Football Legend. James Hird’s Biography. The Foreword.

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A high performance couple. A high performance moment,”Phew, i think she’s just opened her lunch” James and wife.

Amazingly, though several have been asked, it has been suggested by the publisher, Mantac and Jackson, that we, the esteemed duo of Cockburn and Poole make a contribution to the most excellent book, “Enhanced” the autobiography of the celebrated footballer James Hird. This superb tome (rrp 25.95), promises to be the perfect Christmas stocking filler. To ensure once and for all that James, celebrated footy icon stands head and shoulders above the rest. To rise, inviolate above a team, a code, a nation when all around was so ingloriously dragged through the quagmire of infamy, innuendo and filth.  James’ closest advisor, none other than his adored wife, has contributed several chapters to this book.  Each chapter is an enduring testament to an an undying love. Chapter 4, ‘for love nor money’. Chapter five, ‘stand by your man’, and chapter six, ‘down and out on less than 2 million a year’..  This ecstasy of perseverance will stand as a tribute to a man who never flailed, never failed and never let his principles stand above the team, the code, and the relative mean standard.  And what a standard to fill..

The basic facts are undeniable. An illustrious career, two premierships, Brownlow medal, clubs best and fairest and the all Australian, (against Ireland no less) champion.

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Tony and Essendon. Cut from the same cloth!

James is very goal oriented. It has often been said that it only takes one individual to change the destiny of society. Some people are destined to look large on life’s’ stage.  Cecil Rhodes, (the Colossus) for example proved by sheer force of ambition a legacy that lives on and on.  Proven through such illustrious alumni as our Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Being annointed for greatness is very much at the core of greatness itself.  Others are just made that way, cut from a different cloth, and predestined to achieve greatness by just being.

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The New Look James Hird. ‘These performance enhancing products are 100 percent natural and pure’

‘Illustrious’ would be damning with faint praise, but this career spanning decades, is just a footnote to the potential career that lies waiting in the wings.  James is a proven performer, there can be no doubt, and although not a Rhodes Scholar, has achieved far and beyond what is expected of a football player. A role model, a mentor, an example to kiddies the word over. True, the past few years haven’t been easy. But the road to success is dotted with potholes and it makes a bloke like Jimmy just that little bit more determined to get there in the end..

James is made for television.  A new career awaits.  With the excitement that only television in the modern age can bring.  James has advised us that very soon he will be presenter of his very own food show.. ‘Cooking up a Storm’.  James will demonstrate, the delicate arts of cooking up the most unusual concoctions, exotic locations and a retinue of television celebrities will ensure that his culinary delights will sustain heightened performance and Logie wining action..  James has also offered to be the compere of ‘Border Patrol’.  In this stunning expose, James will alight from a helicopter to pursue cars laden with lethal, intoxicating and exotic drugs.  The purveyors of this filth will be sentenced to a slow torture watching repeats of James’ Brownlow speeches and the entire stock of video footage of the irrepressible, Mrs Hird.  Fascinating stock footage, and then, there’s more!!!  James will be compering in this years Iron Man competition from the stunning beaches of the Gold Coast in which his performance enhancing prowess will be put to the test in an exhilarating series of superlative athletic performances.  Product endorsement will be provided by James the new frontman for Nutrimetics………and from our sponsors ‘Stimulatron’, we shall be seeing James as product ambassador.  There’s an offer from the worlds biggest pharmaceutical company to make James the frontman for ‘Energex’, the worlds first hypodermically injected sports supplement.  There’s rumours that James may yet be the frontman for Australia’s next team participating in the ‘Tour de France’.  Already recent offers have been made by exclusive Chinese businessmen for the pioneering substances that James trialled, and sadly we are to report that quantities of Rhinoceros testicle, Coelacanth lip and Panda brain are in short supply.  But luckily with new gene technology synthetic substitutes are being prepared for mass manufacture.  And all come with James’ product endorsement , “all of these products are 100% pure” . There’s an old proverb, “Pioneers get arrows in their back”.  St James has prevailed and may these arrows turn to ornaments as he, pioneer in medicinal substitutes leaps onto a broader world stage. We have penned a jingle for St James. This blog, fittingly marks the global release.

‘Hooray for St James… Who prevailed an preferred,
Hooray for St James, who remains undeterred,