Once again, dear reader another snapshot into the subconscious from our very own  Beau Dunlap. I believe that Beau is offering dream therapy and analysis classes for those afflicted with insomnia, halitosis and sleep apnia, and is happy to provide workshops for the sorely afflicted. So please, don’t hesitate to write to PCbyCP and make your booking and you’ll recieve two sure-fire, sleep therapy aids, the life story of Bill Shorten, “Short n Curly’, and the spectacularly interesting Corey Bernardii tome; “The Conservative revolution”. Both guaranteed to ensure sudden necrosis and deep sleep.

Read on….

‘I dreamt I was the newly appointed chaplain at the High Country campus of a world renowned private school’.

‘I dreamt I was the newly appointed chaplain at the High Country campus of a world renowned private school. At my first chapel service, I began speaking but nobody seemed to be listening. After a few seconds the students began to get restless and started talking among themselves. The teachers were busy shushing everyone and calling for calm. Then I had to give out communion, but as they all filed up to me I saw that none of them had a mouth, just eyes wide open staring at me in a “What next?” kind of way, and I realized that being a chaplain was not really my calling.

‘I was given two thousand dollars in cash to spend while visiting a prominent figure in the Lesbian Activist Collective’

In this dream, I was given two thousand dollars in cash to spend while visiting a prominent figure in the Lesbian Activist Collective. She lives interstate, and I was staying for one week. I was supposed to keep my spending secretive, using the money for either alcohol or gambling, vices which were anathema to this person. I was not expected to attend any of the functions or meetings on her busy schedule. At the end of the week I put the money in her recycle waste bin, which was not much of a gamble but it was kind of intoxicating’.

Where will it end? Stay tuned for Beau’s, next thrilling encounter with the twilight zone between his ears in next weeks enthalling episode of the afterlife of dreams.

Off to bed now. Good night.

Our illustrious fashion and “occasional “wedding reporter Lydia.

How fitting that the twenty first century’s biggest small low key wedding should come to us from the owner of Twentieth Century Fox, Mr. Rupert Molloch. ‘Prince Rupert’, or ‘roo’ to his inner circle. And breathlessly we must tell you that Lydia Lumberton Cumberton our official wedding reporter was on site to record the wondrous event. In her own words she describes for posterity what she saw with her very own eyes.

(Ed) All my favourite people in one snapshot. Such a pity  ‘that other’ distinguished australian musician still languishes in jail.

‘The bride wore organza, and glittering diamonds stitched in great swirls across her shoulders, to describe the numeral ‘1’. And on the rear, tastefully applied to her derriere “percent”. Turning to the photographers, she blew a kiss, and from her hand were flung the most exquisite jewels, diamonds, ruby’s and pearls to the gathered throng who in an unseemly fashion, scrummed and tore at each other to gain a precious jewel. Each jewel, equivalent to an entire life’s pay for a senior bureaucrat, enough for a medium sized cambodian village, or equivalent to a round of sandwiches and tea for a plutocrat in a more exclusive resort. Laughing to the press, she winked, ‘at 84, you think he’s too old??. Well you don’t know his secret, then winking, it’s his stamina, he keeps going and going and going. And you though he had Deng-ie fever. Roo Roo Just keeping up with him makes me breathless, and I thought Mick was athletic’.

journalists once worked here.

The groom wore a sensible wedding suit, comprising, morning coat, laser, taser, and knuckle dusters, anti grav shoes, teflon coated sandwich board, and false leg. Asked, why the false leg? He replied taciturnly, ‘after Macartney’s wedding, I thought i’d get in first, the prenup cost me an arm and a leg’, Uproarious laughter. All of their several dozen children were in attendance And there was rumoured to be hundreds of unofficial, (ex Mick’s) children hopeful for a glimpse in the carpark

And the church chosen St Brides was perfect home to journalists the world over. In a speech the former head of the printers union said; ‘it was indeed an honour to be made long term unemployed by Mr Murdoch. I would like to thank Maggie Thatcher and Rupert who both taught us respect and humility. Since we were closed down we appreciate the trickle down effect’. Also there were a small delegation from East Timor; ‘We are indebted to Rupert and ‘The Australian’ for what they did to help us recognise the owner of the media in making us well and truly grateful. We might have had independence way way sooner, and we may have held onto our natural resources, but now with Rupert pushing his realpolitik, we are so stuffed, we cant even afford a newspaper, let alone foxtel. WE are truly humble’ and eternally happy in our nothingness’.

Family of typesetters, and former journalists happy to have been moved on by Rupert and Maggie

Rebekah Brookes was a picture in red on red on red.

