Original Gravity Wave HALO receiver developed by PCbyCP Institute popularised as a childrens toy in the 1950’s. The much larger prototype proved the existence of Gravity Waves

Dear reader, these are troubled times. You’ll agree with us that the commentariat, (the chattering classes and the intelligentsia) are up to their goatee beards, silk cravats and beret’s in spirited dialogue, with opinions on everything.  The IPA, the Grattan Institute, The Lowy Institute, the flat-earthers, the Australian Christian Lobby, (ACL), special interest groups and charities have got everything covered. That’s why, as a society of free thinkers we’re so well informed. It’s clear to see that all of them write, expound, and articulate with absolute certainty, upon topics, (fill in here) that they know absolutely nothing about.

That’s why we at the PCbyCP Institute are committed to speak with great authority on  subjects we also know absolutely nothing about.

You guessed it. The existence of GRAVITY WAVES in deep space.

Gravity Waves in evidence in the 1950’s. Coincidentally the same period in which the PCbyCP Institute conducted their experiments

You may have felt them influence your day to day life, and our lady readers may have felt gravity waves wreaking havoc upon their hair. You may have suspected that gravity waves alone could account for the absurdist reality of the Abbott Government. Though Einstein first postulated them, we knew  years ago, at PCbyCP  that you didn’t need a super hadron collider or Ligo measuring unit to prove their existence.

Why is this so?

Because gravity waves were discovered by us in our research laboratory, at the PCbyCp Institute. And the equipment we used was none other than a 1956 Radiola ‘Olympia’ wireless and gramophone connected and adapted to a field telephone set. This device, the first ever Hi and Lo graviton wave transponder, (HALO) was fixed to a high intensity bakelite console and uprated with a Bristol Jupiter twenty cylinder radial engine to ensure maximum deep space radio wave penetration.

It was all set for a trial, but we needed a medium. An individual attuned to the minutest galactic impulses. An individual with hearing so acute, but deaf to the curse of Background Noise. With hearing ONLY to the noise of deep space, and the whispered, spoken word, we postulated of before the big bang. None other than, the ‘Word of GOD‘!!

Incredibly, we were offerred the services of Cardinal Pell, who, at that time was just a novitiate serving with a recently ordained Father Rissole. With the inducement of a fully secret upgraded hyper drive quantum confessional, Pell was happy to oblige, and  just two electrodes were implanted into his cereberal cortex. The novitiate, was chosen because he betrayed impulses bereft of conscience and emotional effect. And though he was one hundred percent compassion neutral, his reactions to minor external, (deep space) impulses were staggering. This  suggested even in the earliest instance, the existence of gravity waves.

Young Cardinal Pell, (back row rhs) about to leap onto the sporting field as ruckman in the Saint Buttolphs first eighteen. “The Cardinal Sinners’. Note distinctive football gear, generously designed for the order by the Minister for Innovation, (The Rt. Hon . Christopher Pyne. MP.) as a very young man. Allegedly in this photograph but hidden from view by cassocks.

However it was only when we put the electrodes in a loop configuration above his head , ( which curiously resembled a mitre) and harnessed the power of Victoria’s under-utilised synchrotron that we got some outstanding results. Previously we’d only detected minor variations, but with an upgraded AWA  deluxe, (the 1967 Chorister Model), with stereo return, gramophone and teak storage cabinet, we were able to detect the very existence of gravity waves themselves.

“Timmy”, the choirboy. Fatefully gave his life in unlocking of the Gravity Wave ‘WOG’ secret. His parents received this nice card posthumously in recognition of his service.

The test was very simple, we attached a 12 volt car battery to a choirboy and asked the Cardinal, (who was a novitiate then) to press a little red button. We then told the Cardinal that it was in actual fact a 240 million trillion volt charge, and requested he should never ever press the button, as it would release a devestatingly fatal electric charge. Due to the sensitivity of the equipment the Cardinal was heavilly anaethetized, and to all intents and purpose clinically dead. Yet, tuning our sophisticted recieving mechanism towards the area beyond Alpha Centaurii, known in astronomical terms as ‘the quiet space’, the Cardinal convulsed and inadvertently pressed the button, and the choirboy, who though not inflicted with twelve billion trillion volts, still DIED HORRIBLY through a process of thought directed vicarious immolation. As though the Choirboy had actually suffered a real 240 million trillion volt charge!!!

After detailed examination of the charred choirboy and the inanimate Cardinal, (who was a novitiate then) it was decided that only the existence of gravity waves could explain the reaction. A first for the PCbyCP Institute and a first for australian innovation. And because we are publicly spirited and philanthropy is foremost in our view, we forwarded this research to NASA.  And Eureka, you the public, were supposed to be the beneficiary.

Sadly, we  are devestated that the vast bulk of  our original research and experiments have been classified Top Secret by order of the Innovation  Minister Mr Pyne.  We naively believed that the novitiate Pell volunteering to perform these experiments would capture the imagination of an entirely new audience of conservative, reactionary flat-earthers, unsympathetic to post Copernican Science.

Original photograph of experimental WOG receiver in PCbyCP Institute laboratory. Subjects were made to feel ‘relaxed and comfortable’ in a homely environment prior to testing and probing by our technicians.

We assumed that they, (the clergy) would  be attuned to gravity waves as an act of faith, as evidenced by their own eyes through the exultation of Cardinal Pell, and release the findings to the world at large. But they didn’t. They adopted a code of intense and unassailable secrecy! Though unsympathetic to the scientific method they understood intuitively that gravity waves are indeed the ‘Word of God‘, (WOG) and consequently very powerful. Thus explaining Pell’s reaction to things in the temporal world that are ‘truly strange and miraculous to behold’. The power unleashed was so immense it was felt that no human could be trusted nor survive further experiments. Thus, the Cardinals experience as a medium to the WOG, (‘Word of GOD’) has been airbrushed from the historical record.

These gravity waves  emenate from ‘the quiet space’, and their power and influence upon mortals must remain utterly secret. Only the Cardinals and Pope know of this. That is why when the good Cardinal is instructed by god, ‘thou shalt not fly to Australia for any reason, lest of all to give compassion and ending to generational suffering and absolute bastardry’ his word is final. To transgress gravity waves and the ‘Word of God‘ (WOG) is FATAL!!