today we republish an article first published in the Guardian on 30 November 2013

How to be a ‘Social Butterfly’ (Part Two)
by Quentin Cockburn

For conversation you are always witty, fresh, entrancing, with the unexpected, immerse yourself in paradox, never repeat the same anecdote, and inject life into the old and tired.

A memory for trivia, and a capacity to alternate between the high and low scale, the worthy and the frivolous must be all encompassing, and the ability to quote with the exultation of anecdote and hyperbolic exaggeration.  No one in your company, “just is”.  They are transformed into living pulsing electrified vignettes, that stir the imagination and whet the appetite amongst us for a vicarious existence that we poor dullards can only yearn for.

There must be an underpinning in this consistency of behaviour, people will know, indeed they will feel content in knowing that as a unit of social currency you will be the perfect catalyst for a dull evening dinner.  As an exemplar of your craft you will not over-awe you audience, rather, with sympathetic nods, and polite admissions you will be everyones best companion in life, and let them know just a little bit how lucky they are to have you amidst their circle.  Never be boorish, and outspoken.  Demonstrate timing and insert the right witticism at the correct point.  It’s all about timing.  You are a person of substance, gravitas when required, but possess a scintillating capacity for turning things inside out.  As for circles, draw the circle round and full, this is the most practised part of the enigmatic inner self.  Never, ever let yourself down by exposing whom you see, and which circle you belong to.  Familiarity breeds contempt, and expectation borne by habit will dull your capacity to thrive in the curious and unfamiliar, and (remember the currency) value- added by your being there.

But all of this is nothing without the elixir of humour.  Humour is more important than appearance and dress, (we’ll deal with dress shortly).  You are non currency without humour.  Humour is that thin red line that separates vulgarity from the witty epithet, the crass from the incisive, and the recondite and studied from the breathlessly irreverent flow of words and images you create.  Each day is new for you, and each day presents a new opportunity for seeing yourself through life’s prism.  Conversation, though light hearted, indicates an inner seriousness, measured by the resonance in your voice.  A voice that suggests education in the broadest possible sense, but not academic.  Listen to Errol Flynn, or Vivienne Leigh for inspiration, both possess voices that oozes with the limitless possibilities inherent in the ‘here and now’.  As a social butterfly you are a ‘here and now’ person, your delight is to alight, arouse and achieve a sort of all encompassing behavioural fission.

For appearances, beauty and some refinement of feature may help, an aquiline nose, a pencil thin moustache and a neat, (but not over-neat jacket), but NEVER a pony tail.  For ladies something of the real personality, engaged, attractive but not necessarily pretty, ineluctable, indefinable, liable to change, theres a touch of Louise Brooks there, or is it Holly Golightly, or Margaret Rutherford, meets Barbara Windsor, you be the judge, and keep the changes coming.

Never ever be seen to be trying to impress, you impress for what you are, and you don’t need to grovel in the cess pit otherworld of gratuitous name dropping, character assassination and ‘keeping up with the Joneses’, because your lightness of step assures you that it’s ‘YOU’ society wants, and they shall get it apportioned according to your dictates.

There are high standards in amongst the bubble and froth.  You are not a teetotaler, not a wowser.  You can drink, smoke and engage In exciting talk at the same time.  You have no limits, you are a polymath of the dining room, an artist amongst the aesthetes, and a diplomat in the drawing room, an enigmatic apparition, (“was it a dream?”) in the bedroom, and an adjunct to any board room.

You are what you are, a social butterfly and like the Ulysses’s Butterfly itself, you out shine, out dazzle, and outperform the mere mortals in your midst.  In doing so you are aware of the one peril, to be ‘caught’, and ‘set upon the board’.

Though irretrievably romantic, long term romantic commitments are hazardous, the same can be said for marriage, executive appointments, directorships.  You don’t need them.  But they think they need you.  It’s all in the thinking.

The possibilities are yours to take.