And in an upset, Tony Blair, was inconsolable, ‘So I did pay a visit to his ex missus whilst he was away, but we were really close mates, and though you told me to say the nicest things about you,  I never ever let the knobs at Scotland Yard have a go at yer for the filth you peddled at the Sun and the News of the World. And even then I did everyfink I could to get you off, when you were outrageously bought to account by the few people in the public realm you hadn’t paid off. Still I would’ve liked an invite, cos I hear the hors douvres were real flash’.

Deeply Loved!!

And finally after the wedding, Mr Blair did get to have a big hug from George W, and John.E Howard, ‘without Rupert, we could never ever have bought civilisation and the anointment of reason to the vast untutored masses of the middle east who STILL don’t understand how grateful they should be to us’.

The SUN, just like its Australian namesake. Always an eye to quality, integrity and the absolute truth. (And boobs)

At the very end of the party, as the guests toasted, and Molloch gave each and every guest a desert plate of sautéed coelacanth and rhino horn as a token of his esteem He reminded the audience that global warming and unprecedented species and eco system decline were pure fiction. And if governments didn’t pay heed, they’d find themselves on the receiving end of a global reality. Asked what the global reality was, the magnate, smiled, and chuffed, ‘my elevation as GOD’.

The rest of the wedding and the after dinner entertainment wee provided by champion of the avante guarde, Bob Geldoff, that self described Uber-radical who stood in for Mr Mick Jagger, arch conservative and cricket lover, who recited, in braille, ‘I Can’t get no Satisfaction’ and ‘Money’. Presumedly, the two don’t go hand in hand.

Mr Jagger was unavailable for comment.

The Rt Hon. George Brandis, M.P, indicating to former premier of Qld, Campbell Newman, the exact positon of the conservatives timeline for same gender marriage ‘out there between alpha centauri and serious miner’.

Dear reader, we’re in for a tsunami of cataclysmic change. Like it or not, we’re going to see profound change to marriage in this country. And to many the question remains unanswered. Can we afford to take this convulsive step?

Eric Abetz, leading the push for Intelligent and informed debate within the federal government.

The momentum of the private member’s bill subsided last year, ultimately quashed by the more conservative elements due to the the requirement by those very sensible and grounded members for a reasoned and thorough public debate. It has been determined by that same inner core of christian, god fearing men, that the matter was of such conscience and importance, and ‘in light of the appalling result in Ireland’, that only the most thorough and rigorous examination of all the issues would equip the public to make a well and truly informed decision.

Corey Bernardii, well read and well informed, provides “balanced” commentary

Then it was rumoured the issue could wait till after the next election, and then again the issue was postponed by the same core who suggested more time was required for a more thorough and more detailed, reasoned debate. This pushed the timeline for a referendum out the window, (so to speak). Some went further still, and allowed within the space provided by the additional delay to talk sensibly of the evils of same sex marriage and the pernicious influence of the LGBTI addicted, in a reasonable and dispassionate manner.

Reading another book devoted to popular romantic fantasy

And now, though the issue may be considered by Mr Brandis at the end of the year. We have it on good authority that it may be ‘put off’ till 2025’. That same source close to Mr Brandis has further illuminated the general discussion with the likelihood that ‘2050 could be good as it’s a nice round figure, and there’s still a lot of reasoned, rational and dispassionate discussion around the terribly important issue of same sex marriage and the likelihood that people thus encouraged may marry their dog, cat, or even goldfish. There has been an alleged surge in (IMP’s) ‘Inappropriate Marriage Proposals’ as a consequence of the public debate, and it is felt that more time is required, (perhaps a decade or two) to allow the heat to subside from this very important and vexed issue’.

Wicked, god-less LGBTI’s demonstrating ravages of ” venereal bleached Tooth syndrome’, (secondary stage)

We at PCbyCP are truly glad that we have Mr David Flint, head of the Australian monarchists movement to demonstrate that if we adopt the “correct” referenda strategy, we could provide certainty and understanding by putting it off till 2075 or perhaps with a little luck 2115. Another nice round figure.

Another defender of the sanctity of traditional marriage giving instruction

Still though, there is progress moving forward. Chuffed by the courageous decision by the Victorian government to open up a sensible timeline for recognition of the first australians with a treaty that restores dignity, respect and recognition in the constitution, a spokesman from the Brandis office enthused, ‘indeed we heartily agree, and with the full measure of reasoned and informed debate as demonstrates in the same sex marriage debate we signify that the promulgation of a treaty with true recognition is on the cards for 2088, or theres an outside chance of 2125’.

