Duttos big on the Flora Act.

Bloody hell, with all the goodness Jacinta is up to on ‘Team Strayla’ and Dutto’s play to return native Australians to the Flora Act we forgot to put this one in from Frank, (our reliable scribe from the north west frontier) which he wrote over a month ago.

Blame it on the nefarious Chinese government who are using thought transfer to turn us into a nation of pansies and spare a thought for Jacinta who works alone, just like Rupert in upholding virtue and transparency against those aforementioned, and lefty wankers.

Frank Writes.

 

Greetings,

You might think the Flora Act was about a brand of Margarine? But it goes deeper than that.

I have mentioned John Paulos’ book ‘Innumeracy’ before. The book’s main premise is that innumeracy is as serious a problem in society as illiteracy.
I forget the exact quote but the section on statistics starts with “Two out of three doctors prefer paracetamol to aspirin. They couldn’t convince Fred otherwise.”  The book also informs us that hair doesn’t grow in miles per hour, which I’m glad to know.

In the gold exploration industry of which I was a part, they have something called the nugget effect.  If a drill hole strikes a rare nugget this can result in astronomically high assay results.  A prudent mining company will ignore these assays as being non-representative and exclude them from resource calculations.  An unscrupulous mining company may announce these high assay results to artificially boost its share price.  A bit like poker machines whereby the occasional win is accompanied by loud triumphant music.

Much the same applies to diamonds in kimberlite pipes. Ore sorting machines detect the occasional diamond by the high refractive index. The diamonds are expelled from the ore stream by a loud whistling blast of compressed air.

I’ve just looked at the My School website. Yuendumu school’s NAPLAN results are consistently below the national average. The mother tongue of over 90% of Yuendumu school pupils is Warlpiri.  All NAPLAN tests are conducted in English. If NAPLAN tests in Melbourne were conducted in Warlpiri, Melbourne schools would perform poorly.

Deeper than Dutto and Jacintas rejection of the Voice.

Much of education policy is influenced by such as NAPLAN statistics, and just like a gold mining company which relies on non-representative nugget assays when deciding to proceed to mine is likely to come a cropper, so too education policies based on flawed interpretation of statistics are doomed to failure.

So back to the Voice- My friend Forrest Holder, after reading my friend Jack Waterford’s essay which I forwarded in a previous Dispatch, has this to say:

I reckon Jack is one of Australia’s best journalists.

I also reckon he let himself down a little with the article that Frank dispatched.  I address that herein, but nothing that I write below detracts from the very high regard I hold for Jack.

Jack got it right in stating that “we now live in a society where most citizens would not, and a few citizens dare not, express the racist and discriminatory feelings that were once … common.”

Spot on Jack, racism today is generally no longer overt, nonetheless and more troublesome for me is that racism remains endemic in Australia.

Depper than Johnnies Intervention.

This is evident in our collective failure to revolt against Howard’s Intervention.  A failure repeated when we collectively failed to repudiate Labor’s cowardly refusal to end the NT Intervention.

Shame Australia, shame on us.

Jack correctly reminds us that 90% of eligible Australians in the 1967 referendum voted to change the Constitution in relation to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples.

Does that mean we are more racist today than we were in 1967?

In truth I don’t think we are more racist today than we were in 1967, I reckon the greater majority of us believe, and very much want to believe, we are not racist.

The majority of us most sincerely want urgent change that will improve the lives and conditions for ATSI peoples in Australia.

The best way for all of us to effect that change is to ensure we know and understand the pros and cons of the Voice initiative, and we really need to know a salient and most important lesson from history.

And in this regard, I reckon Jack erred because he did not inform us of this lesson.

Deeper than Kevs Sorry and his solving of poverty in Australia.

Let me refresh your memories about one aspect of the 1967 referendum.

Prior to 1967 Section 51 (xxvi) of the Constitution, referred to as the race power, prevented the Commonwealth from passing legislation with respect to ATSI peoples.

The referendum changed this and granted the Commonwealth the power to make ‘special laws’ for ‘the people of any race for whom it is deemed necessary’.

The popular campaign for Constitutional reform in 1967 was driven by the complete failure of the States in the decades following Federation to improve the conditions for ATSI peoples.

In 1967 there was a widely held sincere belief that if granted the constitutional powers the Commonwealth Government would succeed where the States had failed.

Deeper tha Mal Broughs exposure of vice and porn and drunkedness in Communities. The sort of thing that NEVER happens in mainstream Australian society

Back then nearly 91 percent of us deeply wanted the Commonwealth to improve the lives of first nations peoples in this country.

Back then Australians acted in good faith and delivered those powers to the Commonwealth.

But in our innocent naivety we believed the Commonwealth Parliament would only ever use the new power for the benefit of ATSI peoples.  Consequently we delivered the powers to the Commonwealth with no constraints as to how its new found powers could be used.

The terrible fact is that the Commonwealth has without exception proven unworthy of our trust. The Commonwealth has used the race powers three times, and each time it was to the detriment of the rights and interests of our first nations peoples.

The last time it used these powers was when Howard relied upon them to pass the raft of legislation needed to implement the NT Intervention. Note the provisions of the Racial Discrimination Act had to be suspended for the passage of the Intervention bills.

Bigger than Dutto and Suzies repudiation of the voice as an attempt to derail the backyard barby

I believe Jack should have reminded us that the hopes we had in 1967 were dashed completely.  He should have reminded us of the folly of trusting Parliament to act in good faith in its dealings with ATSI peoples.

I believe this because once again ATSI peoples and their supporters are investing much hope in trusting the Parliament to act in good faith with the Voice.

And once again the Yes campaigners propose no constraint that would prevent Parliament from acting to the detriment of ATSI peoples.  The proponents for the Voice model have forgotten the lessons of 1967.

People really need to know these facts before they make up their minds on the Voice initiative.

Without such a constraint the Voice initiative is a folly.

It is terrible that no one in the media reports on these facts.  Jack should have I reckon.

Forrest.

In the Canadian ‘oilpatch’ I learned an expression “A slap in the mooch with a cold mackerel”

Bigger than anything Julian has done inside of Bellmarsh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLdK9zaLaG8
Is that all the referendum is going to deliver?

It was when First Nations Australians got equal billing with Australia and the rest of the world as Flora and Fauna. Since they lost parity with Koalas and the wattle, things have gone south. Arguably, youd have to agree.

