Today the Prime Minister Mr Tony Abbott announced a nation building project of immeasurable scale and monumental vision. In his own words’ ‘This project is so visionary, I hasten to add with all due respect to the pioneers of engineering it’ll make the Snowy Mountains Scheme look like a puddle’!!
To an astonished audience held at the Institute of Public Affairs Melbourne Office the P.M. galvanised the audience with this most stirring address. Incredibly, through a mis-directed invitation, Passive Complicity’s Quentin Cockburn was on hand to record this historic moment. “Today”!! (He paused for effect), ‘We are faced with several profound threats to our life as Australians! (audible gasps from a suitably frightened audience). ‘We are faced with the DANGER of boatloads of refugees. Asylum Seekers. Ne’r do wells. Human Excrement!! All, (pausing for effect) Hell Bent upon arriving on our shores. To date I have addressed this problem’ by turning the boats back!! (Tumultuous Applause). Yet, (audible hush) some are UNDETERRED! (Laughter from those in the audience thinking a pun was in the offing.)
‘We have a problem with Energy. Our resources are constrained by the mechanisms of National Parks and Reserves. The sacred duty of civilising is UNFINISHED’!!! (Chorus of “ Shame” from a rapturous audience) ‘Though awash with the bounty of coal and it’s worth to humanity, my friends in the Minerals and Energy Council inform me we are constrained by Capacity. This will blight our carbon futures”, (Audience audibly shocked) Our potential is UNDERWHELMING!! (orgasmic sigh from Superannuation Funds Managers) We possess great forests, yet their bounty, (charcoal and toilet paper) is UNDERUTILISED. (Applause from Amcor shareholders) We possess a Great Barrier Reef, the envy of the world, yet it is mostly quarantined from real estate and UNDEVELOPED!!! (“shame’ from members of the REIV). We possess a vast hinterland of scrub, pebbles and coloured sands that is not yet exploited as clean fill to Bunnings. Our Hinterland is UNDER-RESOURCED!! (Boos from Woolworths and Coles shareholders). We possess almost unlimited energy in the form of uranium. Yet we export this bounty to others. For those who will not let us develop these resources We are made UNRELIABLE!! (Passionate affirmation from Ziggy Switkowski, Serco and Transfield Directors) We have a harsh dry interior, and to the west we are unable to develop sustainable industries because of so called sacred artifacts. This makes us VULNERABLE to overseas influences, cultural, ecological and ethical. These influences threaten to make us; UN-AUSTRALIAN!! (cataclysmic applause from RSL and Elected Brethren) Green and pink tape is killing investment! Uncertainty for Investors, Uncertainty for Capital, and Uncertainty for Developers. Troublemakers, (Fairfax, etc) are making this country UN-SAFE!
Dear reader, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait till tomorrows stirring installment to discover what the P.M’s fabulous and visionary plan is. We know, like the P.M it’ll be something big and strong. We can only hope.