Mr Pyne. Heading up the advertising campaign to promote INNOVATION!!! ( holding submission by renewable energy companies before impact with shredder).

Dear reader, so happy that the dull, reactionary, ossified, atrophied Abbott government mindset has been swept away from the corridors of power in Canberra. At last some real progress on innovation. We have a leaked memo from the Minister for Innovation himself detailing the process of developing a truly integrative, innovative and successful advertising campaign to promote INNOVATION!

Evidence of true creativity from Canberra. We acquired a recorded tape, found in a rubbish bin. In Palestine of all places. And as our Palestine correspondent suggested the tape was left by the Minister in a hotel room in Ramallah as the Minister and his entourage, (Bronwyn Bishop and Tim Wilson) were allegedly in a hurry to leave. We have this fragment released to us, and it indicates the high level of improvisation and intelligence on offer to craft this new policy direction. We have also checked the legal status of this recording and can confirm that under Palestinian law there is no obstacle to printing the transcript in full. The original tape is still being deciphered by the Palestinian Authority as they determine whether there is a secret code which may make sense of the high level mission.

Background noises have been deleted.

Borderforce ‘Special Ops’ uniforms being trialled in Canberra

Minister for innovation; the Hon. Christopher Pyne M.P.; ‘Allright then, the Prime Minister says we need new talent on the front bench and this innovation strategy must proceed with the advertising campaign as you’ve been instructed. This initiative has to be winner with the election looming, and the future of innovation in this country, (with emphasis) is at stake!! I have summoned you all, heads of each department and Ministers to this incredibly important meeting. I think for the purposes of secrecy it was important you all wore your Border Force Special Op’s Uniforms, with the rubberised gas masks and integrated speaking tubes. One can’t be too careful of leaks. Can you all hear me’?

(Muffled acknowledgement)

Mr Joyce; Taking his mask off, “Mine is a bit tight around the midriff’.

Mr Pyne: ‘Try loosening these, (indicates his own apparatus) leather straps’

Mr Briggs, ‘And mine is a bit tight around the groin’,

Mr Pyne, “You’ll have to release these clips from around the flies’

Mr Briggs; What are they for’?

Mr Pyne; “ Oh they’re restraints, but in your case not much use now’,

Muffled complaint from the assembled

Mr Pyne; ‘The apparatus is a minor inconvenience, but it enhances the collective mind- think. It has been tested by the Minster for Immigration himself, Mr. Dutton’.

(brief muffled acknowledgement, and sound of mobile phones being switched off)

Mr Pyne: ‘Now where were we’?

Mrs Bishop; ‘You were talking about innovation’?

Mr Pyne, ‘Yes that’s it I want someone to think of a truly innovative ‘out there‘ entrepreneur we could use to head up this important advertising project’?

Mr Truss; ‘The advert alone, by my estimate comes in at 28 million’.

Mr Pyne; ‘Double it. You know how the consultants are once they get the their teeth onto the bit….Now, what did you come up with’?

Mr Joyce; ‘I thought we could use Dick Smith, he’s terribly innovative, he could fly round in a helicopter and show us just what get up and go could do’?

Mrs Bishop; ‘That wont do, his brand has taken a beating’

Mr Pyne: ‘What about a Telstra business person of the year’?

Mr Joyce; ‘Oh can’t do that it went to someone from my own department’.

Mr Pyne; ‘What for’? Mr Joyce; ‘For coming up with a new app’

Mr Pyne; ‘Isn’t that Innovative? What new app’?

Mr Joyce: ‘An app that tells you when a government announcement is being made’.

Mr Pyne: ‘So what’s so innovative about that’?

Mr Joyce; ‘She was in charge of government announcements’!!

Mr Pyne: ‘This wont do, we need something really innovative? What about a medical breakthrough”?

Mrs Ley: That wont work, we’ve cut the funding’!

Mr Truss, ‘I know, there’s a farmer out west who sells live sheep’!

