Dear reader, after the appalling Grenfell apartment block disaster it is encouraging to see that something “concrete” is being done to redress the paucity of planning, safety and good governance in the construction and maintenance of residential high rise apartments.
PCbyCP were privileged to be invited to the media conference at No. 10 Downing Street. The PM’s press secretary, (Sir Algernon Lick-spittle OBE) proclaimed; “a new openness”. And we were pleasantly surprised to receive a show bag, and some very nice gifts courtesy of the parliamentary sub committee for affordable housing. A task group recently set up by the “Tories who really really care about poor people”sub committee.
P.M’s May -Day. She really cares about poor people.
The P.M, looked grave when she fronted the lectern. Before talking, there ensued a long pause. She looked up at the assembled throng and then shuffled some papers. She ushered in Sir Algernon who pushed a trolley piled high with building reports, inspections and policy documents. She turned to the audience as he struggled to place them all on one long bench. With a perfuctory wave he was whisked away, and the PM spoke.
“You see, distinguished ladies and gentlemen, what you have behind me is the sum of just one years, deliberation by the parliamentary sub committee into dodgy building practices. And this committee, I chaired. It’s a shameful indictment upon our neglect of the poor, the homeless and the refugee’s who sought shelter in our public housing. They died for our neglect, and I can tell you, the pound stops here! Something must be done to ensure that this NEVER happens again!!”
A roar of enthusiastic applause followed, and whilst the PM beamed, she thanked her parliamentary colleague. Then sipping on a glass of Perrier, she turned to the audience, and continued:
‘Therefore it gives me great pleasure, to throw all these reports, recommendations and studies into the bin. We will not waste any more time on red tape, and exhaustive enquiries. Enough is enough!!
THE BABEL!
It is my great pleasure to demonstrate a new business model for public housing, and a new commitment by our government to get things RIGHT. May I unveil, (Much laughter) courtesy of the Murdoch Institute, the newest model in public housing. And I’ve gotta tell you it is entirely made of STONE. I’ve got a burning (much laughter) desire to unveil this and even our most ashen-faced critics, (more convulsive laughter) will find this one just stokes ( uproarious laughter) the public desire for fairness and equity. May I (more laughter, and fanfare of opening bars of Hope and Glory) present the FUTURE!
Detail of Ground floor penthouse apartments under construction, detail indicates swimming pools, gaming lounge and excercise gym.
To prove BRITAIN is the envy of innovators and thinkers post Brexit the world over. We bring you the BABEL. The BABEL is the first integrated universal socio-economic mixed housing project in the world. Its 356 floors give unparalleled comfort and security to both the filthy rich and the dirt poor. And as a consequence of the disastrous Grenfell Tower conflagration we can offer penthouse apartments, pools jacuzzis and tanning lounges on the first fifty levels. That’s for the very rich. Their investment will partly finance the project and be SECURE. Above them, levels will be will be devoted to middle class aspirationals. They’ll get the same level of comfort, on a reduced scale without security of tenure. And for the top 165 floors will be for the ultra poor, and the homeless. They’ll have magnificent views and the performance enhancing benefit of steps. The upper floors have no lifts! Thus incentivising them to strive and be worthwhile citizens. We’ve reversed the cycle of inequality and given the dirt poor aspirational goals. And, we’ve put them ON TOP! ( thunderous applause) And in doing so provided them with Safety and Certainty that they know we care. And will ensure, for ALL OF US that they appreciate the stated order of things that contribute to a healthier SOCIETY’!!!
Sir Algernon Lick-Spittle OBE inspects multi level housing block courtesy of; ‘the Tories who really really care about poor people sub-committee’
Pm steps off podium and embraces Lord Murdoch, (God Save the Queen played loudly by the Metropolitan Fire Brigade Band)