The editor of PCbyCP, aggrieved by the egregious and unnecessary delay was told, ‘come on this is real progress, another two hundred years and they’ll, (both LGBTI and First Australians) have the same rights as the rest of the population in being peripheral to the political process entirely. That’s recognition enough of true and substantial progress. Demonstration enough that this government is forward thinking and truly innovative’.

“Simon Says”, Who’s Simon?

The Minister for Innovation was unavailable for comment.

“Good Governance”. Lovely buildings, equitable sharing of taxes, good public infrastructure. Happy citizenry.

‘Bad Governance”. Quite a few corpses, Devil, and a proliferation of “private-public partnerships’ and freeway infrastructure.

There’s a lot of science fiction that describes bad behaviour. That’s what makes it so readable. Perhaps our earliest science fiction writer was not even a writer, but a painter, Ambrogio Lorenzetti, (1338), a great proto-renaissance artist. (we’ll use ‘proto’ quite a bit in this piece). These days no one’s ever heard of him, but I think he was a damn fine painter, and unlike most contemporary artists, possessed a sense of humour. In ‘The Allegory of Good and Bad Government’ he painted two scenes, one good and one bad. In ‘bad” he illustrated what happens when the citizenry are let loose, and how naked ambition, bloody mindedness and greed, can send a society potty. And then instructively in ‘Good governance” the opposite can lead to prosperity, dignity and a great society. Clearly they have no interest in proto-renaissance era allegories in the United States these days.

Uncanny resemblance to Nationals M.P George Christensen in ‘Allegory of Bad Governance’.

That’s why I like great science fiction writers, they take the experience of the day to day and make us think about ourselves by putting a universal understanding of what makes us tick in futuristic and ‘other worldly’ environments. It sort of reinforces a hyper-reality, with a bit of imagination and fantasy thrown in.

These days everyone seems to be into dystopia. I don’t know much about dystopia, but I gather it’s sort of the opposite to Utopia. Now ‘Utopia’ was the brainchild of Thomas More, who imagined way back in 1516 a proto-communal society in which property was shared, and everyone had access to communal food. Radical stuff back then. Interestingly, priests were allowed to marry, and the citizenry shared in the task of making food and learning certain useful things, like how to weave and build things, and keep a lid on how many hours each individual would be required to work. Some say More’s vision is an elaboration on the security and sanctity of Monasterial life. But I say he had a pretty good handle on the sort of vision favoured by the liberals and reformers of the mid nineteenth century for an eight hour day, dignity, enfranchisement and opportunity for those who made a contribution to society. Not the dehumanising dystopia of the work rich income poor (those who aren’t good enough to afford negative gearing) certainty allocated to those in contemporary society.

Still More gets credit where it’s due for being a deep thinker, though each household did have two slaves, which well and truly anchors it to the sixteenth century. Unless you live in a contemporary “free trade” environment.

They just don’t do film posters like this anymore.

My favourite, H. G Wells dreamt of everything. Most of what we now take for granted. In “ ‘Worlds to Come” he envisaged a society in which the ‘inheritors’ became so removed from their past, (and the benefits offered by the ‘big society’ they’d created to give humankind equality of opportunity), they, through ill considered wars, and general stupidity, flung themselves back into the dark ages. Then agonisingly rebuilt society and then did it all over again. Well’s thesis being that we the humans are too stupid, short sighted or self interested to cope with the benefits of prolonged growth and success, and are programed to needlessly throw it all away. Clearly the vast bulk of our contemporary politicians are not much interested in science fiction writing either.

‘Good Governance”, Social and environmentally responsible utilisation of land intrinsic to good governance. Note coal seam gas plant in top left hand corner, (obscured by winged angel)

Of the more modern sci- fi writers there’s my favourites Bradbury, Heinlein, Clarke, Asimov and Philip K Dick, (don’t giggle). Some would say L. Ron Hubbard was a writer so great they made a religion out of it, but that would be silly because every sensible person knows that God doesn’t not exist, and if he was a spaceman or alien, he would be thrown into detention on Manus or Nauru. Bradbury in ‘Fahrenheit 451’, imagined an era where everything was read through the screen, and the printed word had been consigned to the dustbin. It was a pretty post-Goebell’s inspired society and I imagine that exemplar of free speech Kim Jong-un is a big fan of it in North Korea. I think Bradbury was trying to say that the badly behaved ruling elite in 451, had decided that information, words and thought, were subversive, and threatened the status quo. Better to keep the population, pliant, ignorant and stupid. Now WE know that this never works, but i’m sure Rupert feels justified in giving it a red hot go.