Mr Pyne: ‘That wont do, we want to appeal to a broader cross section’

Mr Truss; ‘But 95% of my electorate is four legged’

Mr Joyce: ‘I know, there’s an engineer, who’s working on a battery car’?

Mr Pyne: ‘That wont do we‘ve closed down the car industry’!

Mrs Bishop; ‘I know of a very good helicopter outfitter’.

Mr Pyne: ‘No that wont do, draws attention to the wealthy and inequity of our tax reform’!

Mr Joyce: ‘And we don’t want to upset our party donors’.

Mr Pyne: (sounding impatient), ‘Doesn’t anyone know of any innovation, cutting edge, stuff?? You’ve had the entire summer break to think of someone’.

Mrs Bishop; ‘Andrew Bolt’?

Mr Pyne: ‘I said innovative’!!

Mr Truss; ‘Howsabout the uniform supplier who made the Border Force logo,that was innovative and had a very short turnaround’?

Mr Pyne; ‘That wont do they’re made in China’!

Mr Truss; ‘And the design was outsourced’.

Mr Joyce; ‘What about the miners’?

Mr Pyne, That wont do, there’s still a stink about Catholic Priests’.

Mr Joyce “No the MINERS’!

Mr Pyne; (responding angrily) ‘I said INNOVATORS’!

Mr Joyce: ‘Well they’re innovative’.

Mr Pyne, (exasperated) ‘Only in tax avoidance, C’mon someone, there’s gotta be one idea worth going for’…. (Sound of papers being shuffled and background noise).

Mr Pyne; ‘Well then, does anyone know anyone’?

Silence

Mr Pyne; ‘Allright then. Bring in the consultant’.

Consultant walks in.

Mr Pyne; ‘Welcome back Tony’!

Mr Abbott; ‘I knew you couldn’t survive without me’!!’.

Dear reader, as editors we are constantly surprised and refreshed by the innovation and enthusiasm shown by our readership. And just to prove to you how the general public have taken up the P.M’s innovation challenge, we bring you this message sent to us via the ABC Public Relations Department. It demonstrates most assuredly that we are leading the pack in innovation and once again, with the brand new P.M, we’re well and truly ‘Open for Business’. None of this thinking could’ve happened under the ossified, atrophied, desssicated, out-moded, conservative mob-think of the Abbott Government. Well and truly it’s a clear sign that the Turnbull Government is hell bent on reform. And perhaps ultimately, whilst some get hot and bothered about side issues like education, healthcare, indigenous australians, tax reform,   public funding of institutions and equity, we’ll be leading the pack in doing the really inportant things that matter. For instance; designing a new flag, augmenting the words of the australian national anthem, designing the requirement for new state flags, and augmenting Border Force with new uniforms as a consequence of the request from Lucas industries to desist from  using their “Force Awakens” uniforms amongst commonwealth staff.

New Chairman of the ABC?

Also, and this is just not applauded enough, it is rumoured that the ABC itself will be breaking new ground in getting rid of their entire journalistic staff and replacing it with an outsourced Murdoch media. There is the prospect of some really groundbreaking advertising material, with ‘ABC Advert 24/7’. It is an open secret that the touted new general manager of this new unit, will be either the former Prime  Minister Kevin Rudd or Mr Tony Abbott.  Such a decisive step clearly says, “welcome to the twenty first century”, (translated from mandarin), and will project a positive image of Australia, ( ‘Shopping 24/7’) to the rest of the world. Allied to this new trend is the decision to replace all remaining ‘expensive’ documentary and current affairs programs on radio national with ‘Talkback 24/7′ which will provide a new voice and spirit to “all of us’, and ensure a broader reach and a wider audience in, ‘keeping the spirit of the ABC charter alive’,

Barrie’s Doppelgänger? Shemp Howard.

And now the message from our Gippsland Correspondent.

Hi I would really like to own a “Back to you Barrie” T shirt.

I suspect I am not alone!
Any chance the ABC could start mass producing them for Insiders devotees?

Barrie, hosting ‘Insiders’.

