Ming, Leader of the Liberal Party and supreme EMPEROR!

Dear reader, We get countless requests from readers, turning to us for inspiration. They seek guidance related to the current state of the Liberal Party 

Indeed, and you’ll agree with us this is tragic. There are few out there possessed with a detailed understanding of the Liberal Party’s history, and as a consequence cannot gauge the true impact of individuals like Craig Kelly and Saint Tone of Santamaria. 

As a consequence, and in recognition of this dearth of knowledge we have chosen to equip our public with a concise history of the party, so that they may better understand the true ramifications of singular issues that define the Liberal party today.  Such as women stoning, the flat earth theory and clean coal. 

The Liberal party a true History. 

Many may still remember Billy. Billy was not the progenitor of the party, he was a false god, who’s conceit was to carry the Liberals party’s fortunes into the darkness. 

The real leader, progenitor and fountainhead of the Liberal party was MING. 

Australian history can be calibrated thus, Before Ming, B.M  After Ming. A.M

Ming reveals to his court a Carbon Policy

Ming was born of Mongo. Mongo is a distant satellite to the red giant Betelgeuce.  From Mongo Ming established an empire. His empire ruled the entire galaxy.  From 1949 until 1966 he ruled his galaxy with an iron will. For his subjects he promised peace and stability and the knowledge that everything would be much the same as it always was. In the era of Ming, there were no people of colour. Those that were coloured were officially white. In the era of Ming, books and films deemed rude were censored. And banned for our own good!

Everyone was happy during the reign of Ming. His authority was unquestioned. Ming taught us to love the Queen, and be fearful of Labor. Labor was the dark force, which promised CHANGE. Labor was to be feared. For amongst the cohorts of Labor Lurked…. Catholics. 

The deadly power of KRYPTONITE! Half amongst these men are now DEAD!

For it had been foretold, By Mannix, and Vince of the Gair, that one day a new messiah would destroy the party from WITHIN!!!

Ming, summons his faithful to hold the Catholics at bay. His weapon… SCIENCE and LOGIC!

Catholics had killed the Labor party and created the DLP. The DLP was established on the planet of Krypton. Their powers ordained by ROME were supernatural. The Ming dynasty feared the might of Krypton. Its rock was feared. It contained Kryptonite. Kryptonite was deadly!  If exposed to the powers of Kryptonite Mings powers were reduced to that of a mere mortal.  Ming lived in fear that one day, a child of Krypton would find his way to earth and infect the planet with Kryptonite and Fundamentalism. They knew only this, that his name would be TONY, and his credo would be Santa-Maria. 

For all the love and obedience Ming bequeathed he knew that one day Tone of Santamaria would return and lay his empire to waste. He knew not the time not the place, but he did know that it was INEVITABLE. And for that he was fearful.  He set about destroying the first born from other lands. He sought to wipe then out in Vietnam, and his successors in Iraq, Afghanistan and Syria… 

He thought, erroneously that his pretender would be Sir Billy, but he was just a false prophet, … 

Eventually, having seen his cohorts Carlton slay the Collingwood, in the 70 and 72 Grand Final, Ming Died. And we all thought the spirit of Ming had died with him. 

To no avail, For now THEY are AMONG US!!

But with the slaying of “Malcolm the Mediocre”, we know now that it is Tone of the Santamaria and he LIVES AMONGST US!. And possessed with this knowledge we know it is our sacred duty to save the party, and send him back to Krypton. But this cannot be done. For Tone has infected earth with the all consuming powers of Krypton. Cleverly he has disguised the evil mineral as “Clean Coal”. For coal is black. And Black is not a colour. Thus, via the spirit of Ming he plans to infect us and hide the taint of Catholicism. And usher in a new dark era. Mings legacy is in peril. 

This is the TRUE story of the Liberal Party. 

(for a comprehensive pamphlet detailing the current state of the Liberal party please send your correspondence to Mathew Guy, “Ill Cacciattori Restaurant, Bayside. Please, for swift response ensure  a small cash donation is enclosed). 

