Malcolm is rooted.
He’s a middle of the roader. A Nowhere man. A piece of history. And why?
Tony says. Tone’s another christian, with strong values. According to the latest census, the vast majority of people identify with no religion. But Tony is quite right, no one listens to irreligious people. Malcolm aint irreligious. He just aint religious as Tony is.
Tony you can rely on. Malcolm is wishy washy. And in our last conversation with Tone, he reckons he heard a voice from above. None other than the voice of the patron saint of conservative Catholics everywhere. Yes indeed, Saint Bob of the Santamaria spoke to him and said. “ Tone, nows your chance, Malcolm is a fuckwit. He’s what buggered up the Labor party in the first place’. (Though Tone reminded the angel Bob that Malcolm was in the Liberal party and it was your eminence Bob that rooted Labor). They embraced, in as much as you can embrace with the true spirit of eternal truthfulness to Rome and the oligarchy of very old men, in keeping Australia on the line.
Tone, then received the holy sepulchural chalice of God’s anointment. Only he could be vested with this anointment. An anointment from Saint Bob himself. The anointment is written in stone. It says; ‘No poofters. No lezzos and no people who don’t even know what fucken sexuality they are in the first place should ever be MARRIED’. Tone, then promised, on his knees that he would carry out Saint Bob’s holy vision and pursue any dodgy bastard down avery fox hole and expose them as shirt lifters, freckle punchers and kiddy fiddlers.
Christopher Pyne is the collateral damage. Chris is proof perfect that ‘Charterhouse Rules’ don’t apply. Tone only knows Rafferty’s Rules. Anyone with a phone is only one phone call away from making big bucks for Lord Rupert. Doesn’t matter who you are, you’re on God’s telephone, straight to Rupert.
Course, Tone has no trouble getting his message out, he’s got the IPA. For those unfamiliar with contemporary political discourse, IPA is not a beer. It’s an Institute set up for like-minded people. Who believe in God and the certainty of being absolutely RIGHT. And they’re united, in a vision for Australia. Just like Saint Bob. A guiding unifying principle. The principal of HATING Malcolm. It’s a biblical hate. Because for all intents and purpose Malcolm, like Cain is one of THEM!! And he has betrayed THEM!!
And they have been betrayed by the Australian people. The latest census comes as a lightning bolt from HELL. (We like to mix our metaphors at pcbycp). The biggest religion amongst Australians in the latest census is NO Fucken religion at ALL. Saint Bob, the IPA, and Tone know what to do. Fight for the Right! This is a watershed moment in Australian socio-political history. This census is a repudiation of God-botherers, cranks and nut-jobs to infect the body politic. It must be crushed. And how to crush it? Close down the Bureau of Statistics. It worked with climate change, Why stop there?
Destroy the Federal Liberal Party. And in doing so achieve PEACE in our time.
And give Tone the contract.
To pick up the Pieces.