Executives talk about laundry and Cleaning Opportunities as an indisputable part of NATION BUILDING
We’ve be rapt with the proceedings at V-line.
It proves, the cleaning business aint what it used to be,
Running a commercial laundry used to be pretty simple. We’d pick up the laundry from hospitals, hotels and mental institutions, take it back to the warehouse, steam it, clean it, and dry it, and then return it. It’s pretty simple really. Sometimes we’d get an order for ten thousand clean pillow cases, and we’d be up all night pressing em. In the laundry we’ve got an industrial size iron and press, to do bulk lots. Takes us about an hour to do 100 double bed sheets, and say pillow slips and cases we just bulk them and put em through the belt dryer as soon as they come out of the steamer. That way we can do hundreds without really trying. Still, we’d have to return em, and then package them. For bulk orders most of the time would be spent on the packaging. People don’t like paying big bucks for laundry if it arrives in a bag. For the more up-market hotels it must be wrapped in linen and then secured with ribbon, with big bows. That way they know they’re getting value for money And as the saying goes; ‘the optics look good’.
Crown Casino laundry bag
Anyway it’s been like this for years, until recently, strange things started happening. We got a bulk order from Crown Casino, from the high roller penthouses on the twentieth floor, and all these 100 dollar notes flew out of the bag. We rang Crown and they said there must be some mistake, and they sent a bloke round. We said; ‘is this yours mate’? and he said, “nup, just part of a high rollers stake”, and left it at that. The same thing, happened the following week, then the week after, and the week after that. Eventually we stopped ringing Crown cos no one seemed to check up and the the money started arriving daily. Eventually the bags of dirty linen were not just full of linen, but more cash. Until finally, the bags just came stuffed with cash.
So what did we do? We took the cash.
Standard Aldi Bag
Nothing much happened, so we did what sensible folk do and invested in luxury lifestyles. The usual stuff, a place on the beach, a string of investment portfolios, bit-coin, Cartier watches, luxury yachts, a Ferrari or two and a time-share in Aspen.
Till one day the cash stopped
Crown we’d been told had moved its laundry business to an offshore commercial cleaning company. They could offer laundry at a better rate. And to be perfectly honest we were happy. We’d run out of ways of spending the cash. We all had meth, cocaine, and smack addictions, and we weren’t happy. The irony is, the money had made us miserable.
The laundering business had gone off- shore. To attract High Roller laundry.
Turned out the cleaning company knew what to do with the cash, they used what was left over to pay executive managers and CEOs on Boards and in senior public service roles. Some of it even went to regional rail to stimulate growth making initiatives. Like providing gaming facilities on V Line trains or sourcing Cartier watches for performance. Seemed like great ‘Nation Building’ initiatives and who were we to question it? We were just a commercial laundry.
Till one day we got a call from Jamie Packer. He was rope-able.
He said his laundry had gone missing. We told him to ring the bloke who runs V-line cleaning. The bloke who runs V-line cleaning told him to ring the bloke that runs ASIC. The bloke that runs ASIC told us to contact the lady that runs Aus Post. The Lady from Aus Post told us to ring the NSW Premier. The NSW Premier told us to ring the bloke who runs the Energy Ministry in the Federal Govt. The Department Head of the Energy Ministry told us to ring the bloke that runs ‘JAM-LAND’, and by that stage we’d given up. We were confused and we just couldn’t answer all the questions they flung back at us. In the end we just said “Can’t REMEMBER”. And hoped they’d GO AWAY!
And besides Jamie Packer, (the bloke who put the fear of Be-Jeesus into us) had dissapeared, almost as if he was NEVER there!
Till the bloke called Angus set us straight. He told us directly; ’ITS” SORTED”!
‘What’s sorted,’ we implored?
‘Your laundry business’!
Neatly sorting the laundry from Crown. From the Aldi bag into the Crown bag
‘What part of the business’?,
‘Listen up’, he said; ‘If you’re gonna be in the laundry business keep it clean, and NO questions asked. Nothing to see HERE’!
What was he talking about? We were in the laundry business precisely to get things cleaned.
The phone hung up. WE tried to ring back, but they said the number had been disconnected.
We were stumped.
Then all of a sudden the bags started arriving from Crown again.
So far they’re only half full of cash.
We’ve taken Angus’s advice, and pretend that there’s nothing to see. From here-on we press the 100’s into neat little pies and tie nice ribbons round em. Once the money’s cleaned and pressed, we tie them with little ribbons. And send em back via Aust Post. WE started doing that months ago, hadn’t heard anything yet. According to the Aus Post website they’re still tracking.
IT’S SORTED!
No word from Angus, yet, but, the optics look good.