Oh. Danny Boy.

By Ira Maine

Given the Celtic penchant for a bit of toe-tapping, ‘up lads and at them’, Oydle-Doydle music, it should come as no surprise to anyone that the reverse is also true. There’s nothing like a mouthful of whiskey, a warm and smoky back room in a secluded Irish hostelry somewhere, to encourage, to everyone’s lips,  the sweet strains of that perennial favourite, ‘Danny Boy’. This will invariably cause the whole company, given sufficient grog, to be bawling their eyes out by the end of it.

It will come as a severe shock then to realize that the aforementioned ‘Danny Boy’ is not what it appears to be be, and that unforgivable liberties have been taken with this  iconic and whiskey fumed classic (more respectably known, amongst West Britons as ‘The Londonderry Air’.)

To explain, to make you aware of this shameless misappropriation, should only take a moment or two.

Before the present era there was huge intolerance in our society of bum-boys, poufs and nancy boys. This was especially true in the city of Doire, or Derry, in Northern Ireland where a  voluptuous and harmless faggotry was liable to get you  beaten up, or killed. Queer chaps of all hues longed to escape from this endless persecution. They saw London as a place where they might ply their trade with a bit more dignity than that granted them at home. Much as the black slaves in the American South wrote seemingly harmless songs which were in fact, route maps to the American North for escaped slaves, Irish homos used “Danny Boy’ to buoy themselves up in the same way, to remind them of their supposedly more tolerant, more spiritual home across the water. London, if the truth be told was undoubtedly just as anti-poovery as Derry, but people have to believe in something and the bottom line is that, after all, there is always a degree of safety in numbers.

For those of you who might perchance lack a familiarity with the French language, one’s bottom, buttocks or general rectal area is referred to as one’s ‘derriere’. Amazingly and fortuitously this word is pronounced as near as dammit as the now familiar ‘…Derry Air’. Easily then this wonderful old Irish song is transformed, in a blasphemous moment, to a hymn to the imagined quality of London bums…

So to sing patriotically of ‘The Londonderry Air’ would have been to sing secretly and surreptitiously (if I’m not mistaken) of longing to be joined, in a London place of convenience,, with fellow shirt lifters, arse-bandits and well turned out habitues of public lavatories.

And here endeth my little story…

In the end, it is always my intention to make my writings both amusing and educational. I do hope I have succeeded in this. You will also have noticed that my work is invariably tight and to the point. This is because I abhor any possibility of a misplaced shaft carelessly finding itself inextricably enmeshed in a loosely held passage. If you see what I mean…

Bottoms up!

Vile Niall of the 74th.

 

Poetry Sunday 16 August 2015

Today’s poem comes from Lao Tsu, an older contemporary of Confucius (6C BC).
This is a 1972 translation by Gia-fu Feng and Jane English.  In the anthology Tao Te Ching this poem is identified by its number – Fifty.

Between birth and death,
Three in ten are followers of life,
Three in ten are followers of death,
And men just passing from birth to death also number three in ten.
Why is this so?
Because they live their lives on the gross level.

He who knows how to live can walk abroad
Without fear of rhinoceros or tiger.
He will not be wounded in battle.
For him the rhinoceroses can find no place to thrust their horn,
Tigers no place to use their claws,
And weapons no place to pierce.
Why is this so?
Because he has no place for death to enter.

Thanks to RG for this poem.

 

MDFF 15 August 2015

This dispatch first appeared on 9 September 2012\

Are you being served?

  • Administrative service
  • Civil service
  • Community service
  • Customer service- reminds me of a sign I saw in a spare parts shop ‘Price and service subject to customer attitude…’
  • Table service
  • Domestic service
  • Military service
  • Public serviceservices carried out with the aim of providing a public good, such as Closing the Gap and Income Management
  • Selfless service: a service which is performed without any expectation of result or award, such as writing Musical Dispatches.
  • Service of process
  • Church service

…..but you gotta serve somebody….
http://youtu.be/nwkOdv443_o
Aeons ago, when television was in its infancy, I watched an episode of ‘The Twilight Zone’ http://youtu.be/XVSRm80WzZk :

Extra-terrestrials landed on Earth. They were guided by a book ‘To Serve Man’, and through consummate diplomatic skill put an end to war and famine. They hadClosed the Gap of ignorance and selfishness. They had brought Stronger Futures to the blue planet. The end of the episode saw long queues of contented well fed earthlings going on interplanetary holidays. They were embarking huge spaceships welcomed on board by smiling aliens. As they boarded the earthlings were being weighed. It was only then that a group of linguists succeeded in deciphering ‘To Serve Man’. It was a recipe book.

The Canberra Times’ Jack Waterford has once again given Jenny Macklin a well deserved  serve. Serves her right I say. According to Jack, since Julia Gillard was elected the head of a minority government, la Macklin has managed to increase government spending on Aboriginal Australia by 10%, a truly magnificent achievement. Yes folks, Australian government spending on Aborigines is now $250,000 per Aboriginal family per annum!

Before you start pontificating about those good for nothing, depraved, dysfunctional, discontented, derelict Aborigines (especially men) being showered with such undeserved munificence, please note that according to Jack only $30,000 of the quarter of a million  p.a. falls into the hands of the average Aboriginal family. The remaining $220,000 is self-servingly soaked up by the Aboriginal Service Industry. Jack also estimates there are two public servants servicing each Aboriginal family. These public servants are busy serving-up Stronger Futures to a society that if at all let in is usually only allowed to use the service entrance.http://youtu.be/FGrbYiczbzQ  (We wish to acknowledge the hard work of the world’s public servants. Please do not be offended by the seemingly satirical nature of this video clip. We are thankful for public servants…..)… The thought that this may be satirical never occurred to me.

