Dear Reader as part of our Holiday Summer Series we bring you this one for the children. To demonstrate once and for all that Passive Complicity is socially, ethically and edcatively responsible, in a post-Gonski sort of way

Rosemary the Mud Crab.

Once upon a time there was a mud- crab
The name of the mud-crab was Rosemary. You probably don’t know much about mud crabs But I’ll tell you this much, they live in mud.

Rosemary, (the mud-crab) liked living in the mud It was isolating and It made her feel secure, Because of this, she knew everything!!

But as you and I know she didn’t really, but that’s not the point either because being up to your eyes in mud is very comforting. In a muddy sort of way.

Rosemary had a tune which she hummed It went like this:

‘So safe, secure in a muddy sort of way

Keeps me happy from day to day

Stuck in the mud is the best-est place to be

Makes me feel happy, safe, muddy and free’

Rosemary also had two friends, Pebble and Sponge.

She would spend all day talking to Pebble and Sponge.

On other days she’d just not talk to anyone.

Pebble and Sponge never said anything,

Rosemary found that comforting,

Till one day something amazing happened.

I wont tell you until you turn the page.

Rosemary’s aunt Floris Fossilthwaite arrived

Floris was a Sand crab , a Sand-crab with exotic taste,

This was a disaster for……

Rosemary, Her home was threatened And why?

Cos Floris talked of other places, she’d been. Other people and suggested of the things that she’d seen. Exotic locations that boggled the mind. Of people she met and things that you find. Floris talked of parties on the costa del Sol. She talked of the cod fish “Errol’ and Bikini Atoll. She talked of the people she lived with, and those that she knew. She talked and she talked with gusto anew, She’d tell of the scandals ,the gossip the tension, When Oscar the oarfish, and Whynett the whale-shark were mentioned. And the more that she talked, and the more she described, The more that poor Rosemary began to despise. And harbouring a grudge that gnawed like a ship at its mooring, she knew deep down that her life had been utterly boring. But she couldn’t admit it and with unduly haste, She demanded Floris leave her at once from her place. So…what did Rosemary do? She enquired to an travel agent on gummy shark reef, of exotic locations that existed beneath. And with eye-wide astoundment and

trembling claws she thought of the things she’d never done before. She almost got packed, and that made her worry. She made her plans quickly, and the agent said ‘hurry’. ‘This price is a bargain, it’s the best of the season. No need to hesitate to falter or reason’.

Till she almost departed and with considerable relief

She got wind of a fracas past Tingaloo Reef. A holiday package, and quite similar plans, Went down in the arctic ‘lost with all hands’. And then as she gleaned and with worrying face, She’d discovered calamitous disasters all over the place. A whole school of fish were consumed by a whale, The more she discovered it made her grow pale. The world was a terrible, forbidding, dangerous disaster, with no turning back and no thought of hereafter. She cashed in her tickets and breathlessly got home. Safe in the security of being all alone. And happy in the knowledge that beyond the mud bank. The world was too frightful and it sizzled and stank. So that weekend she resolved on a much safer tour. Of the edge of the mudbank, where with measured ardour. She had her own little holiday underneath the old mooring. And was happy and smug and content in being boring.

Fire Plan for Summer. Have you got your fire plan ready??

Will Burnem, being congratulated on his appointment to FIRE-SAFE AUSTRALIA by Former P.M.

That is the question asked of many of us over this year’s fire season. One can’t be too careful and in this exclusive we talk to the General Manager of Fire-Safe Australia to get the latest on what you ought to do in order to make us feel safe. We include, for the benefit of the reader some simple illustrations that may assist with developing your very own fire plan. And we know from the recent Bushfires Royal Commission that the terrible destruction wrought by these devastating fires had nothing to do with the unfettered rise of real estate across the fringes, and inappropriate development in very burnable places. What it proved once and for all, was that Christine Nixon was solely to blame. Another victory for vested interests, misogyny and the legal profession, who understandably quite like Royal Commission’s.

But first a note from Will Burnem-Freeley, the Firesafe CEO.

‘It is with some anticipation I offer these words of advice to the readership of PCbyCP. In the event of Summer one cannot be too careful. Living in the bush is axiomatic with death and destruction. The bush you may consider as your friend, but it will get up and move to KILL YOU!! Learn to FEAR the bush and understand this one simple principle, one can never ever be certain, that in spite of the best preparations the bush will KILL YOU! So live in fear. And when your hear ‘on the wireless’ of a Total Fire Ban Day know that you should be very afraid. And if you don’t flee, and grab whatever you can, you will be immolated in a cauldron of death delivered HELL!! Furnished with this advice I have illustrated these basic points to protect yourself, and hope these simple illustrations will help you survive’.

