Dear reader, you will be doubtless shocked that the government of North Vietnam acted without notice and cancelled the upcoming Long Tan fiftieth anniversary commemoration.

All of us proud sons and daughters of Anzac will be reeling that once again a communist oligarchy has eshewed the principles of clean living, noble sacrifice, and glory, for a cheap political stunt!. Once again, the Viet Cong, have broken a promise and dudded a show.  And we now know from the highest ranks of RSL-dom that the long term ramifications will be severe.

‘the eternal sacrifice of aussie male-dom that shall forever shine as our talisman for obedience to the clarion call of God. King an Country’, Stunningly evoked in this Life-like diorama.

How could they do this? Have they no compassion. All we asked for was a discrete little ceremony. Perhaps a thousand odd veterans, the usual gaggle of pollies, and the new defence minister, (whoever she is), sharing a photo op a little bit different from the one we’re used to in France or further up the Burma Thai railway. We’d been working on this for eighteen months. And then just at the very last moment. Bang! Or as we used to say as kiddies in the sixties, “Po- Ha”, cos we reckoned that was BANG in Mandarin. It was written in big letters on the hapenny bungers, from China, (even then we were trading with the Chinese whilst we knew they were keeping the Viet Cong supplied). It was going to be quite a shindig at Long Tan. The fiftieth! Some of the boys had never been back and were so looking forward to it.

They, (the commies) just pulled the plug. Just like the wowsers pulled the plug on crackers for Guy Fawkes, and replaced it with the sanitized grafted schmalzdom of Hallow- fucking- ween.

Col Joye and Litlle Pattie chat to a digger moments before the Viet Cong ruined the show the first time round.

It was meant to be just another discrete little function, Not quite as big as the one we have in Gallipoli in remembrance of the eternal sacrifice of aussie male-dom that shall forever shine as our talisman for obedience to the clarion call of God. King an Country, but something a sort of bit in between. Say just a few dozen busses, families, marquees, several bands, the official party, the wreath-layers, speakers, a light show, some fireworks, and all those people dressed and draped in aussie flags. Then halfway through this discrete little ceremony Little Pattie was to descend in a chopper. A Huey, just like we used at Nui Dat, and do a few numbers. It was rumoured that Col Joye might turn up and an outside chance that she’d be joined on the stage by Normie Rowe. But it’s all over now.

Those Viet Cong put the kibosh on the whole lot, as if it’s their country, and they have no respect for the glorious role we played in giving them the gift of napalm, agent orange and mass slaughter to keep them free.

Ungrateful! That’s it in a nutshell. Sheer bloody mindedness. Problem is that they, ( the Viet Cong) just don’t understand the aussie traditions of mateship and sacrifice. WE want to celebrate Long Tan, cos though we lost the war, this was a mighty victory. Some twenty odd diggers copped it, and others were wounded. They say that upwards of over two hundred and fifty Viet Cong were knocked off, but ‘they’ can’t be sure.  That’s the trouble with a non cricketing nation, they never keep accurate scores. But the scoreboard proves this-un was a decisive victory. And more profound than what we later went on to achieve in Afghanistan, Iraq, and now Syria. This one actually took place on a spot. Bit like Gallipoli, and that’s worthy of commemoration itself.

Long Tan. How it all started. These Viet Cong kids tried to get into the show for free.

They just don’t understand. And they’ve made a big mistake. Probably got no sense of history. I know it is actually their country, but Aussie Blood was spilt here.  In time we’ll be mates.

Sadly,  they have no word for mateship in Vietnamese. Spose that’s why they’ve knocked us back. It’s lost in translation.

Dear Reader,  we are indebted to Ira Maine for shedding a full light upon a very real problem. Please enjoy this next installment and wait in anticipation as our very own neo liberal merchant banker Malcolm XOX talks a bit, makes the odd press release, and does nothing as usual.

Chicago School of Economics.