They could come in the classic black with possible options in the political party colours of red, blue, green and yellow…though this might lead to confusion with the Wiggles. Not sure what to do about the Nats.. Perhaps green with yellow dots…or would that be too Dorothy?

Post Turnbull dissapointed Lefty?

Given the state of politics currently, perhaps vertical stripes like B1 a and B 2 (surely you have some leftover fabric somewhere) only in yellow and green….but stripes might represent convicts……..might be just the ticket for Mal Brough, though!
I know… Green and red could double as Christmas T shirts ( for post-Turnbull, disappointed Lefties) come next Christmas, with the slogan in Sparkles!
One way or another.. Just a basic black or white T shirt would do… Any chance?
Jo
@ginarinehardt #backtoyouBarrie

Nice women, (Bronwyn and Sophie) don’t like Witches also.

Reports are exaggerated about deep-seated misogyny within the Federal Coalition.

Mr Dutton has apologised to the Murdoch journalist covering the Jamie Briggs Hong Kong mishap, debacle for being a “Fucking mad witch”. We agree, she and her ilk are “mad witches”. We also would like to thank Mr Dutton for keeping Witches alive in parliament. Since burning of witches was sort of kind of thrown out of favour in the late middle ages we’ve been dulled by the absence of witch burning. The last fully accredited witch, the former Prime Minister Julia Gillard, was just not “ witch-ey” enough!!! ‘Ju-liar’, and ‘Ditch the Witch’, though beautifully displayed by former PM Abbott and his front bench didn’t go far enough. What the party really wants, and I think Mr Dutton can be proud of this, is that women in politics, women not on our side of politics, and women who don’t behave in a lady-like manner are all ‘fucking witches’. Now let’s get this straight Bronwyn is formidable, but not a witch. And she dresses really nicely and expensively, which sort of excludes her.

The Sunday Telegraph’s political editor, Samantha Maiden. ” Sam and I have exchanged some robust language over the years, so we had a laugh after this’, ” I’m expecting a tough time in her next column’.(Peter Dutton)

Peter and his mates having another laugh over drowning nations.

Mr Dutton, has expressed his exasperation on inadvertently not sending the “ Fucking witch’ text, to Jamie Briggs, and that is perfectly understandable. He never ever intended it to be sent to the journalist. And Mr Briggs was kind, just to clear matters up by sending the photograph of the woman, ( sic, witch) at the centre of the ambassadorial fracas to the press to clear matters up. He didn’t ask her for permission to use her photograph, but you see, he didn’t need to cos sheilas who also don’t come across are witches also. It’s a very simple distinction, and I’m glad that since we’ve had the nice, sophisticated, urbane Mr Turnbull in office, we’ve seen a diminution of colourful language and three line slogans. And more women on the front bench. And that’s the point, ‘Witch’ is a one word slogan, and it’s quite clear that for woman-kind, it’s a singularly apt epiphet to describe a malcontent, a whistleblower, and (we use this term reservedly) compliments quite nicely the other slightly perjorative term ‘Bitch’.

Good on Mr Dutton then, for bringing back the colourful language and instilling in the electorate once again that thinking women, reactive women, and most importantly (exclude Bronnie from this equation) women who don’t act, think and walk, and talk like men are “ fucking bitches”. Quite right. So it is with some justifiable gladness and understandable mirth, we agree with Peter that ‘the journo and I’ll had a good laugh about this, and I reckon she’ll say a few unkind things about me in her next issue’, but we all know that as she works for Murdoch, the boys’ll sort her out and though she might get a bit hot under the collar, it’ll be all smoothed over. It’s just that ‘they’ have to be handled carefully cos they’re not quite, (excepting Bronnie) as robust as us all-round ‘have a laugh’ blokes. The problem is, we’re all laughing and they just can’t take a joke.

Now we’ve cleared that little semantic hurdle, we can get back onto the serious business of running the country. Still though, I’m mightily pissed off that Briggsie’s minion turned out to be a “squealer”.

The Sunbeam Swagman.

