Shocking news. Australia leads the world in Species Extinction.

We should mention we are grateful for the assistance offered in writing this piece from the former leader of the opposition Mr Mark Latham. (COMPETITION: pick where Mr Latham has helped most – Prize will be a personal handshake from Mr Latham)  And indebted to his decision to take time off from the Melbourne Writers festival at about 4.30 Saturday, and make a beeline for the publishing officers of Messers. Cockburn and Poole.  (COMPETITION: pick where Mr Latham has helped most – Prize will be a personal handshake from Mr Latham)

The last of the Tasmanian Aboriginies. Most probably killed off by their inability to adapt to the saviour of mankind and humanity into the twenty first century. COAL

Dear reader, once again we feel compelled to tell you the shocking news. Australia leads the world in species extinction. I suppose it’s like alcoholism and the ravages of ice addiction. Once taken hold, the habit is unstoppable. Extermination defines our culture. It is intrinsic to our national character. The Tasmanian Tiger, the numerous parrots killed by wind turbines, the Tasmanian Aborigines, (well at least the less troublesome original ones), the obscure marsupials. Not a day passes where we must stand ashamed as another species of rare marsupial, reptile or amphibian passes into oblivion.

In this respect we, as editors, have a duty of care to inform you, the general public, you were mistaken. All of us, (that’s you on the computer, and you on your phone) were deluded by the fallacy of conservation. But now, from the mouth of the respected Treasurer who HATES wind-farms, renewables and any emergent economical coal challenging technology, (nay technology itself) we hear that one of the mainstays of the Australian economy, (akin to the kangaroo itself) is threatened. Extinction looms unless drastic steps are made NOW!!!!!

Environmental Activists. Vigilante activists employing LAW to destroy the future of Australian menial jobs.  And the “Australian way of life’!

The mining industry, only recently saved from extinction through the ditching of the proposed ‘evil and unfair’ mining tax is under severe threat once again. This threatening is un-Australian. The mining industry needs our help. We saved it from the certain death imposed when some lefty aparatchiks thought perhaps a mere percentage of their enormous wealth should contribute to the commonwealth, and society. Quite rightly, they made their point. They got rid of Rudd.They killed the car industry when the dollar was up to buggery. And now, in spite of all they’ve done to turn manufacturing, education and technology in this country into a wasteland, they are threatened again. But this time not just by disgruntled greenies, but a hideous instrument of oppression. THE LAW!!

The accursed skink. Not worthy of preservation. Nor was this species ever mentioned in Genesis or the story of Noah and the Great Flood.

The Aborigines have nothing on the persecution suffered by the Mining Industry. Miners are truly persecuted, and unless we change the law and make it impossible for these greenies to shut another australian industry down, we are all going down the gurgler. Not a bloody skink, or a frog, nor a parrot, nor a moth, but an entire industry. And they know what’s at stake. Better to fuck the Great Barrier Reef and kill tens of thousands of tourism jobs, because COAL is right on the big picture. This mine will be the biggest in the world. It will employ almost a thousand people. And it will make a score of people, maybe one, very very rich. He’s already a billionaire, but he needs more. It’s critical to HIS Survival. And that person is imperiled. If these pinko greenie bolshie basket weaving lefties get their way they will not only damage the coal industry irreparably, but we might see the huge profits, the despoliation, the pain, the wasteland denied to that one man. Mr Adani, mate to all aussie politicians who visit him WILL be extincted!!!

Change the law. This must never ever happen again!

Fuck the eco system!!

Fuck the planet!

Fuck everyone!

Coal is good for humanity but better for Peabody shareholders. P.M in discussion with expert on Clean Coal Technologies. P.M;”Jeez mate will this coal sewer work to make Australia  truly an effluent society’? Expert:’No worries mate you want jobs, this can cater for BIG JOBS! It’ll ensure that once and for all your prophesy is correct that ‘as P.M you’ll be the suppository of wisdom”!  Jeez mate if you don’t mind me saying, you’re looking like you need to do a big job right now”. P.M: ” nah mate it’s these suspenders that go with the fluoro vest lent to me from his personal collection by my mate the Minister for Educashon, Chrissy Pyne”.

Because this coal mine is so important to our standing as a nation. It lets the rest of the world know once and for all that we are the number once eco system and endangered species fucker upper of the world. Stand proud Australia. Stand proud lone trillionaire. And stand proud that there’s good blokes like Joe, Barnaby, George and Tony who will fuck us all over to demonstrate that not only we’re open for business, but when it comes to getting fucked over no-one is a bigger fucker-er-upper than you fucken good mates in the Liberal National coalition. And anyone, (taxpayers, scientists, lawyers, academics, conservationists, general public, thinkers) who don’t agree with us, (law abiding citizens), are a pack of lefty soft cock fuckers.  Youse can all get fucked!!!

I love this country. And I’m so bloody glad Johnny Howard, (A Great Australian) got the ball rolling to make us narrow, insular, defensive, anti intellectual, insecure and happy to fuck up everything to short termism and fear. We’re open for business. And it is  Gods will to be small minded.  Amen.

Coming soon….Australia, are you still sleeping?  What we really need now are tax breaks!!!