Dear reader, we thought rather than sully ourselves with any description of the latest round between Hillary Status quo and Donald Looney we”d offer another fragment of what once was.

Ten Pound Pom was released in 1949 and became an overnight success. Looking to further enhance the ‘Bring out a Briton’ programme, ‘Ten Pound’ was designed to popularize the benefits of English migration. It was also encouraged by the Federal Government as an ‘educative tool’ to acclimatise the local population to the idea that poms were legitimate migrants and did not suffer the stereotypes that had been attributed to them during the course of the Second and First world wars. Incredibly, the ‘Ten Pound Pom’ game came out at precisely the same time as Palmolive and Lux released their ‘Wash and Wear for Work’ advertising campaign. An advertising campaign designed to instruct recently arrived immigrants from the mother country the benefits of washing more than once a fortnight, and the benefits of washing ones clothes as an accessory. The original concept was developed by the Ministry of Housing, and Department of Noxious Weeds and Rabbit Eradication in the Chifley government.

Chips and his mates showing a ” ten pounder” the ropes.

Keen to offer an incentive for locals to billet out poms and their families. The game offered useful suggestions on how a pom and their family were to be acclimatised. The game itself consisted of a simple foldout board, which displayed a vibrant pastel and ‘off cream’ graphic detailing the typical colour and layout of a post war home. The home had three bedrooms, a garage, a front and rear garden and a shed that could be converted into a sleep-out or a bungalow. There was a rural edition, that consisted of a family homestead of the traditional type, outbuildings and home garden, orchard and machinery shed. Both games were offered free to anyone who offered to bring out a Briton in rural or metropolitan Australia. An enthusiastic response, led by the manufacturer, John Sands and Co saw games and orders reaching the ten thousand mark in the first week. As an added incentive the advertising campaign was launched in theatres and public places by the celebrated Australian actor Chips Rafferty. Photographs of the actor in scenes from a ‘Bush Christmas’, and scenes from the ‘Overlanders’ were included in a deluxe box set, with an additional parcel of vegemite, Bonox, Dencorub and a bar of velvet soap as an introductory offer.

The weedy pom, ( child on left) learns to participate in a favourite Australian Sport. ‘Rock Hugging”

Seeing an opportunity to augment supplies, (due to the persistence of post war rationing) tens of thousands of bogus requests to bring out a Briton meant that the kits were allocated to unusual places. The most unusual examples, being; “The infirmary’, Boggo Road Jail, the Christian Brothers seminary in Northcote, and an unusual request for several parcels to be shipped to the ‘Commissioners Office’ at Port Moresby. Clearly no one had identified these destinations as inappropriate. An enquiry followed. In which it was determined that Church of England parish camps, humpies and “ bits of tarp slung out between two forty-four gallon drums” did not satisfy the standard definition of a conventional home. And applicants whose address, ‘the creek bed’, or ‘the back paddock’ were dismissed out of hand. For several years Ten Pound Pom was a common sight in parlours, ladies lounges and public baths.

A ‘returnee’ ten pound pom, extols the virtue of regular bathing and the use of soap to a sympathetic audience.

The game was simple. Poms were offered a place of lodging and a job for the bread winner. The bread winner, earned points dependent upon the level of expertise required; Abattoir worker, fencer, and toilet cleaner designated for the lowest rungs, and a poorer area allocation, (Frankston, Elizabeth, Parramatta or Blacktown) . Whilst clerical staff, and office menials were given the option of spare room in inner city flats to help them acclimatise. Well educated , and correctly spoken “Ten pounders’ were encouraged to move to inner cites, where their credentials guaranteed them a highly paid executive position within a government department or as announcer in the ABC. Those who could attract the most poms to their house, would accumulate the most points. Those with the highest points were those who were able to convert the maximum space for sponsorship. The rules stated, “any habitable abode”. Consequently chook pens, outhouses and cupboards were made available. The game required skill and a good memory. It consisted of the board, the house plan, and as many pom game counters that you could fit. The only limit being no more than twelve to a room. A starting price of ten pounds was given to each family, with game cards offering employment from the lowly paid and menial to executive level. Those with the most cash converted from the ten pounds would win. It was described by the eminent financier Nugget Coombes as a ‘sort of labor exchange orientated monopoly in which everyone knows by instinct their correct place”.

Sadly the enthusiasm for Ten Pound Pom waned with the arrival of intercontinental aircraft and the lack of interest evinced by the locals once migrants from other source destinations began to arrive en masse. Today only a few examples survive in the foyer of Australia House, and the counter of the Immigration Museum, where it’s used as an instructional tool for Immigration Department officials and members of Border Force. However, recent rumours abound that the game is being re- engineered by scientists seconded from CSIRO to the Property Council as ‘South China C’s’. As described by the head of the Property Council Mr Rennton Seeker: ‘It’s a game from senior cadres of the Communist Party. A bit like Ten Pound Pom in reverse, except, rather than billeting they’re just buying”

Visiionary leadership from the IPA.

