..’A sea of women, angry and defiant’!
Dear reader,
As you recall our reporters had just been turfed outta parliament by Mr Potato Head. As they were flung out the rotating steel and glass doors they tumbled across the forecourt.
Partially blinded, bruised and battered, nothing could prepare for them for the shock they were about to receive. Rubbing their eyes, they found themselves abandoned amongst a sea of women, and they were all angry and defiant.
‘Jeez Ces, what are we up for now’? “ I dunno Quent, but this looks like Woodstock, or heaven, or hell? Can I be dreaming’?
But just as they adjusted to the new reality the Tannoy crackled into life, it was SCOMO direct from his Obovate Office
What Australia needed now was a FIRM HAND!
Some members of the public just don’t get GOOD GOVERNANCE!
We listened, knowing that what Australia needed now was a ‘FIRM HAND’! The P.M was speaking to us from inside the sacred halls of Parliament. He knew that stepping outside and subjecting himself and the sacredness of the Prime Minister-ship to a haggle of angry sheilas would be both degrading to his role as leader of the people, and an affront to every clean-living hard-working Aussie bloke who expected food on the table when he came home from a hard day at work.
It was soothing to hear the P.M’s reassuring voice. We could sense the occasion, and his role as LEADER amongst “HIS PEOPLE”, (even women, who are considered legitimate as people in society also).
“It’s been called to my attention from my missus, there’s a problem with little ‘three wheelers in parliament’. And in not just talking about the ‘Tic-Toks’ and the ‘Monte Carlos’ that Mrs Gadolphus brings in on the tea trolley’, (thunderous applause from the front bench) . We could tell his speech writer was way better than anything Don Watson ever wrote, The P.M had the common touch. And he had it in SPADES!
‘Nup me missus tapped me on the shoulder last night, and said ‘Scotty , you’ve gotta do something about these women trying to hog the limelight? And impugning the reputation of Ministers on your very own front bench who laugh as you do at the odd dick joke! It has to cease.
P.M is SAFE as HOUSES amongst decent blokes at the FOOTY!
That, people of Australia, put the wind up me!!
I had no idea there was a women problem, and I can assure you on this Mormon tabernacle bible I had no idea that some sheilah was raped in parliament. I remember as a kiddy Junie Morosi having a go at Jim Cairns. But someone having their brains screwed out just down the corridor is just not on.. It won’t do, and then to complain, just another sign of Bad SPORTSMANSHIP!
So I’ve got some advice.
Lets face it Sheilas in THIS COUNTRY are bloody lucky
They’re not shot at, nor killed on the spot as they are in some countries. Nor are they whipped, mutilated, set on fire and shot or driven over by t 34 tanks. In some case I have heard of domestic violence way worse than here at home, where most of it, in respect for decency happens indoors.
Don Watson, the shifty little bloke on the right. No idea who the other dopey looking bastard is.
In Australia Sheilas, and that’s a term of endearment, are knifed, shot, burnt, raped, then burnt, burnt then again, raped, guillotined, cut into pieces, fed to the dogs, crocs and insinkerator, imprisoned and enslaved, and made to work in knock shops cos they’re bloody lucky as Australians to have (via workplace agreements and enterprise bargaining) the freedom enshrined in our constitution, ‘FREEDOM OF CHOICE’!
That just about sums it up.
“The Lucky Country”.
The crowd stood stunned,
There was silence,
You couldn’t hear a false eye-lash drop,
Until someone said, “Scomo, he’s talking just like Eddy
And he’s headed in the same direction.
He just doesn’t get it”..
We were pole- axed, what didn’t we get. Were these people deaf.? Didn’t the P.M just demonstrate leadership and sort the issue out. Didn’t he make it fucking CLEAR?
The greatest leader we’ve had in this country since John Winston Howard the first, and they’re dissing him.
Call a spade, and you’re shouted down by AN ANGRY MOB!
Dear reader, our heroes are in a serious pickle. Is it a pickled onion ready for the former PM’s , (possibly our third best P.M EVER) Tony Abbott?
Where will this melodrama end?
Has the PM lost his skill for marketing?
And why are these women all so angry?
Shouldn’t they be at home, looking after the kiddies and the kitchen?
An angry Sheilah doin a NAH NAH!
Find out in our next Lysistrat-ian episode, in “ Two balls in the air, and I aint juggling” or.. “ the kitchen knives are out, so step back from the urinal” .