Well designed FIRE-SAFE HOME. Note Water cannon, and FIRE-SAFE Trench access system.

1 A fire proof house. Though one can never be safe, This is a fire proof house. It is made from steel and concrete. The periscope is to allow visual analysis before, during and after fire. It comes complete with bunker, backup bunker, and backup backup bunker.

2 Prepare for fire. Only once a property has been cleared of all vegetation will it be accredited FIRE-SAFE!. All vegetation must been cleared to a distance of one kilometre, and coated in non flammable concrete.

Approved FIRE-SAFE outdoor gear.

Award Winning FIRE-SAFE Adventure Playground. Recently Installed at Wye River.

3 Dress sensibly. This is the latest approved dress or fire protection and fighting. Approved and endorse by Border Force it offers all round protection.

Schematic Section. ‘Code Maginot’ FIRE-SAFE Communications system. For SAFER COMMUNITIES!!

4 Be organised. A communications system is very important, our network, ‘codeword Maginot’ provides a fail proof answer. The integrated community system of tunnels ensures a fail safe ‘whole community’ plan.

5 Have an evacuation plan. The recommended Gallipoli model is tried and tested. Leave at dawn and don’t let the bushfire know you’re leaving.

6 Establish fire breaks, ensure fire breaks are kept free of vegetation. No fire break can ever be wide enough, but several kilometres may ensure a measure of safety.

7 Is your fire pump up to the task? get a bigger one.

8 Water storages are all important, divert natural systems.

9 Fire spotting. Build a fire tower. Several hundred metres high for long term fire behaviour prediction.

10 Organise a panic button. When all else fails this will do wonders for morale. Will generate hysteria, start sirens, flashing lights, road blocks, fear and alarm amongst the entire community.

11 Have a woman handy. If all of the above precautions fail, BLAME HER!!

12 If you fear fire, don’t live in the bush. Simple advice but not often heeded.

Fire Safe Australia Award Winning Contemporary Home. Combines comfortable living with augmented observation / spotting tower and SAFE Concrete and Steel.

A recommended holiday reading list

Dear reader, some input to keep ourselves nourished over the holiday period. We at PCbyCP are constantly being asked by our readership as to what we would recommend as engaging holiday reading material. It is burdensome responsibility, but nonetheless we feel honour bound in the interests of furthering the public consciousness with the complexities of weighty philosophical issues. Indeed, just the other day we were rung by none other than an individual purporting to be Rupert Murdoch who suggested we include ‘Mein Kampf’ in the top ten, and we politefully suggested, though ‘readable’ was not the kind of material that would inspire a generosity of spirit and humanistic thought. Similarly, we are grateful that someone purporting to be Gerard Henderson suggested we read ‘Fifty shades of Red’, the unauthorised biography of Cardinal Pell, but we humbly submitted that we already had one and its very nice. So as you can see there’s lots of pressure each year to get the reading list right, and for this reason we’ve gone to some length to ensure that the selected texts furnish our readership with the full measure of social, political and philosophical input commensurate with the highest level of thinking. So whether your on the beach, by the pool or listening to the cricket, we hope these’ll keep you up to date (finger on the pulse)…. And In the picture. Here therefore, The top twelve (Bakers dozen) reads for the summer of 2015 -16

1   ‘Donald Trump Mr One Percent’. A big book with lots of pages all about himself, and his singular vision for the American People.

2   ‘Who’s ‘disappearing‘ all the journalists in Hong Kong’. A riveting account by Hong Kong investigative Journalist Hui Wat Wei. Read about his stirring accounts of the disappearances, and his own. (presumedly printed posthumously)

3 The Abbott Diaries. Compelling reading. Insightful personal diaries, effortless, insightful, engaging. Each sentence comprises three short words. (3 pages)

4   ‘Peter Slipper, ‘Boots and All’. All you ever wanted to know about the Ashby Incident, the former Minister for State, Mr Mal Practise, and fine wine.

5   ‘Dick Smith, ‘Dickless’. What happened to the Dick Smith store chain. A warts and all account of private equity, asset stripping, greed, stupidity and the devaluation of the legacy of a decent person.

6  ‘Malcolm on Malcolm’. Compelling reading from the man who made it to the top, fell, got to the top again, and is really really keen on innovation, private equity, asset stripping, banking, and maintaining the staus quo.

7  ‘Bill Shorten ‘Curlies’. Bill Shorten interviewed. His unique perspective on life, his mother in law, the union movement and his real persona revealed. (cardboard cut out pop up) for the children.