Dear reader, it’s not often we can say “on that day” and know that the great firmament of geo politics has moved decisively, and the earth has shaken as a consequence. From hereon, nothing will ever be the same. From this point, historians will point to a seismic shift, that indicates a critical change in thinking. An event so significant it’s on the scale of that moment when Billy Snedden died.  That moment when Sonya Macmahon walked down those steps.  That moment when Jo made his tilt for PM and Flo made pumpkin scones FAMOUS!

Yes indeed, just when we thought it was universally understood that the Liberal party was indeed an ossified rusk of uber-conservative neo liberalism, with a dash of heightened misogynist sinecurism, something happened.  A decisive shift. To usher in, A NEW ERA !

So, please share with us the joy of seeing Craig Kelly and Mr Tony Santamaria promoting their new black T-shirt range from the Ming Era. Black shirts, synonymous with strong governance the world over have a simple message, Law, order and keeping things ‘under control’. That’s the mantra the unsuccessful Mathew Guy tried in the Victorian election, and he failed.  Why shouldn’t this, in the Liberals moment of crisis work now?

A powerful message, and a man of Conviction. Though we never knew Ming was the leader of the DLP.

Guy was unable to capitalise upon his image as just a shonky Planning Minister. A man who did deals with the mafia, and a top dog whistler for Murdoch. His brand was all over the place, And ultimately even with the propulsion of AFRICAN CRIME GANGS he failed. 

Two powerful men celebrate Mings DLP’d-ness. With approving look from H.M The Queen.

Whereas, Craig Kelly champion of Coal, and champion to the hard line DLP and Tony Santamaria, have got a singular message and it works.  The MING ERA T-shirt. It doesn’t matter that Menzies, (if he were alive today) would be seen as an old leftie. He was in for a long time. And like Franco, he is now revered by those who never lived through that era. And the black T, just demonstrates how closely aligned Tony Santamaria is with ‘Black Lives Matter’, ‘Closing the Gap’ and every Royal Commission since ‘Deaths in Custody’. As Special Envoy for aborigines he’s proud to stand with his compatriot, and challenge his whited-ness in black-edness. It demonstrates an empathetic union of sorts. 

And who are we to disagree? Theres an indefinable beauty in this getup.  With the black suit it’s sartorial shorthand for any bayside seafood restaurant or getting things done in the great tradition of Trimbole and Gatto, (tailors to the powerful)

A black t-shirt demonstrates refinement, taste and an eye to soft power. It’s the colour of our era. it refines Liberal ideology to the simplicity of black and white. There’s Ming, and he’s surrounded by the light.  The light is black, cos the power, like a black hole is so very powerful, the light can’t get out. And the black, well you know what that means, that’s the ignorance of the unwashed, who don’t understand Mings legacy as we do. 

Not the benign neo-socialist image of the post war commonwealth, but the Brave New World of reactionary ideology and the kleptocracy. 

Special Envoy to Fundraising sporting MING ERA T shirt.

Cos in nostalgia there’s safety. 

Hi friends,

Eight years ago in a Dispatch I wrote about crystallography- I think it is rather humorous and bears repeating:

“Before I fell into an administrative time trap, during the last century, I studied geology.
Our oldest lecturer was Professor Tatham, a small wiry energetic man, he was way past retirement age when he took us for crystallography.
I remember him with fondness for his infectious enthusiasm.
This was long before computer graphics, and crystallography was taught using models made from sticks and balls.

Prof. Tatham’s lectures were very popular and well attended.
I didn’t learn much crystallography, and I suspect not many of his other students did either.

Don’t know much about crystallography….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfzpAv1hi2Y

The professor would hold up a model of say a monoclinal crystal, and then proceed to tell us all about it. As he got into the swing of things he’d start to crouch over the model and his voice gradually descended into a mumble. At the climax his body would be arched over and envelop the model. He would furiously point into the model whilst explaining the attributes of the crystal.

The model was barely visible and the professor was barely audible.

We never tired of his lectures and week after week we’d watch with renewed astonishment and fascination as Prof. Tatham worked his way through the crystal classification system.”

Not so humorous is what happened on 9^th November 1938. In Germany an event took place that became known as Kristallnacht. On the 80^th anniversary of Kristallnacht Andy Factor was interviewed on the ABC (Australia’s public broadcaster). Andy Factor was a 14 year old witness to Kristallnacht, whose Jewish family through some fortuitous circumstances landed in Fremantle 15 months later. I chanced on the tail end of the interview in which Andy was asked why did he think it was important to remember and speak about Khristallnacht. He said he feared for his children and grandchildren. He saw a trend in the world which indicated it could all happen again.