You’ve got to hand it to the IPA. When it comes to nurturing deep thinkers, there’s no peer. And at the IPA, they know all about leadership. The federal government is about to spend 150 million on a marriage plebiscite. Marriage plebiscite’s are really profound ways of demonstrating leadership. Why pass legislation that reflects seventy percent of the electorates thinking when you can stymie social development for the sake of a few rusted on first century conservative ideologues. Who quite rightfully think that women are to be stoned, incarcerated and homesexuals are the closest thing you’ll get to a real “Animal Farm”. That’s where the IPA gets off. And the real issues facing western democracies, (countries run by big business and lobbyists) the questions of equity, health, education, science manufacturing and the environment are not important. Neither is the importation of ‘foreign’ cultural artifacts.

Gough Whitlam. Wrecklessly destroying our cultural heritage.

That’s the point the IPA is trying to make. When Gough purchased Blue Poles back in 73, he committed an act of cultural iconoclasm. He purchased a foreign, (American) painting. And ,If you look at it closely, nothing in the painting has anything to say about the glorious, noble, eternal, inviolate spirit of ANZAC. That’s the problem with foreign art, it doesn’t reflect the struggle of the people and the real principles of art, (we like to call it ‘kunst’) as a principle to protect and educate us as a baulwark against the tendencies of counter-cultural bolshevist-degenerative art. Though we’ve been culturally conditioned by american culture since the ‘talkies’ came into being, Mr Patterson is quite right to talk about Blue Poles being a waste of money. And now it’s worth 350 million, we should cash in, and send the fucking thing back. If our debt is growing by one billion dollars a day it’ll be the proverbial drop in the ocean. But someone has to get the ball rolling and make some tough decisions.

The submarines for example represent good value. James and his ilk were right to close down the car industry that employed tens of thousands so that every man woman and vertebrate in South Australia, could be guaranteed about a million each with the submarine contract. And though they’ll be out of date, ( they already are) they’re built to enshrine the spirit of aussie soldiers, sailors and airmen. It has been suggested though that submarines could encourage an environment that is conducive to “homosexuality” and the risk of gay marriage. But in the defense of this country, no price is too much to pay. The Adani coal-mine, is good value for money. Kill off sixty thousand jobs associated with tourism in Queensland and an entire biota, for a mine that may at it’s peak employ one thousand. And whilst we’re at it, it’ was good value the previous Victorian government spending all that money, (in excess of 250 million) on clean coal. Turned out to be a dud, but its sacred to the coal lobby. And finally, the decision to privatise vocational training. Very good business. Cost a couple of billion. Made a few rich, and a generation, (of non mates) poorer.

Arts Minister during the Whitlam era. Sir Leslie Patterson. A.O.

This is the way the kleptocracy works, We establish a non problem, we allow the kleprocracy to grab whatever public asset hasn’t been sold off and convert it into the only sure fire thing in this country, (now we’ve killed everything else) real estate. I agree with Patterson, Piss Blue Poles Off! Everything the Whitlam government did was one big mistake, And this ridiculously over- priced painting reminds us of how close we really got to a truly representative democracy. We don’t want that in Australia. And that’s the singular thing that makes the IPA progressive, They don’t like compulsory voting, and they don’t like the public at large. Because they know, what’s good for us. And that’s leadership. And if it cant be measured in dollars, it makes no cents!!!!!

Friends in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, USA where talking with me about poetry, and about conversations in general.  they spoke of how much better conversations worked ‘in the round’ rather than in a square or rectangle.  This made me think of Ali Coby Eckermann’s poem Circles and Squares, which we have posted on at least one other occasion.  I looked for it on the web and this is what came up:

(From https://earthisnotround.wordpress.com/2012/08/14/circles-and-squares/)

The world in which you were born is just one model of reality. Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you; they are unique manifestations of the human spirit.

If diversity is a source of wonder, its opposite – the ubiquitous condensation to some blandly amorphous and singulary generic modern culture that takes for granted an impoverished environment – is a source of dismay. There is, indeed, a fire burning over the earth, taking with it plants and animals, cultures, languages, ancient skills and visionary wisdom. Quelling this flame, and re-inventing the poetry of diversity is perhaps the most importent challenge of our times.
– Wade Davis

Here is a poem, that celebrates diversity, circles over squares, by ‘Ali Cobby Eckermann’, an Australian aboriginal, given to me by a dear friend who I had met somewhere in the mountains.

