome (rrp 25.95), promises to be the perfect Christmas stocking filler. To ensure once and for all that James, celebrated footy icon stands head and shoulders above the rest. To rise, inviolate above a team, a code, a nation when all around was so ingloriously dragged through the quagmire of infamy, innuendo and filth.  James’ closest advisor, none other than his adored wife, has contributed several chapters to this book.  Each chapter is an enduring testament to an an undying love. Chapter 4, ‘for love nor money’. Chapter five, ‘stand by your man’, and chapter six, ‘down and out on less than 2 million a year’..  This ecstasy of perseverance will stand as a tribute to a man who never flailed, never failed and never let his principles stand above the team, the code, and the relative mean standard.  And what a standard to fill..

The basic facts are undeniable. An illustrious career, two premierships, Brownlow medal, clubs best and fairest and the all Australian, (against Ireland no less) champion.

Tony and Essendon. Cut from the same cloth!

James is very goal oriented. It has often been said that it only takes one individual to change the destiny of society. Some people are destined to look large on life’s’ stage.  Cecil Rhodes, (the Colossus) for example proved by sheer force of ambition a legacy that lives on and on.  Proven through such illustrious alumni as our Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Being annointed for greatness is very much at the core of greatness itself.  Others are just made that way, cut from a different cloth, and predestined to achieve greatness by just being.

The New Look James Hird. ‘These performance enhancing products are 100 percent natural and pure’

‘Illustrious’ would be damning with faint praise, but this career spanning decades, is just a footnote to the potential career that lies waiting in the wings.  James is a proven performer, there can be no doubt, and although not a Rhodes Scholar, has achieved far and beyond what is expected of a football player. A role model, a mentor, an example to kiddies the word over. True, the past few years haven’t been easy. But the road to success is dotted with potholes and it makes a bloke like Jimmy just that little bit more determined to get there in the end..

James is made for television.  A new career awaits.  With the excitement that only television in the modern age can bring.  James has advised us that very soon he will be presenter of his very own food show.. ‘Cooking up a Storm’.  James will demonstrate, the delicate arts of cooking up the most unusual concoctions, exotic locations and a retinue of television celebrities will ensure that his culinary delights will sustain heightened performance and Logie wining action..  James has also offered to be the compere of ‘Border Patrol’.  In this stunning expose, James will alight from a helicopter to pursue cars laden with lethal, intoxicating and exotic drugs.  The purveyors of this filth will be sentenced to a slow torture watching repeats of James’ Brownlow speeches and the entire stock of video footage of the irrepressible, Mrs Hird.  Fascinating stock footage, and then, there’s more!!!  James will be compering in this years Iron Man competition from the stunning beaches of the Gold Coast in which his performance enhancing prowess will be put to the test in an exhilarating series of superlative athletic performances.  Product endorsement will be provided by James the new frontman for Nutrimetics………and from our sponsors ‘Stimulatron’, we shall be seeing James as product ambassador.  There’s an offer from the worlds biggest pharmaceutical company to make James the frontman for ‘Energex’, the worlds first hypodermically injected sports supplement.  There’s rumours that James may yet be the frontman for Australia’s next team participating in the ‘Tour de France’.  Already recent offers have been made by exclusive Chinese businessmen for the pioneering substances that James trialled, and sadly we are to report that quantities of Rhinoceros testicle, Coelacanth lip and Panda brain are in short supply.  But luckily with new gene technology synthetic substitutes are being prepared for mass manufacture.  And all come with James’ product endorsement , “all of these products are 100% pure” . There’s an old proverb, “Pioneers get arrows in their back”.  St James has prevailed and may these arrows turn to ornaments as he, pioneer in medicinal substitutes leaps onto a broader world stage. We have penned a jingle for St James. This blog, fittingly marks the global release.

‘Hooray for St James… Who prevailed an preferred,
Hooray for St James, who remains undeterred,