My father grew up as a Dutch child in Germany (1917-1932). Before dad fell off the twig I wrote up his anecdotes, and I quote:

“Dad was an astute witness to the descent into barbarity. He’s always maintained that if it could happen in the land that gave us Göethe, Schiller and Schubert, it could happen anywhere and anytime. To me, this was confirmed by what happened in Argentina from 1976 to 1983. Dad doesn’t consider Australia to be immune either.”

So here, my late mother’s favourite piece of music- ‘Leise flehen meine Lieder’…..
Richard Tauber sings Serenade (Schubert)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kVrbz_oJ3g

I think dad and Andy Factor would have had a fascinating conversation over a glass of port. Probably in German with the occasional Yiddish word thrown in for fun.

On 6 December 1938, several weeks after Kristallnacht, William Cooper led a delegation of the Australian Aboriginal League to the German Consulate in Melbourne to deliver a petition which condemned the “cruel persecution of the Jewish people by the Nazi Government of Germany.” The petition met the same fate as the Uluru Statement from the Heart would meet eight decades later, it was all but ignored. If you’ve never heard of William Cooper, I suggest you look him up on the internet. One of Australia’s unsung heroes, a true warrior for human rights.

During the Second World War, conspiracy theories of Aboriginal Australia being potential pro-Nazi fifth columnists abounded. Descendants of Lutheran missionaries at Hermannsburg (Ntaria) will confirm that they were given a hard time by the authorities. After the war the cloud of suspicion shifted to communists. In 1982 Veritas Publishing, launched Geoff McDonald’s book ‘Red over black (behind the aboriginal land rights)’. ‘Veritas’ means ‘truth’ in Latin. ‘Red over black’ being published by Veritas is a veritable oxymoron.

In 1942 Hope Vale in Northern Queensland was forcibly evacuated for fear of Aboriginal co-operation with Japanese. Georg Zwartz, the Lutheran missionary was arrested and interned. Of the app. 350 Aborigines evacuated, 60 died in the seven year period of exile.

When dad and Andy Factor asserted that it could happen again anytime and anywhere they failed to spot the elephant in the room.

Kristallnachten in various forms have been happening for aeons, and continue to happen and sadly will continue to happen.

I’ve already alluded to Argentina’s ‘Dirty War’

There are many parallels with the recurring anti-Chinese riots in Indonesia and the German Kristallnacht.

The Cathars, the Hugenots, the Walloons, the Haitians in the Dominican Republic, and the list is endless, all suffered their equivalent of Kristallnacht and its aftermath.

The Armenian and Rwandan genocides, the Maoist Cultural (!) Revolution, Jim Crow in the deep south of the U.S.A.

Billie Holiday, Strange Fruit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c52ElU5tQNo

Endless indeed.

Usually these Kristallnachten are  driven by xenophobic dog whistlers. Political or military is neither here nor there to the victims. The ease with which the masses are swayed by the politics of fear and loathing is something to be truly feared. And as my father said “Australia isn’t immune either”

The latest Kristallnacht to be visited upon Remote Aboriginal society in the Northern Territory of Australia was the so called Intervention. I’m not aware of any shop windows to have been shattered by the Northern Territory Emergency Response. In any case there weren’t too many to shatter in the first place. What was shattered were a lot of hopes, dreams and spirits.

Neil Murray- Calm & Crystal Clear- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnp4-YlrCaw

So what is one to do?

Bo Diddley- Stop the pusher-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17_XJTi2p9E

The only way to hurt the pusher- don’t buy!

If you hear the dog whistles- don’t buy!

And try and teach your children not to buy.

Crosby Stills and Nash … Teach Your children
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqRIGjfN0mk

Shalom.

Frank

PS-I did find ‘Holy Night’ played on crystal glasses- i.e. a Youtube ‘Kristallnacht’

However nothing as virtuoso as this performance:

Water & Crystal Music – Playing Crystal Glasses in Prague

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4AUA5RcYa8