Despite this success, the new economic ‘thinking’ in the 1970’s and in the shape of the Chicago School of Economics, wanted the old order reinstated. They had no new ideas, not a single one. They simply wanted the Keynesian shackles removed, the ‘free market’ reinstated, in order that, for a short period, until the inevitable ‘bust’ arrived, astronomical profits could be made. That this inevitable ‘bust’ would impoverish millions was to them, irrelevant. Keynes ideas, they told us, were old-fashioned and entirely unsuited to the economic life of the late 20th century.

Milton Friedman and George Bush Jnr. 

As a consequence, and as part of the neo-liberal ‘philosophy’, systematically, over many years, the new economic theorists have tried to destroy every institution, bred from hard times and designed to protect the welfare of working people. Year after year, Unions, the Health Services, Unemployment benefits, Workers Compensation, even Superannuation and a myriad others have come under fiercely aggresive attack, by every possible means, in order to weaken their power.

The new reality of the trickle down effect. Homelessness.

All that may be concluded from this is that the new ‘economic thinking’ has nothing whatever to do with economics at all. Alan Greenspan, former head of the US Federal Reserve, and theoretically a man of absolute financial rectitude, practiced violin concertos whilst the American economy disintegrated around him. He knew, absolutely knew that Keynes was right and unfettered capitalism was a recipe for disaster. He knew this because the history of 19th and 20th century economics demonstrates irrefutably the absolute folly of neo-liberal economics. Despite this he allowed laws which had been in place since Roosevelt’s time, laws specifically designed to prevent a repeat of the 1929 crash, to be swept aside. In doing this, this apparently hugely responsible man behaved with such a level of irresponsibility as to stagger the imagination. How could he not know what the outcome would be? How could he not know that what he was allowing would bankrupt the West?

‘Winners are Grinners’. Neo Liberalism’s happy side. Not all Doom! Smiling Grammar Boys demonstrate the trickle down effect. Whilst “doing their bit” to help the homeless stay homeless and “quite comfortable considering their wretched self sought circumstances”.

I began this piece by mentioning Rod Simms, the ACCC and the IMF. Both of these bodies are waking up to the fact that neo-liberalism is a wholly destructive force which is likely to destroy society.

Jesus wept. Where have these people been? These are the people who should know better. Neo-liberalism has operated as a hugely destructive force for centuries. It takes astonishing levels of pure IMF chutzpah to stand up and declare that they have just discovered (as if history didn’t exist) that neo-liberalism is dangerously destructive.

Since the Industrial Revolution, neo-liberalism, known then as laissez faire capitalism, has been involved in the systematic plunder of our world.. Without regard, without respect for the notion of society, it has stolen land, uprooted whole societies, waged terrifying war, carried out deliberate genocide, invaded, murdered, poisoned, impoverished and starved millions of people. Despite all this evidence, we have just been through yet another sustained bout of lunatic neo-liberalism which has, once more, brought the West to its economic knees.

There has got to be a better way to run society. It is, to say the least, disengenuous of the IMF, at this late stage, to tell us that, as a result of its deliberations, it has concluded that neo-liberalism is a destructive force in society. Neo-liberalism has always been a dangerously uncaring, potentially Fascist system, a system that struggles night and day to destroy the idea of a compassionate society. For the IMF to pretend it has just noticed this is an insult to our intelligence.

Speaking of ‘Insult to our intelligence’ the leadership team confronted Murray Goulburn in the boardroom on their bastardry toward dairy farmers. And ……… did…….. nothing. That’s why they say; ” Winners are Grinners”.

 Bread and circuses are no longer enough. It is time we had some real, grown up adults in charge of the nation’s money. I also feel that neo-liberal thinking should be officially declared to be as great a danger to society as cancer.

Australian leadership team demonstrating an absence of historical knowledge…….. and leadership

Dear reader, the following is an extract from a most excellent piece sent to us from our esteemed poet laurete Mr Ira Maine esq.. Due to the exigencies of recent budget cuts we are not able to give you a complete analysis, other than to say it’s an analysis in itself, and a remarkably good read. We hope you agree with us on this count.