8  ‘Double agent Dutton’ the unauthorised biography’. No Boats, no Borders, no Shelia’s. From the man who re- invented the three line slogan post Abbott; ‘Fucking Bitch Witch’!!

9  ‘Bronnie raw prawn check mate tango charlie foxtrot helicopter’! This is the ‘Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance’ for helicopter pilots. How to get the most out of taxpayer funded helicopter flying.

10  ‘Dicin’ with Heydon “ Strictly bipartisan” An unbiased account of the Royal Commission into the union movement, Tony Abbott’s Rhodes Scholarship, and ‘legitimate’ Liberal party Fundraisers. Foreword by Lynton Crosbie.

11  ‘Not Just another Guy, the Mathew Guy Story’. How a little man from nowhere changed the face of Melbourne, made a few mates rich and told us all to get stuffed. Forward by Donald Trump.

12  ‘Rent seeker, design and demand infrastructure in the Twenty First century’. ( foreword by MalcolmTurnbull). Private public partnerships and how the 1 percent takes all!. With graphs, pie charts and projections for a de-funded health and education system.

13   ‘Real Estate.The only thing that counts’. The true story of Australia. Foreword by the REIV and UDIA.

Another poem from Inside Black Australia (1988) edited by Kevin Gilbert.  This by W. Les Russell, in the voice of a former Queensland Premier, Joh Bjelke-Petersen

God Gave Us Trees to Cut Down

My Goodness;
if I was to have a say in the way things should be done in Victoria:
like we run them and have them here in Queensland,
then by crikey;
those forests – rain forests and what they have they – in Gippsland there;
and let me tell you,
we have been down that road with conservationists too:
and, by golly, we gave them what for.

And why should they cut down their trees?
what use are they? well I’ll tell you:
the Japanese – I know they’re a funny mob of people –
but they make paper out of trees, see,
and we all need paper.
You know this – what a stupid question to ask.
What would you do without paper and cardboard and –
goodness, I ask you.
Of course we must cut down trees;
golly, what did God give them to us for?

And look at the other States, and all of them and what have you;
they have taken a leaf out of our Queensland way of doing things.
Just look at Mr Grey in Tasmania; he cuts down many trees,
now; unfortunately they don’t seem to have the courage
to stand up to the Federal Government and sit firmly on their position
– but let me tell you, they cut down many trees in Tasmania.
And in Western Australia
– Just look at them – well –
they cut down their Jarra, and all their other sorts there.
And in New South Wales previous governments,
and even the present government sells their trees to the Japanese,

and my goodness, so they should.
Don’t worry about South Australia, they don’t have any trees.
Unfortunately the Northern Territory has been given to the Aboriginals,
and we all know they worship trees and sticks and plants and things
and what have you
and all sorts of things so we all know where that place is going;
and what a pity:
minerals and the casino and Ayers Rock
– as they now call it: Uluru; and what a shame – don’t you think it a shame?
And you see? they worship rocks too.  All the minerals will go down the drain.

But here in Queensland we don’t let the Federal Government
Down there in Canberra tell us what to do
– and why should we?
If they come up here we soon give them short shrift and short change.
We send them running back down south with their tails between their legs
and their hats behind their backs like little schoolboys.
That’s the way to do it – you’ve got to show them who’s boss.
And so I would tell Mr Cain* not to worry about those conservationists,
just run right over them:
cut right through the lot of them as if they weren’t there.
Golly, that’s the way we do it in Queensland.

My goodness, you should know
God gave us those rain forests to cut down . . . .

(*Mr Cain, the then premier of Victoria.)

First Dispatched 6 October 2013

शुभ दिन अपने दोस्तों और अन्य लोगों

Unlike many of my Aboriginal friends, neighbours and family, my father lived to a ripe old age (91). He grew up as a Dutch child in pre-war Germany. His ‘native’ command of the German language stood him in good stead and on several occasions saved his life in occupied Holland.

I remember asking him (in Dutch) what he thought of the (first) Iraq war, which had just broken out. He answered me in German:

“Wie man in den Wald hineinschreit, so schallt es wieder heraus” (As you shout into the forest, so it echoes back out)

A favourite German expression of dad’s was ‘Man muss dass können begreifen’ (an imperative: one ought to/should be able to understand that)

Before babies can walk and talk they will ‘bob’ to music. No matter what their skin colour or the language spoken by their families, they dance to music, any music, before they can speak and sing.

Music and dancing transcends race and culture.

