Poetry Sunday 19 July 2015

Today Ira Maine brings us Robert Browning’s
‘Home Thoughts from Abroad’ 

Oh, to be in England
Now that April’s there,
And whoever wakes in England
Sees, some morning, unaware,
That the lowest boughs and the brushwood sheaf
Round the elm-tree bole are in tiny leaf,
While the chaffinch sings on the orchard bough
In England—now!
    And after April, when May follows,
And the whitethroat builds, and all the swallows!
Hark, where my blossomed pear-tree in the hedge
Leans to the field and scatters on the clover
Blossoms and dewdrops—at the bent spray’s edge—
That’s the wise thrush; he sings each song twice over,
Lest you should think he never could recapture
The first fine careless rapture!
And though the fields look rough with hoary dew,
All will be gay when noontide wakes anew
The buttercups, the little children’s dower
—Far brighter than this gaudy melon-flower!
With comments by Ira Maine, Poetry Editor

‘Home Thoughts from Abroad’ is Robert Browning, away holidaying in Italy with his wife, Elizabeth Barrett, and obviously missing the Northern European Spring. This poem dates from about the 1850s. Husband and wife spent a great deal of their time in Italy, not just for cultural edification, but also, like many others, to escape the horrors of the English winter.

It is thought that Elizabeth suffered from a possibly inherited condition called Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis, an incurable disease which robs the blood of potassium. This leaves the sufferer wide open to much more intense reactions to quite ordinary things like sleep, salt, exercise, hunger and a host of others including heat and cold. The condition was not recognised until about 1900, nearly forty years after Elizabeth’s death.

The condition being undiagnosed at the time, all sorts of remedies were offered, including opium, which caused Elizabeth to become a lifelong addict. Doubtless the balmier climes of Italy were recommended for her health so a good deal of time was spent there. At some point during these overseas trips Browning penned this poem which begins with the heartfelt, nostalgic cry which you can still hear on any expat’s lips, even if the expat in question hasn’t the foggiest idea who penned it.

Oh, to be in England
Now that April’s there…’

 And vividly the poet remembers (and envies)

‘…whoever wakes in England…’

Because they will see what the poet cannot see, and can only imagine; the green bud-bursting leaves on the lower elm bran\ches. The self-sown tiny new elm trees surrounding the elm bole, shouldering their way up to the light, the delightful chaffinch singing away. Northern Europeans forget the freezing weather, the jumpers and jackets and wooly vests and remember only the more pleasant aspects, the good bits.

And soon there’s May, with first the nest building whitethroats and then the endlessly acrobatic swallows easily able to  mesmerise us with their grace and skill.

Somewhere in a hedge near  Browning’s home in England, there’s an old pear tree he remembers and he knows precisely how that tree is behaving. In his mind’s eye he can see it overhanging the field and extravagantly spreading its white blossoms on the clovered grass.  In the branches there’s a thrush.  Famously, the songs of the European thrushes easily equal that of our finest composers.  Here’s one, remembered in Browning’s mind, who sings a song of extraordinary complexity and then, just to show you it wasn’t a fluke, he repeats it precisely all over again! Look how Browning puts this;

‘…That’s the wise thrush; he sings each song twice over
Lest you should think he never could recapture
That first careless rapture!…’

This is the work of a real poet. This is a splendidly put description of the thrush’s command of exquisite melody. These are lines Browning is justly famous for.

The frost on the ground, ‘…the hoary dew…’ will soon melt away and midday will reveal the golden buttercups, there for the children to check under chins for their ‘dower’ their annual inheritance, whose colour is far brighter than the (to Browning) ‘…gaudy melon-flower…’ which is all about him in deepest Italy!

Browning, as poets do, ‘…owns…’ a season as did Matthew Prior, Wordsworth and countless others. They celebrate that season but theirs is a courtly love, full of reverence and respect. They ‘…own…’ their season only in that they record it in a way that a great painter might. The difference is that poets make their brushstrokes in our minds.

Ira Maine, Poetry Editor

MDFF 18 July 2015

This dispatch is from 11 July 2015

Hola,

I have a vague memory of going on a Boy Scouts outing. As I recall, my younger brother shot an arrow through the scout master’s cake as he was eating it, a sort of William Tell moment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIbYCOiETx0

That was to be our first and only Boy Scouts outing in Argentina. Some years later I went to the Boy Scouts in Australia, twice. On discovering that there was a trade in scout badges of merit, I decided that scouting wasn’t my cup of tea.

epiphyteThat first outing was in a forest, and I remember that up in the trees there were “claveles del aire” which made a lasting impression on me. I had always assumed that these were parasitic.

A friend alerted me to the existence of epiphytes. Wikipedia tells me an epiphyte is a plant that grows harmlessly upon another plant (such as a tree) and derives its moisture and nutrients from the air, rain, and sometimes from debris accumulating around it. Clavel del Aire is an epiphyte. Clavel is Spanish for carnation- ‘Aerial Carnation’. Ah!, the joys of Googling!.

Epiphytes are not parasites.

The most common tree around Yuendumu is manja (Mulga- Acacia aneura). Several species of mistletoe grow on mulga. Mistletoe is parasitic. Yungkurrmu is one such and has delicious sticky red and yellow berries. Another mistletoe that grows on mulga is ngardanykinyi. The ngardanykinyi-ngarnu bird has a symbiotic relationship with the parasite: it eats the berries and excretes the seeds onto other trees. On occasions, mistletoe will kill the host tree. honeyantMulga trees have a symbiotic relationship withants. The tree releases drops of fluid that contains sugar for the ants to eat, and in return the ants protect the trees against other predators by attacking them whenever the predators try to target the trees. One such ant species is the Yurrampi (Honey ant). They are even more delicious than the aforementioned berries, and don’t damage the tree.