Rod Simms, chairman of the ACCC, is losing faith in privatisation. The ACCC is the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission, a body charged with ensuring that competition in the market place is alive and well…competitive. The IMF (The International Monetary Fund) is (now) of the opinion that neo-liberalism is a bad thing in that it creates such massive inequality that it diminishes productivity, destroys economic growth and impoverishes vast sections of society. For this reason, economists of all stripes have begun to look anew at economic policy.

These are all hopeful signs that the powers-that-be have also begun to look afresh, and critically at the results of neo-liberal economic policies over the last 30 or 40 years. It is undoubtedly true that the results of these policies have been extremely deleterious to society and have contributed enormously to our present economic difficulties. It is time, economists feel, for a fresh start.

All of the above might be wonderful news were it not for a simple, and largely ignored fact: history. Every properly educated, 20th century economist will, I imagine, have studied the history of modern economics and will be well aware of it’s pitfalls. During the Napoleonic Wars, England, being the only western European country not to be invaded by Napoleon, seized the opportunity to supply most of Europe with food and clothing. Massive profits were made until Wellington brought the whole business to a halt by thrashing the French at Waterloo. What followed in England was a gradual decline into recession, food riots and appalling scarcity. Up sprang ‘economists’ on all sides who knew precisely what to do. A form of economic management called ‘laissez faire capitalism’ was instituted which basically meant ‘let the market rule’.

Economic thinking had it that profit taking was paramount, there was no need for governments to interfere, even if the people were starving, as, by a natural process, the market would eventually correct itself. This resulted in mass starvation all over the British Isles. American ships, loaded with grain donated to relieve hunger, were driven off by the British authorities because, they argued, the Yankee product would depress the governmentally guaranteed price of the local grain! This example of laissez faire capitalism became an international scandal when it was discovered that, by 1848, as a result of this infamous policy, at least a million people had died of hunger in Ireland. By the Mid 1850’s, both Germany and the United States were becoming economic powers in their own right and had seriously begun to threaten the British monopoly on trade. Naturally there was belt tightening at home, at least for the working class and even more of it when the laissez faire driven Long Depression of the 1870’s took hold. By 1914, conditions for the urban working classes in Britain were so bad, with so many men underweight and malnourished, that scores were declared absolutely unfit to be soldiers in the Great War.

Keynes. Often forgotten that much of his economic theory was borne through hanging around with artists, writers and great talkers. Pity that example is not followed today.

The moment the Great War was over there was a recession. By 1926 there was a huge Depression. For the next couple of years, insane, unfettered speculation kept flappers dancing until laissez faire, that darling of the economic theorists, created, in a very short time, the Great Depression.

The English economist, John Maynard Keynes, at about this time, developed a new economic theory. Observing the endlessly repeated and disastrous ‘boom and bust’ effect of laissez faire capitalism, of allowing the market to rule itself, Keynes decided that governmental control of the market should play a much greater role in the economic life of the land. When Keynes’ theories were adopted, the wild speculation seen in the 1920’s by banks was brought under strict control and it was determined that governments should, in the future, intervene directly in the marketplace whenever markets threatened to either ‘boom’ or’bust’. Keynes also believed that, in times of economic downturn, governments should spend massively to both provide employment and ease the effects of recession..

Keynes took his ideas to the US where Franklin D, Roosevelt instituted hugely successful work programs to provide assistance to the millions of Depression era unemployed. The above is not, by any stretch, a history of economics, but it does tend to show that allowing the market to rule itself is a formula for economic disaster, as it invariably hammers those least capable of surviving an economic collapse. People, working people, suffered endlessly in the Depression, particularly in Australia and the U.S. Keynes saw this and determined that it should not happen again. This brilliant economist died in 1946 but his changes to the economic life of Britain and elsewhere brought about sustained and spectacular post-war prosperity which lasted for forty years.

We await tomorrow’s installment with some anticipation, and hope that out P.M for Innovation may yet make a decision, demonstrate leadership, or “do something”!

