Dear reader, not the death mask of Amenhotep 2 (third dynasty BC) but the likeness of Australia’s most powerful man, the Gauleiter of Brisbane.

Dear reader, once again, we return to our heroes who have just been plucked from the fundament by none other than Ben Roberts Smith, who is working as a factotum, (ask Boris what that means)  for none other than the most powerful individual in the land, the Gauleiter of Brisbane, Lord Peter of Dutton. What will happen next beggars belief, but after the goings on in Parliament, you’d better bloody believe it. 

Read on…..

And quick as a flash Benny pulled out what looked like a mobile phone; “Data report Boss, Cockburn and poole eta 4.54 pm”, 

‘Perfect’!  Dutto replied; “that’s forty five minutes ago. Reckon that’s when you blokes checked in’. 

“But…but’ Ces was curious to know how they so accurately pin-pointed our descent into Canberra’s sewerage system,  “how…..how do you know it was us’? 

‘Simple, its the remote DNA sampler. I have it checking in on Canberras sewerage. On flow analysis really. We just match it with the facial recognition and voila, a perfect fit.

Amazing, we were gob- smacked, again;  ‘But to what end’?

“Prince amongst the Pong”

‘What end? Ask Barnaby he’s full of it! Coming from you lot that’s a bit rich’. He laughed uproariously just as a vast plume of evil smelling steam diffused his outline into a ghastly apparition of monstrous intensity.

Dutto was not listening to anything we said. He was in charge and in full force.  The sewerage, the labyrinth, the odour had conspired to elevate him, ‘a Prince amongst the Pong’ as Ces whispered, and we had to agree. This was his kingdom. Queensland was just his play- thing. And with ‘Benny- Boy’ in tow his power was unassailable. We could just tell he was about to fulminate into a odiferous soliloquy and whichever way you looked at it we were about to get a hearing steeped in the traditions of Witness K. 

Dutto waving his Field Marshalls baton stepped up to a sort of rostrum, beneath it, draped the Australian flag, and dimly illuminated above him like a halo the acid etched out-line of the greatest military decoration ever, the VC, and the stirring words, “For Valour”!

Dutto began; 

The halo of RIGHTEOUSNESS! More powerful than Asio, and on a higher moral authority than any of the great thngs we;ve done in Afganistan this past twenty years.

“We’ve tried the Australia card, the Basics card, the Medicare card, facial recognition, you name it! And the  do-gooders and lefties stop us every time by crying ‘civil liberties and freedom of association’ and all that bullshit. Only way we can get a full identity on a macro as well as a micro scale is through this. This little number.  He waved the Field Marshals baton in the air, until we realised it was the sewerage on stream DNA sampler. He looked at it reverentially, his eye twitched with emotional fury. “A gift from our mates at Monsanto. The sewerage synthesis data sampler. My idea! You’ll never find this little beauty in Senate Estimates”!

‘What!  So all of this is top secret’? Ces was shocked that one man could hold the might of universal DNA sampling in his hand. Dutto, gleaming with self satisfaction matter of factly gave his reply. “Yup, even ASIO is unawares of what goes on beneath em”. 

Jeez, I remarked; “but is it legal”?

Dutto laughed uproariously, “what fucken planet are youse on’?  Typical of you lefty pinko wankers! Legal aint got nothing to do with it! Aint that right Benny-Boy’? Benny replied and saluted with trained precision; ‘Too fucken right Pete!  Can I waste these cunts now’?

“Not yet Benny, good things come to those who wait’.  Dutto continued; ‘Good to see a man who loves his work, you’d do well to heed his example, but then, the problem with youse bastards, you cant be learnt’. Being a Queenslander we understood what Dutto was saying in spite of the grammatical errors.  In this sense Dutto had a Joyce-ean grasp of language. But in the strictest sense it was not James but Barnaby who was responsible for his vernacular. 

‘Look here sonny Jim! I’m the law, on my watch, everything is legal’.

Some of the good Benny-Boy and his mates have been doing in Afghanistan. Giving the locals a taste of CIVILISATION and good ol Aussie values.

And with that he clicked his fingers, ‘You know what to do Benny Boy’?

‘Righto Boss’, 

What did Benny know what to do?

Is it safe? Will it be in accordance to the Geneva Convention? And will it bring us any closer to finding Miss Culthorpe’s culprit?

Find out in our next episode.

To dump or to jump?  is that the question’?

or….

’Three coins in the fundament’…