I was born Yankunytjatjara
My Mother is Yankunytjatjara
Her Mother was Yankunytjatjara
My Family is Yankunytjatjara

I have learnt many things from my Family Elders
I have grown to realize that my Life travels in Circles
My Aboriginal Culture has taught me that
Universal Life is Circular

When I was born I was not allowed to live with my Family
I grew up in the white man’s world

We lived in a Square house
We picked fruits and vegetables from neatly fenced Square plot
We kept animals in Square paddocks
We sat and ate at a Square table
We sat on Square chairs
I slept in a Square bed

I looked at myself in a Square mirror and did not know who I was

One day I met my Mother
I just knew that this meeting was part of our Healing Circle
Then I began to travel
I visited places that I had been before

But this time I sat down with Family

We gathered closely together by big Round camp fires
We ate bush tucker, feasting on Round ants and berries
We ate meat from animals that lived in Round burrows
We slept in Circles on beaches around our fires
We sat in the dirt, on Our land, that belongs to a big Round planet
We watched the Moon grow to a magnificent yellow Circle

That was Our Time

I have learnt two different ways now
I am thankful for this
That is part of my Life Circle
My heart is Round like a drum, ready to echo the music of my Family

But the Square within me still remains
The square hole stops me in my entirety

– Ali Cobby Eckermann

Today’s dispatch is Freedom .  Originally dispatched on 26 June 2015

Kamarad Bon aswè, mwen ta renmen pale sou libète ak jistis
(Google Translate Haitian Creole)

Not long ago two teenagers escaped from the Don Dale Juvenile Detention Centre in Darwin (The former Berrimah Gaol). Ninety seven percent of Juveniles in detention in the NT are Aboriginal, so it is fair to assume that the two teenagers in question are Aboriginal. The stereotype has become the reality. The youths’ subsequent stealing of a car and spectacular break in to the detention centre whilst performing “burnouts” before handing themselves in, received much publicity. That they may belong to the 3% non Indigenous population of Don Dale was not given any consideration whatsoever. Neither did it occur to me.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-06-02/police-capture-darwin-teenagers-doing-burnouts-detention-centre/6515346

https://newmatilda.com//2015/06/18/calls-aboriginal-juvenile-be-shot-target-practice-after-public-shaming-nt-police

So let’s examine the likely past and future life experiences of the joy riding escapees. As tiny babies they may have been traumatised as their abode was raided by police disguised as Ninjas in the middle of the night. They may have been removed by Welfare (how is that for a euphemism!) when their father was locked up and their mother was reported as not looking after them well enough. At school they might have been taught in a language not their own or been bullied and looked down on by other better off kids. They would have spend much of their childhood and teenage years being shadowed by the increasingly numerous constabulary. They might have got increasingly angry and frustrated and might have joined a gang of rock throwing windscreen busting youth in Alice Springs. They might have eventually got caught and sentenced to Juvenile Detention.

When they get out, they would follow the sage advice of our political leaders (such as “if you get a well paid job you could afford to buy your first home even at the prices inflated by overseas investors” and other such pearls of wisdom). Not bloody likely! The Alice Springs shop owner is not likely to offer the two teenagers a job (even if they asked for it, which they probably wouldn’t). The shop owner’s cousin’s windscreen became the target of a well aimed rock only a couple of weeks ago. There is a chance that the rock thrower is a cousin of the released teenagers. Sooner or later a member of the numerous constabulary will catch the youths doing something illegal. The magistrate will frown at the no longer Juvenile delinquents and lock them up for a long time. This cycle will repeat itself ad nauseam.

So why did the two teenagers give all of us who are not enamoured with those legally sanctioned bullies a Schadenfreude thrill? Have another look at the video on the ABC news report (link above). Why did they re-enter the facility in a stolen car by ramming the front roller doors? A weird sense of humour I have, I  think it’s hilarious. Mind you, I do spare a thought for the owners of the car, and hope they were insured.

So why did they do it? They had nothing to lose!

Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7hk-hI0JKw

So I checked out the NT Police Facebook site. It has more than 50,000 “likes”. Many self congratulatory “incidents” and opinion… “Police were present at the Football Match and Police Commissioner Plod praised the behaviour of the crowd” “Police apprehended half a dozen youths found loitering” followed by such intellectually stimulating comments from the peanut gallery as “I hope they don’t get bail”. The 34 gram dope raid at Yuendumu has been removed from the site, as have negative comments. No way of telling how many “dislikes” the site has engendered.

From the NT Police Facebook site:

“Police conducted a search of the vehicle and located a small quantity of cannabis and drug paraphernalia”.“A 22-year-old female passenger was issued a notice to appear for possess a dangerous drug (cannabis) and possess implement to administer.”