An artist impression of the Gatsby House

Dear reader, here for your apprecciation, another piece from our roving U.S correspondent Cecil.

I’m enjoying a Gatsby like sojourn in an immense Lake House, ninety minutes drive south west of Chicago.  Numerous flat screens, even in the lavish bathrooms, plus a large digital projector. 12 bedrooms, three ovens, six refrigerators.  Boat house, summer house, ski boat, pontoon boat, kyaks, floating island.  Spa, artificial beach, waterfall.  The lake has beautiful fresh clear water.  Trees and thick vegetation line the many tongued lake.  Houses, like the one we are staying at, are spread along the shoreline.  We take the pontoon boat out with six adults, and five kids, picnic in one of the arms, with lots of swimming and skylarking, lazing and reading.

I get to wondering about this lake, its origins, its geomorphology.  The lake sits near a major water shed, one side feeding into the Mississippi and out into the Gulf of Mexico, the other into Lake Michigan and on into the St Laurence River and out into the North Atlantic near Nova Scotia.  The watershed is almost flat, and in earlier times water flowed either way, depending on rainfall and water levels.

It is true (disclaimer here: I do not know that this is true) that there are fourteen minerals essential for human life, (and I am lead to believe that wine has all fourteen), and I reckon the water in this lake had quite a number of minerals and maybe a few that were not quite so essential.  In fact the water may not be quite as beautiful, clear and fresh as I at first supposed, for this lake is actually a re-purposed strip mine, a mine that provided companies like Peabody Energy glorious profits from the sale of the coal mined here.

Mr Peabody

(Of course the vast bulk of Coal companies in the US have filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy Protection, although Peabody Energy has excluded its Australian operations from the suit, a nod, no doubt, to the significant ethical moral and financial support offered the Coal Industry by the Australian people through its benevolent Government.)

So here we are in a re-purposed coal mine, re-purposed to support the real estate industry.

From this idyll we visited another example of re-purposing, of reclamation, of adaptive re-use.   The Midewin National Tallgrass Prarie was until recently a munitions plant, part of the Joliet Army Ammunition Plant.  Over 5000 Hectares are now open to the public and are replanted as Tallgrass Prarie.  Bison have been re-introduced as part of the plan.  The vegetation is varied and dense.  Mainly perennial, it dies off in the Autumn before the winter freeze.  Regular burning is likely to be an ongoing part of the management plan.  The volume of herbage is quite extraordinary, certainly by Australian standards.

Typical midwest cornfield and worker

These two reclamations, the coal mine/lake and the munitions factory/prarie are surrounded either by fields planted with corn or soy bean, farmed by people whose only nod to wealth is in their shiny new green or red farming plant, never in their houses, or by chemical plants belching forth smoke, with their owners shielded from public view behind pension funds, merchant bankers and the like.

This is a strange country.  Much like Australia.

Dear reader. Occasionally we appeal to our readership for help. And in this respect we’re not far off the mark. Because we know that our readership comprise those devoted few who are up to the mark on technology, society and what’s happening in the socio political firmament.

“Shenzhen People’s Development Corporation”. Attractive Logo and other exciting images in the prospectus.

The other day, I completed my census form. Because I live in provincial Victoria there was no problem. It was reassuring to know that just as I had found it, my completed census forms would be duly picked up by an operative, and whisked away to be processed. It’s these little instances of departmental efficiency that give you confidence in the system. A reassurance, that all of us, in our own little way, are “ doing our bit”.

‘I admired the consummate skill of the artwork, and reflected upon the skill of Chinese penmanship’.

