The first time they met. Lord Louis and Clarrie in Port Moresby 1945.
Dear reader, we continue where we left off, the Prince as GG of PNG making a startling pronouncement that an ancient secret treaty, buried deep within the New Guinean Highlands holds the truth and might of two great empires together, so that united, they may protect any would be aggressors from the threat of “cosmopolitanism and climate action”. Read this next thrilling instalment…. IF YOU DARE!…
We begin….
The tempo of percussive beating on Clarries iron lung increased in sync to the Prince’s intense soliloquy. “The natives know when to ARISE at a given signal. And proclaim once again, (for their own good) Anglo German sovereignty and the rule of Right and MIGHT”!
Lord Louis renews an old acquaintance
Ces, always the republican wouldn’t have a bar of it; ’Might as well dream your Royal lordship.You and yer flash sword, with scrambled eggs all over yer epaluettes’. Ces’s republican sentiments were aroused by this display of royal entitlement.
But the Prince, in his hour of Glory would not be dissuaded, ‘ BY MIGHT!! He raised his sword in the air twirling it at an errant fly to demonstrate his divine right of kingliness, “As you so disparagingly say, BY THIS!!! The Prince flourished the dirty piece of paper in the air… “By a power more destructive than the force of an ATOMIC BOMB!!!!
Pause….
The flagship of the Anglo German scientific expedition, the specially fitted Grosser Echte Fruchte Ersatz Kurfurst Kafeemaschine.
The Prince smashed his gloved fist into the palm of his left hand. “And the knowledge of this rarest of rare element has been entrusted to one amongst us. The holder of the sacred secret. The knight errant of our most second-darkest hour. Sir Clarence of the Cinque Sports’.
“It’s true’, Clarrie beamed, ‘I can play petanque, frisbee, shuttlecock, scrabble and one-legged hop’.
What could that be? Shrugged Ces wryly. “Who the eff are you!!!! And by what authority you titular toadeying twerp’!
“Hang on”! Clarrie said, “I served with Lord Mountbatten in India”.
Lord Louis suffers constipation whilst dividing India
Clarrie with a nod from the Prince then proceeded to tell his tale:
‘This contains the location of the only known deposit of Victorianinium. It was discovered in 1898 as part of a highly secretive Anglo German scientific expedition on the specially fitted Grosser Echte Fruchte Ersatz Kurfurst. An equivalent to the Cook expedition in its broad reach and the scientific,engineering, anthropological and paleantological luminaries who were encouraged to participate. Deep in the Highlands we discovered amongst the natives a lone Portugean trader, Manuel Jesualdo Gusmao. He purported to be over three hundred years old, How he got there we don’t know. But before he was encouraged to die, he gave us the first fragment of this precious mineral. In seconds its potential was revealed. Men grown old before their time re-gained a youthful exuberance. The crippled just after the briefest exposure would abandon their crutches,and perform superlative athletic feats, and the very most dim-witted amongst the crew, when exposed to just one micron, were re-posessed with phenomenal mental powers. WE knew that this element could transform the world. But we also knew, that in the wrong hands it could DESTROY THE VERY WORLD WE LIVE IN”
Prince Andrew weighs up the possibilities of becoming GG of PNG
“Why’s that”? Ces wryly replied. The Prince in full flight would not be daunted. He motioned for Clarrie to be silent and continued,
“Because as you know elected politicans are quite stupid. But with this material, and the projection of informed ideas, they could unite to destroy the global economy, and the world itself”!
Ces interjected; ’But how do you know about this Clarrie? You weren’t even born back in 1898’?
Then, quick as a flash Cec proffered; ‘Who won the 1898 Grand Final’? and then without pause nor hesitation Clarrie responded, ‘Fitzroy’!,
Prince Andrew Instructs Saudi Prince on the benefits of hereditary privilege, power and patriarchy.
He was right. All indicators pointed to Clarrie being way older than we hitherto believed. There was clearly a riddle in the sands, or to be more apposite, more tin than pot in the tropics. Clarrie continued; “I was a Midshipman aboard the light cruiser HMS Aboukir, I had just licked the element I have described. I may look 90, but that was in my middle age. This substance, the merest whiff, has prolonged my life for over a century, and posessed me with wisdom enough to wrestle with global affairs, be an instrument of world power, and retain my job as the pcbycp typesetter’.
‘Bugger me dead’, Ces replied,
‘No, that was years ago, in Her Majestys Service’.
The Prince interjected; ‘Dont you see, Reason and intelligence will destroy the global power structure’.
‘Hang on a mo your ladyship’, Cec opined, “Aren’t they doing precisely that at this very moment in time?
To be continued
Fitzroy, Winners of the “98” Grand Final stand proudly. A gladiatorial contest won gloriously over the drug addicted team from ESSENDON.
What are they doing? will it really make a difference, and stem the insidious sweep of global warming?
Find out in our next thrilling instalment , “The Prince plays the Piper”, or, “Two Cans short of a Toucan” in our next Vice Regal edition of PCBYCP…