‘Benny-Boy’ shows the little Afghani native the value of Dsicipline and being a ‘WHITE-MAN’ under fire!
Dear reader, compellingly we left our heroes in the thrall of “Benny-Boy”, arguably Australia’s tallest, biggest, strongest, toughest and most decorated soldier EVER!!!. Benny was working for the MAN! The most power-fullest man in uniform, the Gau- leiter of Brisbane, “Dutto”! But, intriguingly, both Benny and Dutto were taking orders from a higher authority. Who is the authority? Is is Saint Tony of Santamaria via God’s telephone? Is it Twiggy and his mates in W.A? Is it Clive and his side-kick Scomo? Will we ever find out? Will they ever get out of the metaphysical poo they find themselves in? Find our in this sphincter tightening episode as our heroes gamble their very lives to determine who the penis wielding oppressor, (who defiled our intern Miss Culthorpe) hiding in our nations Parliament really is….
read on….
A map of the North West Frontier, previously referred to as bits to the right of Afghanistan, but now re- badged as part of the new ‘AFGHAN EXPERIENCE Ineractive light and sound exhibition’ at the AWM! The “other” frontier war NEVER HAPPENNED!
Curiously we shuffled up to Benny and felt some measure of protection, he was after all immune from fear, and that is why he was chosen to civilise the savage masses of Afghanis along the North West Frontier.
Preserving an age old tradition, well known overseas actors to play all the leading roles played in real life by real Australians.
Onwards we trudged, and for a while it was fascinating, until we noticed the walls of the tunnel getting closer, and after minutes, narrower. Until, with heads crouched we were stumbling along like wombats. And all awhile, Benny “Commando style” shimmied along the smooth surface as had been practised in SAS training. Just before we succumbed to claustrophobia the nagging fear that we’d been led to a nasty and foreboding place right under the very floor of the nations capital, Benny commanded; ‘Stay still and don’t move a fucken inch! Or,…. (we had a presentiment of what was to follow, it was clearly SAS protocol), ‘Cos if ya move’, and then he leered at us, “I’ll waste you Cxxts’!
From his utility belt, which jangled with his accoutrements, wire cutters, grenades, gas mask and cape, the service Webley and belts of both .303 ammunition and 50 calibre clips for the Boyes anti tank gun, he drew out a Skeleton key. Even in the darkness we could see it had special significance, for on it was carved the winged dagger, and the words; “Who Dares Wins”
Occasionally Indian natives helped us along the North West Frontier.
He turned the key carefully and a pallid glow diffused the surface, which grew in intensity until the entire surface was radiantly and blindingly light. Until blinking in the incandescence, Ben whispered; ‘Say after me; “I obey the rules of Big Coal”, and “ the Murray Darling Basin plan will be good for humanity”! We barely had time to memorise the words, all awhile Benny’s hand flicking the ring of a grenade he’d tied to his ankle when the light vanished and noiselessly we tumbled down a Shute, (not Neville’s) and into a bare, cold, steel room.
No sooner had we time to gather ourselves than the sound of menacing laughter filled our ears. It was familiar, and to our profound shock; ‘Well done Benny Boy, you bought em all safe and sound like I arksed ya’!.
A door clicked open and then standing in front of us, the mastermind.
The magician of the underworld, the Svengali of the Sub-terrane,
But as Benny and his mates will tell you all the hard yacka of civilising was done by ‘WHITE MEN’!
There stood Angus Taylor himself, dressed, in what could only be described as full military gear.
As Anzac Day drew close we weren’t surprised, but this came as a profound shock. The military gear was not Australian, but from the red star and olive green, we could see standing before us our nemesis, now party chief, South Eastern Oceania Region. Citizen No 1.
Angus smirked, ‘Ni Hao Ma’! boys?
This was worse than Harold Holt!
We were in a pickle, and just as Ben hummed a few bars from the patriotic song, ‘my manure spreader returns fully laden to the collective’, Angus said; ‘you’ve stuck your noses just a little too far, and so far you’ve been spared, but I’ve got a little job for you and if you refuse, Benny knows just what to do’!
After the Mutiny (1857) sepoys were not entirely trusted and relegated to bugle playing and laundry duties. They are still deemed “unreliable” by the authorites to this day and face deserved imprisonment if they try to get to Australia. (even if they are Australian Citizens)
What was the little job?
Has Angus really swapped sides?
What has Benny got in store ?
Find our in our next Sino sewerageldy inclined episode;
‘Tiananmen squared’, or ‘a Long march into Midnights Night-Soil Garden’?