Well it came as some surprise that some short time later, I was contacted by email. It looked very official looking, and on the letterhead, a stamp, “Shenzhen People’s Development Corporation”. It was printed in red ink, and the logo, had a lovely depiction of traditional Chinese watercraft afloat on the Pearl River, with impressive looking buildings in the background, and lots of rejoicing people. I admired the consummate skill of the artwork, and reflected upon the skill of Chinese penmanship. Appended to the letter was a paragraph. I think a pro forma paragraph, entitled, “Dear party member”. Below this was a series of boxes in which ticks had already been applied. It had my name, address, and a photographic reproduction of my house. Underneath this thorough descriptor, the words, ‘Current five year plan transitional living arrangement’. I was intrigued, it read, “ dear comrade, your chosen allocation will be assessed shortly, and we guarantee you safe passage to Australia, and internship courtesy of Property Council and Australian chamber of Commerce and Industry’. Below it the party number, 2446754/384754 for reference, and a copy of the mortgage and titles of my very own house.

Australia into the Twentieth Century. I’m  adjusting to my new post Census Lifestyle. Lots of fresh air, and improved access to transport.

I was perplexed, and thinking an error in the breadth and diligence of the Australian Census, for how else could they have acquired this information? I determined to contact my bank and ask the manager if anything funny had occurred with my personal details. To my surprise when I contacted the bank, I was asked to hold. Normally I’d not mind this, but in this occassion, I was assailed by this screeching musical dissonance, a sort of “ two cats screwing” moment. I was modestly disturbed, and my suspicions were confirmed when the person answering my enquiry replied in fluent Mandarin. Thinking I’d got a crossed line, I then thought, “ just check my banking details” and to my horror, my accounts, of which there are several, (as I’m no slouch in the realm of high finance), had been converted to Yuan. Just like that!!! I could tell this much, and that’s about the strength of it, because all the information on payments and transactions were in Chinese characters. With my anxiety growing I minced down to the local bank, only to find it closed, with the hoarding, ‘Sino Australian Co-operative Golden Moon Property Investment Council’. My concerns were justified. Justification enough that the ABS man was right.

“We’ve been hacked, And i’m afraid to say, had a ‘Number 14’ done to us. I was done like a dinner.

And in case you don’t know, that’s Mandarin for ‘Rice Balls’.

With absolutely no attempt to raise the standard Poetry Editor Ira Maine Esq has given us this shameful offering:

The Merry Muses of Caledonia

There appeared in Scotland, in the 18^th century, a scurrilous volume bearing the above title, of scant merit and lacking even the rudiments of good taste which found its largest audience  amongst the great unwashed.

Simply to give my audience the merest suggestion of how low the inhabitants of that northerly land might stoop in order to elicit a coarse and vulgar snigger, I offer you all the following ditty, extracted from the aforementioned tome and entitled;

Wad Ye Do That?

[lest any person have difficulty with the text, I offer what I hope will be a helpful translation]

Gudewife, when your gudeman’s frae home [when your husband’s not at home]
Might I but be sae bauld, [be so bold]
As come to your bedchamber,
When winter nights are cauld;  [cold]
As come to your bedchamber,
When nights are cauld and wat, [wet]
And lie in your gudeman’s stead,

Wad ye do that?

Young man, an ye should be sae kind,
When our gudeman’s frae hame,
As come to my bedchamber,
Where I am lain my lane;  [alone]
And lie in our gudeman’s stead,
I will tell you what,
He fucks me five times ilka night,

Wad ye do that?

Demonstrably unfit for the more delicate sensibilities, don’t you think?
Ira Maine esq, Poetry Editor

Today’s dispatch is Special Treatment.  Originally dispatched on 12 February 2015

Buenos dias compañeros,

In Alice Springs last week half a dozen armed police charged into a residence to arrest a murder suspect. The teenage suspect was in a room with a privacy door lock (easily opened with a spread knife). Three doors were kicked in. One of the rooms contained a couple of terrified toddlers watching a video. The lady whose house this was, complained to the police about the unnecessary damage to the doors and the violent behaviour in front of her grandchildren. “Housing will fix that” she was told “No they won’t, this is a privately owned home”

“OK, we will fix it then” Have they? Not yet (will keep you posted). “And by the way, we’re sorry about the kids” (no they didn’t say this, it was just a thought).

Were these Afghani Muslims in Afghanistan? Or Armenian Dissidents in Turkey? Or German environmental campaigners in Germany? No, they were Australian Aborigines, in Australia.