Wendy pointed out one of the latest developments in Yuendumu. There are at least seven organisations/schemes/initiatives that service early childhood development in Yuendumu.

Increasingly ‘organisations’ are being replaced by  ‘agencies’, or even better ‘service delivery agencies’ or plain ‘services’ or ‘service providers’ and ‘local residents’ have metamorphosed into ‘clients’ and ‘stakeholders’. Competition to service these clients has intensified as various agencies try to engage with community members that seem reluctant or disinterested in serving the community that is no longer theirs.

But not all is lost. From the minutes of the last Yuendumu Training Network Meeting:   

  • Has been suggested to have a career expo at Yuendumu early next year; the career expo would:
  • Be a great opportunity to showcase any existing VET around the community.
  • Give an appropriate platform for training providers to tell community members about training.
  • Be a great opportunity for external potential employers/trainers to come to Yuendumu to try and engage local community members.
  • Be a celebration of the whole community coming together to talk about its future(Stronger Futures?). It should be a fun event with all the little perks offered in career expos (BBQ, engaging activities with ‘freebies’ in employer ‘booth/desk’, music etc.).

I’m not aware of any Warlpiri person that is aware of this brilliant suggestion. I’m not sure if it would make any difference to Warlpiri people should such minutes have been written by extra-terrestials.

When bulls and stallions do what they are wont to do, it is said they are servicing the cows and mares.

Every now and then you discover something exceedingly clever. As an antidote to the idiocy that is the Intervention I share this with you:

Stop this song at 0:49 to 0:53
http://youtu.be/CvwQmxLaknc

Then check out http://www.google.com.au/imgres?q=iwo+jima+flag+raising&um=1&hl=en&qscrl=1&rlz=1T4ADFA_enAU366AU366&biw=1280&bih=836&tbm=isch&tbnid=EmGVIYD0di1wmM:&imgrefurl=http://www.iwojima.com/raising/raisingb.htm&docid=HglBwEQ-e_9hCM&imgurl=http://www.iwojima.com/raising/lflaga2.gif&w=600&h=536&ei=yQFLUKKIG7GRiQfz3oDoDw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=677&vpy=151&dur=3730&hovh=212&hovw=238&tx=157&ty=95&sig=115212261060860118808&page=1&tbnh=160&tbnw=176&start=0&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0,i:79

Your humble servant

Su seguro servidór

Franklin

PS a nice song….
http://youtu.be/3z-GwdaKrn8

 

Sophies’ a Country Girl Part Two

sophie roadside

Getting to Tolmie. Sophie will have trained navigators, (support staff) to help her find Tolmie.

Dear reader, we continue with our detailed expose of exciting plans to recapture the people of Indi by the Liberal candidate Sophie Mirabella.

Tolmie Show Day. Feb 2015 Running schedule 12.00 pm.

Candidate will step out Eurocopter in gumboots. Eurocopter must be parked at designated site 5 km from event. To be picked up in rustic Holden Rodeo, cab tray or Series Two Land Rover. Tray will be carrying hay bales as planned. Candidate to be assisted in securing her position on top of bales. Mountain cattlemen will ride, (see diagram) as escort. Entry made by main gate to show grounds.

12.10 Allocated space beside wood chop for meet and greet. Photo op, Candidate wields axe above block labelled ‘Shorten Bill’, Anticipated much laugher. Candidate retorts; ‘Shorten faces the axe’!! Then proceed to the show arena. 12.15 After some discussion it has been determined that candidate WILL walk amongst stalls and vendors. As scheduled she will stop at the ‘Christian Voice’ bookstall and praise both recent autobiographies by members Bernardii and Pyne. Offer praise to “Family Values’ and “Christian Values’. Will also pause at Wood fired heater stall to admire stoves and proclaim, with briquette in hand, “Coal is good for Humanity”. 12.25 ‘Sophie Loves both Animals and Children’.

Candidate will be seen to hug some local children, (please source half a dozen willing local children). Children presented must be CLEAN. Designated disabled child Diedre, to the front. (counselling offered to children afterwards, and hand sanitizer to be administered to candidate) 12.30 After a public hug of Diedre the disabled, and presentation to Diedre of Disabled encouragement “ Token”, Candidate will walk, across the arena chatting gaily but not over effusively to the locals. Members have been briefed to integrate with public and stimulate conversation and one liners as rehearsed. Members requested to not engage candidate in over long conversation.

sophie 3

To all party members; ” Integrate with public’

Topics as rehearsed;

12.45 Weather and bushfire hazards, ‘The bush is our friend, but will kill you’!

12.47 The Muslim threat, ‘Don’t be fooled, Terror IS everywhere’!!

12.50 Being un Australian, Adam Goodes the Troublemaker’!

12.53 Domestic violence, ‘Some Women?….Bring it upon themselves’!

12.55 Ice epidemic, ‘Tough on Justice, Cut the Dole’!

12.57 Lifters and leaners, ‘Stop welfare rorts’!

1.05 Asylum seekers, ‘Don’t just Stop the boats, Sink EM’!

1.10 Travel entitlements, ‘I drive a farm ute, I’m a country girl”

1.15 Awards of decorations to volunteer fire fighters.

1:25 Discussion with reps from Mountain Cattlemen. ‘Scandalous treatment meted out to custodians of the high country’. Candidate will amuse assembled sundry with opening of whip cracking ceremony.

