Dear reader, we left where we left off, the Prince, recently installed as GG to PNG, by virtue of the absence of an extradition treaty with PNG, the Bahamas, The U.K or the United States, is pounding the wall as he tells our desperate band of just how the worlds destiny is held in his very hand, via a scrap of paper, via right of royal birth, by imperial destiny, by the grace of God,  blah, blah, blah. Will the discovery of this new element Victorianinium Change the WORLD?

Read on , and do so at your RISK!

“Precisely”! The Prince pounded the wall with his fist, 

“And that”?, Ces countered,   ‘Is that why  we are all here in this’?, He paused; “this….stinking shit hole..Cos we’ve been shafted from arsehole to breakfast by Borderforce and the powers to be. We might as well be Sri Lankans for all the good it does us’? 

“Silence’!, The Prince Exclaimed

‘The powers to be be are NOTHING! 

ALL OF THEM”!  We all stood hushed as he once again twirled his ceremonial sword above our heads, Ces whispering: “I wonder if it’s fake”. But the Prince in this gloom filled hour of glory would not be stemmed, he was in full Majestic Flight, a putative ‘King in a Grass, corrugated iron, and clap-board castle’. He thunderously continued his vice- regal monologue:

“To the Ministers who subjugate the soul of humanity in Detention Centres to the pecksniff, who works the robo-debt at Centrelink. All of THEM act on MY COMMAND!!

You are here, as you so aptly described, “in this Shit-Hole’!

Because I COMMAND  you  BE HERE’! 

‘Fuck me’, Ces said, “told you.. it’s Right Royal  fuckin Command Performance’l 

I spite of our situation we all pissed ourselves laughing, the Prince, to prove he wasn’t such a bad sport had a chuckle to show he at least had a bit of empathy…. 

‘Still’, Ces reflected,’ it’s  pretty shithouse if you ask me, what’s Royal about this performance? There’s no dwarf tossing, and where’s the chinless wonder.’?. 

‘My brother Edward could not attend, he’s on high level secret talks with Russia’, the Prince replied distractedly. 

‘Russia’? Ces countered. “I’ll be fucked, you in with them also”?

‘Yes we have operatives, relatives of the Romanovs, who are allied to me’ …. He paused for extra effect;  ‘BY BIRTH’!

But it was too late, in a split second, the Prince, until now who had been conversational became maniacal.. “This my friends is only the beginning, only you can know is it the beginning of the end of the begining of the beginning’. 

‘Jeez’, Ces interjected, ‘whichever way you look at it we’re fucked’. . 

The Prince in full flight, could not be swayed… ‘Don’t you see, Brexit would cease to exist, Trump would retreat to his share portfolio, and any other tin-pot potentate, would be more inclined to listen to Shakespeare or Bach, than beat themselves to death over nationalism and any other form of priapic, narcissistic, mind numbingly stupid fragment of incoherent self indulgence’!!

This not only holds the key to the location of where Victorianinium may be found, kept secret throughout the  Battenberg descendancy, it also” in the wrong hands” could provoke immeasurable evil. “What’? Ces interjected, ‘worse than bunging us in this hole’. 

The Prince scoffed, “You fool, cant you see!!! this hole is your escape mechanism. And it was my great uncle Lord Louis, whilst Viceroy gave this box to Sir Clarence here, and he’s kept it’s existence royally hid, until royally bid. We all had a laugh.  Had no idea still what the Prince did for a living but we still laughed, he had a royal sense of humour. 

Clarrie shuffled uneasily, The Prince is right fellas, I don’t wanna tell you as you’d think I was all hoity toity but I’ve fuck’n mixed in royal circles before…  I met Lord Louis KC OBE VC MC (and Bar) in a Turkish bath on leave in Mauritius, and through a mutual acquaintance, I was invested with the secret to hold and only reveal in the event of with my death or an order from above to relinquish my responsibility. 

The Prince, beamed at Clarrie; ‘and that brave knight, you have done with aplomb’. 

‘But’, Ces said, ‘what if evil powers get their hands on this piece of paper, The lights wil go out all over Europe’!  The Prince, held the hilt of his sword, and  bellowed; ‘unless smote, this power will DESTROY EVERYTHING’!

 

to be Vice-Regally continued

What will happen to our Heroes? Will they escape New Guinea?

Does the Prince have a hand in their destiny? Stay tuned to the next vice-regal  episode.

‘One Prince lights up a Viscount”, or ‘Two dobs in, and you’re out!!’. 

Find out in our next thrilling installment of pcbycp in Moresby.