I remember old man Granites doing a very graceful dance with a spear in our lounge room at my birthday party. Emanating from our record player were the Rolling Stones. His mates were clicking boomerangs.

Even if not a single word is understood music can ‘speak’ to you, it can make you get up and dance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBCytQZvOMo

For my birthday Jon Altman gave me a copy of his latest book: ‘Arguing the Intervention’.The front cover painting is by Chips Mackinolty. He painted it in 2007 as his response to the Intervention. It is titled ‘…and there will be NO dancing’ Ich begreife dass.

Recently on ABC TV the film ‘Big Name No Blankets’ was shown, it is  a documentary on the all too brief life of George Rrurrampu. George came from Elcho Island. His mother tongue was Gumatj. It is not well known that before joining Sammy Butcher and Neil Murray and others as lead singer in the newly formed Warumpi Band in 1980 he lived in Yuendumu. He learnt Warlpiri and rendered a number of ‘Top End’ stories into Warlpiri readers for the bilingual programme. These booklets are much liked by Warlpiri children even today on the few occasions they get to see them.

George sang with the Poor Boys, one of several bands that had sprung up in Yuendumu. Our open garage with its extension lead power hosted a large number of young musicians (mostly men). Wendy at school staff meetings was often urged to tell the musicians to turn down the volume, or to turn off the power. She suggested they should ask them themselves. “But it is your power!” she was told. Schoolkids would surround our garage and dance. The volume remained. Wendy did not feel the urge to abuse her power. The garage is no more, the Department of Education replaced it with a security cage to lock your vehicle in.

In the Big Name No Blankets film, Rachel Perkins said “I saw George and the Warumpi band play to thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of people all around Australia, and I saw how George could reach out and touch people, open their hearts to make them celebrate and embrace Aboriginality, and just DANCE with us and sing our song…” We in Yuendumu got to see that too, we got to sing and dance.

In 1986 the blackfella/whitefella tour came to Yuendumu. 1986 was also the year in which what was to become the most successful Aboriginal Band ever (Yothu Yindi) was formed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BSAqjtSbkw

Peter Garrett’s unique dancing style both intrigued and amused us. When musician Peter Garrett became a politician, he no longer danced. He couldn’t because his bed was burning.

Are you the one that’s ready with a helping hand,
Are you the one der begreift these family plans?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GULW1sOpzo

In 1992 a group of us drove all night to go to the inaugural Broome Stompen Ground Festival.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHYbwHTGOv4

Scrap Metal and Yothu Yindi were there. The Warumpi band had reformed to be there. ABC TV was there and Australia got to celebrate and embrace Aboriginality. And we were there and we got to sing and dance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3RAPV7p-nc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XH3E22JAQo

Micah and myself used to drive into Alice Springs to take part in the Monday night jam-session at the Riverside Hotel featuring the Booze Brothers. We’d run into other Aboriginal musicians such as Sammy Butcher and Frank Yamma that would travel large distances to be there. We’d fire up the mostly white audiences and get them to get up and dance. On one occasion I walked in and the bouncer made a gesture acknowledging my naked (I didn’t have a case) trumpet. When I looked back I saw Micah held up at the door. By coincidence my entry had resulted in “a full house”. My offer to swap places with Micah as he was “a far better musician” bounced. I insisted on talking to Herman (the Booze Brothers musician in charge) and we somehow managed to squeeze Micah into the full house. Micah didn’t play or dance that evening.

Some years later our son Joseph went to an Alice Springs music venue. His friend Grant was refused entry on the basis of the clothes he was wearing. They retreated to their car and swapped clothes. To no avail, Grant was again refused entry.  When Mark Twain said: “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society”, he left out skin colour!

I forget exactly when but in Yuendumu we were treated to a concert that featured both Slim Dusty and Yothu Yindi. A veritable musical smorgasbord.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUi2Ae0ksxE

Before you object to the last verse “ his skin was black but his heart was white” keep in mind Louis Armstrong’s Black and Blue “I’m white inside…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSjH1h7-m5E

It is all a matter of context and sentiment.

A state funeral was held for Slim Dusty in 2003. He was 76.

A state funeral was held for Yothu Yindi’s lead singer, Mandawuy Yunupingu in 2013. He was 56.

In the film No Name No Blankets Rachel Perkins tells of when George Rrurrampu died in 2007 (he was 50) a phone call to the responsible minister suggesting a state funeral was responded with “We don’t hold State Funerals for musicians”

The ethnocentric assimilationist interventionists that are intent on Closing the Gap (instead of Bridging it), don’t dance. They don’t begreif much.

If they have their way, …there will be NO dancing.