This was kindly translated (“for those who don’t speak cop”) in a comment as “She had some weed and a bong”

Regular readers of these Dispatches (i.e. those that don’t press ‘Shift/delete’) will be aware of my obsession with languages. On reading the above comment I realized that I haven’t used ‘Cop’ language in a Dispatch. I expect Google Translate to in due course add ‘Cop’ to its extensive list of languages.

A friend once regaled me with some instances of Cop-speak that he had gathered, like one might gather wildflowers:

A Policeman in court uttered “ Members rushed into the bedroom and shot the deceased who was alive at the time”

This friend shares my weird sense of humor and will undoubtedly savour the joyride. He will probably also spare a thought for the owners of the car.

To provide some illuminating examples of Cop-speak all I need do is quote Darwin’s Commander Murphy (plagiarized from the ABC News report):

“During the escape they caused significant damage inside the complex and we will allege they stole a motor vehicle after breaching the perimeter,” (They broke things whilst escaping, and then stole a car)

“This led to a police pursuit that involved a number of resources,” (They got chased by the cops).

“They basically drove around inside the complex closely monitored by police,” (The cops watched them do wheelies).

“They weren’t really listening to our request,” Commander Murphy said. “At every opportunity we gave them a clear dynamic command to surrender.” (We yelled at them to stop, but they took no notice)

Commander Murphy said the incident was resolved when a “surrender was successfully negotiated with the two youths”. (They gave up. It was all over).

I suspect that there is such as Murphy’s Law of Semantics.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veiJLhXdwn8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdOykEJSXIg

Li pral enteresan yo tande kreyòl ayisyen lapolis-pale
Tout pi bon an

Frank

1941! A great year for Ford. Ever since, it’s been downhill. (Editor)

1941 Ford light truck with Boyes Anti tank Rifle. (a precursor to GPS)

You’d think the closing down of Ford’s Broadmeadows plant would be an opportunity for this slightly left of centre mouthpiece to have a go at the Federal Government. You’d expect a diatribe directed at some of the politicians who wiped their hands of sixty years of auto manufacturing and just walked away. Those same politicians who’ve never done a real job, and talked of ‘lifters and leaners’. Well then, we’ve got a surprise for you, we’re just not interested. And in fact ‘WE’, the editorial department would like to congratulate Joe Hockey in particular. Joe proved that you can rise through the ranks of student politics, stand for nothing, listen to your lobbyists and generally, kill manufacturing to get the top job in Washington. Joe would tell you that he’s worked bloody hard to attain this distinction, and we , (the taxpayers) should feel glad that we’ve given ‘Big Joe’ (as they call him in the states) the lifting he needed to get a sinecure for life.

The Flathead V8. Unsurpassed beauty!

Rather no manufacturing so that we know our place. And for planned economies, education, health and environment, we need more people like Joe. As evidenced by all the people sleeping rough in the streets of Melbourne, his hand is staying the tiller of destiny. A guidance to the eternal truth. Get rich, or kill yourself. The car industry required more federal funding. Every other country on earth does it. But we’re pure. And our economic rationalist pollies who’ve never filled out a BAS form know better. And besides, Real Estate is what makes this country great. The taxpayers should not fund failing private enterprise.

Pollies pretending to shop at the local supermarket.

But rent-seeking enterprises are different. That’s why we’re intrigued by the call from Coles for the police force to assist at the automatic checkouts. What a wonderful use of taxpayers money. Here’s a company that has shred its staff, caught dairy farmers in a death spiral, screwed its suppliers, and indulged in a duopoly for years and years. Some might say well learnt behaviour akin to that demonstrated by the major banks. And now with staff, both literally and metaphorically skeletonised, they’re asking the police force for assistance. Picture this, rather than; ‘product enquiry, on aisle seven‘. It’ll be ‘suspected shoplifter area twelve’, and the combined might of ‘Victoria’s finest‘ swooping on the kiddy trying to knock off a mars bar. It’s the thin end of the shopping wedge, if the thin blue line is required to keep the integrity of checkouts intact. There’s no sense of irony clearly by Coles directors, who we must assume get paid banking sized salaries. They’ve created the problem, eschewed the public and like public transport paramilitary who run stations.

Welcome the new checkout Gestapo!

New Checkout Control Officers trialling new uniforms

Three years ago after a sojourn in Yuendumu, Cecil and I remarked, “ Ya know mate, all this militarisation of life in the Alice, armed guards at the checkouts, police patrolling the streets, the incarceration. If we don’t watch it, this aboriginal stuff, (the stuff meted out to the non white locals) will become mainstream’. Well, it’s happened.. And we’re letting it happen. Because enough of us don’t give a stuff!

Banking sector CEO’s arrive at the Senate hearings.