An incredible variety of plants grow under incredibly varied conditions. When young plants are transplanted to a new location, often their roots are damaged and the plants suffer and have to throw new roots to survive, which they don’t always do. Sometimes plants thrive in a new environment. The Monterrey pine (Pinus radiata) reaches a height of 30 meters in its native Mexico; in Australia it grows to 60 meters. I remember our family picking wild blackberries off small shrubs on the dunes near Zandvoort (Noord Holland), yet in Australia blackberries grow into impenetrable thickets that are often sprayed with poison in desperate attempts at controlling and eradicating them. They are a weed.

I’ve also been alerted to a body of research into what have been labeled Third Culture Kids (TCK). The Wikipedia entry for TCK finishes with a poem that explains the concept:

Colors
I grew up in a Yellow country
But my parents are Blue.
I’m Blue.
Or at least, that is what they told me.
But I play with the Yellows.
I went to school with the Yellows.
I spoke the Yellow language.
I even dressed and appeared to be Yellow.
Then I moved to the Blue land.
Now I go to school with the Blues.
I speak the Blue language.
I even dress and look Blue.
But deep down, inside me, something’s Yellow.
I love the Blue country.
But my ways are tinted with Yellow.
When I am in the Blue land,
I want to be Yellow.
When I am in the Yellow land,
I want to be Blue.
Why can’t I be both?
A place where I can be me.
A place where I can be green.
I just want to be green

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O87fFRizZY

TCKs come in many combinations and permutations. Fifty shades of green if you like.

Most Australian Aborigines are TCKs, not least the stolen children.

Like plants they are incredibly varied and grow up under incredibly varied conditions. Often they are uprooted and placed in unsuitable environments in which they rarely thrive.

Research has shown that the most undisturbed and remote Aborigines are the healthiest (in body and mind).

buffelThe so called ‘Aboriginal Industry’ is like a blackberry thicket. In places like Yuendumu there are an ever increasing number of introduced non-TCKs (FIFOs). Yuendumu is getting to be like a field of buffel grass.

Many of these FIFOs fancy themselves experts in Aboriginal Affairs.

Many are parasitic. They are slowly killing the very culture that sustains their host plant- the Aboriginal Industry.

My friend the TCK likes to think of himself as an epiphyte.

I’m also a TCK. I aspire to be symbiotic.

Just colour my world-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJhOsfzwDjY

Chau,

Frenk/Franklin/Frank/Jungarrayi

Nation Building. And the P.M’s, “I have a dream” moment.

snowyToday the Prime Minister Mr Tony Abbott announced a nation building project of immeasurable scale and monumental vision. In his own words’ ‘This project is so visionary, I hasten to add with all due respect to the pioneers of engineering it’ll make the Snowy Mountains Scheme look like a puddle’!!

To an astonished audience held at the Institute of Public Affairs Melbourne Office the P.M. galvanised the audience with this most stirring address. Incredibly, through a mis-directed invitation, Passive Complicity’s Quentin Cockburn was on hand to record this historic moment. “Today”!! (He paused for effect), ‘We are faced with several profound threats to our life as Australians! (audible gasps from a suitably frightened audience). ‘We are faced with the DANGER of boatloads of refugees. Asylum Seekers. Ne’r do wells. Human Excrement!! All, (pausing for effect) Hell Bent upon arriving on our shores. To date I have addressed this problem’ by turning the boats back!! (Tumultuous Applause). Yet, (audible hush) some are UNDETERRED! (Laughter from those in the audience thinking a pun was in the offing.)

ipa headquarters melbourne

‘We have a problem with Energy. Our resources are constrained by the mechanisms of National Parks and Reserves. The sacred duty of civilising is UNFINISHED’!!! (Chorus of “ Shame” from a rapturous audience) ‘Though awash with the bounty of coal and it’s worth to humanity, my friends in the Minerals and Energy Council inform me we are constrained by Capacity. This will blight our carbon futures”, (Audience audibly shocked) Our potential is UNDERWHELMING!! (orgasmic sigh from Superannuation Funds Managers) We possess great forests, yet their bounty, (charcoal and toilet paper) is UNDERUTILISED. (Applause from Amcor shareholders) We possess a Great Barrier Reef, the envy of the world, yet it is mostly quarantined from real estate and UNDEVELOPED!!! (“shame’ from members of the REIV). We possess a vast hinterland of scrub, pebbles and coloured sands that is not yet exploited as clean fill to Bunnings. Our Hinterland is UNDER-RESOURCED!! (Boos from Woolworths and Coles shareholders). We possess almost unlimited energy in the form of uranium. Yet we export this bounty to others. For those who will not let us develop these resources We are made UNRELIABLE!! (Passionate affirmation from Ziggy Switkowski, Serco and Transfield Directors) We have a harsh dry interior, and to the west we are unable to develop sustainable industries because of so called sacred artifacts. This makes us VULNERABLE to overseas influences, cultural, ecological and ethical. These influences threaten to make us; UN-AUSTRALIAN!! (cataclysmic applause from RSL and Elected Brethren) Green and pink tape is killing investment! Uncertainty for Investors, Uncertainty for Capital, and Uncertainty for Developers. Troublemakers, (Fairfax, etc) are making this country UN-SAFE!

