Dear reader, just in case you hadn’t noticed, it’s a leap year. You’ll have to wait another four years for another Feb 29th Installment. Still will it be worth the wait? You be the judge. We’ve rounded off this long February with a transcript of a recent diary entry I enjoyed reading by Felicity Wandsworth (nee)Fortescue Wopkins, from Heyington Place. (Not to be confused with the Kew Fortescue Wopkins’s, who are also delightful conversationalists and truly integral to the ongoing success of our bridge club).
Malcolm has been in for six months now, and things are looking grim. There was an expectation that this newer urbane, fresh-faced, sensible PM would be able to arrest the decline of debate in our parliament, elevate the principle of fee speech, and advance us towards the deserved enlightenment of a bold new era. There’s mutterings that he’s thinking of changing the ‘inequitable system of negative gearing’. That’s really got some of us worried in the Real Estate Institute. Some of us are a little anxious as we’ve got half a dozen houses on the negative gear-pot and though we probably, (the truth be known) we don’t really need them, it’s a pretty good start for Tarquin, and Grisleda, who’ll need a place to stay in town after they’ve left Trinity and Ormond. I feel a little sorry for their peers whose parents just aren’t in the position to ever ever afford a place in the city, but you see being baby boomers, we have an expectation that the prevailing flow of legislation will always, and evermore go our way. And besides there’s the enduring principle we learnt at Uni, “why shouldn’t the poor pay” it’s their fault they’re poor in the first place.
We’re a little peeved in your caving into the likes of Mr Christensen, another agressive, repulsive ambitious Queenslander and cannot under any circumstance agree with his bigoted stand on ‘Safe Schools’, and the analogous inference to “grooming school aged kids for sexual deviants and encouraging normal people to go gay or LGBT’. We feel his ilk are an affront to decency and the sort of pluralistic society we like to be part of. Though we can accept this much, that provided the right sort of people are in power, (and I think you represent us Mr Turnbull), a right thinking liberal minded aesthete and polymath as you are, we feel that it’s really a waste of energy getting too upset about these strident homophobes in your party. Because I think the target of their diatribe are those povvo kiddies an state schools.
We like to think, though the odd person at school was undeniably ‘queer’, the right people, the nice people, the well mannered people, who send their kiddies to Grammar, Scotch, even Wesley, know that there’s always a nice position for their slightly bent progeny in the Arts, the Australian Opera, the ballet, or perhaps even within the management of the ABC itself. And though you still only have three females on the front bench, we have it on good authority that our other daughter, (Cressida), who I’ll modestly admit, won the Alliance Francais competition in year twelve at St Catherine’s and first class honours in the international baccalaureate is going to get a posting in the diplomatic corps after she’s finished arts at Melbourne. All through the delightful informal chat we had with that nice clean-cut and very ambitious man, who is our new local member. Hard cheese for Mary Woolridge, but that’s the problem with feminism, there’s too many of those old style feminists who just don’t get the winds of change.
Oh and that business about refugees is truly dreadful, but then its really none of our business as most of them are muslims, and we know they don’t get on in the mainstream. And besides, they’re a bit beardy-weirdy. Though I must say on matters of education since we had that little indigenous kiddie staying with us for term three of his scholarship, we have a real handle on aboriginal issues and sympathise with the government in trying to do all they can to help those wretched, impoverished, dysfunctional needy people. It was funny, as bow in the eighth eight he made quite an impression in trials, and we’ve decided to proceed with our donation of a coxless four to his remote community, so that they may enjoy what we freely do. He really turned out to be such a nice boy and got on famously with ‘Tiggles’ our long haired King Charles Spaniel. So I’m glad you’re not going to tackle that one on our watch.
So from us, though we’re not happy with all of your policies and though we’re a little worried in thinking that you’re just a nicer version of Mr Abbott, we don’t really mind if your free up media ownership. I mean Rupert has so much already, the rest wont make a jot of difference, and for all the other stuff that really matters, well, i’m not too worried. All my nicest friends are on boards that really make a difference and they’ll ensure that whatever transition takes place it’ll be thoughtful, considered and ensure that none of us are ever jolted by cataclysmic, reactive change. That’s what that nasty man Abbott did, and we know that you Mr Turnbull will have none of that.