Rudd’s Apology with its ‘mistakes of the past never to be repeated’ was in hindsight exquisite hypocrisy as a friend who was much involved in Aboriginal Affairs aptly described it.  Jack’s ‘war on terror’ by the “welfare” is ongoing. I know for a fact that the mistakes of the past are being repeated and also that despite all the NT Police’s undertakings at the coronial inquest to do things better, over the top raids by armed police continue to happen.  Like Forrest, I won’t be holding my breath and expect much improvement flowing from a YES vote.  The likes of Andrew Bolt and Barnaby Joyce are already using dishonest chicken little tactics campaigning for the NO vote. There is a new word describing what the extreme right wing media exploits, it is “angertainment.”
Anger was sadly lacking when the Intervention was imposed.

I’ll be voting YES. I don’t want to be out of touch and sympathy with the national mood as Jack Waterford put it. Neither am I prepared to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

I believe Australia has enough NO sayers for the NO vote to succeed.

Statistically the odds are stacked against the YES vote.  The system is rigged, just like poker machines are.

Let your patience be rewarded by some nice music from the Solomon Islands:

last time we looked at the Solomons we were figthing the Japs for South Pacific Supremacy. Good to see no new threat from that quarter. Another win for Australian soft and hard power.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkTGKieSrP8

Frank

Quent picks up a loaf of bread a packet of Bex and a copy of Best Bets. Pcbycp headquarters in happy days before the referendum 1967

Dear reader  

We at pcbycp have been inundated with enquiries about proposed tax changes, and advantages we might bring to those intent on minimising the onerous burden of paying tax. WE of course are a small publishing and infotainment outlet and were initially confused. Only after repeated enquiries, and requests to ‘do an Angus’, did the penny drop. WE are not in a position to give advice on Cayman Island tax schemes, but know that Angus is the man if you intend to do so.  And the other thing, Pcbycp stands for , (if you can remember) Passive Complicity by Cockburn and Poole. 

We now acknowledge that we have an issue with branding and reputational management. In light of these enquiries and have enlisted the assistance of the Bell Pottinger group to erase any connection accidental or otherwise to the other firm which goes by the acronym PWC.

Great Logo, cheaper than paying public servants and cos they’re a private firm they’ll give you the answers you want. (Pay for)

We acknowledge the similarity between PWC, (Price Waterhouse Coppers) but from there any slither of similarity is fictitious. 

We do not siphon over 300 million from inside government contracts, and do not give advice to ministers and government departments which we then on-sell to punters. Nor do we have the inside on ‘mates rates’ via esteemed parliamentary colleagues such as Stuart Robert. Thought we’d like to have that level of clout in business, finance and governance, our senior editor has suggested, ‘Tell em they’re dreaming’. 

Our current office . Low Key and functional.

Sadly, we do not have the inner circle with the likes of Angus Taylor, so we can’t offer Murray Darling Futures, advice on Cayman Island Trusts, inside government nuancing of land deals, nor letter writing skills comparable to the one sourced in Clover Moore’s name. If we did, we wouldn’t be working out of a tiny office at the rear of a fish n chip shop of airport Road Niddrie. 

Angus. The patron saint of making politics pay.

We regret the confusion and accept some responsibility to being on paper (at least) in bearing a similarity to Price Waterhouse Coopers. But from that point we are different. WE do not possess the corporate culture of PWC, which has made then a world-renowned international consultancy of the highest order.  Committed to assisting ordinary billionaires and a few persecuted Russian Kleptocrats with sound advice sourced by the most up to date and reliable government insiders. Just as we’d like to get a defence contract or two, or even an inside on the AUK-WARD Submarine contracts, we must content with being a bit player. Who whichever way you look at it, we do our bit. Which tragically goes unnoticed. 

Now that’s cleared up its back to our real story, three unsung heroes and the cohort, Australia’s bravest soldier, Benny Boy Roberts Smith, Australia’s naughties boy Julian, (‘he’s not the messiah, he’s just a very naughty boy’) Assange and our poster-boy of Anzackery Inc. Brenny-Boy Nelson. 

Just cos he had a bit of inside knowledge. Never done Stuart Robert any harm.

Will they get to the bottom of it? 

Only time can tell?  

And it’s a time tunnel of sorts and there seems to be only one way up and its DOWN. 

Nugget Coombes. Before they employed consultants to give  the right answers!

‘So if we keep following this tunnel’, Ces took a big drag on one of Terry’s camels for special effect, ‘we might either get to the bottom, or arrive at a dead end’. They trudged onwards, guided by the eerie glow of benny Boys bayonet, which all of them had a funny feeling was somewhat reminiscent of the sword Frodo carried in the mines of Moria.  Though they didn’t want to mention it because that might mean that the sickliest among them, either Brenny Boy Nelson, or Julian might be their very own Gollum. 

‘Yep’, Terry opined, ‘or it could just be, the bottom that is the top of another decline. Which would make the bottom just a presentment or arguably’, Terry took a drag on his own Camel, ‘the top to another bottom. Or the bottom of another top. And if it keeps on going down’? He paused. 

‘We’ll all be in fucking China’! 

Gough was a fan of Nugget. Before he found truth in Khemlani.

Benny Boy roared with laughter, and as he did so his bayonet increased its eerie illumination. ‘Yeah, but the bottom is never really the absolute bottom. I mean’, (on this Quent waxed philosophically) ‘even the bottom has got to have a top. And whichever way you look at it, it’s  not the REAL Bottom. It’s just what we think might be the bottom. But there’s, and I don’t wanna put the wind up you, even on the bottomest bottom, there’s, (he took another drag), there’s always something underneath’. 

‘Well then there’ s only one way to find out’ snorted Benny-boy who never missed a beat even though he was carrying the crumpled form of Brendan Nelson over his shoulders, ‘and that is to get to the bottom of it’.  Again, he roared with laughter. It made us uneasy, but then, we’d all come to depend on his strength his stoicism and his directness. As a VC winner, he knew about struggle, and the scant reward that comes with ‘Doing the right thing”. He’d become more than just a hero, but he was now a talisman, a guide, a leader among Men, and willingly we now followed. 

The booming, distant, hollowing and eerie seemed closer. We arrived at a junction of sorts. ‘Which way’? Terry asked. ‘Right’, said Benny Boy emphatically. ‘Why right’? asked Terry. Cos that’s the way I feel and besides right is always right. You don’t wanna go left cos you’ll end up like him’. And he waved the shining bayonet in the direction of Julian, who was being dragged along on the improvised stretcher, unconscious, exhausted, and yet still a very dangerous and volatile figure who could destroy the institution of Governance, and the rule of law, by his leaks. 

Nugget saw the potential of First Australians beyond welfare. For that he was justifiably discredited.

‘So, lets turn right’, Ces affirmed.

We obeyed, what else could we do? 

And besides, left or right it made no difference. We weren’t PWC, just three individuals hard at it. Battlers, wanting a fair go and a chance as ‘Forgotten people”. We’d tell you more about ‘forgotten people’, but we’ve forgotten. Glumly we trudged, and the drums, sounded ominously closer.