And finally the most eerie science fiction, dystopian novelist of them all. He presages a futuristic world, strangely anchored to the here and now in which old men could attain the most powerful position in the world by ruthlessly pursuing and maintaining a power system in which “underlings were quashed, abused, and betrayed on a daily basis. The origins of their code were strictly enforced by a society that threatened imprisonment isolation and disgrace upon anyone who thought, practiced and entertained homosexuality. This society also condoned retribution for those within the inner sanctum who practised any sort of sexual desire at all, whether it be heterosexual, homosexual or LGBTI, (as it is called these days). Consequently, because all good science fiction writers describe human behaviour, the inner sanctum and entire power elite within this global, indoctrinating, monotheistic, mysoginistic inner sanctum would stop at absolutely nothing to enjoy those “earthly delights”. Whilst pretending to their vast army of followers, whom they treated with the utmost contempt, that such indulgences could never ever take place. And through this perversion of moral virtue, this grotesquery of sexual repression, intolerance, compassion, humanity and hypocrisy reigned, for several millennia. Eventually it was exposed as a sham, and none of the evil, patriarchal, deviants ever apologised nor were capable of compassion, insight, or contrition for their monstrous crimes. Because introspection of the humanistic kind had never been “programmed”.

The author of this epic drama? Sadly a name that had faded from the public eye, an obscure sex-less functionary amongst the power elite, who rose to the very top.

Only known image of futuristic dystopian sci-fi writer they called “Pell”

A name as obscure to us as Ambrogio Lorenzetti. A man they called ‘Pell’.

HOORAY 
IRA MAINE IS BACK!!! and he writes:

“Herewith, (and following a cruel absence) a witty ditty in the Cockney manner which I hope you will find acceptable.”

The Bleedin’ Sparrer (anonymous)

We ‘ad a bleedin’ sparrer wot   (sparrow)
Lived up a bleedin’ spaht,         (spout or drain pipe)
One day the bleedin’ rain came dahn    (down)
An’washed the bleeder aht.    (out)
An’ as he layed ‘arf drahned   (half drown-ed)
Dahn in the bleedin’ street,
He begged that bleedin’ rainstorm
To bave ‘is bleedin’ feet.   (bathe)
But then the bleedin’ sun came aht-
Dried up the bleedin’ rain-
So that bleedin’ little sparrer
‘E climbed up ‘is spaht again.
But, Oh!- the crewel sparrer ‘awk
‘E spies him in his snuggery,
‘E sharpens up ‘is bleedin’ claws
And rips ‘im aht by thuggery!
Jist then a bleedin’ sportin’ type
Wot ‘ad a bleedin’ gun,
‘E spots that blessed sparrer ‘awk
And blasts ‘is bleedin’ fun.
The moral of this story
Is plain to everyone-
Them wot’s up the bleedin’ spaht
Don’t get no bleedin’ fun.

Firstly a link to two articles in the excellent NEW MATILDA (and please consider subscribing to this independent journal).
The Viral Rise Of Stan Grant: Why Diplomacy Won’t Be Enough For Our People
and a second on some important vile Islamophobic stereotyping by Fairfax
Paul Sheehan Is Only One Part Of A Bigger Fairfax Problem

AND now for this week’s dispatch:

Junga Yimi (‘ true story’)

David Niven

In 1975 David Niven’s entertaining Hollywood reminiscences were published. A film director had shouted ‘Bring on the Empty Horses’. David Niven was so amused by this exhortation, that he chose it for the title of his book. The film director’s first language clearly wasn’t English and for those who haven’t worked it out for themselves, the horses were riderless.

Prime Minister Howard was no friend of Aboriginal Australia. A May 2000 quote illustrates his attitude: “We don’t think it’s appropriate for the current generation of Australians to apologize for the injustices committed by past generations.” We out here at the front in remote Aboriginal Australia despised the man and were ecstatic when Kevin 007 defeated him. An additional bonus from that election was that the architect of the Intervention (Mal Brough) also lost his seat.

When Kevin Rudd made his famous speech, many of us were emotionally touched. I won’t inflict on you the whole 9 pages I printed out, just some pertinent extracts:

“ The time has come for the nation to turn a new page in Australia’s history by righting the wrongs of the past…”

“ We apologize especially for the removal of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children from their families, their communities and their country”

“ A future where this parliament resolves that the injustices of the past must never, never happen again”

“ But let us remember the fact that the forced removal of Aboriginal children was happening as late as the early 1970s”

Thus according to Kevin Rudd, forced removal had ceased around the time ‘Bring on the Empty Horses’ was published.