Dear reader. Sometime we as the general public tend to get flummoxed by the intricacy of process and procedure in modern professional life. For instance, some of you I suspect, (though you are loathe to admit it), may have been “at sea’,when a learned art critic utilises in full measure ‘Art Speak’ to describe a particular work. Or in other instances hearing a member of the legal profession, perhaps an expert on contracts describe the legal machinations of a particular case. It’s very easy to baffled by the sludge of ‘legal speak, art speak’, ‘planning speak’ and in some cases ‘plain old english speak’. That’s why it’s so important to bear witness to the Senate banking enquiry.

Banking. Respectability and trust.

Over the past few days we’ve heard some very compelling justification from leaders in the banking sector. Quite a lot of the justification could be described as being defensive. That seems fair, because unbeknown to the highly regarded, principled senior executives of our major banks, some scallywags have been doing their directors a dis-service by indulging in unprofessional behaviour. The big bank executives are at pains to tell us that these miscreants are acting out of character with the upstanding principles of modern banking. They insist that the banks, left to their own devices without an enquiry are on top of the job. And they’re quite clear about it. They’re really sincere about doing something about the rogue executives on their payroll. And they’ve used nice banking words that ‘we’, the public can understand. Just a bit of corporate speak to soften the blow, as in ‘moving forward’, ‘outcomes’, and ‘best professional practice’.

Politicians pretending to be bankers.

However the problem is they’ve done nothing to ensure that those who’ve sent people to the wall, screwed them to death, lied, forged and stolen funds they were not entitled to, have received anything other than a slap on the wrist. Like ol Father Risdale, they’re misdemeanors which have been buried within the corporation. ‘Moved on’. Indeed some of the practices have been so criminal you’d wonder how any of that behaviour could be justified, and why aren’t those banks and the people who made these disgraceful acts not in jail? Well, we suppose it’s image. And the simple truth is that none of the heads of the banks’ can actually identify any of the singular cases of absolute bastardry and say, “ I’m sorry, this is egregiously bad behaviour, there must be something very wrong with the culture within our institutions’.

Instead, we get ‘Pell’s testimony’, ‘I see nothing, hear nothing and it’s quite a surprise’.

A good enquiry begins with a good cup of tea

We deserve better than this, but sadly suspect we wont. It’s comforting to know that the Financial Services Minister is on the case. No Royal Commission, no enquiry, but a Banking Tribunal. Perhaps with all the powers of a Clean Energy Commission, (or wait for it), a Marriage Plebiscite. But with a bit of nuance that’ll keep the ‘little people’ in their place. A bit like Vcat.

‘We’, the public know that the banks, with their army of highly paid corporate lawyers will destroy those foolish enough to go to tribunal.  Kelly O’Dwyer says a tribunal is a good alternative to the court system. “What we’re saying is that’s not always the best mechanism to deal with these complaints, they can be dealt with in a very timely manner, through the right mechanism where they can get their matter heard and examined independently and potentially have access to compensation.”

And you know what that means in plain speak. The banks are telling you the public, (and we agree with them), that as big corporations, big banks now run this country. YOU, the ‘little people’ can just go get fucked!

Mr Narev defines his position at the banking enquiry

Mr Narev, greets journalists for an interview at Cominsure headquarters.

Dear reader, after yesterdays startling revelations about the grilling encountered by Mr Narev (CEO Commonwealth Bank) at the banking enquiry it has been revealed he faces another grueling encounter. A spokesman for the enquiry remarked; ‘This time he’ll only get the comfy chair and the light lunch he ordered from Maxim’s may be delayed due to CCM’S, (cost cutting measures )by the catering staff’. Bristling with anticipation to this, the first of four big bank CEO’s under senate scrutiny Mr Narev is planning to be “ co operative” and helpful under questioning. ‘We’re going to dig deep’, a senate spokesman said, ‘and find out why he prefers St Tropez, for his Easter break rather than Santorini. We also we need to get to the bottom of why he was unable to get to Royal Ascot for the racing season. Such absenteeism is unheard of for a successful banker’.

We indeed hope that these and other deeply held secrets will be revealed under oath, and can only hope that more light will be thrown on the illuminating subject of banking in general. But, just in case you thought it was all over, (not the banking enquiry stupid!) we’ve got one more excerpt from “ Toys and Games from the Ming Era”. A most perfect companion to the most excellent documentary hosted by the second greatest Australian P.M Ever, John, (‘I alone invaded Iraq and will never be held to account’) Howard.

1 Clancy’s Caravan. Release date 1968.

Clancy’s Caravan, (a marketing phenomenon) was designed as a local counter to the incredibly successful imported Barbie and her stable mate Sindy. The ‘Clancy’s Caravan’ set outsold all competitors in the Christmas season of 1968-69 to, unbelievably BOYS!! The model consisted of Clancy’s Caravan, complete with bathroom, shower, kitchenette and dining settee and was the very latest in camping development for the burgeoning, (in its infancy) recreational and leisure sector. The toy package consisted of a one twentieth scale Clancy figurine, and matching clothing, with caravan, (as standard Coronet and annexe). Each kit came with an optional splash pool and banana lounges.