They got Special Treatment.
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/04/08/how-to-break-down-a-door/
From Art of Manliness: “Alright, let’s get this out of the way first: kicking down a door is not the best option for opening a locked door. It will damage the door and cost you lots of money to fix it. It is better to call a locksmith, pick the lock, or attempt to crawl in a window….. How to break down a door If you have watched enough movies, your next move is a no brainer….run at the door shoulder first, right? Wrong. This technique may be über-manly, but it will probably dislocate your shoulder. It is better to employ a more forceful and well placed kick.”

A few days ago a fight broke out in Yuendumu. At 5 a.m. the next day Police Special Forces flew in and carried out raids and arrested 7 people.

The Flying Doctor and Police planes are identical. The RFDS plane has a silver belly. The Police plane’s bottom is painted black.

I see a red door and I want it painted black….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6d8eKvegLI

The Police Special Forces specialize in Forceful Special Treatment.

Having just penned this special sentence, I find out that no Special Forces per se were involved. A group of police was quickly assembled (including some that came by plane) with various skills and from various places. Some were armed with sten guns. They’d brought a door rammer. I’m also told that local police had a moderating influence on some of the more gung-ho visitors and no doors were rammed or kicked in. The police subsequently sang lullabies to all terrified children woken by these events (no they didn’t, it was just a thought).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asEP6olraAc …. Papa is going to buy you… (no he won’t he’s in Alice Springs Gaol)

Hush little baby, don’t you cry….. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iLiwycXQoA

Go to sleep You Little baby….. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1wZVVMKojw   

Grandfather walked this land in chains
A land he called his own
He was given another name
And taken into town

He got special treatment
Special treatment
Very special treatment

My father worked a twelve-hour day
As a stockman on the station
The very same work but not the same pay
As his white companions

He got special treatment
Special treatment
Very special treatment

Mother and father loved each other well
But together they could not stay
They were split up against their will
Until their dying day

They got special treatment
Special treatment
Very special treatment

Mama gave birth to a stranger’s child
A child she called her own
Strangers came and took away that child
To a stranger’s home

She got special treatment
Special treatment
Very special treatment

I never spoke my mother’s tongue
I never knew my name
I never learnt the songs she sung
I was raised in shame

I got special treatment
Special treatment
Very special treatment
We got special treatment
Special treatment
Very special treatment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlcpmQKOQKw

Construction of the $7.6M Police Complex in Yuendumu proceeds apace. We are getting Special Treatment.

Hasta la proxima,

Franklin

Making the Census work for a planned economy.

Oh dear, something terrible is afoot. No sooner had the P.M for ‘Thought bubbles and innovation proclaimed “ Mission accomplished’ on the Census, that the computer system went down. An emphatic ‘Computer Says No’ moment.

Within seconds the CEO of the Australian Bureau of Statistics was onto it, proclaiming it was hacked by outside agencies. ‘Unknown outside agencies’, and to be quite specific, a nation state that may talk Mandarin, and be cross with us. Why would they do such a thing? According to the detailed analysis that followed, the Chinese were really upset with us about everything, and it makes perfect sense. They’re were angry with us for not allowing them to buy the NSW energy grid. Angry at us for not rejecting the Hague decision on maritime boundaries, and angrier still that one of our athletes had suggested that the Chinese swim team were bent. Enough to make you want to stuff up the census. Yep, just a typical sort of thing you’d expect the Chinese to do. They’re sore at us because of our free living, and carefree lifestyle, and who wouldn’t want to be an Australian, envy of the civilised word.

Turned out it’s none of the above. It was our own ABS system. Perhaps more ancient than Archimedes screw. It was just not up to the job, and when it crashed, the whole underfunded creaking, apparatus came tumbling down. It seems in hindsight that blaming the Chinese was a pretty good strategy. Popular with the electorate, and more popular still Malcolm Turnbull’s directive that “heads will roll”

Homelessness in Melbourne. A Sure sign that a planned economy and society based upon the application of census data is no longer relevant.