Dear reader, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait till tomorrows stirring installment to discover what the P.M’s fabulous and visionary plan is. We know, like the P.M it’ll be something big and strong. We can only hope.

Great People. Great Thinking. Great Societies.

Isembard kingdom

Isembard and fellow directors at the launching of the Great Eastern. Note absence of high visibility jackets, safety helmets and actual mud on boots and trousers.

Dear reader, many of us, have been reading the most stirring accounts serialised in ‘Man as Machine’. The heroic chapters, inspired us with the great thinkers, children of the Industrial Revolution. Great individuals possessed with technical expertise, vision and experience. Individuals who dreamt big, and took on incalculable risks to ensure humanity became the beneficiary of their wisdom, imagination and tenacity. With the likes of Stephenson, Watt, Newton, Brunel, Lister, Faraday just to name a few. And the great lateral thinkers, Rousseau, Burke and Punch. The ‘Satanic Mills’ were compensated in the long run by the enlightenment of books, education, and wonder to exploit these gifts to bring about its apotheosis in the post war socialism. To enshrine a basic egalitarianism and an opportunity of all people within a society to get the best possible start in life. My favourite Nineteenth Century industrialist was Isembard Kingdom Brunel. The man was destined for greatness, he didn’t just think big. He thought HUGE!!! The Great Western cut travel time to New York by weeks. The Great Eastern was so HUGE it was sixty years before it was bested in size, tonnage and breathtaking Big-ness. The Great Western Railway and the Clifton Suspension Bridge, the London Underground, all massive feats of engineering, imagination and art. They took huge risks, but were able to carry the public with them, as all were caught up in the romanticism of ideas. Thinking Big bought HUGE rewards to society.

In my part of prvincial Victoria, the head of just one branch of the local health service earns more than the Prime Minister, that’s over 600 k. Now you’re thinking for that money he must be a modern day Humphrey Davy, a veritable Lister, a personification of Florence Nightingale, up all night and tending to the sick. Well you’d be wrong. Instead, he gets paid that much just for being a head of a Corporate Services wing of a public department. He’s nowhere near the coal face. Of loonies running amuk, the deranged, ice addicted, the hopeless cases. He’s so insulated from what’s happening on the street it ensures as far as he’s concerned it’s all about metrics. They’ve got a very appealing annual report though. It turns all this sadness into stunningly beautiful bar charts and pie charts.

Former Pm K.Rudd in plasticene. His enduring legacy yet to be determined.

Rise of the bureaucratic polymath. Former P.M K.Rudd in plasticene. His enduring legacy yet to be determined by focus groups moving forward.

Same for the CEO of the local Council. He doesn’t get paid for being innovative, edgy, risk taking, pushing the envelope, he just gets paid that much for being there and ensuring he never ever ever sticks his neck out!! Similarly there’s a whole raft of new companies wrapped up in Private Public Partnerships who get paid squillions for just being there. In the public realm it’s called ‘rent seeking’, screwing the taxpayer. In the private realm it’s called ‘Opportunity Development’. That’s why prisons are booming, because it’s good for the shareholders. It’s big business to deliver road contracts we don’t need, that’s also good for the shareholders and private housing produce the same deregulated rubbish they have for the past sixty years, unchallenged, and inviolate. It’s the luxury of developing a system of economy that doesn’t reward thinkers and innovators, but brings huge benefit to those who ensure the status quo remains unchanged.. So next time someone tries to tell you that feudalism died out centuries ago think of people like Sir Rod Eddington. He now heads Major Projects Victoria. What has he built, designed, engineered? Nothing!! But he got a knighthood for improving British Airways. Excuse me, i’ll have to say it again, “ British Airways!! And who gave it to him? O.K. You guessed it Tony Blair. They’re the real supermen of contemporary society, They sit on boards, pretend to make decisions for the public whilst we pay them, (unelected, unrepresentative) huge salaries that would make Stephenson and Brunel weep. Hang on. That’s cultural versus corporate memory. Stephenson and Brunel? Who were they?

Annals of Australian Manfacturing. The Percival Periscope

Dear reader. Once again Cockburn and Poole draw another half light upon the uncelebrated triumphs of Australian manufacturing and derring do.

In response to Air Ministry Specification (22/35) 11April 1935, for a twin engine, long range reconnisance and anti submarine patrol flying boat, the Percival aircraft maufacturing Company’s Melbourne office was selected in a restricted competition with Short bros, Supermarine and Avro.

percival periscope

Percival Periscope Mk11 on anti submarine convoy duties Northern Approaches July 1943. This particular example 3 Squadron RAAF based Crouch estuary. Burnham.