Will the drums be the drums of war? 

Will they be the banging of the drums at Snowtown? 

Will they just be the sound of our own hearts drumming in our collective throats, 

Nugget may hav been a giant, but he’s a pipsqueak compared to the PWC Head Office. Its FUCKING HUGE and paid for by the Australian Tax Payer. ANGUS Showed em the WAY! ONYA ANGUS!

Find out in the next percussive episode, ‘The drums of war beat for big business’ or ‘Bang a drum or if you aint got one, anything hollow, roundish, or flat will do’.

Jacintas the full bottle. For the folks south of the ‘Brisbane line’ she has a big wall hanging to denote her as ABSOLUTE LEADER! Just in case good folk get her confused with ‘others’ who pretend to LEAD for ‘her mob’.

Another one from Frank, our dependable scribe from the North West frontier.

His latest missive from ‘Camp Rolfe’ (formerly Yuendumu), makes for interesting reading as he suggsts that Jacinta Price may not be correct on assumptions made about what goes on up north.

We, the editorial staff at pcbycp are just a little confused cos we thought, as we read the Catholic Boys Daily (the Australian) avidly that she, ‘as the elected leader of Aboriginal Australia’ was the undisputed leader of her kind.

Jacinta and Dutto know about the whole problem first hand. They’ve walked a whole block in the Alice and said it was a shocker! No Sportsbet 24/7 or Cash Converters within Cooee!

We know this as she’s Dutto’s eleventh man on ‘Team Strayla’. And a shoe-in for Administrator, or GG when the time comes round for another Coalition government.

So it’s a bit of a shock when other of her ‘ilk’ come the raw-prawn on her plans for civilising and controling savage and irregular impulses on behalf of ‘her people’. Whom impudently say they represent ‘her mob’, when clearly they are wastrels and still ungrateful for all the good we’ve done for them.

Still, in the interests of fair play we’ll give Frank the benfit of the doubt and print this piece in order to clear the air. But we reckon Jacinta, as a ‘REAL LEADER’ should be given a free hand. She has simple solutions to very trying problems, and we know as in the ‘war on drugs’, poverty, etc those kind of policies; ‘top up to bottom down’ might work.

Frank writes;

 

Amigos,

Very important we keep on laughing (to keep from crying).  When I started writing My Yuendumu Story I prepared a list of acronyms.  The point I was trying to make is the use of acronyms like Latin was used in Medieval churches.  When my list grew to five pages I discarded it.  There was enough boring stuff in my book already.  But this is one I came across that I’m compelled to share:

Jacinta’s other problem is the articulate shit-stirrer intellectuals who pretend to have a voice on First Nations Australians south of the Brisbane Line. If only they’d STFU and stick to their latte’s. Rupert and Jacinta are in lock-step on this issue.

The office of the Commissioner for Public Employment of the Northern Territory Government issued a Selection outcome advice for all applicants (SOAFAA)

The acronym appeared only once (in the heading). A bit like the “don’t lean your golf buggies against this sign” sign.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNr1aGlNlS8&t=8s

Turns out I could have saved myself the effort of writing this morning’s Dispatch.  Please note: it contained a few small factual errors but these don’t change the overall thrust.

The Central Land Council issued a media release:

Senator Price does not speak for us or most Aboriginal people

The Central Land Council’s 90 members said Senator Price neither speaks for them nor listens to them.

“She needs to stop pretending we are her people,” said CLC deputy chair Warren Williams, from Yuendumu.

Meeting this week at Spotted Tiger, near Atitjere (Harts Range), council members said they are community leaders and senior cultural men and women who speak for the communities that elected them.

Rupert has ultimate say on what goes into the ‘Catholic Boys Daily’ and in most things, ( excepting marriage partner selection) he’s usually spot-on in registering the thoughts and ideals of the vast majority of decent Australians.

The members are sick of Senator Price’s continued attacks on land councils and other peak Aboriginal organisations in the Northern Territory.

“We are tired of her playing politics with the grass roots organisations our old people have built to advocate for our rights and interests,” Mr Williams said.

“Her people are the non-Aboriginal conservatives and the Canberra elite to which she wants to belong.”

“She should tell us what her grievances with the CLC are, and if she can really and truly listen to us she is welcome to attend our next council meeting.”

The council is well aware of the scale of the challenges its members and their families face and welcomes anyone who is willing and able to work with them.

“We have many good men and women who are trying hard to make our communities better places, who are desperate to be heard, and Senator Price’s divisive approach isn’t helping,” Mr Williams said.

He said by generalising about Aboriginal people without any evidence and authority, Senator Price is hurting Aboriginal people.

We accept that Jacinta needs to talk more with her ‘local community’, Menzies ‘forgotten people’, who may still be found on either the patio or the front of suburban houses in ‘middle Australia’.

“Our kids are the apples of our eyes,” Mr Williams said. “We are not abusers. We love our children. We’d like to know where she got her information from. It is mandatory to report such evidence to the authorities.

“We can do without self-appointed lone crusaders who are unable to bring people of good will together.”

There are many better qualified Aboriginal people, with decades of experience, who have been putting forward solutions for the care, protection and education of children who need a strong voice in Canberra.

Lajamanu community leader Valerie Patterson said Senator Price was misrepresenting the support for the voice in remote communities.

“I am a Warlpiri woman and I will vote yes because I believe that having the right to be heard by the parliament and the government will open a door for our children,” Ms Patterson said.

“Senator Price should support us, not tell lies about us.”

“The voice comes from the people,” Mr Williams said. “It’s a big opportunity for us. It opens everything up for us.

“There’s a lot of people who think the same thing. We want to go ahead with it. We will probably never have that chance again.”

Mr Williams said Senator Price needs to educate herself about the views of Yapa [Warlpiri for Aboriginal people].

“We’ve never seen her on communities. She needs to get down to the grass roots and find out the truth, not just speak with to the few people who will talk to her.”

The whole bloody issue is made even more confusing, cos apart from being ungrateful, ‘they’ persist in notions of language and identity that go against the staples of Naplan, tax cuts for the wealthy and the trickle down effect.

20 April 2023

I guess that answers the question that has been posed to me: “What do Warlpiri people think of Jacinta Price?”  A question it would be presumptuous of me to answer.

Incidentally Warren Williams wrote the Foreword of My Yuendumu Story

Another Dispatchee has sent me this link:

https://twitter.com/maximos62/status/1648502731353751552

What can I say? No comment!

Adios,

Frank

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywY_ppvyj-Y

Linda Rondstad- Lies

Tasering grannies is just the beginning.

Serious criminals come in all shapes and sizes.