1.35 Formal opening of show on specially constructed dais, “As a Country Girl”.

1.40 Tolmie and Mansfield Scout troop to conduct formal March past at beginning of speech.

1.45 Blessing of the flag ceremony.

1.46 Blessing and welcome to country by traditional owners, (local real estate agents). Mountain cattlemen to remove distinctive Akubras and Dryzabones, re enter as ANZACs, (light horse equipage including WW1 .303 Lee Enfields). Cattlemen then Remount and then at charge, bayonet wheat filled fertiliser bags labelled “Greenie”. Enter ‘Sadie the Safety themed Lady’ face painting clown who will burn sacks and demonstrate to public and school children how to quarantine a crime scene and isolate terrorist activity. With assistance as pre-arranged by Sergeant KillJoy (Mansfield Police) with police tape.

1.55. Float drive by. This years popular locally themed float and parade will be dedicated to the theme, ‘Ice and Addiction an Existential Threat’!! (Lolly Man. M. Turnbull) The dreaded Ice man, ‘Mr Icey the Rotten Lolly Man’ (in costume generously donated by the Minister for Education Mr. Christopher Pyne) will be tasered, beaten, handcuffed quarantined in detention, (animal pen with SAFETY Placards,) by the ‘Goodness to Humanity Man. Bernie the Briquette’. Children encouraged to spit on Mr Icey.

sophie 5

Mr Icey!! The dreaded Ice man!!

2.00 Judging of Cakes and Preserves Candidate engages in detailed conversation with Iris Mossop, (CWA Delatite branch) on her recipe for vanilla slice. Pauses; turns to local news and Murdoch press, “Oohhh if only I had that recipe’, then recites soliloquy, ‘Being a woman I must say, How I love hearth and home. How I love to cook’!

2.15 March past of Australian Industry, (due to the scarcity of locally manufactured product this event has been cancelled)

2.20 After kissing more disabled children the putative member for Indi shall walk to the animal enclosure and select the black lamb, ‘Freckles’ and kiss it. Photographers and local newspaper journalists are encouraged then to transcribe soliloquy; ‘Being different is un-important to me, that’s Why I love being a Country Girl”,

2.25 pm, Candidate, pauses and then lays wreath upon cenotaph to fallen soldier. Places at feet of cenotaph, (accompanied by her two adorable children Persephone and Medea anointed in superb Laura Ashley designer gumboots), signed copies of Corey Bernardii’s and Christopher Pyne’s remainded Biographies. Brief soliloquy on the ‘Sacrifices of Public life’. Kisses flag.

2.35. Returns to ute. Assisted onto hay bales on tray. Diedre the ‘Token winning’ disabled person is hoisted onto hay bales to share ceremonial departure. Ute performs one circuit of oval with mountain cattleman escort.

2.40 Presents giant fridge magnet ‘Keep Australia Safe’ to U12 Tolmie football team.

sophie hug

Sadly, after the last show day, and lack of enthusiasm show by the general public there will be no free hugs from our candidate.

2.45. Candidate assisted from ute tray and to rostrum. Farewell address, ‘Tolmie, Potential Gateway to Terrorism’. Distributes fridge magnets to mothers and children. Casually dressed party members clapping and cheering, form honour guard. Sophie dons Dryzabone, waves Australian flag. Prepares to depart arena. Ute decorated with banner ‘Sophie, a Country Girl’, performs another circuit. At gates ute stops. Sophie kisses ‘freckles the black sheep’. Proclaims, “I love Diversity’! Ute departs

3.00 Return to Eurocopter. Flies home.

3.10 Candidates Husband and children to return to Wangaratta as per arrangement in ute.

Important This promises to be a turning point in our campaign to restore Indi to its rightful member. Discipline is essential and under no circumstances whilst in the public eye shall members be seen hitting or verbally assaulting wives, disabled or minorities. As discussed in briefing by the Rt Hon Minister for Education Mr Christopher Pyne, ‘What’s done behind closed doors is best left behind closed doors’.

Scoop, Sophie’s a Country Girl!!!

sophie seven

Former member for Indi (seventh from left) ” Loves the Country” Exciting and appropriate country attire kindly lent for this occasion by the Federal Minister for Education The Rt. Hon. Christopher Morris Pyne.

Dear Reader, it is with a frisson of the most intense excitement we are able to share with you the top secret and confidential briefing notes for the former member for Indi’s appearance at the Tolmie Show day next February.

Although we’re not quite sure how they came into our hands, or what motivated their agency, we have correctly returned them to their rightful owner. However, we feel compelled to pass this on to our readership to demonstrate at the very least the organisational expertise of a very well oiled party machine.

Liberal Party Wangaratta Running Schedule Tolmie Show Day.

Strictly Confidential.

Our candidate Sophie Mirabella will be attending the Tolmie Show Day next February 14th 2016. We expect a good turnout of local party members and demonstration of core message, ‘Sophie’s a Country Girl’.