Without experience gained by the principal players Short and Supermarine, the Proctor integrated the boom and tail unit from the Short Singapore, and adapted the Rolls Royce Kestrel engines then in use on the Stranraer. Preliminary testing indicated a tendency to roll at high altitude and poor seagoing capabilities when planing and taxiing. To counter this, Perceval reduced weight and upgraded the engines, replacing the Kestrel with the then newly developed Bristol Hercules. Using this heavy lift capability the Periscope outperformed its rivals at medium height, (below 10000 feet) but still had a tendency to roll, pitch and yaw on water. It’s range was extended with auxiliary tanks, and to improve crew comfort, the fuselage was fully pressurized. In spite of continued hydrodynamic development the prototype still planed inadequately with an increased tendency to “bow” and plunge in anything but the calmest waters.. Exasperated the Chief Technical Engineer, Lt Cmdr. Ivor Crutchrot RAN, decided to fully enclose the cockpit and with supercharged engines engage full throttle for takeoff. The opposite happened, the Perceval became fully submerged, and with water ethanol and poor carburetion surprisingly performed just as well below water as above it. Seizing on this discovery the hull was reinforced, and made completely amphibious. The final prototype combined both the qualities of long range maritime patrol and underwater, short hop submarine interception. The addition of the propeller, geared to the crankshaft of the Hercules, gave an underwater speed of at least seven knots, and an air speed of 180 mph. Seizing on the adaptations as the first ever truly stealth surveillance aircraft, the Periscope was adapted for cruising below cloud ceiling, enabling it to “duck and cover” upon the approach of enemy aircraft. Semi submerged it mimicked the appearance of a type V11 C U Boat and on numerous occasions escaped undetected.

Shown here, a Periscope Mk 1V of Coastal Command RAAF is patrolling a convoy off the Northern Approaches. Note the underslung 100 lb bombs, and the forward facing twin mounted Boulton Paul, (ex Defiant turret). The type were withdrawn from service due to the unreliability of the electrical system, (Lucas) and the tendency when forced to submerge for the depth charges, (twin 250 lb) to explode, atomizing aircraft and crew.

This particular aircraft was involved in the celebrated hunt for the raider SMS Shrek, and delivered the coup de grace when under fire from HMS Passive and HMAS Agressive during the closing stages of the battle of the River Phoenix. It was in this engagement the crew threw overboard their defunctive, Secret High Energy Intercept Locator Apparatus, (SHEILA) which killed the captain of the Shrek, Kpt Lt, Henda Hoch, and resulted in the crews surrender. The first and only time a SHEILA was used to such effect. Only one example survives at the Commonwealth Research Facility in Canberra, where it is being used as a test bed to upgrade the current generation of Collins Class submarines.

Specifications:  Crew: 5.

Range: 1500 miles (on air) 15 miles (underwater).

Powerplant: Two Bristol Hercules.

Armament 2 x .303 Vickers machine Guns in bow turret.

2 x 100 lb bombs.

2 x 250 lb depth charges.

Poetry Sunday 12 July 2015

Robert Browning is our editor’s choice poet for this chilly weekend, for his poem
“How they Brought the Good News from Ghent to Aix”

I SPRANG to the stirrup, and Joris, and he;
I galloped, Dirck galloped, we galloped all three;
‘Good speed!’ cried the watch, as the gate-bolts undrew;
‘Speed!’ echoed the wall to us galloping through;
Behind shut the postern, the lights sank to rest,
And into the midnight we galloped abreast.

Not a word to each other; we kept the great pace
Neck by neck, stride by stride, never changing our place;
I turned in my saddle and made its girths tight,
Then shortened each stirrup, and set the pique right,
Rebuckled the cheek-strap, chained slacker the bit,
Nor galloped less steadily Roland a whit.

’Twas moonset at starting; but while we drew near
Lokeren, the cocks crew and twilight dawned clear;
At Boom, a great yellow star came out to see;
At Düffeld, ’twas morning as plain as could be;
And from Mecheln church-steeple we heard the half-chime,
So Joris broke silence with ‘Yet there is time!’

At Aerschot, up leaped of a sudden the sun,
And against him the cattle stood black every one,
To stare through the mist at us galloping past,
And I saw my stout galloper Roland at last,
With resolute shoulders, each butting away
The haze, as some bluff river headland its spray.

And his low head and crest, just one sharp ear bent back
For my voice, and the other pricked out on his track;
And one eye’s black intelligence,—ever that glance
O’er its white edge at me, his own master, askance!
And the thick heavy spume-flakes which aye and anon
His fierce lips shook upwards in galloping on.

By Hasselt, Dirck groaned; and cried Joris, ‘Stay spur!
Your Roos galloped bravely, the fault’s not in her,
We’ll remember at Aix’—for one heard the quick wheeze
Of her chest, saw the stretched neck and staggering knees,
And sunk tail, and horrible heave of the flank,
As down on her haunches she shuddered and sank.

So we were left galloping, Joris and I,
Past Looz and past Tongres, no cloud in the sky;
The broad sun above laughed a pitiless laugh,
’Neath our feet broke the brittle bright stubble like chaff;
Till over by Dalhem a dome-spire sprang white,
And ‘Gallop,’ gasped Joris, ‘for Aix is in sight!’

‘How they’ll greet us!’—and all in a moment his roan
Rolled neck and croup over, lay dead as a stone;
And there was my Roland to bear the whole weight
Of the news which alone could save Aix from her fate,
With his nostrils like pits full of blood to the brim,
And with circles of red for his eye-sockets’ rim.

Then I cast loose my buffcoat, each holster let fall,
Shook off both my jack-boots, let go belt and all,
Stood up in the stirrup, leaned, patted his ear,
Called my Roland his pet-name, my horse without peer;
Clapped my hands, laughed and sang, any noise, bad or good,
Till at length into Aix Roland galloped and stood.

And all I remember is, friends flocking round
As I sat with his head ’twixt my knees on the ground;
And no voice but was praising this Roland of mine,
As I poured down his throat our last measure of wine,
Which (the burgesses voted by common consent)
Was no more than his due who brought good news from Ghent.