After the police special response team killed Kumanji Walker and made ‘Camp Rolfe’, (formerly Yuendumu) SAFE, it is pleasing and a source of great reassurance to know that they are now actively targeting grannies. Criminally inclined Grannies who allegedly have held knitting needles and kitchen knives in a dangerous and aggressive manner. The tasering of another dangerous law-breaker in a nursing home ensures that for other 95-year-olds, there is a clear message. Mess with law enforcement and you will be DEAD!

And why? Because you DESERVE TO DIE!

WE applaud the bold, brave and public ordained officer who tasered the 95-year-old. She was allegedly, a threat to PUBLIC SAFETY! And we say this (sub-judice prior to the coroner’s findings) because she was seen to be operating an unregistered stroller.  And it was said by eyewitnesses that her  knitting needles and kitchen knife posed an existential threat to the peace and well-being of the entire aged care sector. 

Our representative from Aged Care services, (former manager St Basils) told us;

 ‘Yep, Nah, right, but too right, it’s knitting needles one day and nukes the next. 

Some are killed for ‘being on a train whilst black’.

This is how Vladimir got away with Ukraine. If he hadn’t stolen the bag of smarties as a kiddie he wouldn’t have got the taste for it. Now he’s on the rampage there’s no stopping. And let’s face it, we killed off four score at St Basils for their own good during lockdown to keep em safe. But you can’t be sure with every aged care facility. In any of our institutions, be it public or private there lurks a potential psychopath or child molester.  Rolf Harris fan or worse. You’ve gotta act quick and nip it in the bud. Grannies, are fucken dangerous, and when they go bat-shit crazy it’s like as disease. Lawlessness will surely spread. And unleashed it will tear at the very fabric of society.  That’s why we need the Liberals to manager and direct the fury of neo-Nazis’.  Its bad enough with African Crime gangs, and ne’r do wells from outback communities, but this is the evil from within. Right on our doorstep. It’s worse than the taint of Nazism on the streets. It’s Insidious, and invidious. It’s the insidious creep that must be curbed, corrected and culled. FOR OUR OWN SAFETY’!

We at pcbycp heartily agree and like Zac Rolfe whoever it is who did electrocute the old duck gets a medal or at the very least a VC, for Valour, and the principle of maintaining the rule of law. Once again, all credit to another un-sung Australian Hero!

But back to the reality of three heroes stuck in a cave with Australia’s greatest soldier ever ‘Benny-boy Roberts Smith’ and their two unconscious fragments of emotional baggage, ‘Brenny Boy Nelson’, head of the AWM, Australia’s leading cultural institution and Julian, (‘he’s not the messiah, he’s just a very naughty boy’) Assange. In the cave, far (so it seems) from the nefarious scoundrels who want to snuff their lives to preserve their privileges and the scourge of the mightiest crime gang of them all, the firm, Windsor Inc. 

We return to our saga; 

Some are punished for jay walking.

‘I dunno, this cave could go on for ever’. 

Terry surmised the situation as we plodded along in the dark. Behind us the massive form of Benny Boy still carrying Julian and between us on a stretcher of sorts the crumpled form of Brenny Boy. ‘Why don’t we just dump em in this cave and then they come to they can sort it out’?

 Wouldn’t that be a death sentence’?

‘Not necessarily’, Ces surmised.  ‘It might be just the thing they need to realise that they are just stooges, and perhaps will come the realisation that they don’t need to use the dark arts of espionage corruption, subterfuge and dissembling in order to feel good about themselves’. 

‘I dunno’, Quent replied, I reckon they’re too far gone. Like Angus or Stuart Robert, once they get a taste of it.  Like the farm dog that gets the taste of sheep, they have to be put down.  It’s the only way! 

Some are ‘water-tortured and hosed for their own good’

But if we leave em here in this darkness, we’re no better than them. It makes us just as bad’.

 ‘I dunno’? Came the booming voice of Benny Boy. ‘None of us are heroes, but London to a brick they’d knock us off given half the chance, and as a consequence of my hero-dom, they’d compromise my integrity as a soldier. Makes no difference, to me, you’re damned if you do, and damned if you’? But in that instance, as the trio backed up by Australia’s most decorated soldier trudged on, they stopped, and listened, Form deep below, a dull resonant thumping. 

‘What’s that’? Terry replied, the light of his Camel diffusing the sepulchral gloom. ‘Did you hear that’? 

Some must be dealt with severely and thrown to the ground!

We listened again, the sweat pouring in rivulets across our eyes we registered that sound coming from deep within the cave. ‘Whatever it is’, pointed Benny with his bayonet, ‘it’s coming from this bloody passageway. And however you look at THAT is either a good thing or’? He paused for added effect, ‘a very bad thing indeed. But, as you know, like the stage two tax breaks for the uber wealthy and the trickle-down effect to ensure that generations of Australian kiddies will be homeless. We have no choice’! 

We all reflected.  Benny was so right.  To equate our peril with the soaring inequity of the Australian body politic. Simultaneously and involuntarily we all sighed in agreement. Being Australia, a land of desiccation and without the wit, erudition and imagination or empathy for our other Australians there was nothing we could do about it. We just had to accept whatever fate awaited us, and trudge onwards. 

Which we did. 

Metre by metre.

Step by step. 

The public must know!

Incrementally inch by inch. 

The police have zero tolerance for…..

With as much methodical impetus as the national desire to kill the Australian eco system, the Great Barrier Reef and the Koala, we trudged on. And the booming sound enveloped us as we got closer and closer. Enveloped us with a sombre premonition, of something untoward, something unkind, something beyond belief. And Like stage two tax cuts the die had been cast and we just had to press on. 

Will pressing on, be de- pressing? 

Or will it lead to a permanent pressing of one form or another?  

Members of the PUBLIC!

Find out in our next enthralling episode, ‘Kill the reef and keep Australia simple’, or ‘If the granny has intent, you have orders to KILL’!

If it aint broke why fix it?

Hot on the heels of the docco on John Farnham in which the legendary singer is lauded for being the very icon of Australian popular music because he never wrote anything, never played anything , but just sang is another thriling endorsement of the Australian Way. Just turn up, and the bounty will follow. We have another endorsement of Federal Government policy from our man of the North West Frontier,

Frank thinks there’s a problem with Stolen Gereations V2. He reckons that it outperforms Stolen Generations V1 on almost any yardstick and as a consequence should be deemed not fit for purpose.

Politefully and respectfully we tend to disagree.

The boon of the trickle down effect. All these indicies provide ongoing employment and growth in the Industrial Incarceration complex.

What Frank  doesnt acknowledge is just how good for shareholders and the bureaucracy alone the Stolen Gen V.2 1 is. Great for the ‘Industrial Incarceration Complex’.