The 680 page report on the National Inquiry into the Separation of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Children from Their Families (‘Bringing them Home’) was tabled in Federal Parliament on 26 May 1997. More than a decade was to pass before a Prime Minister apologized to the so called ‘Stolen Generations’.

“…we say sorry…” occurs three times in Kevin Rudd’s speech.

The Easybeats in their 1966 hit ‘Sorry’ easily beat that. The word “Sorry” occurs 22 times in the song….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEXSY-vmruI

Also in the speech: “ …sufficient flexibility not to insist on a one-size-fits-all approach for each of the hundreds of remote and regional indigenous communities across the country…”

Yet such flexibility was distinctly lacking in the Intervention which Kevin Rudd’s government appropriated from its predecessors. It was Jenny Macklin, Kevin Rudd’s Minister for Indigenous Affairs, who in due course was instrumental in extending the Intervention by a decade under the euphemistically named Stronger Futures legislation. The ‘protection of women and children’ was Macklin’s most used justification for the introduction of disempowering assimilationist paternalistic measures.    

A step-grandson of mine is a relatively small person, his wife is likewise relatively short. They have two lovely small children who go to Yuendumu pre-school. The older girl when she grew up in Alice Springs was considered to be “under weight for age”. Her mother was frequently visited by “welfare ladies” who told her that she was a bad mother and that if her daughter didn’t put on weight they would take her away. It never eventuated because they couldn’t gather enough evidence to prove “child neglect”. Not through lack of trying. The two lovely children will most likely remain “under weight for age” for the rest  of their lives. They are small.

Nangala told me of a recent case: a child had been removed from a young mother who’d gone off the rails and who was perpetually drunk in Alice Springs. This young mother had a large extended family in Yuendumu. When the mother eventually returned to Yuendumu, she’d sobered up and after a lengthy legal process got her child back. The reunion was traumatic. The child who couldn’t speak Warlpiri and didn’t know its mother and wasn’t used to seeing so many black faces spent hours inconsolably bawling its head off. The mother was likewise seriously distressed. So much for the protection of women and children!

In Australia there is a Welfare Industry that systematically monitors and collects evidence supposedly to “protect children” but which ultimately results in a new Stolen Generation.

“ A future where this parliament resolves that the injustices of the past must never, never happen again”

Anybody who  lives on a remote community with their eyes open knows of cases of child removal, and I am not referring to the early 1970s either.

Lest I be accused of gilding the lily to prove a point, I point you to official government data.

These metrics of misery are from the ‘productivity commission report on government service delivery’ released this month, detailing the numbers of children in care on ‘census night’ June 30, 2015 by Indigenous status. In the NT there were 892 Indigenous children (0-17 years old) in out-of-home care, and 125 non-indigenous. On a per 1000 children in population, that is 33.4 Indigenous and 3.4 non-Indigenous. For those that haven’t worked it out for themselves, this means that an Indigenous child in the NT has a 10 times greater risk of being placed in out-of-home care than a non-Indigenous child. The data furthermore shows that only about 36% of Aboriginal children removed by ‘child protection’ are placed back with their own Indigenous kin. The NT has one of the lowest rates of such placement at 28.6%.

As for the June 1988 response by Prime Minister Bob Hawke to the Barunga Statement, a promise that there would be a Treaty between Indigenous Australians and the Australian Government by 1990, Yothu Yindi’s song ‘Treaty’ says it all:

Words are easy, words are cheap
Much cheaper than our priceless land
But promises can disappear
Just like writing in the sand
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7cbkxn4G8U

BRING ON THE EMPTY WORDS!

Ngula-juku,

Jungarrayi

Studio portrait of Beau Dunlap demonstrating his Dream enhancing vapour suit. The concentric rims designed to deflect gravity waves. Beau, with cigar in mouth and roller skates adopting preferred stance when not in ” dream mode”

Dear reader, here’s something different from an entirly fresh, newish, and observant correspondent, none other than the estemed new man of letters Beaurepaire “narco” Dunlap. ‘BNP’  to
his mates.  Dunlap gives us something completely different for Friday. Rather than  satirise, which I can tell you get absolutlely boring after a while, Beau presents us with an insight into those places none of us ever dare to go, the afterlife of your dreams. The gnawing abyss of our self counsiousness, and for all of us, excepting Rupert, the inescapable counter reality of conscience.

read on…

Afterlife of Dreams, Winter 2015.

In this dream, vast numbers of people in this country believed we were facing a cataclysmic doom. In Canberra, the only human beings asked for comment on this catastrophe were Conservative die-hards, namely Andrew Bolt, Piers Akerman and Eric Abetz.  In another city, the Labour factions were fighting to the death.  From his office in Parliament, an incredulous Prime Minister was watching his countrymen and women succumb to the self-destructive terrors brought on by climate change and a disabling disillusionment with politicians. 

