Angus, LHS in slouch hat poses as Supreme Commander Oceanic region, under slogan, ” manure spreadrs rejoice in the trickle down effect”!
Dear reader,
From humble beginings, monetising the Murray-Darling basin.
Last thing we knew, our heroes, were being led away by the evil master-mind who just happened to be the Federal Minister for Energy, who also just happened to be the Supreme Commander of the Oceanic Region for the People’s Republic of China.
He wore a Chinese Generals cap, upon his breast the order of Mao and Lenin, and upon his shoulder the Order of the Three Gorges, and protruding from it the order for a mixed Szechuan beef and Singapore noodles. Nothing could be more emblematic of the hold he had upon the entire Asia Pacific Region. The simple Red star upon his cap spelt it out. He held more hats than just energy, Jam -land, Clover Moore’s press releases and the bulk of Cayman Island tax havens courtesy of his stewardship of the Murray Darling Basin Plan. The Basin to Angus was just a spittoon, to the immeasurable ocean of his, and his family’s trust portfolio of interlinked overseas economic and strategic interests. And we? What was to become of us? Hapless souls. Innocents caught in this power play between finding the politician who had so heinously defiled our stenographer and occasional ‘Girl Friday’, Miss Culthorpe, and the evil, grasping, calumny of Angus and his cohort, who would stop at nothing to gain total control at any price. To shackle the doomed taxpayers of what could only wryly be termed a Commonwealth of Australia. To convert us all into witness K’s?
Angus, (third person lower rhs) proclaims ‘Three gorges Cayman Investment Plan’!
Our destiny as a peoples held in the balance?
To be wiped out, converted to mere prawns of the uncooked variety?
Ces and Quent, sole survivors and sole custodians to this villainous plot were about to be flushed down the plug hole?
Unless, by some thin chance, by some quirk of circumstance, we could distract the EVIL ONE, and find as we had on the nations forecourt an escape from certain DEATH!!
‘Spirit of place’, Ghost Train
Whilst the nations great leaders talked ‘the drums of war’, in which evil Angus had a bob each way, our own bass drum was beating the slow rhythm to a death march, and we were the poor buggers slotted to be done in. We felt like the riders on the Luna Park Ghost Train, and whichever way you looked at it, the top law man, the energy man and Australia’s greatest living decorated soldier ever, were looking the other way. And the worst thing, we couldn’t get off the bloody Ghost Train, the Rotor had closed down and the Giggle Palace was closed whilst they found mirrors big enough to reflect the countenance of Clive Palmer without him suing them. It was a bloody great mess, dog eat dog, or as we say in Mandarin; ‘dog eat dog’, and dear reader, it was about to get a lot messier still..
And one singular question remained unanswered, through all of this was he really the definitive evil one? Referred to by our PM? Or was it after Angus’s soliloquy in fact Laurie Connell, that Svengali from W.A corp who had tutored Angus in his infancy? We may never know. Angus with a magisterial flick of his hand ordered, ‘Benny-Boy’, (our most famous-est and decorated soldier) to ‘take em away, on a special mission’. After everything that had gone down with Dutto what could a special mission mean? Just as Benny-boy grabbed our luckless heroes by the collars, the evil one, Lord Angus of Taylors and Lake Burley Griffin, (he had minerals and exploration options over the lake to be drained once the ink had dried on the hand-over) looked over them, he waved his baton, and proceeded to read for the latest edition of the ‘Catholic Boys Daily’, (the Australian) This was beyond cruel, it was triumphalist and proclaimed a pettiness that was beyond extreme.
‘The fact is you never understood, your type never do.
Giggle Palace, formerly house of Reps.
I’ll let you think about this editorial cleared by my boys at the Peoples Daily’,
‘Federal alchemists are still working on the clean coal concept, We have it on good authority from Australia’s chief wizard, Lord Angus of Taylors Lakes, that just a few more spells are required, and the blood of newly born sacrificed to ensure that Coal can be cleansed and safely stored. This certainty backed by Peabodys and Monsanto is proof to the credibility of the Coalitions climate policy and the veracity of the astrological charts’. He continued, ‘is also an astronomical certainty, when Uranus is pointed due north, you can see right up Mars also’.
Don’t you see boys whatever happens, you and the filthy taxpayer who cannot afford the luxury of an offshore tax haven or even a philanthropical trust are doomed. You’re no freer than Uighur’s, in a’ … he paused for the right epithet,… ‘a cage’ ? Suggested Ces. ‘Yes very apt a CAGE, that’s girt by sea. I Like that, ‘A cage that’s girt by sea” I’ll have to use that in my next address to the People’s Congress.
‘The road for you boys is almost over, aint that right Benny?
A grunt from behind us signalled Benny’s looming presence.
Australia’s new synchrotron
You’ve dabbled, put your filthy toe into the pool and now it’s a gonna drown you’,
A stainless steel trapdoor revealed itself, and below us, we could see the steaming rivulets of Canberra’s sewerage. The fundament that Benny-Boy, Dutto and ‘the evil one’ sought to refine and serve back to the Canberran whole foods community and thus render them as a force immobile.
The liquefied oleaginous foecal goo loomed menacingly, “And now all I have to do is pat Benny Boy on the shoulder and it’s all over,
You played and lost, or in the simple metrics of the case, you’ve spent your last penny’.
Was this the breadth of his evil intent? To sell the nation down the river for Jam…. land.
Find out in or next ethically and grammatically compromised episode,
at $2.50 a ride it was a ripoff
‘Jam land, with traces of organics,’ or ‘Tofu and Muesli don’t mix’.