Out on the Farm. Sophie and her farmyard friends demonstrated a bit of ol fashioned bush hospitality. (No animals were harmed in this gathering)

Out on the Farm. Sophie and her farmyard friends demonstrating a bit of ‘ol fashioned bush hospitality’. (No animals were harmed during the course of  this gathering)

Could members please be reminded that this is NOT an official fundraiser. There will be no wearing of Liberal Party badges. No double breasted or Harris Tweed jackets and emphatically NO, (see attached list) ostentatious wearing of expensive jewelry by lady members and their partners. And emphatically for those who were lent Dolce and Gabanna, Calvin Klein and Yves St Laurent underwear and costume jewellery for the Benalla and Elmore Field days. Could they please return them to the offices of the Rt. Hon. Mr Christopher Pyne, as they were generously donated from his private collection. The dress code shall be strictly INFORMAL. Smart casual, and strictly no TRACKSUITS . With emphasis we would like to add, the ladies to wear gingham, and straw, (rustic) non designer hats. Please see flyer for (‘Seven Brothers for Seven Wives’) next fundraiser which indicates appropriate dress code. Members of the Wangaratta and Albury branch Young Liberals boys and girls are under strict instructions to conduct themselves with decorum at all times, (no spitting on yokels) and park their Range Rovers, Aston Martins’ and Porsche Cayennes, discretely some distance for the event. They are required to walk ON FOOT to the arena. Anyone who arrives in either their own or parents late model Jaguar, Porsche or Range Rover, and that includes Series Three Discovery’s will be ineligible to attend the party gala fancy dress, (September 15 Crown Palladium ball room) ‘Come fly with Me’ hosted by the member for Mackellar Mrs. Bronwyn Bishop.

sadie and safety

‘Sadie the Safety Lady” cautions her younger charges for “their own good” Costumes proudly loaned on this occassion by the Minister for Education, The Rt. Hon. Mr. Christopher Morris Pyne, from his personal collection.

Field Day Entertainment Members are reminded that ‘Trixie the Face Painting Clown’, will not be appearing this year. This years themed event, “Safety in the Bush’ will feature ‘Sadie the Safety Lady’. Safety themed face painting will be conducted in the Tolmie Hall. There will be an instructive presentation from STSL, (Sadie the Safety Lady) to kiddies on; ‘How to spot a terrorist in the bush’, ‘Spotting and reporting Terrorist tendencies in the schoolyard’, and What to do if you find an AK 47 in uncles toolshed’. Though this event is open to the general public, it is our responsibility to ensure that our candidate is shepherded from nuisance elements found at public gatherings.

All conversation, including one liners must be limited to the following. Schedule Themes: as discussed in cabinet.

1 ‘Sophie the Country Girl’,Loves animals and children.

2 ‘Sophie IS Safety’, Greets local volunteers.

3 “Sophie Serves”, Inspection of local scouts and guides.

4 ‘Sophie’s Strength”,Uphold the right, presents certificates to police and Prison staff.

5 ‘Sophie’s Choice’ ,Loves husband in uniform, Ambo’s and CFA volunteers.

6 ‘Sophie for Common Sense” Sophie abhors, pink tape, green tape, red tape. Will Cut symbolic tape and announce opening up all ‘National Parks for Business’.

7 ‘Sophie and the Queen” Tolmie art prize for best ‘God save the Queen’ portrait.

8 “Sophie the Conqueror’ Bash the Green Rat**. Potatoes substituted for green tennis balls, Bandt, Di Natale, Hanson Young etc..

9 ‘Sophie and God’,Official blessing, and hymn sung by united school chaplains choir.

10 ‘Sophie Anzac’, Unveiling cenotaph of Anzac hero.

11 ‘Sophie Respects our National Heritage’, Sophie March Past, Mountain Cattlemen.

12 ‘Sophie Cares’, ‘Demands better accommodation for retirees, fundraisers, ex faculty Deans’,

** 1 Local custom in which potatoes, (the rat) are rolled down a PVC pipe and the contestants are invited to “bash the rat” with little mallets. Potatoes will be substituted for Green tennis balls on this occasion to signify our candidates loathing for Green policies.

Annals of Australian manufacturing. The Metropolitan Moomba.

moomba

The Moomba was an extraordinary aircraft. Unfortunately for all the wrong reasons.

With the catchy jingle “lets get together and have fun”, it inspired a generation of the well to do with the possibility of extending their socialising to the most exclusive realm, the rarefied sky above.

Originally conceived as a Metropolitan short hop commercial airliner it was plagued by the inherent contradictions written into the design brief. The Metropolitan Aircraft Company was a small boutique concern focused predominately on converting CAC Wirraways and Boomerang fighters (ex surplus) to crop dusting roles. In this capacity they were successful in transforming the Wirraway, (not renowned for its agility nor offensive capabilities) into a proven winner. The Boomerang, though significantly adapted, had a tendency to not come back due to systemic problems with an auto pilot system pioneered by the Austral Wireless Company. This pioneering, innovative work later led to the development of iconic products that changed Australian post war society and inaugurated the “Computer Age” with the ‘Record Selector’, LP sorting system and the ‘Dial o Matic’. Food slicer.

rommel

Erwin Rommel as James Mason. About to board a Fiesler Storch aircraft. Appearing in the very popular, ‘The case of the smiling Korps”, c.1942

The Moomba was conceived as mid sized commuter aircraft, adapted from a detailed analysis of a captured ex Afrika Korps Fiesler Storck, (provenance none other than the famous Desert Fox, Field Marshall Erwin Rommel himself). Its demographic was unashamedly directed towards graziers, who required a “runabout” for getting about sizeable landholdings, and when required enough ‘legs’ to get them to Flemington, the MCC, Portsea, Barwon Heads, Hunt Club gatherings or the ski fields. Thus equipped it was unusual in that the landing undercarriage was augmented with skis, and the hull shape, amphibious, incorporating a semi detached horse float and cocktail cabinet. It also was heavily influenced by the current range of stylish senior executive saloon cars, (the Humber Super Snipe, and Armstrong Siddeley Pathfinder) in having a luxuriously appointed walnut veneer instrument panel, cocktail cabinet, and storage cupboard adapted to hold several 12 gauge shot guns, a semi automatic .22 rifle, field glasses and luxuriously engraved, bronze and stainless steel shooting stick supplied by the exclusive London firm of James Purdey and Sons, (by appointment) 

james mason

James Mason at the Launch of the ‘Moomba” Background depicts earlier prototype.