‘The very next day I saw her in the local IGA supermarket, and I froze’.

In something of a follow up dream, I believed I was falling in love with the local Independent-for -Canberra candidate. She didn’t want me. She mistook me for a troublesome stalker and took out court injunctions against me, threatening dire consequences. So I tried to kill myself by staging a terrible car accident. I tried three times. Months passed, and turned into years, and my loving agony wore off and one day I gave up. The very next day I saw her in the local IGA supermarket, and I froze. She greeted me like a long lost friend and told me she had always been very fond of me and would I vote for her next time.

OOOHHH… what a tonic to the weekend, Stay tuned for Beau’s next installent in which the afterlife is given a huge nudge into the surealist absurdity of what we all know collectively as ; ‘this, that, and the other thing’.

Strategic Defence perimeter up North. Wavey Lines indicate influence of Gravity Waves, (Op Cit, PCbyCP).

Don’t be depressed, we at the Passive Complicity Institute have developed a plan.  And where from and who for, you may ask? By our friends in the Russian Government.

Very grainy photograph taken by ASIO agent in Siberia, captures massive scale of the Molotov-Beria

The options were simple, none of this shilly-shallying, with “ My submarine is bigger than yours”, we’ve gone straight to the people who know how to defend impossibly large frontiers, and have, unlike all the rest, a proven 100 percent success rate in coming out on top (except in Afghanistan, where everyone loses, ED). The russians have kept it under wraps for seventy years, but in an act of Russo-Australian solidarity they’ve released to us their plans for the Beria- Molotov super bomber. This is total stealth technology, cheap to manufacture, and attendant on what remains of australian manufacturing expertise, entirely do- able.

Molotov-Beria taxiing. The fully laden aircraft requires the entire Lake Eyre basin for takeoff

This bomber can swarm in waves it can be built by any tractor plant, assembled by any technical and other engineering trainees who will emerge with an actual job, and solves once and for all the problem of youth unemployment, because, it’s a bombing bomber, a biscuit bomber, a land tank and a submersible. And consequently it must be crewed by hundreds of young, enthusiastic, non thinking trainees

Unveiled in the soon to be defunct holden assembly plant at Elisabeth S.A by the Minister for Industry and Innovation Christopher Pyne, before a speech by the president of the Russian Federation Mr Vladimir Putin, the Minister beamed; ‘this is a first for our two countries. We now have a stealth, attack, and submersible capability, the first ever three in one’.

Crew standing ready to board wheel housing. Each wheel housing can accomodate up to fifty fully armed soldiers. Or the equivalent of eighty five Border Force trainees.

Mr Valdimir Putin, bare-chested, cept an order of Lenin, pinned to his right nipple was more succinct. ‘‘Now you Australia, be kleptocracy like us. You governed by 1 percent, like us. You population, fear change, and innovation, like us, You primitive ignorant people, like us, you fear the outside world, like us. In tribute you be most like us we gift you the Beria-Molotov’. Standing on a covered dais in the the plant, to a raucous rendition of Alexander Nevsky’s Victory March, (‘Alexanders’s Entry into Pskov’) a huge banner is raised revealing to the exultant ‘ooohs and aaahhs’ of the audience the future of Australian defence policy.

Beria-Molotov taking on stores, prior to liftoff.

Vladimir Putin, delighted with new strategic partnership and vey smart uniform. (generously donated by the Minister for Innovation the Rt. Hon. Christopher Pyne M.P. from his personal collection)

The Infrastructure and Innovation Minster Mr Pyne: ‘This is stealth, this is camoflague, that’s why we’ve nicknamed it the ‘Stealthy Stick Insect’, its motto, to all would-be aggressors, tyrants an potentates ‘Stick it up Ya’!! This is the only ever aircraft to combine, land, sea, air and stealth technology. In the outback it can be made to look like a very large shearing shed, of no valuable strategic or tactical relevance. In the water it can look just like an ordinary marina. And in the air, it has baffled even the experts who thought it were a brace of helicopters, an optical Ilyushin, (poor pun) a cloudbank, or a very ugly, outdated aircraft. But in all good design the principles are timeless. We’ve upgraded the drive chain with a GM V8 through a Borg Warner Transmission, and streamlined the cockpit with the glacis plate and cockpit of Velocity train, and you’ll be really impressed, the in flight turbo stabilisers, and VTOL capability boosters are all coal fired. It’s a tank, it’s a bomber, a fighter ,a cruiser, it’s a play with me and you’re a loser. It’s the spirit the evocation of two mighty nations working together, to prefect strategic outcomes, a ‘win win’ for manufacturing, (it can be built in both ply and plastic) and an absolute boon for manufactured exports.