Comments by the redoubtable Ira Maine, Poetry Editor

Robert Browning, English poet and playwright was born in London in 1812. His early work was much admired by both Dickens and Wordsworth but as time went on, Browning’s work tended to become more and more obscure, to the point where his reputation markedly declined.

Then along came Elizabeth Barrett, six years older than Browning and an already highly accomplished poet with an established reputation in both Britain and the US. In 1846 they married and Browning’s work began to display a steady improvement. Elizabeth died in 1861, by which time Browning’s reputation was made. By this time there were Browning Societies all over the country where his work was being studied long before the man himself  had died. This was very unusual, the very best possible tribute and a sure sign of his importance in the literary society of his day. Elizabeth Barrett had a huge hand in the remaking of Browning. A guiding hand, and the occasional literary kick up the derriere, skillfully administered, might have persuaded Mr Browning to desist from obscure literary posturing and to get on with it. Great men, in a vast number of cases, are only great because of love, a good clip round the ear and subtle female guidance.

Most kids of my vintage galloped through Browning’s poem ‘How They Brought the Good News from Ghent to Aix’ at school, and it’s a great compliment to Browning that bits of this poem still remain firmly lodged in our memories.

Browning freely admitted that the whole poem is made up, pure invention, and there never was a bit of crucial ‘…News…’ to cause a breakneck horseback chase from Ghent to Aix (Aachen) in Belgium. He wrote it, he tells us simply to evoke the thundering breathlessness of galloping horses. In this he succeeds almost too well because the poem almost cries out to be parodied.

The authors of the best selling ‘1066 and All That’, R.J. Yeatman and W.C.Sellar, took time off to have fun with this Browning poem and their version is called-

HOW I BROUGHT THE GOOD NEWS FROM AIX TO GHENT (AND VICE VERSA)

I sprang to the rollocks and Jorrocks and me,
And I galloped, you galloped, he galloped, we galloped all three…
Not a word to each other, we kept changing place,
Neck to neck, back to front, ear to ear, face to face:
And we yelled once or twice when we heard a clock chime,
‘Would you kindly oblige us, is that the right time?’

As I galloped,you galloped, he galloped, we galloped, ye
Galloped, they too shall have galloped;  Let us trot.
I unsaddled the saddle, unbuckled the bit,
Unshackled the bridle (the thing didn’t fit)
And ungalloped, ungalloped, ungalloped, ungalloped a bit.
Then I cast off my bluff-coat, let my bowler hat fall,
Took off both my boots and my trousers and all-

Drank off my stirrup-cup, felt a bit tight,
And unbridled the saddle: it still wasn’t right.
Then all I remember is things reeling round
As I sat with my head twixt my ears on the ground-
For imagine my shame when they asked what I meant
And I had to confess that I’d been, gone and went
And forgotten the news I was bringing to Ghent

Though I’d galloped, and galloped and galloped and
Galloped and galloped
And galloped and galloped and galloped. (Had I not would have been galloped?)

ENVOI

So I sprang to a taxi and shouted ‘To Aix!’
And he blew on his horn and he threw off his brakes,
And all the way back til my money was spent
We rattled and rattled and rattled and rattled and
Rattled
And rattled and rattled-
And eventually sent a telegram.

MDFF 11 July 2015

This dispatch first saw the light of day on 30 June 2012

Nós nos encontramos novamente amigos

On the periphery of a jungle clearing, a group of New Guinea Highlanders gaze longingly skywards. In the clearing there is an aeroplane made from palm fronds. It is a decoy which the Highlanders hope will persuade a plane to land and disgorge its munificent cargo. The Highlanders are Cargo Cultists. They are participating in one of the most poignant scenes I have ever seen on film.

That is how I remembered the scene in the film Mondo Cane.
“Elke herinering werd een diamant, en zij sleep er nog telkens niewe kanten aan”

Every memory became a diamond, and forever more she polished new facets onto them.

If you missed it in 1962 or you didn’t exist back then: through the magic of Youtube you can now see it for yourself, unaltered by the vagaries of memory….
http://youtu.be/dlnxPOeyTbk

At the time Mondo Cane was released, Minister for Territories Paul Hasluck was to visit Yuendumu. Unlike at present, when visitors and politicians often arrive at our airstrip to be met by no one and have to summon a ride ‘into town’ by mobile phone, back then the far fewer visitors were met with anticipation and some pomp and ceremony. A group of respected old men had been issued with new shirts, trousers and shiny black shoes. The importance of the visitor had been impressed upon them. A favourable impression would be the key to future federal funding for Yuendumu. A key to Stronger Futures. There they were at the dusty airstrip all standing in line, Hasluck’s plane taxied in, a door opened, an equerry installed some footsteps and raised a small Australian flag, the Minister stepped off the plane, at which point an excited Jungarrayi broke ranks stepping forward with an extended welcoming hand and exclaimed “ Money! Money!”

http://youtu.be/PX_qAtwMDFk

Several Dispatches ago I told you about the plane load of bureaucrats that landed on Yuendumu airstrip. The bureaucrats attended an unattended meeting.

There’s a meetin’ here tonight…. http://youtu.be/-fECUAJ5H5M

Last week I happened to be at Yuendumu airstrip when a charter plane landed which disgorged three passengers. I offered them a lift ‘into town’ that they gratefully accepted as ‘they’d made no arrangements’.

They had come to Yuendumu to inspect the Men’s Safe House.