The Hollywood legend James Mason added a dash of style at the launch of the Moomba at Georges, 12th April 1952. Initial sales were impressive with several dozen being purchased in the first year, and orders promised capacity production for the following two years. The company’s factory (a converted shearing shed outside Hamilton) and its offices at 36 Collins Street were forced to take on extra staff, and in the boom years between 1950 and 1956, sales of the Moomba skyrocketed with orders coming in from as far afield as Argentina, Texas, the Channel Islands and some exclusive and much publicised private sales to the Duke of Westminster and the Sultan of Brunei. Even the young Princess Margaret had one signed and delivered to Balmoral by none other than Keith Miller, presented to her on behalf of the touring Australian Eleven. The company’s showrooms at the premises of George’s and Henry Buck’s were affirmation enough to a refined clientele accustomed to the gentle arts of old money and carefree days of leisure. A new jingle captured the mood of the day, “Anywhere a sheep goes, we can go too, Baaaa None”.

keith miller

Keith Miller, popularised the Moomba with his ‘suprise’ gift to Princess Margaret.

But then as sales reached a staggering 150 units per year, (Black Wednesday, evening on 25th September 1958) Tragedy struck. Impossibly the board of Metropolitan were encouraged to offer a Moomba as the grand first prize for the years winner of a popular television quiz show. On ‘Pick a Box’, the three remaining contestants, a retired Geelong Grammar art master, a Stock broker, and incredibly, a unemployed waterside worker were in the running. The art master was tipped out early in the running when he incorrectly and presumptuously answered “Boy” to an art related question confusing Gainsborough’s whimsical subject figure with the source of the Nile. Unexpectedly in the commerce category, in a tie between the stockbroker and the waterside worker, when asked; ‘what’s the price for a Steinway, direct imported Concert grand piano’? only the waterside worker could provide the correct answer. Stunned, the subsidiary question was offered, “what’s the resale value of an unprocessed bale of tobacco on the open market”, he correctly replied, ‘seventy hundred and fifty five pounds’, with the qualification ‘I can give both market and street value if you like’? Flummoxed, the company delivered the Metropolitan to his house in Port Melbourne. The event captured the eye of the international press. The worker, Des Dungey, converted it into an ice cream van, adapted the interior as a gaming venue, left his job and built up a successful franchise.

Overnight, sales of the Metropolitan crashed. It had lost its cachet. Orders to the Duke of Westminster and the Sultan of Brunei were cancelled. Princess Margaret’s plane was mysteriously destroyed by a chance encounter with a Small-goods delivery van. The company tried to rebadge it as the ‘Windsor Wanderer’, the the ‘Royal Ascot Ambi-plane’, but the damage had been done. By 1960, you couldn’t give one away.

Specifications Crew: 2.

Range: 1500 miles Powerplant: 2x Argus 4 Cylinder inline engines 450 hp (680 kw) each Performance Maximum speed: 146 mph, 297 kmh.

Range: 1,700 nm (1,960 mi, 3150 km)

Service ceiling; 24,500 ft (7,470m) Rate of climb; 1,200 ft/min (3.3 m/s)

Poetry Sunday 9 August 2015

SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO RESPECT FOR OUR BELIEF by Lionel Fogarty

Jesus I learned you lived and lived
Jesus we heard you died and die
Jesus I see them painting of you so white
Jesus I hear them sing, you lackey of God they sang
Jesus I know people today use you wrong
they came with guns in hand
shot our minds with
untrue words
Black ——- the meaning of sin
Black ——- the heathen savages
Black ——- the false, the lies,
Black ——- the inhuman without a home and culture
These pink skinned people say “You light of God”
and make us wash black sins to be close to white.
O, Jesus if so you were true
You were black
fighting against a white regime
O, Jesus, they tear away our hearts
that yell for nature
They still do things of tension, fear, control,
death, brutality and murder to our Aboriginal peoples
beliefs.
Why they must do this O, Jesus, this once Jesus
All in the name of you
Jesus Christ

“Offering, offering hear the pennies fall
Everyone for Jesus, the Church shall have them all.”

Lionel Fogarty, from his anthology Kargun, published in 1979.
The “blurb” for this out of print book says
“Lionel Fogarty is 22 years of age and began writing poetry in 1976.  ….. Some of you who may read this book will experience all of the emotions of guilt, despair, hopelessness and sadness – but more than that you will feel the same spirit as the author, to organise and fight for a society based on equality and respect”

First published in this blog on 31 March 2013

MDFF 8 August 2015

This dispatch first saw the light of day on 2 August 2012

晕的朋友

Now and then there’s a fool……
http://youtu.be/qYuTr7e1F-Y

NOW Scheduled Visitors to Yuendumu below:
Week beginning July 30, 2012

NTES, Keith Lewis 26/7 – 30/7
Community Fire Protection Project, David Hutt and Brady Starfield (CDS/FaHCSIA) 29/7 – 3/8)
READ Program, NT DET Julie Griepsma/Enid Kay 30/7 – 24/8
NTG Health Development, Early Childhood  Community Nutritionist, 31/7 – 3/8
DHLGRS (Territory Housing) Trish Crowe 2/8 – 3/8
World Vision 5/8/ – 6/8, Early Childhood Support