The first Swagman performs a perfect landing and harvesting of 26 bushells of wheat upon arriving at Mr and Mrs Joe Blake’s property, “Entropy” in the Mallee Sept 27th 1926.

Graphic Designer Claude Flight’s sketches for the Swagman poster that changed outback Australia’s view of itself from isolated and insular to ‘slightly less isolated and arguably less insular’.

Dear reader, once again another stirring tale that describes ” what could’ve been” in the quest to make this country truly innovative. This tale, entirely true, will pluck the heart strings of those who are born, bred, and bored by the opressive weight of living in rural Australia. Or to use the epithet, ” In space, no one can hear you scream”. And if they didn’t care they wouldn’t bother doing anything about it either’.

Few aircraft manufacturers can boast the credentials awarded to the ‘Sunbeam Swagman’, Australia’s, first ever trans continental passenger airliner. Conceived originally as a hybrid to provide both land based and air transport for short hop routes, the Swagman was revolutionary in almost every respect, and at its height it captured the public imagination like none other for ‘can-do’, improvisation and durability. Hitherto, the Sunbeam manufacturing company was almost the sole producer of milking equipment, portable shearing machines; ‘The Little Wonder’, and ‘the Little Wonder Junior’ and shearers hand-pieces. The “Swagman” changed that forever.

Design Sketch of Swagman Mk1 indicating Lister crawler wheel and hybridized Sunbeam mower/harvester landing gear.

Across Australia and into New Zealand the Sunbeam was synonymous with reliability and durability, and Sunbeam retailers and agents were found in almost every town. As the caption went; ‘from Weipa to Wyndham, from Darnum to Dampier, Beechworth to Broome, on any ol track, there’s a sunbeam that shines, o’er all the Outback’ And shine the products did, with the expansion of wool and the opening up of the hinterland to mechanised agriculture post World War One. However bright, the Sunbeam company was compromised by the influx of cheaper foreign derived imports. For instance the general electric range of shearing gear, ‘The General Electric Jillaroo’ and the ‘Westinghouse Whether’, and then the New Zealand manufactured ‘Kia-ora Kiwi’, and then the smaller ‘Kiwi Kompact’ , which could outperform the Sunbeam and offered a wider comb. The directors of Sunbeam then devised a perfect counter strategy. By consolidating their strengths for machining, fabrication and improvisation they contracted the well established firm Lister, manufacturers of heavy duty diesels and generators to assist them in the very first terrestrial and air proven commercial aircraft, ‘the Swagman’. It combined all terrain land capability, with the adaptation of two very large Lister crawler wheels, re-made in molybdenum, and augmented this with some very simple construction techniques found on most farms.

The idea was ingenious, rather than homestead’s having to wait weeks of often months for spare parts the Swagman, could land, taxi, navigate anywhere, and a specialist team of artificers would manufacture replacement parts on site. Such savings made the Swagman a world beater, and it was also discovered that its sturdy frame and augmentation of Southern cross windmill gearing and gantry, the Swagman could perform limited VTOL capability and had wing capacity to carry at least eight passengers. In an instant the problem of access and provisioning to outlying homesteads was resolved. Unveiled at the 1925 Wagga Wagga field day the Swagmen made a spectacular debut, by winning both the short-hop aero race and then competing and winning the very popular tractor pull.

Cleverly, additional horsepower was augmented by a pedal and chain system then very popular on the ‘Sunbeam Ju-Ju’ or ‘Junior-junior pedal car’, and thus equipped gave true grunt to the tried and tested Sunbeam powerplant that was geared, (three engines) by an ingenious use of pulleys to provide both lift and traction with a simple engagement lever. After initial testing the Swagman began a popular touring exhibition and demonstrated its performance capability by touring outback stations as part of an Australia wide promotion, ‘Let a Sunbeam shine down on you’ to the delight of those isolated outposts. By 1928, Sunbeam had an impregnable reputation and was poised for massive orders and additional overseas deliveries, until one day on Jan 27th 1929, disaster struck.

