Dear reader, occasionally, though we like to keep these pieces lighthearted, and engaging, we cannot turn a blind eye to the odd issue that confronts our sense of fairness, compassion and transparency in the administration of justice in this country, Today we were going to talk about Corey Bernardii’s registration of the “Australian Conservatives’ as a hallmark to sensible debate on public policy. But sadly we must report on something much more confronting, which if unchecked will send a shock wave through society and confront our sense of right and wrong.
It is now absolutely certain that an entire network of establishment families on our near north western outpost, (figuratively speaking) Nauru, have been administering, servicing and renting back to the Australian government valuable space for the detention of enemy aliens without uniform. This is an ugly precedent. It confronts our sense of correctness that individuals so highly placed in our border protection network have been engaged thus without a suitable uniform. Truly shocking!
The Minister for border security, terrorism and customs, Mr Peter Dutton, when quizzed, seemed flummoxed suggesting that no one in his department had received a request as is expected in protocol between close allies for the supply, design or manufacture of uniforms. ‘This is an ugly precedent, we can only say that somehow this issue has slipped through the net. And I’m afraid to say, heads will roll in this department and we will leave no stone unturned in resolving this vexed issue’.
On hand to add further weight to the issue, the Prime Minister for Innovation, the ‘Ideas, Boom’, the ‘thought bubble’ and principles as yet undefined by the IPA, Mr Malcolm Abbott was vociferous in his determination to have a proper, and respected new uniform designed in record time. He spoke briefly with reporters outside his temporary offices at News Limited, ‘Once again this is an opportunity for Australia to stand up. We can demonstrate real continuity with change, and prove that this is an exciting time for Australia. We have the skills to design locally, and I stress that, LOCALLY, a uniform that will enable those Nauruans vested with the responsibility of maintaining our border protection outpost to have the very latest in smart uniform design. Ultimately this will demonstrate our leadership regionally in the development of long-term dynamic, innovative and impressive solutions. The fact that just a few families invested with such responsibility on our island outpost have done so and received considerable federal assistance without a proper uniform is deeply confronting. How can we expect those clients who trust and are doubtlessly impressed with our strong deliberative leadership to have faith in those institutions that make us safe, strong, democratic, and free without the accoutrements that are attendant upon the stature of those we invest with the titanic responsibility of keeping us safe’.
When asked to elaborate on why a uniformed Nauruan kleptocracy would make a wit of difference the P.M bristled, ‘What we have in Nauru is likened to a four star hotel. A four or as i’ve had some experience, a five star hotel symbolises much more than a reliable service. The staff wear uniforms as a matter of respect to their clients, and the clients, of whom there are some thousand, then enjoy the full service benefits of facilities on offer in the knowledge that they can expect a high standard of care. This demonstrates once again, our ‘can-do’ attitude, and the ‘Ideas Boom’ is an actuality, rather than as has been derisively suggested a ‘thought bubble’.
For those who would decry our human rights record, let me just say one thing; We have a uniform approach, and those who work to maintaining border security in any capacity should be proud to wear our uniform as a gesture of solidarity and respect for the principles we enshrine to care, protect and nurture, alleged enemy aliens who transgress our border protection laws. And that’s how a world class, world’s best practice democracy works to keep all of us SAFE’.