University tests prove that ‘Stolen’ either version 1.0 or 2.0 keeps the economy going. A win -win for the incarceration industry, police, justice system and bureaucrats. And the manufacturing of Royal Commissions and White Papers. Unsung heroes of the Industrial incarceration complex. A real and unrecognised driver, beyond real estate and mining of Australia’s growing economy.

Frank Writes;

 

Ngurrju mayi?

What’s the problem? Like homelessness Kevin Rudd solved the problem over a decade ago.

The simple question “Do you think ………………(here insert any group of people) should be given a say in matters affecting them?” is being twisted into the muddy waters of obfuscation.

Reminds me of when the Paris Vietnam Peace Conference descended into lengthy arguments as to what shape the table should have.

The red herring as a political weapon.

Dutto. Working for ‘Real Australians’ and the vast mass of ‘quiet under- achievers’. To say; ‘Computer Says NO’!

The Dutton/Price anti YES vote campaign has succeeded in making me make up my mind.  I’m voting YES regardless of the actual wording.

Senator Price’s latest is to demand that child protection should revert to Federal control. To the ABC Insiders program she spoke at length about foster parents having their charges returned to kin.

Let me remind you of what I wrote in My Yuendumu Story on this subject (p306 first edition or p300 second edition):

“Thus functions the New Stolen Generation. Indigenous children in Australia continue to be removed from their families at a greater rate than ever.

A Warlpiri mother had got into strife in Alice Springs. Her baby was taken and “placed.”  A few years later the rehabilitated mother who had in the meantime returned to Yuendumu had, after a lengthy court battle, regained custody of her child.

The child returned only to bawl his eyes out.  He did not recognise his mother, he was not used to seeing so many black faces, he did not understand the language.  The mother was also greatly distressed.  And that is saying nothing about the Kardiya family who had in the meantime cared for and loved the baby boy.”

And every decade or so, another Royal Commission. KC’s have investment portfolios that must also be maintained.

And this is the bit Senator Price left out:

“There are no winners.  The child should not have been removed from his extended Warlpiri family in the first place.  So much for the multimillion dollar ‘Child Protection’ industry.”

The removal of children was and is predicated on a belief that our (Kardiya) society is superior and has more to offer these children than has Indigenous society.  It is ultimately an assimilationist endeavour based on ethnocentric assumptions and exacerbated by politically motivated exaggerations, distortions and lies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MWeDuS5ask

Ngaka nangku nyanyi

In the end, it all boils down to a lack of gratitude for all we’ve done for THEM!

Frank

Truly an unsung hero of our modern times and sadly unrewarded. Stuart Robert who has helped his mates beyond the standard definition of ‘Mateship’.

Playing for team Strayla. 

A lot has been said over several centuries about ‘Australia’s un- sung heroes’. 

Like Scomo Stewie has blurred the lines between self interest and corruption to give his mates a red-hot go. And yet nosy journos cry ‘Due process’ just cos they’re not Stewies mates. Unsung heroes must deal with the ‘tall poppy syndrome’. A sad reflection on modern values.

 You know what me mean, those iconic sinewy figures who toiled under the relentless sun, beyond the black stump out in the dry hinterland to make Australia rich. Those un-sung heroes who built the railways, the telegraph, the roads, the fences, the pubs and the prisons to contain the unyielding, the wild, the unconquerable. So that civilisation could spread its calming hand upon the wild interior. To tame wild rivers with irrigation, to replace ancient pastures with crops, and anoint the heathen savages with Christianity and the certainty of prisons and life- long dependence upon welfare. 

These are the great achievements of a modern Australia. The un-sung heroes, who perform their tasks unanointed and noble because they know that they are doing good. Doing good for a wider and more nobler cause than just power and influence, and money and fame, and an Order of Australia. By doing noble deeds knowing that their destiny is to leave this country enriched just a little more by noblesse oblige, self-sacrifice and decency. A decency cast by our national commitment to do better and raise the standards for all Australians that may be graced withy the boons of Sports Bet 24/7 and ready access via welfare payments to second rate housing and the stigma of being poor. Knowing that the vast majority of wealth is being siphoned off overseas, or as an indulgence for those who earn over 3250 k, whom don’t pay tax anyway. Knowing that the ‘trickle-down’ effect will give them the eternal gratification of knowing they are being pissed upon. 

Typical crude characterisation of a true unsung Hero. And an ambitious Queenslander to boot.

There is no nobler cause, 

As our heroes, pilloried, imperilled and pursued, know that whatever happen they are upholding the spirit of old Australia. That knockabout camaraderie that’s to understand that in the end survival is all that matters, and there’s no point in wondering about imponderables, because to do so would conjure the spirit of imagination, which as we all know is discouraged in Strayla. 

So saved by the bell once again, they are thrown another chance. 

Will they be lucky again? 

Will they; like Crown executives get off the hook one more time, with a slap on the wrist and an edict to’ try and be good’? 

Only time can tell. The hourglass is cracked, the glass if frosty and the sand, whatever used to be sand is now a pile of dust, the odd cockroach and a used condom. Such is life, but despair is defeat and that is a word not used by the unsung heroes, 

Titians famous depiction of ‘Benny Boy Roberts Smith’ carrying Brenny-Boy Nelson into the safety of the cave ‘like a sack of wet mice’. Painting dismissed by Archibald Jury as ‘overtly sentimental and without National ethos’

So unsung, we return to our saga.. 

After the dust had settled, the crumpled form of Julian, Australia’s misunderstood naughty boy, and the leader of Anzackery itself, Brendan Nelson also unconscious, made our trio contemplative. Our three heroes standing under the pallid light of their Camels. And Benny-boys shining equipage of mortars, mines, machine gun pistol, ammunition and bayonet. As in their past mis- adventures they sought solace once again, sharing in the knowledge that clutching victory however small from the jaws of defeat was a salvation of sorts.

Raphael’s depiction; ‘Julian receives Australian Embassy staff at Bellmarsh’ also deemed unnacceptable by Archibald Panel. ‘Too pictorial and no relevance to contemporary norms’.

What now? Terry opined, the glow of his Camel transfusing it all in an eery glow not unlike a Tintoretto altarpiece, or perhaps a work of the late romantic Lorraine, diffused in sepia tones and the haloes of four Camels being puffed with exhausted vigour by all assembled. ‘I dunno, spose the only thing we can do is follow this cave and see where it goes’. Terry pointed to the former entrance. ‘That right of way seems permanently blocked, but’, Ces interjected, ‘What about these two, can we carry this baggage’? 