Who’s heads we’d like to ask? Spose it wouldn’t be the generations of Australian Pollies dating back to Hawke and Fraser, who have defunded the ABS. Certainly not Australian industry who steadfastly work to equip Australia to the bold new future, and break the digital divide. Nup, it was much simpler than that. A realisation that Australia’s era of planned economies, and big government are well and truly over. The census is just ‘so so post war’. Why do we need a census at all?

Do you think government has the commitment to instigate change off the back of census data. I don’t think so. It’s corporations who run the country now, and perhaps the biggest , the Property Council would find the Census apparatus a hindrance. Their model is laissez fire, and it’s fantastically good for the shareholders, and those at the bottom of the coal-face, the proprietors of Seven Elevens, who’ve proven their worth. WE are in a census derived vacuum. Short termism is king. And if you don’t believe me, go talk all the people sleeping rough in Melbourne. They are the markers for a society that enshrines winners and losers. A concept removed from the Big society, and suggestive, like past enshrined attributes, a stable environment and planning to nurture the taxpayers are no longer relevant.

Still though, the Chinese must be laughing. No five year plans, no tax reform, no nuffink on this side of the ledger, just hot air, slogans, and those who get seventy seven votes calling the shots. ‘Lies, damn lies and statistics’. And no apologies for the Chinese. That’s Aussie sportsmanship at work, and more GOLD for AUSTRALIA.

Dear reader, just when you though the census couldn’t get any sillier, and whilst we prepare our mandarin edition for those members of the communist party who are still digesting the input, we bring you this piece from Cecil. Who incidentally, is in the US of A , and aint been shot yet. 

I’ve been in the USA for 5 days now and I still have not been shot.

A better system than Mykey? Is this possible?

I’ve been in Chicago 3 nights and not been shot.  I’ve ridden the subway and not been shot. Twice I’ve been to O’Hare International airport, Chicago’s major gateway to the wider world, firstly after flying from Melbourne via Sydney and Dallas Fort Worth, where possibly the worst part was landing at Chicago and thinking the journey over, only to find that the plane then taxied through what seemed like three suburbs, and an inestimable 20 minutes to finally dock at Terminal Three.  From there it was a seamless passage through baggage collection and onto the nearby subway and an easy journey on the Blue Line to the CBD Munroe Station, just two small block from my hotel.  No complex, gouging, ticket system here, but a simple choice between single ride, 1 day ticket (US$10), or 3 day ticket (US$20), each timed from first use.

The bean.

I was back at O’Hare next evening to meet a friend who’d flown in from Sydney via San Francisco.  She texted me on landing so I eagerly awaited her appearance.  An age later she emerged from the terminal, having taxied for what must be the mandatory twenty minutes.  Again we took the subway, however were the carriage we boarded was found to have an expired passenger.  (It was not his train ticket that was expired, at least I don’t think that was uppermost on anyone’s mind.)   I looked carefully at the expired passenger who was neatly dressed in white shirt and fawn slacks.  The blood stains from the presumed bullets were totally absent.  Guards and other passengers commented on the likely cause of death being heart attack.  Total anti-climax.  Still I warned my friend (of whom I am very fond, and who I would like to keep alive), to be on the lookout for violin cases being carried by men in suits.  We saw none and arrived safely in downtown Chicago.

When in Chicago, Cecil stays at the Tribune. As the flyer states, ” It has no superior’.

On my first morning I’d walked the streets, and strolled through the wonderful Millennium Park, with its brilliant sculptures, Cloud Gate (commonly known as ‘The Bean’) and the pair of fountains with hologram faces changing expressions on one face of each.  Both sculptures are interactive. People of all ages crowding and engaging with both in attitudes of wonder and bliss.  This park is, I think, design of the highest order.  Between this park and the lake (Lake Michigan) is the Frank Geary designed Pavilion and the Maggie Daley Park.  From there I walked the waterfront, then down the river/canal into the centre of the city.  I was not shot.