नृत्य पर रखें

Frank

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-eqrc_jVVA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWYUsKCYPLg

Mr Pyne. Heading up the advertising campaign to promote INNOVATION!!! ( holding submission by renewable energy companies before impact with shredder).

Dear reader, so happy that the dull, reactionary, ossified, atrophied Abbott government mindset has been swept away from the corridors of power in Canberra. At last some real progress on innovation. We have a leaked memo from the Minister for Innovation himself detailing the process of developing a truly integrative, innovative and successful advertising campaign to promote INNOVATION!

Evidence of true creativity from Canberra. We acquired a recorded tape, found in a rubbish bin. In Palestine of all places. And as our Palestine correspondent suggested the tape was left by the Minister in a hotel room in Ramallah as the Minister and his entourage, (Bronwyn Bishop and Tim Wilson) were allegedly in a hurry to leave. We have this fragment released to us, and it indicates the high level of improvisation and intelligence on offer to craft this new policy direction. We have also checked the legal status of this recording and can confirm that under Palestinian law there is no obstacle to printing the transcript in full. The original tape is still being deciphered by the Palestinian Authority as they determine whether there is a secret code which may make sense of the high level mission.

Background noises have been deleted.

Borderforce ‘Special Ops’ uniforms being trialled in Canberra

Minister for innovation; the Hon. Christopher Pyne M.P.; ‘Allright then, the Prime Minister says we need new talent on the front bench and this innovation strategy must proceed with the advertising campaign as you’ve been instructed. This initiative has to be winner with the election looming, and the future of innovation in this country, (with emphasis) is at stake!! I have summoned you all, heads of each department and Ministers to this incredibly important meeting. I think for the purposes of secrecy it was important you all wore your Border Force Special Op’s Uniforms, with the rubberised gas masks and integrated speaking tubes. One can’t be too careful of leaks. Can you all hear me’?

(Muffled acknowledgement)

Mr Joyce; Taking his mask off, “Mine is a bit tight around the midriff’.

Mr Pyne: ‘Try loosening these, (indicates his own apparatus) leather straps’

Mr Briggs, ‘And mine is a bit tight around the groin’,

Mr Pyne, “You’ll have to release these clips from around the flies’

Mr Briggs; What are they for’?

Mr Pyne; “ Oh they’re restraints, but in your case not much use now’,

Muffled complaint from the assembled

Mr Pyne; ‘The apparatus is a minor inconvenience, but it enhances the collective mind- think. It has been tested by the Minster for Immigration himself, Mr. Dutton’.

(brief muffled acknowledgement, and sound of mobile phones being switched off)

Mr Pyne: ‘Now where were we’?

Mrs Bishop; ‘You were talking about innovation’?

Mr Pyne, ‘Yes that’s it I want someone to think of a truly innovative ‘out there‘ entrepreneur we could use to head up this important advertising project’?

Mr Truss; ‘The advert alone, by my estimate comes in at 28 million’.

Mr Pyne; ‘Double it. You know how the consultants are once they get the their teeth onto the bit….Now, what did you come up with’?

Mr Joyce; ‘I thought we could use Dick Smith, he’s terribly innovative, he could fly round in a helicopter and show us just what get up and go could do’?

Mrs Bishop; ‘That wont do, his brand has taken a beating’

Mr Pyne: ‘What about a Telstra business person of the year’?

Mr Joyce; ‘Oh can’t do that it went to someone from my own department’.

Mr Pyne; ‘What for’? Mr Joyce; ‘For coming up with a new app’

Mr Pyne; ‘Isn’t that Innovative? What new app’?

Mr Joyce: ‘An app that tells you when a government announcement is being made’.

Mr Pyne: ‘So what’s so innovative about that’?

Mr Joyce; ‘She was in charge of government announcements’!!

Mr Pyne: ‘This wont do, we need something really innovative? What about a medical breakthrough”?

Mrs Ley: That wont work, we’ve cut the funding’!

Mr Truss, ‘I know, there’s a farmer out west who sells live sheep’!

Mr Pyne: ‘That wont do, we want to appeal to a broader cross section’

Mr Truss; ‘But 95% of my electorate is four legged’

Mr Joyce: ‘I know, there’s an engineer, who’s working on a battery car’?

Mr Pyne: ‘That wont do we‘ve closed down the car industry’!

Mrs Bishop; ‘I know of a very good helicopter outfitter’.

Mr Pyne: ‘No that wont do, draws attention to the wealthy and inequity of our tax reform’!

Mr Joyce: ‘And we don’t want to upset our party donors’.

