Big Ben! Benny-boy to his mates! So Big his V.C is EXTRA LARGE and tatooed to his chest. Thus protecting him from towel flicking and sand kicking on beaches.
Dear reader once again our heroes are in more trouble than a Senate Estimates Committee with our heroes perilously close to being flushed into oblivion, trapped within Canberra’s sewerage system. How bad can things get? Will they get worser? Find out in the next grammatically challenging episode as we search for the penis wielding oppressor who so callously defiled Miss Culthorpe. Read on….
The hand that picked em up was Ben Roberts Smith.
“Gday fellas we’d been expecting youse”.
Before we had time to correct Ben’s grammatically incorrect usage of the third person plural collective, and the astonishment that HE was our saviour we became aware of the ghastly environment he was working in. Worse than anything he’d encountered on active duty, and more profoundly evil than Dante, the inferno, and the bloke who lit the bloody inferno in the first place. As we looked across, we could see the rivulets of raw sewerage being siphoned into great vats, and then from the vats themselves a plume of incandescent sulphurous gas!
Our very own HULK! The Colossus of Canberra.
All around us the din of whirring blades and the hissing from valves as the sewerage was then heated and piped to a labyrinth of pipes, levers and sluices that all hissed and seethed menacingly. And from each aperture the foetid oozing of the corrupted froth, flushing, fulminating and flouncing the flocculated particles pursuant to the phenomenological processes of gravity and nature.
Jeez, as we had a second or two to grasp the situation Ben, grinning form ear to ear shouted over the top of the seething corrupted din of filth and fume “Hey boss they’re ere, and a sight for sore eyes if ain aint seen nuffink’?
The boss? Sore eyes? There was more than one individual in the mix, and then, no sooner than the thought had crossed our mind we heard the singing again, this time it wasn’t just eerie, it was scary.
‘If you knew suzie like I knew suzie, oh oh oh what gal
If you knew suzie like I knew suzie, oh oh oh what a gal’,
What was this? Then the whistling, to a man Ces and I hate whistling, and this bloke was the worst. He was doing trills and spills and rolling the long notes, and we thought to know this tune, one of Eddie Cantors finest he must be really fucken old, and yet it seemed familiar…
Who could it be?
Ben broke the silence:
‘Can I let em go, or do you want me to waste the cunts’? Waste the cunts? That sounded familiar, was it one of Bens mates in the SAS?
‘Do you like Pina colada,
And getting caught in the rain,
Do you like making love at midnight,
well, then this is my refrain’,
Ok boss, i’ll let em go, but can I scratch em a bit?
“Just one moment” came a voice from the gloomy interior, and then a terrific crash, from the other side of a long and foreboding corridor. Sort of like a Bunnings but without the shelving and the 5 dollar deals. Ben grinning like an idiot, still had us by the scruff of the neck, he was in full combat gear and looked scary.
The Nefarious ‘Dutto’, working underground to SAVE AUSTRALIA!
Then, we saw a shadow. It was HUGE, and the shadow loomed over us, and from behind a screen emerged our nemesis. ‘Dutto’!
‘Knew you’d show up’!
“What? After you kicked us out’!
‘Nup the moment I saw youse. You nosey types always return to the scene of the crime’.
‘Scene of the what’?
‘SHUT UP’!
‘Give em a demo Benny Boy’!
What was Benny- Boy Australia’s most decorated soldier “EVER” working with Dutto beneath the corridors of power on?
The Bionic eye is a masterpiece of engineering.
What impact will their nefarious deeds have upon the Australian body politic?
Find out in our next flushable episode,
“Twixt a cess-pit and a sink-hole”, or….
“A demo with despotic intent’!