We’re receiving interest from Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria. All places that we’ve assisted in their March to strategic defence independence. There was a momentary pause as Mr Pyne in an exctasy of pride, jumped back to the rostrum, and ladies and gentlemen, party donors and big end lobbyists, this is not the only excitement, there’ll be a whole new batch of uniforms, manufactured in china, but designed by my department’.

National anthem, and gunfire, ticker tape and “Up there Cazaly”.

Our very own stealth fighter for 1941. An RAAF Brewster is excitedly unpacked at Singapore

Dear readers we’ve been here before.

Marching to the sound of drums

Standing to attention, slouch hats and battle jackets

Thousands of Lee Enfield rifle butts hit the hard surface of the parade ground

God Save the King

Flypast of Wirraway’s

Defend the Empire! Defend Australia!

The Mighty Brewster Buffalo is assembled. Admire the powerful Cyclone radial engine.

Ready for Action!!

When Singapore was our bastion to the near north we were encouraged to purchase the very latest in air defence technology. Indeed the Brewster F2B was the very latest thing in 1937. On test flights it won high praise for its manouverability and finesse, able to outmatch the most agile fighter. It was the first ever, all metal monoplane to equip the U.S carrier fleet. There was one tiny drawback, the flight of the Brewster F2B, (prize for reader who can decode what F2B meant) was beautiful when it was not equipped with its, two wing mounted 50 mm brownings, its two nose mounted .303 brownings, and its heavy radio gear. Once equipped it flew like a bomb. Coincidentally, like the F35 stealth fighter, (prize for the reader who can decode this one) it was unsuited to tropical heat, (sound familiar). Though in Finnish hands, unhindered by clapped out over-worn second hand Cyclone engines it became, as the old cliche goes; “a war winning weapon”.  Arriving in Singapore to the hapless RAF, RAAF, and RNZAF pilots it was nicknamed ‘the flying beer barrel’. A beer barrel with no beer. Told by our allies “it was the very best thing in air defence”. By late 1941 it was hopelessly outdated, outclassed and cleared from the skies by the nimble A6M. Famous to us as the “ZERO”. We still purchased all one hundred and seventy of them.

Natives admire the Brewster’s sleek lines

They say that Australian defence policy still hasn’t recovered from Singapore and it’s aftermath. But I, who have quite a handle on air defence and Pan Grand Strategy beg to differ. In 1963 we purchased the next best thing in supersonic long range tactical bombing the general dynamics F 111. The F 111 didn’t get the opportunity to be wiped from the skies. It just sort of passed, though it did so very loudly telling all our neighbours to “LOOK OUT’! In the late 80’s we purchased a fleet of destroyers from our staunch allies the U.S, and they were rust buckets. All have been scrapped. But once again a clear message to would be malcontents, “ Look OOT” And then we purchased a squadron of helicopters. That never flew. The message, simple and epithetic, “BEWARE” Since then we’ve purchased a submarine fleet, built em here, and they never ever reached full strength, they were not the full bottle. But to our enemies, and those who seek to thwart our principles of freedom, liberty and access to all, THINK AGAIN! Now we’re bound to develop twelve new submarines, eight frigates and a dozen patrol boats, drones and other stuff. On land we’ve tanks that are so heavy, they’re practically useless , and a collection of assorted hand me downs from our loyal ally the U.S. Once again the Clear message; “ Don’t Mess With US”!!

A Brewster in the process of underperforming

The military industrial complex is worried, and so are the one per cent. It’s a worry for arms manufacturer shareholders. Who will pay for this monumental expansion of useless materiel? Will the public stomach another bout of Dreadnought Fever? But conservative think tank the IPA insists it’s safe. No one remembers Dreadnought fever. No one remembers Singapore. Most people when interviewed think we won in Gallipoli, Greece, Crete, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Alleppo (with Allenby in 1917). But we did win in the first big battle for control of this country.

Nice New Uniform as favoured by the Minster for Innovation, The Rt. Hon Christopher Pyne M.P.

Very nice Bersaglerii Uniform, with Bigger feathers than standard issue light horse ostrich plumes. Uniform favoured by P.M for Border Force.