Cecil’s hotel room.

In fact for the whole walk I saw not a single policeman, and wondered whether that was the reason why I was not shot.  The headline in today’s Chicago Tribune proclaims ‘702 Police shootings and still no charges’.  It seems that over the past 15 years police had shot  people at the rate of almost one a week, and during that time no police had been charged over any shooting.  Some people are concerned about that.  It has been put to me that there is a higher correlation between socio-economic factors and being shot by police than between race and police shootings.  That is it is poor people who commit visible, blatant crimes and most of the poor are First Nation, Hispanic or African American.  The privileged argue that most who are shot have done something to deserve it.

I have still not been shot, obviously not poor enough, obviously too privileged.

Latest news from the pool is astonishing. Are these games bent? Who is bending them?And if they are bent, are they ‘bending it like Beckam’?

Gold at the Olympics. Severe restrictions will apply to IOC officials and Gifts. TO FIGHT CORRUPTION!

The people who run the Olympics, are hell bent on fighting corruption. That’s presumedly why they allowed all the Olympians who were so high on dope last time there was a comp to have a go at Rio. The results have been intriguing. Some of the ex ‘dope-heads’ from non cricket playing countries have won medals. It’s made the clean living, fair minded, predominately cricket playing countries (of which we are one) really cross. We’re cross because we play fair, and train really hard. They do it on DRUGS! It’s just not fair. And, its been going on for years and years and years and every time we find a new detection process they just find another way around it.

The People who run the Olympics have made strident attempts to stem the flow of performance enhancing drugs to athletes, and put in some pretty big sanctions to curb the rot. For example, there’s a rumour going round that the Chinese are trying to beat the system. And though you can’t detect drugs in the Chinese team, even if they were playing ‘straight’, you just cant tell. That’s led to name calling. Though we have no evidence that the current gold for China was ‘untainted’, we’ll have a go and call them out anyway. That’s sportsmanship. And the Chinese will retaliate by laughing about our convict past. Mere sledging. And all good natured sportsmanship in the modern era. Sport is competitive you know and the prestige of nations depend upon it. Just ask Jessie Owens.

Third cousins and over- extended relatives of IOC members will no longer be eligible to trips to Disneyland. FIGHTING CORRUPTION!

Take the Chinese capacity for improvisation. This has already impacted the supply structure within Olympic-dom. And the IOC are on top of it. Rolex watches will not be accepted by IOC officials, unless they are absolutely guaranteed genuine. Gifts of property, straight cash, and indulgences, (first class travel, trips to Disneyland, and shopping sprees in London, Dubai and Paris ) have been severely restricted. Only those IOC officials who accept indulgences in American dollars or gold bullion will be eligible. And there are huge restrictions on nepotism and cronyism. Only direct descendants, children, wives, and uncles and aunties are eligible for inducements and largesse. ‘Third cousins are just not on’, says IOC Chief, Costa Plente.

Jessie Owens suggests to James Hird that drugs have no place in the AFL either.

‘We have stopped the rot, and at this rate only approved countries will be able to stump up for Olympic-dom. ‘And they’re the gold standards. We’ve got bids from Saudi Arabia, Dubai and North Korea which goes a long way to prove that we are truly an international organisation and no loathsome self serving oligarchy of kleptocrats’. ‘At that at this rate by 2096, the games will be 100 per cent clean. And by then the currency of rolex watches and international first class junkets will be a thing of the past. Just another instance of how seriously we are taking the process of reform and proof perfect that the athletes, themselves will be free of the taint of corruption.

It’s not so much a level playing field, but a muddy sloping playing field, in which there’s not a lot of play on the field but quite a bit off it. So what you look at it in balance, the Olympics are still a free expression of what’s possible the unrealised potential of what you can achieve when the spirit of togetherness and the ideals of humanity are united as a singular achievement though sport. And it demonstrates the capacity of all nation states, races and creeds to express themselves and achieve a common norm.

We call it the lowest common denominator’..