Ming, Leader of the Liberal Party and supreme EMPEROR!
Dear reader, We get countless requests from readers, turning to us for inspiration. They seek guidance related to the current state of the Liberal Party
Indeed, and you’ll agree with us this is tragic. There are few out there possessed with a detailed understanding of the Liberal Party’s history, and as a consequence cannot gauge the true impact of individuals like Craig Kelly and Saint Tone of Santamaria.
As a consequence, and in recognition of this dearth of knowledge we have chosen to equip our public with a concise history of the party, so that they may better understand the true ramifications of singular issues that define the Liberal party today. Such as women stoning, the flat earth theory and clean coal.
The Liberal party a true History.
Many may still remember Billy. Billy was not the progenitor of the party, he was a false god, who’s conceit was to carry the Liberals party’s fortunes into the darkness.
The real leader, progenitor and fountainhead of the Liberal party was MING.
Australian history can be calibrated thus, Before Ming, B.M After Ming. A.M
Ming reveals to his court a Carbon Policy
Ming was born of Mongo. Mongo is a distant satellite to the red giant Betelgeuce. From Mongo Ming established an empire. His empire ruled the entire galaxy. From 1949 until 1966 he ruled his galaxy with an iron will. For his subjects he promised peace and stability and the knowledge that everything would be much the same as it always was. In the era of Ming, there were no people of colour. Those that were coloured were officially white. In the era of Ming, books and films deemed rude were censored. And banned for our own good!
Everyone was happy during the reign of Ming. His authority was unquestioned. Ming taught us to love the Queen, and be fearful of Labor. Labor was the dark force, which promised CHANGE. Labor was to be feared. For amongst the cohorts of Labor Lurked…. Catholics.
The deadly power of KRYPTONITE! Half amongst these men are now DEAD!
For it had been foretold, By Mannix, and Vince of the Gair, that one day a new messiah would destroy the party from WITHIN!!!
Ming, summons his faithful to hold the Catholics at bay. His weapon… SCIENCE and LOGIC!
Catholics had killed the Labor party and created the DLP. The DLP was established on the planet of Krypton. Their powers ordained by ROME were supernatural. The Ming dynasty feared the might of Krypton. Its rock was feared. It contained Kryptonite. Kryptonite was deadly! If exposed to the powers of Kryptonite Mings powers were reduced to that of a mere mortal. Ming lived in fear that one day, a child of Krypton would find his way to earth and infect the planet with Kryptonite and Fundamentalism. They knew only this, that his name would be TONY, and his credo would be Santa-Maria.
For all the love and obedience Ming bequeathed he knew that one day Tone of Santamaria would return and lay his empire to waste. He knew not the time not the place, but he did know that it was INEVITABLE. And for that he was fearful. He set about destroying the first born from other lands. He sought to wipe then out in Vietnam, and his successors in Iraq, Afghanistan and Syria…
He thought, erroneously that his pretender would be Sir Billy, but he was just a false prophet, …
Eventually, having seen his cohorts Carlton slay the Collingwood, in the 70 and 72 Grand Final, Ming Died. And we all thought the spirit of Ming had died with him.
To no avail, For now THEY are AMONG US!!
But with the slaying of “Malcolm the Mediocre”, we know now that it is Tone of the Santamaria and he LIVES AMONGST US!. And possessed with this knowledge we know it is our sacred duty to save the party, and send him back to Krypton. But this cannot be done. For Tone has infected earth with the all consuming powers of Krypton. Cleverly he has disguised the evil mineral as “Clean Coal”. For coal is black. And Black is not a colour. Thus, via the spirit of Ming he plans to infect us and hide the taint of Catholicism. And usher in a new dark era. Mings legacy is in peril.
This is the TRUE story of the Liberal Party.
(for a comprehensive pamphlet detailing the current state of the Liberal party please send your correspondence to Mathew Guy, “Ill Cacciattori Restaurant, Bayside. Please, for swift response ensure a small cash donation is enclosed).