Tony Abbott’s election blog exclusive

bob ellis 2

It was rumoured that Bob Ellis was to ghost write the Tony Abbott biography; ” Santa’s Little Helper”, in the interests of balance, but the idea was quashed after intercedence on behallf of Cardinal George Pell and advice from Tony’s publisher.

Dear reader, another disappointing delay in the release of the first installment of the former P.M, Tony Abbott’s fascinating, compelling, riveting blog entries in the run up to the next election. We are still locked in rigorous discussion with the publisher of his up and coming book ‘Santa’s Little Helper’, and caught, (so to speak) in the crossfire between the same publisher and his former press secretary. At issue is the legacy of the Abbott Government, and the former P.M’s insistence in both title and daily usage as, “Former P.M, and leader of the opposition”.  This confusion will doubtlessly clear in light of the suggestion by the IDEAS BOOM P.M, Mr Malcolm Abbott who has volunteered to end the debacle by being guest writer in the Abbott Blog.

Also, and sadly, due to the recent demise of Bob Ellis, revered author, speech writer, columnist, playwright, advocate, who produced over twenty books, (allegedly) the odd film and made us laugh, we’ve found another reason to put The Abbott Blog on the back-burner. The P.M in recognition to his, (Bob’s) service has offered the distinctive ‘Ideas Boom’ medal in tribute, posthumously. A spokesman from the department of ‘Ideas Boom’, Mr Cogent Buble described Mr Ellis ‘s contribution as ‘Herculean’, and countered criticism that though ineligible for standard recognition for an Order of Australia, which had gone to other more “ worthy” recipients, the ‘Ideas Boom’ square medal, (for thunking really deeply) would recognise Mr Ellis’ courage in thinking beyond the square.

bob ellis 1

‘Bob Ellis in the act of thinking’. A fragment of his Ideas Boom medal, (posthumous) citation.

At a doorstop the P.M, Mr Malcolm Abbott, countered the ossification of any reform process by listing the tremendous changes to Australian society wrought since his investiture. ‘You, may deride the current government for its inertia, but we are demonstration of Change and Transition. Look at our record, on tax reform, on security, on refugees, on defence, on higher education, tertiary, secondary, primary, now Safer with the gutting. We’ve ditched the Gonski reforms, thrown away the key on sustainability and killed off the worlds largest ever eco system, The Great, (now lesser) Barrier Reef.

Right across the board our policies are giving us new direction, and counter the nay sayers who say that we are no different from the Abbott government. On tax policy we’ve made significant changes that will not encroach upon vested interests, and will not do anything to refund hospitals infrastructure and education. As I stated quite clearly the states have only themselves to blame for having the proverbial pulled out from under them in the 2014 budget. As I pointed out to them, we don’t want to tax the obscenely wealthy and stifle the trickle down effect, and wish to offer tax cuts to Australian industry, long, the worlds best standard for innovation, courage, integrity and imagination. We propose the states look deep and develop their own workable tax system . Oh and my friends in the Minerals and Energy Council remind me that there will never ever be a re-emergence of the resource revenue tax. Like same sex marriage, It’s dead and buried.


Vespasian, no slouch on taxes, nor a piss-pot

Why stop at stamp duty? Window taxes were popular up until the 18th century, and I might add that common items we take or granted, salt, candles, leather, beer, soap and starch were all one commonly taxed. But why stop there? In Roman times the tax rate was between one and three percent, and after numerous overseas conquests, only the defeated colonies were made to pay, and then only the wealthier, senators and their families. But I particularly like the taxes imposed by Vespasian, the tax on urine, allegedly for the purposes of dyeing. Which brings me to this apt paraphrased conclusion, that there’s only two certainty’s in life, taxes and dyeing’. (Much applause and exultant whooping from the two newly installed IPA protege’s Wilson and Thompson)

vespasian 2

Independent Tony Windsor. Uncannilly similar in appearance to Vespasian. Guardian of ‘those who would pisseth in others pockets’, (Tacitus)

We heartilly agree, though not a bellicose, belligerent or bombastic as the previous P.M, the nice new thinking P.M does have a sense of humour. And that dear reader is a source of great relief.