Mr Pyne: (sounding impatient), ‘Doesn’t anyone know of any innovation, cutting edge, stuff?? You’ve had the entire summer break to think of someone’.

Mrs Bishop; ‘Andrew Bolt’?

Mr Pyne: ‘I said innovative’!!

Mr Truss; ‘Howsabout the uniform supplier who made the Border Force logo,that was innovative and had a very short turnaround’?

Mr Pyne; ‘That wont do they’re made in China’!

Mr Truss; ‘And the design was outsourced’.

Mr Joyce; ‘What about the miners’?

Mr Pyne, That wont do, there’s still a stink about Catholic Priests’.

Mr Joyce “No the MINERS’!

Mr Pyne; (responding angrily) ‘I said INNOVATORS’!

Mr Joyce: ‘Well they’re innovative’.

Mr Pyne, (exasperated) ‘Only in tax avoidance, C’mon someone, there’s gotta be one idea worth going for’…. (Sound of papers being shuffled and background noise).

Mr Pyne; ‘Well then, does anyone know anyone’?

Silence

Mr Pyne; ‘Allright then. Bring in the consultant’.

Consultant walks in.

Mr Pyne; ‘Welcome back Tony’!

Mr Abbott; ‘I knew you couldn’t survive without me’!!’.

Dear reader, as editors we are constantly surprised and refreshed by the innovation and enthusiasm shown by our readership. And just to prove to you how the general public have taken up the P.M’s innovation challenge, we bring you this message sent to us via the ABC Public Relations Department. It demonstrates most assuredly that we are leading the pack in innovation and once again, with the brand new P.M, we’re well and truly ‘Open for Business’. None of this thinking could’ve happened under the ossified, atrophied, desssicated, out-moded, conservative mob-think of the Abbott Government. Well and truly it’s a clear sign that the Turnbull Government is hell bent on reform. And perhaps ultimately, whilst some get hot and bothered about side issues like education, healthcare, indigenous australians, tax reform,   public funding of institutions and equity, we’ll be leading the pack in doing the really inportant things that matter. For instance; designing a new flag, augmenting the words of the australian national anthem, designing the requirement for new state flags, and augmenting Border Force with new uniforms as a consequence of the request from Lucas industries to desist from  using their “Force Awakens” uniforms amongst commonwealth staff.

New Chairman of the ABC?

Also, and this is just not applauded enough, it is rumoured that the ABC itself will be breaking new ground in getting rid of their entire journalistic staff and replacing it with an outsourced Murdoch media. There is the prospect of some really groundbreaking advertising material, with ‘ABC Advert 24/7’. It is an open secret that the touted new general manager of this new unit, will be either the former Prime  Minister Kevin Rudd or Mr Tony Abbott.  Such a decisive step clearly says, “welcome to the twenty first century”, (translated from mandarin), and will project a positive image of Australia, ( ‘Shopping 24/7’) to the rest of the world. Allied to this new trend is the decision to replace all remaining ‘expensive’ documentary and current affairs programs on radio national with ‘Talkback 24/7′ which will provide a new voice and spirit to “all of us’, and ensure a broader reach and a wider audience in, ‘keeping the spirit of the ABC charter alive’,

Barrie’s Doppelgänger? Shemp Howard.

And now the message from our Gippsland Correspondent.

Hi I would really like to own a “Back to you Barrie” T shirt.

I suspect I am not alone!
Any chance the ABC could start mass producing them for Insiders devotees?

Barrie, hosting ‘Insiders’.

They could come in the classic black with possible options in the political party colours of red, blue, green and yellow…though this might lead to confusion with the Wiggles. Not sure what to do about the Nats.. Perhaps green with yellow dots…or would that be too Dorothy?

Post Turnbull dissapointed Lefty?

Given the state of politics currently, perhaps vertical stripes like B1 a and B 2 (surely you have some leftover fabric somewhere) only in yellow and green….but stripes might represent convicts……..might be just the ticket for Mal Brough, though!
I know… Green and red could double as Christmas T shirts ( for post-Turnbull, disappointed Lefties) come next Christmas, with the slogan in Sparkles!
One way or another.. Just a basic black or white T shirt would do… Any chance?
Jo
@ginarinehardt #backtoyouBarrie

Nice women, (Bronwyn and Sophie) don’t like Witches also.

Reports are exaggerated about deep-seated misogyny within the Federal Coalition.

