Dyse (analytical, objective and unbiased)got to the bottom of UNION BASTARDRY. (And a acquired a taste for bottoms).

Working with Dyson, (the ‘vacuum cleaner’) to his mates is pretty Dicey. 

Saint Tone paid 80 mil to cleanse us of UNION BASTARDRY

We’ve been looking for jobs that Dyson can do in a ‘hands-on” capacity. You see Dyson is ‘the gun’ if you want to do a detailed investigation into ‘Union Bastardy’.  Union bastardry stands in the way of ‘Big Business’. All of us know that’s Un-Australian. That’s why ‘Santas little helper”, ( St Tone of the Abbott) gave Dyson a gig to look into the rotten and systemic corruption of Unions. And Dyson  gave the Unions the once over.  Dyse, (the ‘Vacuum cleaner’ to his mates)  looked forensically into every dastardly deed the Unions had done.  We stood aghasp! Aghasp at the sheer weight of what he uncovered. It was filthy, the stench was overpowering, and at the end of the day Dyson left us with no doubt, the Unions were a disgraceful lot. The trauma of this inquiry had its tragic side effects. Dyson couldn’t keep his hands off sheilahs. Young, middle-aged,  old. Such was the trauma he suffered stoically and alone. Only recently has the cost of his trauma become public. Its a trauma we must all share.   

For the minority of Australians still in a Union, he proved that the Union Super funds provided, decent, equitable and fair service to its member subscribers. Unions weren’t interested in gouging their constituency.  The Union ethos, was corrupted by an ancient spirit of egalitarianism, the right of a fair go, and a deeper sense of community.  Such was the evil taint of “Unionism” 

Dyse followed the Union money trail in uncovering UNION BASTARDRY!

That in a nutshell is why the Unions are a pox on society. Not only do they clamour for fair wages, but they go into bat for little people. Little people who would normally and rightfully be crushed by BIG BUSINESS. Dyson had a handle on it, and his forensic treatment proved once and for all that Unions and Unionism runs counter to everything Lord Rupert of Murdoch seeks to achieve in world domination. But there were bigger fish to fry. 

That’s why we’ve got Dyson working for us on the Australian spy ring now working against the benign dictatorship they call China. Dyse will get to the bottom of this. We know that Australians are naturally cunning, and those poor ol mandarins of the Chinese Commuist party have been spurned from the ‘five eyes’ intelligence network. This is where Dyses’ forensic capabilities will mend bridges, belts and roads. 

Chinese ambassador dirty on the five eyes network deals in Sino Georgian Real Estate on the weekends to stem the tide of UNION BASTARDRY!

They’ve come the un-cooked wonton.They’ve gone so cranky they’re sterilising Uighurs on  the spot just for saying ‘Gday’!  ‘Gday’ is Uighur for; “I’ve had a gutful of Xi, and i’d know where i’d rather be than in an education facility”

Australian gift to China, the “Golden Elastrator”. A different kind of ring.

Uighur’s infected with UNION BASTARDRY queueing up to receive the gift of the “Golden Elastrator”

Dyse knows what’s really goin on.  He’s handy in tight situations. Has a real feel for the issues that are grounded. We’ve got Dyson on the case. Bought him a one way ticket to Beijing and a wad of fake yuan. Only problem can’t get a flight into China, so we set him up with a game of Mahjong, a Confucian Centre calendar  from the University of Queensland and a short wave radio. In no time Dyse found out what was troubling the benign Chinese government. Turns out they’ re running short of elastrator rings for castration of all the Uighur blokes. Dyse knew what to do. Went through the usual channels, and got Twiggy to purchase two hundred million worth of elastrator rings, and donated them, (courtesy of the Aussie taxpayer) to Xi himself, with a gift, “the golden elastrator”. It’s a special elastrator hand-piece, with gold handles and 888 stencilled on the prongs. The added bonus is that it’s got five heads, so you can quintuple the castration all in one go. In China, five is a lucky number. We’re currently working on an eight prong elastrator for the next annual party congress, as a gesture of Sino Australian can-do-ism.  Just to prove that we haven’t competely rooted our industrial capacity through UNION BASTARDRY.

Ambassador to China demonstrating the elegance of the single prong”Golden Elastrator” in stemming ” UNON BASTARDRY’!

It’s saved Australias bacon. We’re off the hook as spies, cos we’re making a contribution to the prosperity of the Communist party in cleansing them of Uighur non-confromists. And for the gift of corona-virus we’ve helped them in a spirit of reciprocity to do to the Uighurs what we’ve been doing to Aboriginal Australians for two centuries. In doing so we’ve smashed the impregnable status of five eyes. And the Uighurs get the double bonus, they’ll have sore eyes, and know they’ve helped in  swapping a spy ring for a rubber ring. Which is good all round. Cos rubber rings are flexible and bounce. Which us more than you can say for the Australian economy post corona.  A Union of sorts?

Incidentally, whats Mandarin for dead cat?