Week beginning August 6, 2012
DHLGRS (Territory Housing) Trish Crowe 6/8 – 9/8
CDU – SNP Cooking Program 6/8 – 10/8 Judy Bell
FaHCSIA – Jo Ann Cunningham, Remote Staff Coordination South, 8/8
NT Dept. of Children and Families, Mobile Outreach Services, MOS Plus 7/8 – 10/8

No folks, this isn’t fiction. I didn’t make it up. This is dinkum. Thus the Gap is being closed while we sally forth http://youtu.be/ksz2sdGXoFs towards Stronger Futures!

and THEN– From an article by Wendy Baarda ‘The impact of the bilingual program in Yuendumu 1974-1993’ in ‘Aboriginal Languages in Education’ (published by IAD):

“… The status of the Warlpiri language has improved greatly in the community, in the eyes of both white people and Warlpiri people. It is not ignored or put down by anyone. Lots of meetings are conducted in Warlpiri these days, with the decisions being related to the white people afterwards. And as the language has gained in respect, so have the people. The bilingual program, together with the much less racist treatment of Aboriginal people, seems to be producing young people who are more sure of their identity and more satisfied with it….” 

and THEN– On May 28, 2000- more than 300000 people walked across the Sydney Harbour Bridge in support of Indigenous Australians and reconciliation.

and THEN- in 1997 the Yuendumu Mining Co. put in almost 1,000 Km of low impact mineral exploration tracks in the Highland Rocks area (Pakaru-kurlangu, Kalipimpa, Yalaya, Mina Mina, Juntu, Pirlinyarnu etc.) using YMC’s front end loader. This multi-client effort was carried out by a rotation of Yuendumu Warlpiri men. Warlpiri sense of direction came into its own and the GPS was only used to check on the accuracy of the west-east and south-north tracks. At no point did our ‘lines’ deviate more than 100 metres from the set course and usually much less. To take part in this operation was a privilege and a pleasure. Our operators who never ever learned to read and write so well, could play the machine like ringing a bell …..

http://youtu.be/Y3haYAbqKjA

and THEN- 11 April 2011 -Centrelink has temporarily shut its office in the remote Northern Territory community of Yuendumu because it is concerned about the safety of local staff.

and NOW– 19 June 2012- Centrelink was evacuated and remained closed until a rear gate was installed in the Centrelink compound. Ever since, a 4WD vehicle has been parked inside the fence facing this rear gate. It hasn’t moved. It has this logo on it: . Is it just me? I think this is an oxymoron.

It is Centrelink’s evacuation vehicle.

I will not bore you with the sad story of how local initiatives have been suppressed under the Intervention. I’ll just say that it is not well known that as well as the Racial Discrimination Act having been suspended, sections of the Trade Practices Act (dealing with unfair competition) were also suspended.

I am happy to report that for the Yuendumu Mining Company there is light at the end of the tunnel. Looks like at last we will be able to live up to our name and get to do some real mining.

We are front runners  to win the contract to dig the Centrelink escape tunnel. 

The Tunnel of Love….
http://youtu.be/_ZsyEy1uJtg

再见

More Tales of Derring Do

AUSTRALIA’S MIDGET SUBMARINE: THE “LILLIPUTIAN”

In the early days of World War ll, Australia had little support from outside and few resources of its own with which to counter the threat of imminent invasion from the large Japanese forces facing its northern coast. This put considerable pressure on our then government to devise unorthodox and immediate strategies that might offer the least hope of levelling the balance.

Impressed by the exploits of the Japanese midget submarines at Pearl Harbour in 1941 and the attempted incursion of three such craft into Sydney Harbour a year later, the Royal Australian Navy requested Prime Minister John Curtin’s government to urgently undertake a program to deploy similar submarines to protect our northern coastline and to raid enemy shipping.

midget sub 2

Japanese miniature sub indicating terrestrial capability. Sub later recomissioned HMAS Collins Mk 1.

While in peacetime economic and technical considerations might have seen Japanese shipyards invited to tender for the manufacture of such submarines, it was deemed more expedient during hostilities to design and build these vessels locally.

With impressive urgency, a government committee was established to investigate how this might be achieved affordably and efficiently, given the country’s limited manufacturing capacity. Tabled secretly, its report endorsed the feasibility of the project, subject to a number of recommendations.

It pointed out that the Clyde Engineering works in Sydney was then constructing large boilers for steam locomotive engines and it was thought that, with little modification, these could be quickly adapted as ready-made hulls for midget submarines to be operated by a crew of two. Apart from the internal fixtures and electric motor, it would only be necessary to put a rounded nose at one end of the hull and control fins at the other, with a hatch and periscope in the middle.

mini sub

Initial prototype. Note excellent fully amphibious capability with ‘Roadstar Wheels’, offering scintillating performance: 25 mph land, 15 knots submerged.

Unfortunately, when a mock-up model was ready for evaluation it was found that the minimum of internal fittings still left insufficient room for even a slightly-built Australian matelot. It had not been adequately considered whether such tiny quarters, which could have barely accommodated a small-framed Japanese, might be impossibly cramped for an Australian.

At a point where the whole enterprise seemed stalled, the project’s Designer-in-Chief, Mr. Bruce Horrie, came up with a possible solution.