For the Clancy figurine, options included a swimwear set, underwear and options of either Jillaroo Clancy with stock-whip in riding gear, or just plain Clancy as SCEGGS school girl. The lifelike detail presented Clancy in uniform, summer and winter options, satchel and play lunch. The option was trialled with sportswear tennis racket, and hockey stick, but sales of the Clancy swimwear model outstripped production capacity at the Wendouree manufacturing plant. Excess capacity had to be shifted to the Leyland Victoria Park/ Zetland complex, who were then able to maintain production with minor variations for plastic mouldings and bushes for the popular morris 1100 and up tooled production for the soon to be released Morris Marina.

Clancy and the cast of the Children’s evergreen, Skippy

The Clancy doll was hugely popular and led a revolution in synthetic and plastic polymer production, with life like limbs and flexible latex joints, the model could adopt a variety of poses, and “as the advertising, proclaimed, “ bend it stretch it and she’ll still bounce back” . And, as a training model, several containers were trans-shipped to the australian army medical corps headquarters at Nui Dat in South Vietnam as ‘practise kewpies” for medical staff and nurses in the field. In a celebrated encounter during the Tet offensive an entire container was captured by the Viet Cong, who believed they were decoys and mined shipped them onto China, were they were re- badged and on sold to Nth Korea as the ‘Das Kapital Kewpie’ .

In December 1968 sales outshone all competitors in the figurine toy department, beating Gi Joe, Action man and Barbie in the fiercely competitive lifelike toy sales market. Clancy was set to break all records for the 1968 Boxing Day sale. Then something terrible happened. Prolonged exposure to the human skin by the active compound TGPS the lifelike material used to create the doll, (Tryco- Glyco poly Stimularine) caused extensive skin burns if rubbed over a prolonged period of time. . Consequently hospital emergency departments were overloaded with teenage boys presenting swollen hands and glands. The condition, known in medical terms as ‘Clancy’s Fancy’, had dire consequences for local under age cricket teams with district cricket being disastrously affected. . In some case the dolls actually exploded, doubtless due to the acetate polymer and it’s unstable properties.

The products were withdrawn and excess stock shipped to Vietnam, and rebadged as the ‘Suzy sweet and sour comfort doll’ as a palliative for children recovering from napalm burns. Over two hundred thousand were sold between 1968-69, and after the product was withdrawn, refunds were offered for Clancy’s in good condition, though very few came back. The standard game measured 400 mm x 320 mm, and came in a sturdy two tone box, with a superb illustration of Clancy and Skippy greeting players from the door of the caravan. The playing pieces consisted of all members of the Hammond family, the coronet regal caravan, annexe, banana lounge, and optional costumes. It retailed for $12. 95 in most toy stores, and of the two variants, the ‘Clancy Big Box’, offered a larger play set, and a bonus Emu and Dingo. Very few survive today, those that have survived are required, (for collectors) to be placed in a fire proof container, and the game pieces also manufactured with Tryco-Glyco Poly Stimularine, are required by law to be inspected by fire safety officers on a bi-annual basis. As a consequence only some three complete games survive. They are priceless.

Former clients of Cominsure hold an extraordinary meeting to endorse the Insurance Arms’ conduct.

To the Senate enquiry; “You’re kidding, do you think you run the country’?

Mr Narev, grand-master capitalist Emperor of mega-bank ‘Uncommon-wealth’ sat before the Senate enquiry onto the big banks today. After some questioning, and detailed compliments related to his tie, (‘very nice’) and shoes, (‘quite expensive’) he emerged from the first day and described the interrogation as; ‘Imagine being pelted to death with marshmellows?”. He evidenced no visible scarring, but we know he left the enquiry shaken, as some of the questions; “which exclusive and expensive restaurants do you usually indulge?” were just a little bit too invasive. Outside the Senate enquiry he promised to return the next day and tell the Senate of his plans for another European tour, and what he did with the last bonus, for being a cruel callous heartless bastard, and the fact, that he’s still troubled by having to pay some tax, (occasionally). In parting, he reminded us that the ‘banks are great, their investment brokers are wonderful, and people who get destroyed by dodgy brokers are just jealous’.

Whilst we’re in the region of whiffy behaviour, we have another installment on ‘Great Toys from yesteryear’, Toys of the Ming era, (1939-66), we hope it adds colour to the Banking enquiry.

