Bigger than the Brownlow!

Dear reader, we are thrilled to give some very trenchant advice on how to make the most of your budget night experience. We know how seriously the electorate takes these things, and like the other big night of the year, “The Brownlow”, we think it’s important to dress up for the occasion and celebrate the way ‘WE’, (the little people), have a say in running the country.

Budget eve is special.  There’s a sense of build up. The sense that our lives will be changed forever. At pcbycp headquarters, (a mystery location known to only a few) we draw all the curtains and ensure that not a chink of light can penetrate the all consuming gloom. This equates to the thrill we feel in knowing that the budget is almost an act ordained by god. And it gives true deference to all those religious groups out there who will be graced by never ever having to pay tax, and the enourmous hand-outs church affiliated folk get to enusre that really important things like school chaplains are reinforced as part of our secular curriculum. So that they may be free to proseltyse their peculiarly religious brand of hate-filled bigotry, tribalism, patriachy and all consuming hangup about sex. WE feel good that on every budget those values are sacrosanct and FULLY FUNDED!!.

Bigger than the Oscars!

That evening we don’t eat. Fasting is important. You need to increase that sense of anticipation and know that for some poor people, who never get a look in on the budget, you can enjoy breathing fresh air, which is entirely for free. Another bonus that is god-ordained. We like to hyperventilate, then collapse. It’s a natural high from just knowing that, “the best things in life are free”.

WE go to bed early and wake up on Budget day. After reading the analysis in all the papers and watching morning television we already have a pretty good idea that the budget will leak. All sorts of tid-bits of information will whet out apetite and we’ll breathe a collective sigh of relief when it’s disclosed that all the big spending budget items will be about rivers of cash diverted to big companies who don’t pay tax. It’s high fives all round, and that signals it’s time for Tim Tams and Lamingtons.

Whilst we’re preparing the footy franks and party pies, we’ll register out budget anticipation index as “postitive” and strap ourselves in for the night.

Even, bigger than the ROYAL WEDDING!!

When the treasurer comes on it’s whoops of joy and party poppers and streamers adorn the plush red velvet of the pcbycp Chesterfield. Breathless, we wait to see how much is increased on defence spending and how much is taken from health, education, the poor, science and the environment.

It’s euphoria when we see how much will be spent on sport, and tears of joy abound for upgraded spending on border protection and keeping all australians SAFE.

And, before we subside, satiated with post budget indulgence, we breathe an audible sigh of relief knowing that the tax system, will remain UNCHANGED.

The Treasurer is full of surprises. You’ll be jumping for Joy!

A victory for the status quo, and a triumph for our soon to be realeased pcbycp philanthropic trust. It will be a power of unquestionable good for the public at large.

Because, we say so.

A Big Step forward for all of us.

Each day reveals new stunning revelations on how banks have managed to defraud, cheat, obfuscate, and bamboozle customers. And each day we hear of other disclosures that put the customer on the same level as those who seek the services of Centrelink.

Customers unhappy with new efficiencies at Centrelink. Not able to comprehend modern economics.

This is good news for shareholders and inadvertently, in case you hadn’t noticed the taxpayer.

You see the banks pay their taxes. And that’s a damn side better than those good folk at Exxon Mobil who get taxpayer funded handouts. Pay no taxes and then completely fuck up ecosystems, communities and life on the planet in general so that a few shareholders can receive grotesque amounts of money. That’s worse than theft, and we love them for it. Cos it reinforces where we are at “post modernism” part two, at the lowest part of the dung heap. I think the name for it is feudalism. That’s the first core principle of modern banking.

Newe Guinea environment improved.  Modern economics at work.

Still the Commonwealth Bank has got a bit to worry about. First choice for money launderers, and destination ‘numero uno’ for those who want to stash a bit of cash, no questions asked and keep it safe. So safe you can be assured that your record will be lost. This is PURE GOLD, and a warning to those who pretend to run Centrelink, that there are more efficiencies to be made by getting rid of staff and replacing them with private contractors. And those private contractors will create “ efficiencies “ for the shareholders by paying stafff next to nothing. Or for those really naive, (young people) an “ internship”. Where until they’re jaundiced, hollowed out and disilussioned, will do it for nothing. At the same time, you can be on the board of a bank, and patronise this new breed of untermensch, about not being able to afford a house, and being beneath contempt. That’s called ‘the trickle down effect’. The second core principle of modern economics.

Now banking aint all it’s cracked up to be. If say for example, you’re on the board of the Commonwealth and you just sit for the odd general meeting you’ll receive a couple of hundred thousand bucks. That’s good money to do nothing. And when there’s a scandal, and then an avalanche of scandals, that go to the core of your absence of principle, integrity and trust, you find a lowly paid pecksniff, to take the blame. That’s called co-ordinated crisis management.

New Guinea people inspecting new community centre paid for by Exxon Mobil. Proof that modern economics WORK!

And like the Minister who pretends to run Centrlink, you can tell the public that “massive steps have been undertaken” to improve the system for ordinary people. Whilst at the same time stick to your core principles: Integrity, trust, honesty? No! The core principle of being superior to ordinary people. In actual fact, as the good boss at AMP so admirably demonstrated, treat the public and the vast majority of your shareholders like merde. And be very proud about it. Because the third principle of modern banking, “ Your merde is non odiferous”!

Still there is advice to all of you. You don’t need to borrow money you cannot afford. You don’t need to be gouged by the system, and you don’t need banks. What you need is a system that really works, and you can rest in the knowledge that your money is serving the community.

Custodians of modern economic policy. In safe hands.

Leave your money where its safe.

Under the bed.