Mr Dutton has apologised to the Murdoch journalist covering the Jamie Briggs Hong Kong mishap, debacle for being a “Fucking mad witch”. We agree, she and her ilk are “mad witches”. We also would like to thank Mr Dutton for keeping Witches alive in parliament. Since burning of witches was sort of kind of thrown out of favour in the late middle ages we’ve been dulled by the absence of witch burning. The last fully accredited witch, the former Prime Minister Julia Gillard, was just not “ witch-ey” enough!!! ‘Ju-liar’, and ‘Ditch the Witch’, though beautifully displayed by former PM Abbott and his front bench didn’t go far enough. What the party really wants, and I think Mr Dutton can be proud of this, is that women in politics, women not on our side of politics, and women who don’t behave in a lady-like manner are all ‘fucking witches’. Now let’s get this straight Bronwyn is formidable, but not a witch. And she dresses really nicely and expensively, which sort of excludes her.

The Sunday Telegraph’s political editor, Samantha Maiden. ” Sam and I have exchanged some robust language over the years, so we had a laugh after this’, ” I’m expecting a tough time in her next column’.(Peter Dutton)

Peter and his mates having another laugh over drowning nations.

Mr Dutton, has expressed his exasperation on inadvertently not sending the “ Fucking witch’ text, to Jamie Briggs, and that is perfectly understandable. He never ever intended it to be sent to the journalist. And Mr Briggs was kind, just to clear matters up by sending the photograph of the woman, ( sic, witch) at the centre of the ambassadorial fracas to the press to clear matters up. He didn’t ask her for permission to use her photograph, but you see, he didn’t need to cos sheilas who also don’t come across are witches also. It’s a very simple distinction, and I’m glad that since we’ve had the nice, sophisticated, urbane Mr Turnbull in office, we’ve seen a diminution of colourful language and three line slogans. And more women on the front bench. And that’s the point, ‘Witch’ is a one word slogan, and it’s quite clear that for woman-kind, it’s a singularly apt epiphet to describe a malcontent, a whistleblower, and (we use this term reservedly) compliments quite nicely the other slightly perjorative term ‘Bitch’.

Good on Mr Dutton then, for bringing back the colourful language and instilling in the electorate once again that thinking women, reactive women, and most importantly (exclude Bronnie from this equation) women who don’t act, think and walk, and talk like men are “ fucking bitches”. Quite right. So it is with some justifiable gladness and understandable mirth, we agree with Peter that ‘the journo and I’ll had a good laugh about this, and I reckon she’ll say a few unkind things about me in her next issue’, but we all know that as she works for Murdoch, the boys’ll sort her out and though she might get a bit hot under the collar, it’ll be all smoothed over. It’s just that ‘they’ have to be handled carefully cos they’re not quite, (excepting Bronnie) as robust as us all-round ‘have a laugh’ blokes. The problem is, we’re all laughing and they just can’t take a joke.

Now we’ve cleared that little semantic hurdle, we can get back onto the serious business of running the country. Still though, I’m mightily pissed off that Briggsie’s minion turned out to be a “squealer”.

The Sunbeam Swagman.

The first Swagman performs a perfect landing and harvesting of 26 bushells of wheat upon arriving at Mr and Mrs Joe Blake’s property, “Entropy” in the Mallee Sept 27th 1926.

Graphic Designer Claude Flight’s sketches for the Swagman poster that changed outback Australia’s view of itself from isolated and insular to ‘slightly less isolated and arguably less insular’.

Dear reader, once again another stirring tale that describes ” what could’ve been” in the quest to make this country truly innovative. This tale, entirely true, will pluck the heart strings of those who are born, bred, and bored by the opressive weight of living in rural Australia. Or to use the epithet, ” In space, no one can hear you scream”. And if they didn’t care they wouldn’t bother doing anything about it either’.

Few aircraft manufacturers can boast the credentials awarded to the ‘Sunbeam Swagman’, Australia’s, first ever trans continental passenger airliner. Conceived originally as a hybrid to provide both land based and air transport for short hop routes, the Swagman was revolutionary in almost every respect, and at its height it captured the public imagination like none other for ‘can-do’, improvisation and durability. Hitherto, the Sunbeam manufacturing company was almost the sole producer of milking equipment, portable shearing machines; ‘The Little Wonder’, and ‘the Little Wonder Junior’ and shearers hand-pieces. The “Swagman” changed that forever.

Design Sketch of Swagman Mk1 indicating Lister crawler wheel and hybridized Sunbeam mower/harvester landing gear.