Only fragments of the Sunbeam survive on the odd farm in the Mallee these days

Piloted by the celebrated aviatrix Marjery Melanoid, the Swagman, circling to land at sundown, encountered a severe headwind. Extra power was applied by the passengers, and then, buffeted by increasing wind, the pilot skillfully activated the ground wheels for a forced landing. Gliding over the homestead, and recognising an airstrip to the edge of a billabong, the Swagman descended, and was just about to land when the forward pilot’s position glanced a Mallee root. In an instant the forward mowing mechanism was snagged and the mechanism imploded, killing the pilot. Thus pilotless, the passengers pedaling furiously gathered just enough lift to clear the homestead, but as described by witnesses, performed a perfect arc, stalled and then plummeted into a Coolabah tree and exploded on impact, killing all on board. The subsequent enquiry revealed ‘pedal fatigue’, a hitherto undiagnosed condition evidenced by users of the Sunbeam little junior junior, but because of the mean age of users, (three to four years) their condition was ignored. Fractures of the subframe also indicated the impact of the collision with the Mallee, which gave birth to an expression still in common parlance today, “Mallee rooted”. The remaining fleet were converted into tractors, and the rear sections may still be seen around homesteads to this day employed as tank-stands or sheep races. No complete Swagmen survive, proving the legend, that ‘once a jaunty Swagman crashed by a Billabong, and burnt in the branch of a Coolabah tree’.

Redfern at Night by Richard Clayton

7 pm in Redfern, apprehension showing
Faces of the whiteman, pensive, paranoia growing
Fear fills his mind, prejudice his heart
Thinks – those black bastards – bastards of the dark
Avoiding all the back streets, running to his house
Streets empty quickly, silence, only blacks venture out.

11 pm in Redfern, pubs begin to close
Police with clubs swinging, blacks bloody nose
Arresting blacks at random, no reason given
Said, not permitted on the streets, not after eleven.

11.30 pm in Redfern, tension growing
Faces of the blackman – bleeding, confusion showing
Anger fills his mind, hatred in his heart
The bastards keep on hitting, because his skin is dark
Taking to the back streets, sneaking to his house
Streets empty once more, uneasy silence,
Not even blacks venture out.

From Inside Black Australia (1988) edited by Kevin Gilbert

Dispatched 16th December 2016.

חג מולד שמח

The “this will be the last Dispatch for 2015” turned out to be a non-core promise. Yesterday’s Dispatch was so un-Christmassy that I’m foisting one more on you all.

An Australian Jewish Christmas:

A Melbourne Jewish family caved into pressure from their children to celebrate Christmas. Caught up in increasing enthusiasm they went for it big time. Their home was festooned with flashing Christmas lights. Messages of goodwill were stencilled on the windows with artificial frost. A much decorated Christmas tree, with a Nativity scene at the base and a crowning angel at the top, graced the lounge. A magnificent Christmas dinner feast was prepared. They almost went the full hog, but drew the line at the Christmas ham… we don’t eat pigs, you don’t eat pigs (Tim Minchin) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfhFunPO4bQ

So there they were, all the mishpocha  gathered around the table. Aunty Rachel hammering at the piano, leading the children singing Christmas songs “…. little baby Jesus…”.

Suddenly Uncle Solly dressed as Santa Claus and carrying a big bag full of goodies over his shoulder, burst into the room: “Who wants to buy a Christmas present?!”