As a leaked fragment of the defence White Paper suggests; ‘It’s dangerous to stand alone and develop our own strategic initiatives, thinking, communication and diplomacy. Though the U.S aint scored all that highly in pan grand strategy since 1945, the twelve new submarines, are a boon for Adelaide. And a sign of real growth since we cleverly killed off the entire manufacturing sector through our strident brand of ideological fundamentalism’. But we want to know one thing, all this investment in military hardware, has any attention been paid to the uniforms? So where are the new uniforms? The defence strategy of Australia and the public at large. Much happier since you armed railway stations, and protected our borders, with people in quite nice uniforms, But Mr PYNE, they are not WAR WINNING UNIFORMS!!

Marching to the sound of drums

Standing to attention, slouch hats and Multicam Uniform

Thousands of F88S-A1 Austeyr rifle butts noiselessly make contact with the flexipave surface of the parade ground

God save the Queen

Flypast of stealth fighters.

Show us your brand new Uniforms!!!

Dear reader, another update on how prepared the P.M is to go in hard on fundamental reform to the tax system, and the rising inequities between the haves and the have nots.

Tough and Courageous decision making. The P.M John Turnbull.

The Prime Minister John Turnbull today sought some sage advice from former P.M, Mr. Malcolm Howard in Sydney yesterday. Determined to stave off a populist assault by the federal opposition, the P.M, sought cautious advice from Malcolm Howard, who reminded the P.M that there are;

‘a lot of modest-income people who accumulate some money and then negatively gear a property, particularly [those] who don’t want to invest in the share market,”

Emerging from the forthright and hard-hitting talks, the P.M. indicated he took heed of

“Howard’s advice to look at these things carefully … that’s exactly what I’m doing’. Mr Turnbull added with further emphasis; “Look, it’s very important to treat any changes to the tax system very carefully, indeed I had a long chat with John, (Malcolm) about negative gearing and other aspects of tax only yesterday, in fact — a long chat,” .

The Prime Minister said the former P.M, Malcolm Howard had been “a great source of advice”

A man of steely resolve and far flung vision. The Former P.M. Malcolm Howard. His advice much sought after in today’s topsy turvy world.

Mr Turnbull is reportedly seeking some very sound advice from Rupert Murdoch on the vexed issue of media ownership, and just to demonstrate his credentials, (unlike the sloganism of the precious Abbott government) Mr Turnbull is seeking advice in a series of long chats from Twiggy Forrest and Gina Rinehardt on Aboriginal Land Policy.

The P.M has also reportedly had a very cordial and enthusiastic (though informative) chat with the Australian Minerals and Energy Council on the vexed issue of sustainability, renewables and planning for energy innovation in the future. On the vexed issue of political donations Mr Turnbull is in cordial talks with Clubs Australia and The Property Council to ensure that current mechanism to ensure openness and transparency are kept intact.

It is also rumoured that Mr Turnbull has sought the advice of Cardinal Pell on child abuse by those entrusted with children in the Catholic Church and a spirited and extremely engaging series of chats with Serco and Transfield into the vexed issue of offshore immigration detention centres and enemy alien illegals.

Clearly Mr Turnbull is incidentally very wealthy, and independent of the pettifogging interests of those on a “modest income” who through fiscal and prudent discretion opt to enjoy the benefits of negative gearing. Not that they enjoy this indulgence because of the generous tax breaks, but they share an overarching sense of altruism, and the surety that their investments will assist those in need. Those who will never ever ever be able to afford a home themselves because of their meagre and indescribably pathetic incomes. Those below the $150,000 benchmark marked their entire working lives as DOOMED. As for their children, they will never ever ever get to own a house in the inner ring suburbs, so must accept the second best thing in one of our exciting new housing estates provided expensively and altruistically by our leaders in the residential development industry.

” let them eat cake”!! A middle class investor and his family subists on a modest income. So that they may thriftily enjoy the meagre benefits of negative gearing.

And clearly, let us be quite clear, we eschew the labor party’s politics of envy and their destructive tax debate because home ownership is the bedrock of this democracy, and the fact that the poorest pay for the privelege of the annointed to own more and more and more, allows them the freedom of ambition. And let us not forget that the rusted on Labor ideologues don’t understand the altruism of Private Investment, Big Business and Public Private partnerships.

Speaking at the unveiling of another Master’s Homewares and hardware superstore the P.M redefined his determination to rule for all Australians. ‘In Business, Courage is important and so is the capacity to lead. Also there’s the other co-efficient of good government; IMAGINATION. In a spirited series of fireside chats with the banking industry on superannuation, the future fund and ethical investments I have determined there will be no recklessness in my approach to future-proofing Australia.  A spokesman for the P.M said, the ‘only thing stopping a full realignment of property wealth and equity in our country is the power and capacity for innovation and imagination’.

The Minister for Innovation was unavailable for comment.