Saint Nick. Normally between index finger and forefinger a Peter Stuyvesant. Political correctness robbed us of the ciggie.

Dear reader, this is the letter that started it all, (the conversation about stove polish by Dame Ira; Kt, Cinque Ports, and other fortified wines) by the one they call “Frank”!

We at the editorial department want to know is this the same Frank who gave us the election saving “fully franked dividend”? And is it the same who should get the credit for the genius of “franking credits”. If it’s the same, our heart goes to him as saviour of all that is insular and xenephobic in contemporary Australia.  We implore him to speak to our exalted armed forces and the Gau-leiter for Brisbane in stopping lgbti afflicted from having themed morning teas in the forces.

Saint Nick barracks for St Kilda

For, as the next ‘just war’ is to be fought over China, our identity, (as Private Parts was heard to say the other day) ‘is more important than notions of Nationhood, King and Empire’.  A sentiment resoundingly endorsed by Lord Baden Powell of Mafeking, and Lord Kitchener. Men who made the worlds greatest empire a place for quiet spanking, mild bondage and unspeakable acts of beastliness encountered in civilising the dusky tribes of the tropics,

So from Frank, something Frank;

In my country of birth around 5th December when St.Nicholas arrives from Spain  on his white steed and is helped down the gangplank of the steamboat by his faithful servant Zwarte Piet (black Peter) controversy breaks out and the tiny country is divided. Attached an example of Dutch ‘up yours’ to the eenie miney miney mo- catch a coloured person by the toe brigade.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHgLiI8jc5Y

Incidentally with regard to the alternative to marooning- the dumping of cargo weighted down by chains to avoid the anti-slavery patrols I can very strongly recommend Isabel Allende’s book ‘La Isla Bajo el Mar’ (the Island below the sea) – the metaphorical island being where drowned negroes ended up (including those who preferred to jump overboard to meeting the fate that awaited them),

Our very own Saint Nick ! A total Champignon!!!

The book is set in Haiti and New Orleans in Napoleon’s time. 

 Frank

Zwarte Piet, (Black Peter) so black, that even the white bits are black!

PS:  My favourite bit in the book is when the plantation owner is having an argument/discussion with his friend the Doctor from the city as to whether negroes are human. The Doctor asks the negro girl serving them what she thinks- “non-humans don’t have opinions” is her answer.