How to be a ‘Social Butterfly’ (Part One)
by Quentin Cockburn

The singular and most important thing you must remember, at all times, and I am emphatic in this is that to be a successful social butterfly you must consider yourself as social currency.  You are of significant value. If you invest poorly in that social currency, undervalue, it or over-reach, and “ flood the market” you will suffer devaluation and deferment to another preferred currency.  You see this fiscalised assessment all around you.  You’ve observed the rise of a ‘Beckham’, a singular unit of currency, augmented with a ‘Posh’, the monetary union, then the inevitable social over-exposure, devaluation and impoverishment.  Think the strategic, and then, and only then, measure your success through the broader conversation of media outlets and understand the devalued.  Their names are legion: Jamie Oliver, Rolf Harris, Jimmy Saville, Daryl Braithwaite, Big brother contestants, former master chefs, any of the Spice Girls, One Direction, against the proven performers, George Clooney, Kate Blanchett, Dame Edna, Kylie, Brad Pitt, and then finally you can see the rise and fall at work.  Devalued currencies rising again after a spectacular denouement, Hugh Grant, Robert Downey Junior, and the local standards of Ita, Farnsey and the perennial Judith Durham.  They are there because they are social and valued.  And unlike the share market are not dependent upon the whim of brokers and boards, they are self determined and autonomous to the mainstream

Now let us return to ‘How to be a Successful Social Butterfly’.

One must be possessed with confidence, if confidence is lacking one will become a social compromise, either a moth, a slug or an earwig.  You can see these lesser forms outside theatres, restaurants and clubs, always gravitating towards the light emanating from the butterfly.

As the social butterfly you move with grace, are active in conversation staying just long enough to arouse anticipation, envy, attention, and establish an enigmatic picture of yourself.  Being a social butterfly, a gadfly as it were is not a preening form of narcissistic self indulgence, rather an affirmation of your supreme being, your anointed self as the catalyst for all that must follow, and in this regard, you must be trained.  For through training one will achieve al level of consistency.  This is a process of trial and error, and some risk taking.  You must be an engaging conversationalist. Not boring, repetitive, but enthusiastic.  Able to access the irrelevant, the superficial and the intense with equanimity and tact.  To laugh, but not uproariously.  And possess a nuanced equipage of actual expressions in keeping with one so engaged, so effervescent, so captivating.  And yet, (this is the art), ensure through the ear and eyes of your audience, an attention borne by sensory rapture, an indulgence and the faintest hint of hesitation that this conversation may just cease, as you alight upon another flower, another sweet taste amidst the nectar of kindred spirits, and personalities.  In this regard, your trained eye will avoid the hideous and debilitating obligations of funerals, christenings, orations, and obligatory functions, (Private School Speech nights) where your spirit may be stilled, and compromised by the fug of boredom.

For conversation you are always witty, fresh, entrancing, with the unexpected, immerse yourself in paradox, never repeat the same anecdote, and inject life into the old and tired.

To be eligible for Certificate 3 complete this training by reading www.pcbycp.com tomorrow.

I Tell You True
By Ali Cobby Eckermann

I can’t stop drinking, I tell you true
Since I watched my daughter perish
She burned to death inside a car
I lost what I most cherish
I saw the angels hold her
As I screamed with useless hope
I can’t stop drinking.  I tell you true
It’s the only way I cope

I can’t stop drinking I tell you true
Since I found my sister dead
She hung herself to stop the rapes
I found her in the shed
The rapist bastard still lives here
Unpunished in this town
I can’t stop drinking, I tell you true
Since I cut her down.

I can’t stop drinking, I tell you true
Since my mother passed away
They found her battered down the the creek
I miss her more each day
My family blamed me for her death
Their words have made me wild
I can’t stop drinking, I tell you true
‘Cos I was just a child

So if you see someone like me
Who’s drunk and loud and cursing
Don’t judge too hard, you never know
What sorrows we are nursing.

from “Little Bit Long Time’ 2009
This poem won First Prize at the inaugural ATSI Survival Competition 2006.