Across Australia and into New Zealand the Sunbeam was synonymous with reliability and durability, and Sunbeam retailers and agents were found in almost every town. As the caption went; ‘from Weipa to Wyndham, from Darnum to Dampier, Beechworth to Broome, on any ol track, there’s a sunbeam that shines, o’er all the Outback’ And shine the products did, with the expansion of wool and the opening up of the hinterland to mechanised agriculture post World War One. However bright, the Sunbeam company was compromised by the influx of cheaper foreign derived imports. For instance the general electric range of shearing gear, ‘The General Electric Jillaroo’ and the ‘Westinghouse Whether’, and then the New Zealand manufactured ‘Kia-ora Kiwi’, and then the smaller ‘Kiwi Kompact’ , which could outperform the Sunbeam and offered a wider comb. The directors of Sunbeam then devised a perfect counter strategy. By consolidating their strengths for machining, fabrication and improvisation they contracted the well established firm Lister, manufacturers of heavy duty diesels and generators to assist them in the very first terrestrial and air proven commercial aircraft, ‘the Swagman’. It combined all terrain land capability, with the adaptation of two very large Lister crawler wheels, re-made in molybdenum, and augmented this with some very simple construction techniques found on most farms.

The idea was ingenious, rather than homestead’s having to wait weeks of often months for spare parts the Swagman, could land, taxi, navigate anywhere, and a specialist team of artificers would manufacture replacement parts on site. Such savings made the Swagman a world beater, and it was also discovered that its sturdy frame and augmentation of Southern cross windmill gearing and gantry, the Swagman could perform limited VTOL capability and had wing capacity to carry at least eight passengers. In an instant the problem of access and provisioning to outlying homesteads was resolved. Unveiled at the 1925 Wagga Wagga field day the Swagmen made a spectacular debut, by winning both the short-hop aero race and then competing and winning the very popular tractor pull.

Cleverly, additional horsepower was augmented by a pedal and chain system then very popular on the ‘Sunbeam Ju-Ju’ or ‘Junior-junior pedal car’, and thus equipped gave true grunt to the tried and tested Sunbeam powerplant that was geared, (three engines) by an ingenious use of pulleys to provide both lift and traction with a simple engagement lever. After initial testing the Swagman began a popular touring exhibition and demonstrated its performance capability by touring outback stations as part of an Australia wide promotion, ‘Let a Sunbeam shine down on you’ to the delight of those isolated outposts. By 1928, Sunbeam had an impregnable reputation and was poised for massive orders and additional overseas deliveries, until one day on Jan 27th 1929, disaster struck.

Only fragments of the Sunbeam survive on the odd farm in the Mallee these days

Piloted by the celebrated aviatrix Marjery Melanoid, the Swagman, circling to land at sundown, encountered a severe headwind. Extra power was applied by the passengers, and then, buffeted by increasing wind, the pilot skillfully activated the ground wheels for a forced landing. Gliding over the homestead, and recognising an airstrip to the edge of a billabong, the Swagman descended, and was just about to land when the forward pilot’s position glanced a Mallee root. In an instant the forward mowing mechanism was snagged and the mechanism imploded, killing the pilot. Thus pilotless, the passengers pedaling furiously gathered just enough lift to clear the homestead, but as described by witnesses, performed a perfect arc, stalled and then plummeted into a Coolabah tree and exploded on impact, killing all on board. The subsequent enquiry revealed ‘pedal fatigue’, a hitherto undiagnosed condition evidenced by users of the Sunbeam little junior junior, but because of the mean age of users, (three to four years) their condition was ignored. Fractures of the subframe also indicated the impact of the collision with the Mallee, which gave birth to an expression still in common parlance today, “Mallee rooted”. The remaining fleet were converted into tractors, and the rear sections may still be seen around homesteads to this day employed as tank-stands or sheep races. No complete Swagmen survive, proving the legend, that ‘once a jaunty Swagman crashed by a Billabong, and burnt in the branch of a Coolabah tree’.

Redfern at Night by Richard Clayton

7 pm in Redfern, apprehension showing
Faces of the whiteman, pensive, paranoia growing
Fear fills his mind, prejudice his heart
Thinks – those black bastards – bastards of the dark
Avoiding all the back streets, running to his house
Streets empty quickly, silence, only blacks venture out.

11 pm in Redfern, pubs begin to close
Police with clubs swinging, blacks bloody nose
Arresting blacks at random, no reason given
Said, not permitted on the streets, not after eleven.

11.30 pm in Redfern, tension growing
Faces of the blackman – bleeding, confusion showing
Anger fills his mind, hatred in his heart
The bastards keep on hitting, because his skin is dark
Taking to the back streets, sneaking to his house
Streets empty once more, uneasy silence,
Not even blacks venture out.

From Inside Black Australia (1988) edited by Kevin Gilbert