They all looked at the two figures, Julian had a serene expression of calm, after the torment of Bellmarsh and his recent liaison with Pamela Anderson. Whilst Brenny-boy, architect of the massive new AWM ‘Sons and daughters of glorious Anzac wing’ just looked harmless. ‘That was his trick’! Ces interjected. “He’s got this far by representing nothing and yet it got him a top job! They all nodded in agreement.  ‘That’s the good thing about Stralya’, opined Quent.  ‘You can get to the top of the tree just by sitting on yer arse. That’s an anointment to us! ,From where? said Benny boy. ‘From God’. There ensued a period of reflective silence. 

Tintorettos fine, ‘Julian looks to Australia from Bellmarsh’, deemed innaproprtiate in reflecting contemporary Australian values of tax cuts to the wealthy and the boons of negative gearing and real estate in growing the economy.

‘All right then, we’re a bunch of lucky Bastards but if we stand here all day we’ll just be entombed, we’d better’, we saw the glint of Benny’s bayonet directing us forward. ‘We might as well push off, cos’, he laughed, ‘we can’t survive in Camels alone’. 

We all sighed in agreement as we stubbed the dregs of the Camels one by one. We looked about picked up what we had, and formed a stretcher of sorts for Brenny boy. Whilst Benny boy as insouciantly as ever just picked up the limpid form of Julian and threw him over his shoulder.  ‘Onward’ Benny Boy commanded, and we trudged onwards into the dark, 

Will their trudgery become drudgery? Will it deliver them from evil or worse?

Find out in the next tautological episode, ‘a step in the dark’, or ‘three mis-steps and you’re un- steppable’. 

Hello our loyal readership.

No one is above ‘Team Strayla’.

Todays post from Frank is over a month old.

Yes indeed, we’ve got a backlog as our editorial team has been out in the field getting first hand information from reliable sources about the Submaine Contract, The AUK- WARD treaty, and the vexed issue of Brexit, Megcit, and The State of Victorias deficit.

But these are mere tissues compared to the real issues faced by ordinary Australians. Not housing affordibililty, the equity gap or the well founded decision by the Morrison Govenrment to tax the poor to the brink of extinction and give tax cuts to those whom paying tax is an option. But the issue of who will lead the first AFL team outta Tasmania, and why the building of a stadium is a very good idea indeed. 

We don’t like em clever or questioning in ‘Team Strayla’

All of this can wait as we sort through the back log of Franks dispatches and get to the bottom. Get to the bottom of what really matters. Like freeing Julian Assange, issues of a moral and ethical pre eminence, that no one in Australia really seems to care about. 

Apathy triumphant? No, just the new moral plateau of Australia’s body politic at large. 

Whaddayou reckon Stan? Sorry hadn’t heard you’d resigned 

Plus ca change. 

There’s punishment for those who don’t play the rules of ‘Team Strayla’.

Now from Frank. He writes; 

Vrienden,

Never let it be said I don’t try to keep my promises (spot the caveat).

Here it is then, a Dispatch on Whistleblowers.

One of my favourite fantasy characters is the little boy who exclaimed “The Emperor has no clothes”. A true whistleblower if ever there was one.

Not so admirable was the little boy who cried wolf.  Wolves and dogs are closely related.  It could be said that that little boy was a dog whistler.

The rules set out by an umpire for ‘Team Strayla’

When Jesus upturned the tables of the money changers at the temple, he was in fact blowing the whistle on the prevailing greed and corruption.  In the end he was crucified.  If he came back, as many believe he will, he’d have his hands full in the modern world.

Martin Luther blew the whistle on the selling of indulgences.  For that he was hounded as a heretic for the rest of his life.

Fit and well and locked up ‘for his own good’ in H.M Prison Bellmarsh. He’ll learn to play for ‘Team Strayla’. Even if it KILLS HIM!

In Australia we have a not so proud tradition of hounding whistle blowers.  Googling I found countless cases and became painfully aware that the Whistleblower protection laws are ineffective.

The most famous Australian whistleblower is Julian Assange.  Assange has three of the Five Eyes Alliance arraigned against him.  The best our latest Prime Minister could come up with is that “Assange had suffered enough.”  Piss weak je pense.

And the Umpire holds the whistle at ‘Team Strayla’.

Then there was Bernard Collaery and Witness K. who should have got medals instead of being hounded by the authorities and the judicial system.

Yuendumu has had its share of whistleblowers exposing acts of greed, corruption and abuses of power.  Mostly but not exclusively perpetrated by Kardiya.

The latest Yuendumu case I’m aware of relates to a friend who was hounded out of the Education Department and has found it impossible to regain employment in his field.

The treatment of whistleblowers is nothing to sing about.

The tried and trusted dog-whistle of ‘Team Strayla’.

A nice bit of non-sequitur music:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zb3Lle1hATA

Vakaropafadzwa vanoridza muridzo

Which’ll learn em respect for all the good we’ve done for em. ‘ONYA Team Strayla’!

Frank

Is there a Nazi in the house?

Some partnerships are made in heaven.

We’ve got problems in the Victorian Liberal party. We know that this readers in the leafier suburbs are seriously worried. Where once one could have a crack from Haverbrack, the nexus has shifted east to Narre Warren or worse. And, as we all know Narre Warren is Aboriginal for ‘no worries’! 

And we all know that when people say no worries its time to worry very seriously indeed. 

Some partnerships are dynamic, but often fraught.

Poised upon the precipice, perilously, implausibly and portentously, they await as Julian, the sickliest human alive summons his strength to take that one leap from the crown of the Sophie god deity to the sanctuary of a cave. A cave that leads to, (like our defence policy) who knows where?

And it begs the question, beyond bell marsh, has Julian done enough? Has he made a contribution to the fight against totalitarianism. By just being bunged up in the Ecuadorian Embassy, and now Bellmarsh, has he made enough of an impact to make world leaders think. If you’re an optimist, he surely has, but sadly in Albo’s Euphoria, we think that the issue of Julian, “ he’s not the messiah, he’s just a naughty boy’, may have fallen off the royal mantle. Something for the fabulously underpaid cleaning staff to gather after the coronation. And so amid royal splendour, not seen  since 1953, we return to our Saga.. 

‘Jump Julian, fer chrissakes it’s your only Hope’! Ces begged the sickly fellow.

Some partnerships are over and done with after the briefest of encounters.

Julian looked wanly at the leap. It was scarcely two metres and a bit lower than the crown on top of the Sophie Deity. But with his sickly frame withered by the brutality of solitary he just looked at us and stretched out a sickly pale nicotine finger. ‘I ca I ca… You’ve got to Julian, after all you’ve been through this is your chance! You can redeem yourself, and by facing off against the Windsor’s you’ll be acclaimed worldwide as a crime beater, a sage and a person most likely to be assassinated and in doing so achieve immortality. For the sake of all of us’! 