A Canadian Arctic Christmas:

Panarctic Oils had decided, as conciliation for those rostered to spend Christmas at an oil drilling rig on an Arctic Island, to provide some Christmas cheer “for the boys”. A magnificent real pine Christmas tree was loaded onto the Electra plane in Calgary, as well as a very generous box of decorations and two cartons of beer. Normally no alcoholic beverages were allowed, but an exception had been made, two cartons of beer for a crew of about 30. Inside ‘the Bay’ (the Hudson Bay Company’s shopping centre), whence the tree had been purchased, the temperature was kept at a steady 60ºF, outside on the way to the airport, the tree was subjected to a temperature of minus 10ºF. After takeoff for the short haul to Edmonton (where the drilling crew was picked up ) the temperature inside the aircraft gradually increased to 60ºF. When the doors were opened in Edmonton air at minus 20ºF entered the aircraft. After loading drill pipe or whatever, the doors shut and the temperature once again gradually increased to 60ºF. The next stop was Yellowknife where the aircraft was refuelled. The doors opened and minus 30ºF air rushed in. On takeoff to the Arctic Island, the temperature once again was gradually increased to 60ºF. On arrival at the rig on opening the doors, air at minus 40ºF rushed in. Eventually the tree was transferred inside to the mess hall. Our lodgings were kept by a boiler room and a system of pipes and radiators at- you guessed it- 60ºF. On defrosting the tree lost all its needles. The only other Australian on the crew was the radio operator. He was the prime suspect in the disappearance of 50% of our Christmas beer allocation.

So determined were we to partake in Christmas cheer that we so decorated the naked tree, that its true condition could not be discerned by the sharpest of eyes. The cook let out a secret, vanilla essence (of which he held ample stocks) has a very high alcoholic content. The essence is in essence not palatable, but is quite digestible when added to copious quantities of ice cream. Added to our beer ration (three quarters of a stubby each), the essential ice cream and sheer determination resulted in us getting quite merry.

With considerable gusto we sang Christmas songs around the camouflaged tree and had ourselves a Merry Christmas.

…I gwana weesh you a merie krismas from da bottum of mayi jart…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gELfPvb06pE

A Yuendumu Warlpiri Christmas:

Darby Jampijimpa was both an important Warlpiri ‘ceremony man’ and a ‘good’ Baptist Christian. So decent a man was Darby that he waited until the next day after family, friends and politicians had gathered on his 100^th birthday at the Alice Springs Old Timers Nursing Home, to fall off the twig. If there is a Heaven, Darby certainly earned a place in it.

For many years Darby used to dress up as Father Christmas and make an appearance as a not all that convincing Santa Claus at the Yuendumu School Christmas Party.

For reasons best known to himself Darby had replaced Santa’s sonorous “Ho Ho Ho” with a high pitched “Hee Hee Hee” whilst vigorously ringing a bell

…he could play a guitar like ringing a bell… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ROwVrF0Ceg (I know, I know, completely irrelevant. Any excuse to sneak in a Chuck Berry song)

One year, inspiration struck the Yuendumu School post-primary boys and their teacher. They assembled, out of ply-wood, Santa’s sleigh. Mary the linguist very kindly made her Holden Ute available to tow the sleigh. Darby settled into the sleigh and the ute set off and all augured well when Darby started ringing the bell whilst “Hee Hee Hee”ing. The driver got a bit of speed up, when bits started falling off the sleigh. Darby was no longer ringing the bell nor “Hee Hee Hee”ing. He was gritting his teeth and holding on for dear life whilst the oblivious driver sallied forth, depositing a trail of debris in his wake.

That was to be Darby’s last appearance as Santa Claus. The baton was taken up by younger even less convincing successors.

Never again was a Holden Ute drawn open sleigh to make an appearance in Yuendumu.

…Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh…   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQc5WkO47eQ 

ושנה חדשה שמחה

Frank

Dear reader, we’d taken a day or two off over chrissy, but as the  Cardinal was overheard to say to the actress in correspondence to the Child Abuse Royal Commission, “I only acted in your best interests, provided, you promise, not to tell’.

Wishing you all the best for the New Year.

The outgoing Special Minister for State. Mr Mal Practice.

2016 Promises to be a significant year of fundamental change. Well then dear reader, that’s the message coming from the Prime Ministers Office. There’s big change afoot. First in the big change category has been the down grading of the role of Special Minister for State, ‘The outgoing Special Minister has done a splendid job. Really quite splendid, and as a consequence there’s no real need for such application in this government to assess procedure and due diligence’. Asked to consult his diary to record the years significant events, the P.M was flummoxed, as the diary had left the building and according to the P.M; ‘an inadvertent mixup and understandable breach of protocol under the circumstances”.

