A COLLOSUS in KHAKI
Begging your pardon. There is a language warning attached to this episode. Language only heard at the ‘Fat Lady’s Arms’ is reproduced here only as a means of establishing authenticity to actual events. For further information seek usb’s and hard drives formerly in the possession of Ben Roberts Smith, (Australia’s most bravest and most decorated soldier EVER) c/o the backyard, dig 6ft.
Our heroes about to be wiped out by the most powerful man in Strayla and the entire world Angus ‘THE ENERGY’ Taylor…. Read on for another confronting episode.
Angus and Naomi, inextricably linked
After our confronting episode in which Angus divulged his secret as Laurie Connell’s ‘love-child’, the pieces had fallen into place. But as the last jigsaw piece snapped into place, CONFRONTINGLY we knew that we were only a click of the Minister’s exalted fingers away from CERTAIN DEATH. Ces and I would be snapped out of life faster than you could say ‘A GAS LED RECOVERY’!. With the trap-door open, the turgid goo beneath us and the hand of ‘Benny-Boy’ on our collars, threatening to do what he did to un-armed Afghani civilians and his wife, we were beyond scared. We were Shit- scared, and that was the least of it.
Angus being an only child was all of the more dis-avowed, rejected flung into the cold, intent upon revenge, and we wondered, if he was indeed human? Was this the first of the auto-bots we’d heard about at the Shengzou robotics facility?
Meryl Swanson, proof of an ANGUS-LED Recovery in Labor!
We knew that Xi was a prototype but was this the first Eurasian hybrid. As far as we were concerned it all stacked up, the lack of empathy, the delusional sense of entitlement and the fixed intensity of purpose driving GAS and CLEAN COAL when the whole word just wanted to shut it down. This auto-bot had an intensity of purpose that made ‘Arnie’s’ Terminator look like a fairy at a kids party. Clearly the Shengzou robotics facility had outdone its previous standard, and produced something terrifyingy real, and yet, UNREAL!
Cee whispered in my ear; “ He’s like an expensive Kia sports car, there’s traces of European refinement, but the detailing is piss poor and no re-sale value”. Was this the destiny Angus and his establishment cronies sought for Australia?
Meryl’s mob proudly displaying daily Jobkeeper and Jobseeker payments diverted to her local Harvey Norman, which just happens to be owned by her husband. Family Values giving strength to the notion of ‘Commonwealth’.
Laurie always knew a good deal, and Angus gave the deal a touch of CLASS!!! No wonder the front bench in spite of a flood of scandals were in awe of him. He could turn a flood of scandals into RIVERS OF GOLD! And all they had to so was line up and Angus would show em how to turn governance into personal wealth. It was so easy, but needed a firm hand, for clumsiness could expose the scheme as bare self interest and in a robust democracy like Australia that would never do! And we couldn’t forget the principled stand made by Labors own Meryl Swanson who stood firm against the will of her very own party to ensure that Harvey Norman never paid back the jobkeeper, because her hubby ran the store in her electorate. Notions of Fair-Play would affect her bottom line, and perhaps the investment properties she collected courtesy of the taxpayer. WE could see that on both sides of the political spectrum the stakes were high and we were the only rissole left on the barby. And it was a kosher barby, blessed by a bloke from Halal, and to put none to fine a point on it, we were about to be skewered.
BUT CES WAS FUMING!! WE HAD NOTHING TO LOOSE AND HE WAS GONNA GIVE ANGUS A FULL BROADSIDE BEFORE WE WERE PUSHED,
We looked to Benny-boy for inspiration and the realised that only strongly worded SAS parlance would cut the ice with this mad bastard. Ces opened the batting with a confrontational moment of truth, hoping that this would shock Benny out of his power-dom. Ces sought the ballistic option and seizing the last card in the deck that was truly stacked with ‘CLEAN COAL and a “GAS LED RECOVERY”. Ces whispered to me as we dangled over the edge; “Clearly negotiation won’t work, howsabout I use the kind of language that was popular at the Fat Lady’s Arms, that might do the trick’?
’Look here Benny, this power thing is corrupting you. Its not that power corrupts, just that Andrew and Laurie are just CUNTS! And You’d know what… you are the cuntiest cunt of them all, and we should know, we’ve been trailing behind this Angus bloke, (if that’s his REAL NAME ) all over Canberra. We’ve been pushed from arsehole to breakfast, and he wont say ‘please’, ‘by your leave’ or ‘thankyou’ just once. And yet we’ve helped him at every turn of the screw win favour with the big end of town. Gina and your good self are just PRAWNS’! Ces, pleading with Benny Boy, then used his trump card. ‘Not even Quentin wants to see you since you’ve started hanging round with THE LIKES OF HIM’!!!
Benny-Boy receiving Australias highest honour whilst trying to disguise the fact that it was his prosthetic legs that were used as drinking vessells at the ‘Fat Lady’s Arms’.
With the utterance of one word, “ QUENTIN” Benny’s demeanour changed, he knew we knew something, but now all of a sudden we knew TOO MUCH!!
What will happen next in this Compellingly Cuntrarywise episode? Will Ces and Quent shuffle off, or will this be their Denouement? Find out in the next fist-banging episode, ‘Angus Beefed’ or “Free-trade, Freedoms and the law given by Magna Cartier, on Benny-Boy’s watch”?.