Dear reader,
In the end, it’l always be a sheilah who’s hung out to dry!
Our duo are in deep shit. We understand this is a cheap expression, but it just goes to show how SERIOUS things have become! Ces and Quent are embedded with Dutto and Benny Boy (Ben Roberts Smith), beneath the fundament of Canberra. What happens next may beggar description. But as Christi,ne Holgate reminds us, it’s all depressingly true, and by her watch a low point in the fortunes of this government. Will our heroes have a penny left to spend? Or has Christine already spent it? Find out, and read on in our next grippingly intestinal episode…..…time is ticking be it Cartier or a more affordable Seiko. Is the Seiko washable? waterproof? Or will it be a shower-scene from Seiko?
read on…..
Benny was guided by Dutto
It provides enrertainment to the masses, and is guarranteed as a crowd pleaser.
Benny knew exactly what to do, being a member of the SAS he knew all about precision. And it only took one signal from Dutto and Benny leaped to attention. We could see him composing himself, and then as if by instinct Benny grabbed a huge spoon from the side of the wall, and waiting for another signal, an imperative “Now” from Dutto he plunged it into the oleaginous goo and with a Chefs dexterity ladeled the contents into a sort of triangular beaker .
He then poured the beaker into another sampler, this one was long, took up half the room and as we watched it froth and spume into a sort of funnel, we could see lights flashing convulsively as the contents passed through some sort of analysis. We couldn’t make head nor tail of it, though we knew that something was seriously big in the offing. And somehow or another, the spectral outline of Dutto reflected in the haze, the light, and the monitor looked more ghastly, more incomprehensibly sinister than ever.
And when they cry on telly or talk of topping emselves Australia gets to feel “REAL GOOD”!
‘What’s the reading Benny Boy’?
‘All good Boss’, we expected him to say “Master’, but more intriguingly when Dutto asked about the read-out? Benny responded with mechanical precision, ‘ all the indices are up, we’re tracking vector tango banana’.
Even the P.M will shed a tear when he’s on telly. Provided the sheilah aint a “squealer” it’s a DEALA!
WE had no idea what ‘vector tango banana’ was but we knew even a banana in the wrong hands could lead to serious breach of acceptable norms, and the way Benny and Dutto were in lock-step made us deeply worried and more worried still that somehow, our presence may be a catalyst for some hitherto unspeakable crime. For what else could bring the strongest, arguably bravest soldier ever and the most powerful policeman in the southern hemisphere, our very own ‘Dutto- Cop’ be in such a situation?
Ces had had enough, he piped up in spite of the din, the steam and the swirling odiferous miasma of fume and froth,
‘What are you up to’?
Dutto pretended to not listen, but then, almost robotically he delivered a new soliloquy, and this one more chilling than anything said on the floor of Parliament,
‘We’re collecting Canberra’s DNA, after not getting the Australia Card across, facial tattooing or compulsory ankle bracelets. etc… to store the DNA and match it with facial recognition, and then to target whole-food groceries with DNA and genetically enhanced foodstuffs, and so render that voting block of greenies invalid.
Guaranteed the lick-spittle will dob in the last sheilah left standing. IT’S THE AUSTRALIAN WAY! …. ONYA MATE!
‘But how’? Ces probed,
‘By turning their very own shit into wholegrain cereal, and then, feed it back to em.
But Dutto has bigger fish to fry!
You see the demo upstairs, (he indicated to the above ground), is all grist to the mill, They’re lefty pinko protesters, they gather to protest rights and all that bullshit. Whilst they’re here we DNA sample their shit, match it to facial recognition find out what trendy vegan-friendly diet of whole grains they’re on, then convert their shit onto Tofu and Mung Beans. Then cos we know that the same lefty shit-strirring wankers will go to Canberra’s whole-food shops after the demo and order their lentils and chai vegan latte drinks, we’ll serve their own genetically modified shit back to em as whole-food.
And just when they think they’ve got the numbers to alter public opinion we’ll leak to em that they’re all corrupted by Genetically Modified Grains, (GMG”s), courtesy of Dow and Monsanto, and other trace elements. They’ll eventually take a sample and go into a tail spin. Being fed their own shit will shut em up for decades, and with a bit of luck they wont ever bother going back to Canberra. And we’ll be left alone to bring in a new level of accountability to the NDIS, deaths in custody, gay rights, you name it. They’ll be so compromised they’ll wish they were dead. And this is the best part, cos we know who they are we’ll Robo-debt em if they’re on the dole, mental health, pension you name it and they’ll be inclined to top em selves just like the last time. This’ll tip em over the proverbial straw, or as we say the lentil that broke the Hari Krishna’s begging bowl’,
Dutto had just finished, a wry grin transforming his face, and for Benny, ‘Garn boss can I waste these cunts now? Can I can I huh’?
Dutto, a true leader checking up on our “brave boys in Afghanistan” to see whether their Working with Children certification is still valid.
‘it’s a win win for government either way a problem is solved, and the economics stack up better than the intervention, whaddayou reckon’?
Both Ces and I were dumbstruck! This was beyond megalomanic, it was diabolical. It was the terror incarnate .Was this the end of civilisation? Will Dutto and Benny-boy get away with it? And will Miss Culthorpe’s oppressor ever be caught? Find out in our next genetically modified instalment. ‘Is this the end of history’?….. or….’ Is it a history of ends’?