Stinky Toys, an offshoot of Dinky toys, were the first ever mass produced plastic toys designed to stimulate the olfactory senses of young children. Enthusiastically endorsed by the Public Olfactory Nuance Group, (PONG). The group believed the development of scent to be as important as sight, touch and hearing in the development of young minds. The range included scent enhanced plastic moulded manufactured goods and buildings; Factories, Tanneries, Melting down works, Septic tanks, Piggeries and Night soil cart accessories.

Stinky Toys Advertising hoarding. C.1950.

Initial orders were encouraging, with eager parents responding to the call for more sensory and explorative toys.

After receiving outstandingly favourable reviews in “Modern Child”, “Breast-fed”, and “Nurture magazines”, the advanced orders accelerated from child minding centres, creches, and kindergartens, where it was felt that playing with such toys would be a boon for children from sensory deprived, (poor) backgrounds. Social scientists were keen to familiarise those ‘lower tier’ individuals with a familiarity of unpleasant odours so often associated with agricultural industries and some of the more primitive animal product extractive industries. It was felt that such exposure would ‘both familiarise and acclimatise them to a life of unspeakable drudgery up to their eyes in cow shit or embalmed in the noxious stench of the tannery works’, (official document)

CEO Commonwealth Bank arrives at the Senate enquiry through ” side entrance”

It was also argued that such “ scented toys” would be entirely beneficial for the the more ‘well-to-do’ modern parents and ‘devotees to the Dr Spock mantra of idealised self expression who desired a firmer, more grounded set of developmental experiences for their children before they were despatched to alternative schools’.( another official document)

The Stinky Toys design department, seeing the opportunities began to devise toys with an entirely new range of aromatic qualities, Soup works Stock-feeds, Dairy processors from the agricultural sector, and perfumes, antiseptic and formalin scented toys for the more, “ white collar’ orientated market. Then tragedy struck. Reports filtered in that entire shop window displays had been consumed by blowflies. And in one celebrated incident the store was ‘run through’ by a pack of stray dogs on remand from the pound. Tragically the toys were recalled when housewives, by then, (late 1950’s) conditioned to cleaning products complained about the odours, and were worried about younger children ingesting whole toys. Several asphyxiations occurring when younger children, ( toddlers) tried to consume whole toys in the mistake belief that they were actual foodstuffs

The toys were subsequently removed from sale and the operation closed.

Dear reader, after detailed analysis of the most recent presidential election debate between Hillary ‘Status Quo’ and Donald ‘Raving Looney’, we have decided that politics is a bit like Spock’s analysis of Aliens; “ It’s life Jim, but not as we know it”. Good thing then that the Turnbull government has committed itself to doing nothing. EVER! That’s a comforting thought, whilst allowing the market to do whatever it likes with healthcare, education, and ensuring that several generations down the line will never ever own a house. Never in the history of Australian society have so many of the likes of generation X, Y, and Z, yearned for their parents to die. So as an alternative let’s return to a more idealistic era, as we trawl once again into the toys that almost made it. An era when almost anything was possible, and governments, (most of the time) led for the good of society.

Attractive ‘Barrel of Junkies” label. c. 1973

Taking a cue from the war on drugs, announced by the Nixon administration in the early 70’s the federal government decided as part of its; ‘break the cycle initiative’ to encourage deep seated changes to the attitudes prevalent, post flower power era that drugs were O.K . The screening of the provocative, ‘No Roses for Michael’, and the anti cancer council’s first forays into the root use of teenage drug exposure led to a variety of initiatives designed to combat drug use at the ‘pointy end’, amongst teenagers. Then seen as having a predilection for Marlboro, Mcwhilliams Cream Sherry Coolabah and Brandivino which were believed to be  precursors for very hard drug use. The drugs strategy was simple, focus on the everyday items that the public don’t perceive as drugs and in so doing create an awareness. Once the awareness had been established, an informed programme of drug identification and dangers would be consolidated in education, print media, and on television and radio.

Wizz Fizz, singled out by concerned parents as a precursor to higher level drug use.

At first the initiative was a startling success. Sales of Kool Aid, and Cottees’ Lemon Crush soared as parents moved away from Tab, Fanta, and Tarax, for less sugary drinks. Sugar being singled out as a damaging precursor to drug addiction. Inadvertent victims of the growing awareness were sales slumps of Whizz Fizz, licorice cigars, Footy cards (the Scanlens gum) and Sherbert bombs. The adverts suggested that any thing delicately wrapped enclosing a white powdered substance was a precursor to high level drug use. Parents, frightened by the possibilities of such items being encouraged amongst children acted responsibly. By mid 1972, sales of the formatted booklet, ‘Don’t dig drugs Man’, were impressive. Designed as a counter to the enhanced stardom of T Rex, Bowie, and the glam era the booklets were tastefully designed by the government printer in Safari Yellow and Mission Brown, popular colours at the time.

Barrel of Monkeys.