At the beginning of the Intervention a contractor installed a converted shipping container as a ‘Men’s cooling-off place’. At the time I came to the conclusion that the ‘cooling-off place’ had been designed by the same architect that had designed Camp Delta at Guantanamo Bay. The several strands of barbed-wire at the top of the chain-wire mesh fence, the padlocked chain on the gate and the spotlights surrounding the Spartan building are reminiscent of TV images I had seen during the time that David Hicks was receiving similar consular assistance from the Australian Government as Julian Assange is currently receiving.

I also found it hard to envisage Warlpiri men embracing the facility as a ‘cooling-off’ place.

The intervention had tens of these so called ‘cooling-off’ places installed throughout the NT. The contractor made a killing.

The perceived and implied need for these “cooling-off’ places is yet another way remote Aboriginal communities have been stigmatized.

No discussion or consultation with locals preceded the decision to install these facilities.

One word: GRATUITOUS

I drove the two men and the lady that had emerged from the plane to the padlocked ‘cooling-off’ place. I found out it had been renamed the ‘Men’s Safe House’.

The lady exclaimed: “It looks like it has never been used!” Well spotted! It never has.

One word: SUPERFLUOUS           http://youtu.be/IKsTyGxrjGU

An hour later the charter plane took off on its way to another community made safer by the erection of an Intervention Safe House.

To pay a local organisation or individual to inspect the unused Safe House, take a few photos and knock a few walls to check for muluru (termites) would require a paradigm shift the Intervention is incapable of.

A much more likely scenario is that a plane load of experts, consultants, mentors and trainers lands at Yuendumu airstrip to run a course leading to a Safe House Inspector’s Certificate.

One word: VISIONARY

http://youtu.be/zoDIhxeZtKI

Early yesterday morning the Australian Parliament passed the Stolen Futures Legislation. One word: VISIONARY

In Brazil meanwhile they have introduced a scheme that allows prisoners to reduce their sentences by reading books.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-06-26/brazil-prisoners-to-read-books/4093762

“A person can leave prison more enlightened and with an enlarged vision of the world,” said Sao Paulo lawyer Andre Kehdi, who heads a book donation project for prisons. “Without doubt, they will leave a better person,”

Now that is what I call visionary!

So which is the Banana Republic ?

Mr. tallyman tally me-banana
http://youtu.be/lciensCCWG4

Obrigado por ler esta expedição 

Francisco 

As long as I can see the light….
http://youtu.be/IgH6N669OhE

 http://youtu.be/zA6YMSlUcng

Now that is what I call music!

Grave Concerns. ‘The Capsula Mundi’

Image

Dear reader, it is with some caution we bring you this recent conversation between two experts  in the field of mortality.  Grave Concerns indeed.  From our esteemed Colleagues Ira Maine and Sir Atney Emo. Food for thought….. not worms as the bard would have it.

Firstly from B.O.Light The “Capsula Mundi’ is not an Italian once a week pill to stop you getting pregnant, but the latest  politically correct, ecologically sound method of burial. They put you foetally in a rottable sack, dump you in a hole in the ground, and plant a tree on top of your head. Your formerly precious personal bits apparently then become a tree.

Becoming a tree seems a lot more fun than sitting in some barren graveyard surrounded by weeds, rotting iron and tumbled headstones. A forest fed by the dead seems an excellent idea to me. And, if you’ll forgive the blasphemy, it also means you’ll remain splendidly erect for years! “When I am dead and in my grave and all my bones are rotting,
I hope that you’ll remember me when I am quite forgotting.” B.O. Light. To which a certain Hanibal Lectern replied Antoninus, What? No sage?, no apple saucapple 3e, made from the sharply flavoursome Bramley apple? Anyway, we are not at all sure about this. After all, we don’t know where you’ve been. However, being aware of your vast fortune we could perhaps put this to one side for a moment and instead consider how we are to proceed. Here at Soggy Bottom, if an animal is to be readied for a feast we spend a fair amount of time feeding the creature the very best available tucker. Having rested the beast for an hour or two, we then get the hired help to chase the bastard endlessly round the paddock. This quickly sloughs off excess fat and helps build up the  taste and quality of the meat.  Regular purgations, by way of vigourous enemas are then employed to cleanse the bowels and to avoid the possibility of contaminating the meat. Then finally the animal is allowed one last bout of rumply pumply with, in your case, the boar. We find this last service adds an almost indefinable finish to the taste and flavour. Should you care to present yourself in good order at these premises and are prepared to fit in with these arrangements your desires might easily be accommodated. Regular exercise and purges usually last for a month at least.. If for whatever reason, and after your due time has passed, you have not passed away naturally, other, more permanent arrangements can be organized. Providing this final service comes at an extra charge and is, of course usually arranged as a surprise. Cannibal Lectern
The Human Dinner Company.

grim reaper

The rejoinder from Sir Atney Emo.

Esteemed Chasps, Who can tell what our future options might be? There was news on the Teeve the other day that an Italian surgeon has plans to transplant a living head to a brain-dead, but living, donor body.  (And no, his name was not Dottore Vittorio Franco di Steino!). For myself, rather than becoming a woodenhead, I quite like the idea in the 1,800-year-old satirical novel The Satyricon, written by Petronius Arbiter.  Harried during his declining years by importuning legacy hunters, the aging and wealthy Eumolpus stipulated in his will that they could only inherit a share of his wealth if they consumed his entire body!  As you would have expected, the famous director, Federico Fellini made much of this interesting dining experience in the closing scene of his film version of the book!    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0L-iJGFRzE I think that this would be an efficient and thoughtful exercise in recycling and, if anyone is interested, I am prepared to instruct hospital staff at the time of my expiry to pour some chablis into my catheter drip feed – and insert, per rectum, a suppository or sachet of thyme and rosemary. (Garlic cloves, only upon request – but definitely no chillies!) Otherwise, we could look to the refrain sung by those 1960s troubadours, The Irish Boggers (the Reidy Brothers and Tony Eames): “When I am dead, aye, and in my mould
At my head and feet, lave a flowin’ bowl!” But enough of this morbid talk!  We are yet young and our best years still lie ahead.  Carpe diem and all that tommy-rot…  Sir Atney Emo, VD & Scar

Immigration. A bold new processing facility

From our humanitarian correspondent; Q. Cockburn.