Mr Mal Practice in happier days. Rescuing remote communities from the depravity of pornography, alcohol and anything else found in Canberra.

Asked to record his proudest moment the outgoing Special Minister recorded his role in the intervention. ‘By any index, all the indicators are up, Imprisonment, health deterioration, non-education and non-community representation, all up. It’s a big tick for doing it right, by established military protocols and the same intelligence that gave us Afghanistan and Syria’, The outgoing Special Minister also pointed to new opportunities in other remote parts of Australia, and the option for exporting our Stronger Futures if asked to New Guniea, the Solomons, Fiji and West Papua. And why, when queried, “because it gives certainty and it works”.

Clearly irritated by the over-long doorstop the P.M reiterated once again the innovative intent of his new parliament by referring to the prodigious efforts to re- calibrate the political environment. ‘Look at all the indices, foreign aid, refugees, and our exports of coal and iron ore, there’s big change and a clear new path to refute those who augment it’s business as usual. We’re really different from the Abbott government and as the months before the March election as, you’ll see just how different we are. Yes there’s a point to it all, ‘Abbott Point’.

Abbott Point can be seen from Space. Abbott wink may be less visible on cloudy days.

Senator Abetz, who declined the role as voice-over for Marty the Mollusc. Photographed in parliament doing his popular mollusc impersonation.

Courtesy from our friends in the Minerals and Energy Council we bring you ‘Marty the Mollusc’. Concerned with the negative reception from the ‘Coal is an amazing thing’ the Minerals and Energy Council have undertaken an extensive international search and came up with Marty, right in their back yard. ‘Marty, the Merry Mollusc’ lives at Abbott Point, and through an engaging and innovative computer program, is able to express through ‘Mollusc-media’ his desire for the Abbott Point Coal Terminal to grow. According to the M&EC publicist, ‘Marty will be the Skippy of the twenty first century and bring a new era of environmental management to Australian Living rooms’. His catchphrase, ‘Bigger and better”, will put a stop to those ‘pesky activist barrier reefers’ . Marty will appear on national and international television, facebook and Youtube as our environmental ambassador to prove once and for all that coal really really is good for humanity, and we’re really really serious about doing it right for the environment. The Greater, (augmented with the worlds biggest ever coal terminal) Barrier Reef. ‘He’s a simple soul with a heart of gold’, but his message is true, ‘Coal and Real Estate, Making Australia GREAT’!!’ An enthusiastic message to all Australians. And now let’s talk about INNOVATION’!! Abbott Point will be Seen from SPACE’!!

Indeed the enthusiasm index seems to be in the rise with Donald Trump set to create more shockwaves for those not white, middle aged, conservative, and toupee wearing. And according to the Urban Development Institute of Australia, there’s still plenty of room left for development of national parks, crown land and infrastructure. Or so we’ve been led to believe, from their conference opening at the Shenzen Institute of Integrated Technologies, (S.H.I.T), and an enthusiastic response from the mining industry to trial the world’s first fully integrated residential CF&L, ‘Cut, Fill and Bury’ development, with specialist input from BHP’s Somarco development in Brazil.

Sad news for Clive Palmer an the other miners with iron ore and nickel well and truly down, but there’s interest in shifting their focus to nuclear waste storage and “Opening up the north’ to development in the short term’. Asked what ‘opening up’ meant? he was succinct; “oh for real estate”.

Former Education Minister the Rt. Hon. Christopher Pyne indicating a way ahead for education.

So lots to celebrate in 2016, and the knowledge, sacred to all of us, that in this year we’ll be celebrating the anniversary of that particularly nasty 100th, (Poizieres, the Somme, Passchendaele etc) on the western front, whilst committing ourselves to new ventures in Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan or anywhere. Suggesting out with the old and in with the new, and we’re learning all the way . Well in a Gonski’ free learning environment sort of way.