Some are sustained purely by a ‘Them and Us atttude’.

But it was in vain, Julian just smiled nonchalantly and stooping down upon the jagged rock, picked up the fag that had slipped through his flaccid fingers and just took a drag. ‘Well, that’s it. He’s buggered. We turned away, not wishing to see him impaled by the native spears which rained down upon us with a new intensity. But no sooner than we turned we heard an almighty thwack and the crumpled form of Julian landed just metres in front of us. ‘What the!  You didn’t think I’d leave me little mate alone’!Ben leaped the crevasse, and picked the lifeless form up like a toy doll. ‘He may yet come in handy, c’mon you lot , lets get started, and make it snappy’! We watched as Benny Boy, Australia’s bravest soldier, unravelled a tube of Torpex upon the mouth of the cave. ‘No turning back from hereon’. And ushering us forward, said, ‘when I light this lot I want you be as far down the cave as youse can possibly get’. 

Yes, and picking up Julian, we ran. It was dark, it was dank, it was slippery, but nothing as slippery as the machinations that had corrupted our lives, pursued us with a vengeance and determined to destroy us, because we alone, knew the truth. 

We stumbled and felt our way along the dark passage and hoped that just this once there may be light at the end of the tunnel. Just as Vladimir hopes for a breakthrough on the western Front so that he may clutch glory, and so as Americans kill each other in shopping streets, in car parks, playgrounds and schools to prove to themselves and the world that they are truly free. 

other are always just about ‘US’.

We found an alcove. Panting, dripping with sweat and exhausted, we waited whilst Terry lit up another round of Camels.  Barely had we inhaled the first puff, when a boom convulsed the tunnel with such gigantic force, the match went out and the blast unsettled us so much we had no recourse but to drop the crumpled Julian. As the dust settled, Quent, asked, ‘are we all still here’? A match illuminated the gloom, and Terry as nonchalantly as ever offered a fresh brace of Camels. Terry was a good man to have in a spot. And what surprised us most was the silence. 

 Where once the air was filled with the venomous fury of savages intent un our blood, led by the real Sophie deity now transformed to a goddess amongst the heathens, it was eerily quiet. It was peaceful, and if ever silence stood for anything it sounded good. 

Benny strolled up to us. 

‘That’ll learn em’. 

Some are borne by mutual interest.

We stood back against the dank wall. And all of us without saying anything to a man offered our thanks. Benny lapping it up, pulled out from his breast pocket the tattered bloodstained ribbon of his VC and reverentially kissed it. ‘I did it for not you just youse, but for my country’. It was solemn moment, almost on par with the coronation, but less dressy. With a flash of his watch, Benny directed us to move on, we dragged Julian behind us, whilst Benny with one mighty arm held ‘Brenny Boy’ Nelson over his shoulder like a sack of wet mice. Two powerful people rendered harmless by the momentous force of global events, in a cave, in the highlands of New Guinea, and unreported on Sky or Fox news. So the noble must go unanointed. 

Shuffling along, wet, drab, exhausted and undernourished the cave went downwards AND with it, our morale. How far will it Go?  Is there a Bottom? ‘What goes up’ as they say in the classics, but with so much after them, we cannot tell, nor dare to wish, but hope, that somehow, they may prevail. 

Or some just by self interest. The mutual is often non-binding.

Find out in our next episode, ‘three epistles that whistle’, or; ‘tempered and tarnished the sceptre (if held correctly) glows in the dark’. 

The Mighty Steam Shovels at work. ‘This’ll whistle down the wind’!

Dear reader,

In this captivating piece, Frank tells us about Whistles. 

As a member of the local steam enthusiasts and Traction Engine rally Club we are delighted to share our enthusiasm. Who could not thrill to the sound of Puffing Billy at Belgrave or the ominously low roar of the whistle on the giant steam shovel at Lake Goldsmith. In this piece Frank makes mention of other types of whistles. We’d like to add to his insights on Dutto and Dog-Whistling, but we’re hearing impaired and couldn’t hear a dog whistle in the first place. Hence we don’t quite understand what Frank is on about. 

Jacinta to Dutto; ‘See Peter, even the White bits are black’!

What we do know is the entire north of this country is riven with crime and sexual perversion. Such things JUST DO NOT HAPPEN below the BRISBANE LINE. 

For more filth read below, but we’d like to warn those who are hearing impaired to adjust their hearing aids. And if they haven’t got one because they can’t afford it, to hope that the dole is indexed as an afterthought to the splendid idea of massive tax cuts to the super rich. 

Frank writes; 

Amigos,

As a child I could whistle a creditable imitation of my canary.  I have long lost that ability and that is not the type of whistling I’m turning my attention to.  Neither is that famous painting currently housed at the Musée d’Orsay, Whistler’s Mother.

Johnny Howard. The undisputed leader on Dog Whistling

Take ‘whistlestop’ campaigning.  I believe this started in the U.S.A.  Political candidates would hire a train and make speeches from the rear platform at ‘whistlestop’ stations.  One of Richard Nixon’s whistlestops has gone into legend.  Political prankster Richard Tuck donned a station guard’s uniform and whistled the train to get going in mid speech (oratio interruptus).

These days the term whistlestop is used whether a train is involved or not.  On the ABC news I saw Peter Dutton flanked by Senator Jacinta Price on his second Alice Springs whistlestop since the election that toppled his former master (Scott who?)  I didn’t think it possible but opposition leader Dutton has managed to take over the mantle of that dog whistling virtuoso John Howard.
Alas in the NT there is no Richard Tuck doppelganger and we have to suffer wall to wall reportage of Dutton (flanked by Jacinta)’s visit.

Dutto and Jacinta have a handle on whistling.

I’m not saying that the crime wave in Alice Springs isn’t a serious concerning matter, but I think it disingenuous to pretend that it is all down to the inaction of the present Labor Federal and NT Governments.  This situation has been building up over decades and was greatly exacerbated by the NT Emergency Response (the Intervention) which was rolled out under John Howard and perpetuated in an even more draconian form under Rudd and Gillard.  I consider that the introduction by the Intervention of 500 non-NT (to us effectively foreign) police is one of the root causes of the current social disruption.  The calling for the Australian Federal Police to come out to help out the NT Police reeks of political opportunism and in my opinion and that of many others is not an answer and can only make matters worse.  Too much stick and not enough carrot.

You may recall that the NT Emergency Response was supposedly responding to alleged endemic sexual abuse of Aboriginal Children.  We’ve all heard it before: The alleged Jewish child sacrifices in Middle Ages England, the alleged mistreatment of Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia, the alleged Gulf of Tonkin incident, the alleged weapons of mass destruction, the alleged Libyan uranium purchases from Niger, the alleged Children overboard.
In my childhood I well remember how we were warned that the Gitanos kidnapped children.  I suppose they could come to the NT and work for welfare.