It is with considerable and justifiable pride we proclaim the launching of Australia’s first ever Super Dooper Immigration Processing vessel. ‘HMAS Punishment’. Speaking at the launch the Immigration Minister, The Rt. Hon. Peter Dutton M.P, beamed at reporters proclaiming, “Once and for all, Australians can be proud. Our credentials as a humanitarian nation are well and truly secured. This is truly a red letter day for both shipbuilding and innovation. I can say without any contradiction that this ensures our promise to ‘Send the boats back’ is resolute and final. To a thunderous applause from the shareholders of Serco and Transfield, the Halliburton modified HMAS Punishment is truly awe inspiring.

illegal 4

HMAS Punishment at work processing. Crew 6. Capacity, up to 25000 Illegals. Converted Live cargo vessel. Note use of Bow grinder and on stream suspected Illegal processing teeth. Long line, SIV collection at stern, and as photograph was taken a returnee life boat system,‘SEBWTCF’, “Send em back where they came from” (green indicates Iraq) jettisoned from launch tube.

The designer, Mr Ken Oath O.A.M of Bruteforce (formerly Australian Customs) described the vessel as ‘truly integrated’! This is not as some describe it, a “Prison ship”, but a fully automated client resource centre. ‘Where once we had to deal with arrival, processing, selection and rejection, integration and the tedious and expensive corollaries of running Manaus Island, Nauru and Laos, and input from legalistic troublemakers we can do it all in a one stop shop’. ‘This vessel doesn’t just hold em, it’s a people orientated processing plant’! The vessel itself is stupendous. “We had a logistics problem and no easy solution. We were sending off sheep and beef in live cattle transporters, and they were coming back empty. This was bad news for business and bad news for Shareholders. With ‘The Punishment’ we can now pick up illegals on the way back, process and return them before we arrive at the Mainland. They get the benefit of a safer and humane passage, get to clean the mess left behind by the livestock, whilst we get the benefit of processing and the bounty to Serco and Transfield shareholders that flows. He described the process as thus… ‘We intercept suspected illegal vessels at sea. Their boats are pulped and crushed in this plant here. We convert it to reusable funky fashion footwear. It’s a sort of Rubberized, fibre hybrid, “the Lost Soul”. It’s selling brilliantly right across Australia. Comes in a range of visually enticing fashion colours that reflect our concern for humanity and safety. It Demonstrates the contribution these arrivals make to the Australian economy. Look here, I’m wearing them now’.

Mr Oath enthused, ‘We gather the “client” for processing through this duct here, (points to forward opening doors), or this adapted long line reel, and literally haul them in. Once on board, the clients are received by this on stream analysis system. It’s completely automatic and computerised. We call it the ‘Client Orientated Motion Belt’, C.O.M.B, and it literally conveys the product into these sorting bays. From here the clients are sorted.

processing facility 2

On the floor of the processing facility. Screening, processing and delivery of Illegal entries into conveyor. Note colour coded-safety dispersal unit (SEBWTCF) on sub deck prior to launching.

We have several streams. Pointing to the empty conveyor, ‘W’? he laughed; “In the interests of equal opportunity we had one set up as “white” but we have no need for that as they arrive in the usual way. And besides ‘they’ don’t require processing. But this, here and here, (points to gantry) will process 1500 units per day. It can detect, (and I’m afraid the mechanism and program are classified) from an aggregate, terrorists, muslims, atheists, malingerers, leaners, losers, tainted, into this stream here. We can also detect through this system here, the ‘Optical Wealth Detector’, economic from political migrants. Their mobile phones, jewelry, designer handbags and false teeth are sorted into these bins here, on-sold and then deducted from the clients integrated processing account. We bulk bill them post processing. We can also, (points to smaller ducts and conveyor), process children, the elderly and the ill. The results of the analysis are gathered, and then categorized, sorted and then despatched, (points to row of super sized coloured life boats). Each boat is colour coded for distribution back to either Afghanistan, Iraq or Syria.

illegal processing 3

Client Resource Unit Enterprise Leader at work processing. Note adapted Cybernetic Thought Bubble, (Yellow and red dome), warning sensors, (Ear-like protuberances) and integrated phasar, taser, laser, capsicum, truncheon and dog whistle.

Asked by a Fairfax reporter, “but what about the ones who are deemed genuine refugees’? The Minister was quick to reply, “There is no such thing as a genuine refugee”.A processing facility worker, described as a Client Resource Unit Enterprise Leader, C.R.U.E.L (robots are genderless) described the process as; “all fun, make happy, joy”. The Minister, enthused; ‘and with a robotic workforce we can now safely say, that this boat neither rocks nor leaks’! Raising his glass it was “three cheers”, and “three bags full”!!