As he put it in his 1964 book on the project, “The Lilliputian Project”, ’The thought came to me that if this was a midget submarine, then why not crew it with… midgets? In that way we would have an entirely practical solution that would allow us to stick with the existing dimensions and production limitations.’

midget 3

Lilliputian project Officer. Major General, (retd) Bruce Horrie. On secondment to RAN whilst developing the ‘War winning weapon”.

Accordingly, construction of a working model of the submarine (’The Lilliputian’) was made a top priority and Clyde Engineering ran two shifts daily for five months to meet the deadline of delivery of a full operating submarine by November 15, 1942. At the same time, a frantic hunt began to locate suitable midgets or dwarfs to be trained as crew members.

‘At first,’ explained Horrie in his book, ‘we insisted on young men with active service records in either the RAN or the merchant navy. However, we were soon convinced of the unlikelihood of midgets having ever passed the physical requirements test for aspiring seamen, given the recruiters’ mandatory height requirement of five feet two inches.’

‘On the other hand, this also made it likely they were still in civilian life and therefore potentially available to us.’

Accordingly, Horrie’s recruiting team set to work. Newspaper advertisements were placed with this message: ‘Fit & Young, But Too Short for the Forces? Here’s Your Chance To Serve Your Country!…). With no response to this patriotic call, they secured permission to check out the few traveling circuses still allowed to operate in wartime Australia. Eventually, they found two, rather reluctant, midget clowns in Tapperly’s Circus and O’Reilly’s Big Tent Extravaganza, respectively.

The first priority was to see that the midget mariners-to-be could fit into, and operate, their designated craft.

‘We were delighted to discover that Bozo and Andy (the midgets’ names) were perfectly at ease in their vessel and intrigued by the various controls at their disposal. In fact, they seemed very eager to learn how to operate them,’ said Horrie. ’So, straightaway we launched them into their intensive training as midget submariners.’

 

‘Individually, they each performed very well, showing an equal technical proficiency and adroitness – and, apart from frequent giggling fits, were well able to carry out their duties under pressure with remarkable aplomb.’

However, as Horrie emphasised, any successful mission in enemy waters was always considered to depend critically upon the crew’s ability to work as a coordinated and cooperative team.

‘This was precisely where we struck trouble – and it was evident from an early stage. Bozo and Andy were destructively competitive – reflecting not only the intense competition between their respective circuses, but also their bitter personal professional rivalry over the annual award for Australia’s Funniest Clown.’

‘During test voyages in Sydney Harbour, one would refuse to talk to the other, or would sabotage their control settings. A whoopee cushion on a seat making a rude noise would be the least of their misbehaviour.’

betty

Betty Grable, demonstrating escape route

‘Once, Andy could hardly control the craft after Bozo fixed a picture of Betty Grable to the front lens of the periscope used to steer at shallow depth. Although many laughed at this at the time, it was a potentially lethal jape.’

‘From the very start, they constantly clashed over who was the submarine’s skipper. Often this led to an unseemly scuffle in which the peak of the captain’s cap was torn off. Some sort of simmering truce was achieved only when we settled for alternating seniority after every five days of active duty.’

’The only times when they teamed together and worked in concert was when they decided to inflict anarchy upon the rest of us,’ complained Horrie in his book.

‘During one surface voyage they created havoc by letting off a series of Chinese firecrackers in the submarine’s torpedo tube. The smoke and noise prompted an accompanying fire tender vessel to draw up alongside and spray down the sub.’

‘At another time, while moored alongside a Sydney wharf, they leapt out of the sub’s hatch with their faces made up oriental-style and wearing sailor jackets with Japanese characters inscribed on them. The fact that these malevolent-looking midgets were also brandishing outsized samurai swords caused great consternation among onlookers standing on the pier. This panic was not even alleviated when Bozo and Andy began hurling plates of whipped cream at one another!’

midget 4

Andy and Bozo, rhs, demonstrating effectiveness of Japanese disguise. Photograph taken before whipped cream incident. Unknown individual lhs attributed as replacement dwarf in the event of hari kiri by aforementioned.

At last, with signs that the war was finally turning in the Allies’ favour, the plans to harry Japanese shipping with midget-crewed midget submarines was shelved – to the general relief of all concerned – and Clyde Engineering turned its attention to more pressing priorities.

And what was the fate of Australia’s one and only operational midget submarine?

According to Bruce Horrie, ‘The bizarre saga of the “Lilliputian” was deemed so embarrassing to all the parties involved that the vessel was immediately taken outside Sydney Heads and scuttled in deep water. That is why today the only midget submarine you will see at Canberra’s War Museum is Japanese!’

‘At the same time, before sending off Andy and Bozo to continue their inter-circus feuding elsewhere, the authorities forced them to sign an Official Secrets Act document binding them to 10 years’ secrecy under the threat of lengthy imprisonment should they once mention their brief wartime careers.’

Sorry, a late editorial correction…

‘From the very start, they constantly clashed over who was the submarine’s skipper. Often this led to unseemly scuffles, during one of which the peak of the captain’s cap was torn off. Some sort of simmering truce was achieved only when we settled for alternating seniority after every five days of active duty.’

Liberal Party Newsletter. August 2015. No 2231.