Whistleblowing aint all bad. Your own bib and accommodation in one of HM’s fabulous prisons. All rent- free!

During Peter Dutton’s dog whistling performance, he once again snuck it in: “kids here tonight who are going to be sexually abused”
When Peter Dutton solicited questions, the second question was from a reporter who asked him what evidence he had for his statement.  Peter Dutton dismissed the question as a typical ABC question and implied the reporter wasn’t local and didn’t know what he was talking about.  When the reporter said he was a local, the ABC switched to the cyclone alert and I didn’t get to hear what Dutton said next.

Maybe just as well as I can only listen to so much dog whistling which to me is painfully loud.

Sorry folks, I’ve run out of space, I try to keep the Dispatches brief lest your eyes glaze over.  There is another form of whistling. It is called whistleblowing.  Unlike dog whistlers, whistleblowers are persecuted in Australia. I’ll deal with this whistle blowing sometime in the future.  When I’m done with whistling, I may deal with ‘fear and loathing’ If you can’t wait, I suggest you get hold of Hunter S. Thompson’s book Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ’72. Just change the date and the names, and there you have it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGyFNDCpKHw

Chau,

Frank

PS I don’t have the answers but I know where to start stop whistleblowing and

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYbs_O_iMfU

What the territory needs are MEN of CHARACTER like the TEXAS RANGERS!

Respect

The crowning glory! HRH King Charles keeps the seat warm for the next chinless wonder.

Julian, letting WIKILEAKS issue forth so that he may recieve eternal disdain from the Australian body politic.

As the serious count-down begins until we have officially crowned a new monarch, a new head of state, a new titular figure to out rank all titular twits who’ve assumed power thought theft, grift, assassination and brute force . This one comes to us via the divine right of birth. Noble born. As noble as a family of chinless-wonder Germanic princelings can ever get.  We count the days down.  Only six days till the crowning achievement. To stand anointed by a Christian God on the balcony of Buckingham Palace. 

And the susurrus around the palace, what will Migraine and her consort Harry do to disrupt the proceedings? Just their mere presence is enough to upset the whole shebang. Such is the power of the Twittersphere, digital media and stupidity on a scale unparalleled to turn farce into utter farce. Only Piers Morgan can achieve a more farcical level of farcicity,  (if there isn’t such a word , we don’t care)   just by opening his mouth. The royal slatherer, will be drooling and inchoate with kingly splendour, as collectively we bum-lick and forelock tug into the middle of the twenty first century. For that is the tradition ‘handed down to us’.

When once we used to celebrate the workers and the proletariat in May Day, now we celebrate the capacity to buy things ands enjoy slavish wage growth whilst the anointed ten percent gain obscene tax cuts. This is just one of the boons of being a bit-player in the glory of majesty, of pomp, and horrid and unremarkable.  Little people feeling every now and then superior. Such is the anointment of Windsor Inc. 

What will Prince Andrew wear at the COWONATION? A Tiara? A sword? A mace? A leak?

But what can we do? And how much do we know what really goes on? Only the inner circle and our three hapless anti-heroes Ces, Quent and Terry know that Windsor Inc is a vicious stop at nothing crime gang, hell bent on monetising the former colonies via graft corruption and their capacity to supply on demand the reliability of utter stupidity. With Gina and Angus up to their necks in gold for peerages and Sophie on the loose, in the New Guinea highlands they know that only by chance and a little luck they might escape. And thus live freely away from the machinations of the Royal Family and the cronies who are determined to snuff them out. 

We return to our saga. 

The little man who would be GRATE. Powering the mighty machinery of Anzackery Corp!

‘Hold on tight. But they’re slippery’! The sight of Ces swaying back on forth as he tried to get his hands firmly attached to the statues enormous nipples caused the more sensitive amongst our group to wince. Surprisingly Julian held on with utter determination and swinging his body to and fro heaved himself up with both hands onto the upper part of the enormous breasts. With a belaying pin stuck in the cleavage, he paid out the rope. And one by one, they gained the upper reaches. They could see the spears clattering at the feet of the statue some one hundred feet below them and realised that with just one more heave they’d be at the portal of the cave. And pausing just briefly, Benny Boy, the last to gain the ledge, hauled Brenny-boy Nelson as a crumpled sack of humanity upon his broad shoulders and pointed to the top. ‘Gain the crown, and it should be easy to leap into the portal. But’ , he cautioned; ‘Be careful. -‘Righto’! Quent enthused and with a grappling hook fashioned by vine and a crumpled spear he secured a hold on the Crown and beckoning the rest followed, leaving Benny boy Australia’s moist decorated soldier at the top of the breasts and the splayed body of Brenny Boy Nelson manager of the AWM lifeless as a wax  and papier mâché dummy. 

The natives had finally made it to the statue, clambering down the maw of the ancient crevasse and with their spears shaking and the indecipherable gibberish of savages they hallooed and hurrahed whilst their eyes, illuminated in the smouldering haze of the Rotodyne, staring revengefully at their fleeing prey. To make sure we watched Benny boy expertly unleash a few grenades and amid the terrific raw and flash, we watched him insouciantly pick up Brenny boy and follow us. It was heartening to have such a warrior, such an unstoppable force on our side. 

Slotted for a job in defence industries? Sadly, we are not joking.

Julian was the last to jump from the crown, and though sickly in face and body wracked by all those years in Bellmarsh, he seemed to be infused with a new vigour. With one short run-up he made the leap. Almost fell, and we grabbed him. The cave our only protection for the natives who by now were climbing the statue, their statue of Sophie their god head to avenge the insult of our iconoclastic retreat. 

‘This’ll fix em’, and from his rucksack Benny produced a brace of land mines, a long bundle of torpex, detonators, smoke bombs and a dozen bomblets gleaned from the war torn wastelands of Bakhmut. Without even looking at us, he commanded, ‘you lot go into the cave and I’ll sort this lot out’. We looked into the cave stygian darkness, whilst below us the natives, screaming and wahooing in their primitive zeal gained purchase around the totems mid riff. We stumbled forward. We had no choice, but the only one offered to us, it was simple just like Windsor inc, there was only one logic; ‘Kill or be crowned’. 

What will happen to our heroes, will the tunnel be their saviour?

Will the tunnel deliver them from evil, temptation and the omnipresent scourge of Sophie, Gina and the Windsors?

Find out in the next episode, 

‘A tiara in the dust’, or;

‘Rather be tasered than be hit by the Royal Mace’. 

Royal family demonstrating their Germanic lineage.