‘Hooray for Innovation. Hooray for Humanity, Hooray for Australia’!!

Shreck V Housing Affordability

By Quentin Cockburn

‘Hoover was an engineer and entrepreneur who was worth four million by the start of the First World War. As President, his past statements haunted him like a bill collector. It was not just his inaugural prediction that the United States was close to eliminating poverty forever, nor his propensity-around the corner forecasts. One statement defining character by how much money somebody had, followed Hoover everywhere. “If a man has not made a million dollars by the time he is forty, he is not worth much,” Hoover had said in the giddy days, when America was a crapshot with good odds. ‘The Worst Hard Time’, Timothy Egan. Houghton Mifflin.

hoover

Herbert Hoover. 31st President of the United States. Filled a vacuum of sorts.

It has recently come to our attention that something must be done about housing affordability. With the average mean price of an inner city house in Sydney and Melbourne exceeding one million dollars, clearly, as the Federal Treasurer suggested; ‘Get yourself a well paid job, and get yourself into the market’. He’s right if you haven’t got a reasonably well paid job, (say in excess of 150k), you’ve got ‘Buckley’s’. Some taxpayers are upset by the Treasurers comments, which suggest by inference that their basic salaries of between seventy to eighty thousand preclude them from ever getting a job that pays enough to get that foothold. The Treasurer is quite right; ‘get a well paid job work hard’.

 

What he’s talking about is a REAL job, not one of those awful Service Industry jobs. I know he’s suggested that they represent the future of this country, but what he’s really stating, (and someone had to show leadership here), that those jobs; Nursing, Teaching, Thinking, Emergency and Childcare, (please fill in the list as it’s endless) don’t earn enough and will NEVER earn enough because they’re not sufficiently well paid. They are not worthwhile jobs either as they only service and sustain the community.

hockey 1

The Treasurer Joe Hockey. Worked hard. Got a well paid job. Owns nice family house in desirable inner Sydney suburb. Owns several investment properties. Employment: middle manager. Entertainment and Fashion.

They don’t create REAL WEALTH. And do you know? I can say what the Treasurer daren’t; ‘They’re too lazy or STUPID to qualify’.  The Treasurer trumpets the service industries. But unless you’re an executive in healthcare, toilet cleaning or any other service orientated sphere you’re Pegged. Stratified, Stiffed, Boned, Buggerred! What he’s really saying, and I think this is fair, is that if you’re not CLEVER enough to get a job as an Investment Banker, a Surgeon, a Q.C, or a member of the Judiciary. If you’re not part of Edie Obeid’s’ extended family. If you lack the intelligence an tenacity to become a successful Prestige Car Salesman, a Real Estate Agent, a Tradie or Sports Medicine consultant to teams other than the Essendon Football Club, you might as well resign yourself to not living in Melbourne or Sydney.

What he’s talking about is a REAL job, not one of those awful Service Industry jobs. I know he’s suggested that they represent the future of this country, but what he’s really stating, (and someone had to show leadership here), that those jobs; Nursing, Teaching, Thinking, Emergency and Childcare, (please fill in the list as it’s endless) don’t earn enough and will NEVER earn enough because they’re not sufficiently well paid. They are not worthwhile jobs either as they only service and sustain the community. They don’t create REAL WEALTH. And do you know? I can say what the Treasurer daren’t; ‘They’re too lazy or STUPID to qualify’.  The Treasurer trumpets the service industries. But unless you’re an executive in healthcare, toilet cleaning or any other service orientated sphere you’re Pegged. Stratified, Stiffed, Boned, Buggerred! What he’s really saying, and I think this is fair, is that if you’re not CLEVER enough to get a job as an Investment Banker, a Surgeon, a Q.C, or a member of the Judiciary. If you’re not part of Edie Obeid’s’ extended family. If you lack the intelligence an tenacity to become a successful Prestige Car Salesman, a Real Estate Agent, a Tradie or Sports Medicine consultant to teams other than the Essendon Football Club, you might as well resign yourself to not living in Melbourne or Sydney.

shreck

Shreck. Hockey’s Half brother. Also successful. Owns several investment properties and Castle. Lives near Sydney. (Balmain) Votes Green.

He’s quite right. Not only are these service workers, these menials stupid, but to even think of gaining a foothold in those markets is an affront to good banking practice. Banks wont lend money to losers. Joe owns a portfolio of investment properties. He gets a negative gearing kickback. A superannuation kickback. A huge Parliamentary salary and perks. Dresses his kiddies up on Budget day to look like the Fauntleroy twins. Joe really knows what he’s talking about. Not every one can be Federal Treasurer. So suck it up. LOSER!! Joe also is committed to not doing anything about the sicko, outta control investment property investors and the flood of bent cash from China. Because they don’t pay tax, they have capital to invest. It’s the trickle down effect. What’s good for Real Estate Agents is good for the economy. How can you expect people who have worked in Schools and Hospitals who pay PAYE tax, to ever get a foothold!!! The notion is preposterous and dangerous for business. Joe Hockey is right again. What contribution do these lower tier professionals make? And why shouldn’t they be happy with those sixteen hours a week lost to commuting and their segregation into the newer outer suburbs. They’re exile from the cities will stimulate growth for the real drivers of the economy. The heavy lifters!! The Real Estate and Development Industry. There’s always a silver lining. Get over It. Nice to see wages growth stalling for the underpaid. ‘The working poor’? It’s just an expression!! Clearly they’re not working hard enough.!! Q.E.D. That’s why they’re POOR!!