Dear reader, we left off where our heroes left us, in the lurch as their conveyance, a light rail tram- like shuttle makes its way deep down in the subterranean gloom, beneath the desert sands of Maralinga. 

“Linger in Maralinga?

A little longer to linger, 

Is that the phone to ringa?

if you raise your index finger’ 

Were the poms touched by God on the third day?

So goes the popular dance hall tune by ‘Norm Smith and the Medallists’ in their fabulous 1951 hit, ‘You shine like uranium I’m all aglow over you’, and in a similar quirk of fate, their tram driver Terry has changed track and at long last the tram seemed to be going upwards. To the surface beyond? Who can tell? For Ces and Quent, their search continues, and they philosophise about Christmas, Boxing Day shopping and the eternal message bequeathed by little baby Jesus and his sacrifice so that we should enjoy an unexpected early third day end to the third test. 

The tram continued to rise upwards, for dear reader, and for those attuned to Einsteins theorem of relativity, it seemed to be travelling upwards, 

Ces and Quent continued in their conversation. 

Three wise men

‘So you see Ces, this light up ahead, even though we know were deep down below the surface is a little like the light over Bethlehem, and perhaps were inadvertently the three wise men.  That’s me, and you, and pointing behind Benny-boy. He may be a colossus but he knows how to get a VC and cover himself with glory in shit- hole like Afghanistan. And that’s no mean feat! 

You’re right, but then what does that make Sophie and Terry the tram driver? 

I dunno, functionaries, or perhaps angels’? 

They both looked at Sophie hard. She looked like an angry Christmas pudding or a blue ring octopus on a bad hair day. It was hard to imagine her as anything other tha brutal, tough and Block- like.  But Angel? 

A star over Parliament

‘Even in the dark, the light plays tricks. Weren’t angels heard to sing on that night Mary found out she was up the duff with Jesus?

 I’m not sure.  I think she was up the duff before she got to Bethlehem? I mean even though Joseph was allegedly the dad, he cant have helped but wonder  if Mary hadn’t been out on the town with the lads and got herself into a bit of trouble. I mean if he hadn’t had a go at her how could her condition be explained? And I make this clear, as an un- ordained person with Mary was in the family way. You’d think he’d be a bit sus and wonder if the kid was gonna be a bit different, and perhaps that’s the problem with Mrs Culthorpe?

What do you mean Ces?

Well put it this way you know both sides of the front bench in both parties are now full of religious types?  I mean really god-fearing religious blokes like Barnaby and Tudgey and Christian. Well how could it not be possible that Mrs Culthorpe our tea-lady might not have been immaculately concepted as an Act of God? 

Was Tim Paine’s phone touched by God?

I mean in stands to reason, even Brittany might have been touched by God?

Was Brittany touched by God?

Look she gets magotted, goes to Parliament to recover, (not the best plan) and then wakes up defiled and dishevelled with no bloke within cooee. Even Christian was in WA, and Tudgey and Barnaby were on the job elsewhere.  It stands to reason, that Jesus mightn’t have been a one off? God they say works in mysterious ways, and he could have had a hand in both Mrs Culthorpe and Brittany and whilst he’s at it helped Barnaby get his secretary in the family way also. Aint God meant to be generous?  I mean, if a child is born under a star in Bethlehem and three wise men turn up out of the blue it only stands to reason that the same might happen elsewhere? Remember Quent on the top of Parliament, on that silly tripod thing, hasn’t it got the Australian federation star on it? Looks pretty much lke the one on our chrissy tree?

Could’ve happened to our very own women. Because why else would they be there? Scomo himself who’s in touch with God tells us they’re not really important in the scheme of things, as far as the Coalition is concerned other than to put up an appearance on the floor and look good for the cameras. I mean can you think of an outstanding lady MP on the front bench? Ces was stumped, he was aware of Michaela, and he knew some sheilah was a foreign minister but was confused with the alternating image of Alexander Downer in stilettos and fish nets.

Could the three wise men in our modern era be three wise women? Gina, Sophie and Julie?

He turned the ideas over inside his head, until he felt he needed to nod off. Ces was onto something  it just didn’t stack up and to his thinking there were parallels with their situation, both the role of women in the federal parliament and their fate was inextricably linked. And all roads led back to Sophie. Was she a woman? And with the blue flashing light ahead of them it didn’t make much sense at all. But them, it made a whole lotta sense. This was after all Australia, and that in itself made no sense at all. 

What will happen to our heroes next? Will they unravel this theophysical ball of twine?  Find out in our next episode, “The last gloomy candle in the sepulchre’, or ‘you may illuminate but you may not be enlightened’.