Dear reader, as we are committed to the latest in up to date thinking , we could not pass up the opportunity to print the most up to date Liberal Party newsletter. After reading it, you’ll agree that this government is a “CAN DO” operation and is committed to fixing some vexed issues wtihin the Australian body politic.

liberal

In ignorance we trust

Moving Forward; Good news from Senate Select Committees and State and Federal Parliamentary Enquiries. To remind all and sundry 2015 is shaping up to be a very good year indeed. Dear members, party faithful, volunteers, and supporters, parliamentary officers, members of federal parliament, state ministers, premiers and shadow ministers, and staff. A special thanks to our dear friends from the Minerals and Energy Council and the excellent assistance granted us by their generous donations. It is with considerable excitement we report on the latest work being undertaken by the State and Federal parliamentary wings in progressing common sense and preferred outcomes on the vexed issues of Climate change, Constitutional recognition of Aborigines and some positive news, post Royal Commission into Child sexual abuse.

The Fiction of Global Warming and the Curse of renewables.

We would firstly like to acknowledge the superb work being undertaken by the Western Australian branch in putting forward the parliamentary enquiry into ‘questioning the scientific Basis of global warming and the failure of computer modelling’.

fuckwits

W.A. Liberals deny climate change. Job Well Done!!! Enthusiastically reading new edition of ‘Noddy in Coal Town’.

quasimodo

Mr Dick Warburton, lead Climate cience reviewer approving of Coals ‘Gift to Humanity. (eerie resemblance to Liberal senator to right in previous photograph).

Special thanks must go to the two state W.A back benchers in calling for a parliamentary enquiry to “examine the scientific evidence that underpins the man-made global warming theory and investigate the reasons for failure of computer models, the intergovernmental panel on Climate Change and prominent individuals to predict, among other things, the pause in global warming this century’. As detailed in the most recent conversation between our own celebrated experts the P.M and Mr Rupert Murdoch, their submissions objective is clear, “ in light of uncertainty around the issue, Australia does not sign any binding agreement at the United Nations Climate Change Conference in Paris later this year’. We look forward to their courageous stand, and anticipate Australia once again stands tall and proud on the world stage. Indeed, Mr Dick Warburton and our friends in the Mineral and Energy Council tell us, ‘it’s been a cool winter, and it feels quite a bit cooler than last year and the year before. Though those nuisance, troublemaker scientists point to a long term trend, at this very moment, (this winter) it is quite cool indeed. The skiing was excellent at Falls. Understandably, the whole science of global warming should be rigorously tested’. We wish to report excellent work being undertaken by State and Federal branches in refuting the miserable findings of the AMA into the ‘proven effects’ of wind turbines on working families. It comes as no surprise we find the AMA unworthy to comment on both climate science and renewables. Their bias is clearly motivated by leftist sympathies as a rebuttal of our considered approach to achieve full privatisation of the health system.

Congratulations must be given to both the the Minister for Finance, and Treasurer in setting up grounds for a Royal Commission into renewables and the ‘fallacy of climate science’. For this we have received special thanks from our friends in the judiciary, and expect, the commissions terms of reference to be opaque, and trust the commission itself to deliberate for several decades. Excellent trends now prove the shutting down of the entire renewables industry in the face of considerable global pressure. Once again boundless thanks must be given to both ministers Morrison and Dutton. As proven, global responsibilities happen outside the maritime exclusion zone, and are therefore ‘not our problem’.

It is with some regret that current research at the Lomborg Centre is on hold and the $800, 000 dollars granted to this excellent research has been sequestered by the Clean Coal initiative to further the 4 billion sequestered by CSIRO to establish Coals proven worth to HUMANITY. We should like to use this opportunity to thank our friends in the IPA for their suggestion as to relocating the Lomberg Centre to their headquarters and to set up a research wing at Melbourne University.

Constitutional Recognition. It is some regret that the progress made by none other than the P.M, for Aborigines, Infrastructure, and Women have stalled. With some frustration the P.M, his holiness Tony Abbott has encountered resistance to his ambitious and entirely altruistic plan to insert a sub clause acknowledging the original Australians “happy in the Commonwealth’ and to preserve their right to perform “Quaint, colourful and primitive rituals, for AFL Games, and public ceremony”. Once again their behaviour and insistence on “meaningful dialogue beyond empty symbolism” proves their niggardliness and ingratitude. Suffice to say we are pursuing the member for Mackellar’s excellent suggestion to gather the ringleaders, curb their sense of entitlement, and remove the status of ‘Australian of the Year’ from Mr Adam Goodes.

Victims of Child abuse Royal Commission. Happily we can report that further to the Royal Commission into victims of child abuse the Catholic Church is ‘treating victims in the usual way’ . We have been warmly congratulated for this by none other than his excellency Cardinal Pell, who has busied himself with keeping the spiritual interest of the church, (real estate and capital) in safe hands. Congratulations to all who dealt with this vexed issue and summarily a special thanks for the the Member for Mackellar Mrs Bronwyn Bishop for getting it off the front pages. By all accounts father Risdale is doing well. Once again, 2016 promises to be a very good year. With an election in the wings, and our determination to ‘Keep Australia Safe’, our election slogan; ‘Stand Together Real Australians’ will guarantee a successful second term.

tony and george

George and Tony. Committed to treating victims in the usual way. Job Well Done!!!

Could members please continue to send in their nominations for ‘the most reasonably Australian Muslim’ competition. We acknowledge that they are hard to find in the leafier suburbs, but there must be some acquaintance worth pursuing. We regret to announce that through a clerical error our nominated ‘most reasonably Australian muslim’ Mr Aly Waly Wachbar, was inadvertently repatriated by immigration officers back to Iraq. He has not been heard of since.

And a further reminder to our Bendigo branch that a progrom of Muslims would not look good in the media.

Advance Australia