Then, weeks after the launch of the drugs initiative, sales and interest began to fail. All the heightened warnings and dangers went unheeded. The population was at risk of being over exposed to the shock tactic. School hall lectures became filled with bored listless students falling asleep at the sound of appalling statistics, and rather than discourage, the reaction was one of collective disinterest which soon turned to a counter cultural allure. Nothing it seemed could be done to stop the scourge of drugs.

Minister for Industry, futures and fashion, plan to reintroduce ” Barrel” as growth initiative.

Then in October 1973, came a breakthrough. A games conference held adjacent the international drugs addiction forum held at the Melbourne Festival Hall, provided the catalyst. At that time visiting professor and world expert on drug addiction professor, Fillemup Withwead, came across the very popular ‘Barrel of Monkeys’. He watched fascinated as a convener encouraged a group of non drug taking school age children by engaging the complete set of 58 monkeys in a continuous chain. In an instant the idea was Born, ‘Barrel of Junkies’, became a hit, ‘Barrel of’ established the junkie, rather than as a cool, street life, alternative icon into a shambolic figure of fun. Drug use declined overnight, as ‘Barrel of’, held sway across living rooms across Australia. The game was simple, a plastic barrel and board, identical to “Monkeys” in which the junkies, were thrown out onto the street. The purpose to lift the junkies and throw them off the street and ‘into the can’. The street was a simple thoroughfare, with sections labelled School, Kindergarten, Fish and Chip Shop, Newsagent, Garage, Town Hall, Local Pool, Library, RSL and Pool Hall. The majority of the junkies were placed in the pool hall, and any that fell onto the street were deducted from the score. The ‘can’ being the open ended Barrel. The exterior of the barrel was an innovative departure from the standard barrel of monkeys, with spaced out junkies, and iconic exterior designs of flowers, swirls and the phrases, “far out’ ‘groovy’. ‘Space man’, and ‘Stoned’. The junkies came in several colours, ‘tangerine’, ‘groovatronic green’, and ‘deep space’ , and were clearly labelled toxic, as some children inspired by the concept had smoked them and suffered irretrievable lung damage. When released in the summer of 74. they came in a plain box with a parental warning, and in spite of complaints from the Australasian Family Association (AFA), Choice, the Christian Religious Education Excitement Party, (CREEP) Purity Unity Society, (PUS) the barrels were freely available in newsagents, toy stores and selected service stations.

Interest in the product declined in the late 80‘s with the onset of acid house, exctasy and ice, and the product was withdrawn from sale and on-sold to Kentucky fried as a giveaway for every purchase of the KFC Big Barrel. This ceased when a family in their eagerness to consume the KFC big Bucket, swallowed the contents of a barrel of junkies and suffered irreversible internal failure. The medical verdict pointed to the elongated curved hands and fingers of the junkies ripping into membrane walls and destroying arteries . ‘Fingerer sticckin Food’ (Pronounced as in ‘Hood”). KFC withdrew the product and a out of court settlement was made to the relatives of the deceased. At the time of writing only one complete set remains and is the property of the Minister for Innovation the Rt Hon Christopher Pyne, who may resurrect the product rebadged as a ‘Barrel full of Flunkies’ designed to assist with the emergence of a new strata of bureacrats to administer the ‘Ideas Boom’.

Quentin has written at length about the plebiscite on same sex marriage in Australia –here, here, here, here, and here.  North Carolina, through its majority Republican Legislature and Republican Governor Pat McCrory has passed a bill HB2 which in part legislates that people may only use the bathroom, restroom, change room of the gender designated on their birth certificate.  (More importantly the bill has provisions that restricts or in some cases removes the rights of many to protection against discrimination.)    Apparently there is concern about bathroom safety, and the possibility of corruption of youthful innocence.

Carol Petrie writes in the INDI week, a local Triangle newspaper, “.. to all those parents out there concerned about their children’s bathroom safety: when you try to take your little boy with you into the ladies’ room or your little girl into the men’s room, you are violating the law.  Yes, send that little man into the bathroom of his gender all alone.  Now, don’t you feel safe and happy with McCrory’s HB2?”

And now for our poem, by Sue Wong – F U HB2 (From INDI Week 28/9/16)

When the line is long and you’ve got to pee
Here’s a tip you can take from me
March on over to the door marked ‘Men”
And if guys give grief declare that when
You left home that morning at half past ten
You were late, in a rush, and yourself so beside
You forgot the document proving you’re bona fide
And NO, they can’t peek, though you’ve nothing to hide
Its such a chore to drop panties while hiking a dress
So to avoid stares, snide remarks and all that mess
You’ll excuse yourself and duck into a stall
Saying ‘if you don’t like it give McCrory a call

(Sporting and business boycotts of the State of North Carolina have so far cost in the order of $400 Million.)