‘Avalon-Land’ housing estate toilets are 400 % GERM FREE!
Eddies speech was a bravura Performance.
But first we had to endure the awards ceremony devoted to ‘Australia’s greatest Covid Warriors’. This is when Ben Roberts Smith mounted the rostrum. He played a stirring version of the Last Post. Then, up stepped the hospital cleaner Achmed who won the ‘last week before Tuesday Greatest current ‘Australia’s most improved migrant award’. Ben Roberts Smith got the country’s highest military, the V.D, and then we paused as he went on to say a few words on the behalf of Australia’s single biggest residential sub division that can offer housewives, a complete and absolute germ free household environment, guaranteed by Pfizer and Monsanto.
‘Avalon- land’ promotional video, “SAFE and HYGIENIC”!
We went though our routine,
“Avalon-Land” bedroom suites are fully Hose-able
We plodded through the lines, a win win for disease control and the building industry, we thank the development industry, the REIV for being leaders in innovation, and we thank particularly the four banks for leading us to a FULL ECONOMIC recovery. Then, after the sponsors messages about ‘fluro – flush’, anti-bac meal deliveries, Andrew, did a handball comp just as Ted Whitten used to do on ‘World of Sport’. We were almost expecting Uncle Doug to turn up, but something bigger walked to the stage, to accept his ‘Australian of the Decade’ award. It was Lindsay,
Uncle Doug, the sporting man’s Aristotle.
He started off; ‘as a humble and lowly truck driver’.
A short two hours later Lindsay finished his soliloquy with a little anecdote about success…he thanked his mate Solly for the tip, and Jeannie from the galactic system they call ‘Pratt’.
When he finished we felt squashed,
And realised, the crushing irony, that with the gift of freedom we’d sold our souls, our integrity, our very being to the market-place.
All ‘Avalon- land house and land packages are electronically cleansed for your protection.
But then, a bell rang, and Eddie beaming said, “NOW BOYS! This is a special day. And I’m prouder than the stitching on a Sherrin to reunite you with the one individual who saved your necks’.
Mrs Culthorpe managed a wry smile.
Emerging from behind the Foxtel mega screen shuffled Mrs Culthorpe. ‘Hi boys’, though ravaged with bed sores, dysentry, ebola and traces of Berri Berri Contracted from being an inmate in one of our prIvately run aged-care establishments she could still hold the tea tray. The two mugs jiggled precariously, between the pot and the mugs, a plate of Monte Carlos’. She smiled, though she’d lost the gift of speech, a tear trickled from her right eye, the other was closed with twitching. She managed a wry smile,
‘Boys boomed Eddy, this is your finest hour’! He bid us stand up.
And blinking in the blinding flash of the world’s press we raised our arms in triumph, the crowd yelled itself hoarse in an uproar of adulation, we the underdogs had prevailed. There was something so uniquely Australian about it, we were drawn to tears. As we stood there, the Foxtel screen exploded in a whirl of colour and our supreme leader, Peter of Dutton, boomed; ‘A nation sends its thanks’!, Achmed said in a half gibberish of Pathan and Arabic, ‘Thankee Thankee Stwaya’!
And as Lindsay, presented us both with ‘Orders of Australia’, the crowd roared; ’Onya Eddie’ !!
Ben unfurled the Australian flag, and proclaimed,
Ben unfurled the flag, but was dis that the promised Cartier watch (free with every V.C) was not forthcoming.
‘This is a PROUD DAY’!
The end.
Next episode, Mrs Culthorpe, finally got a job after ten years in the ‘Paths to Nowhere employment training scheme’, we were flabbergasted. Turns out she had to move to Canberra, and did a stint as a parliamentary intern. Then, as an intern, after-a boozy night something went terribly wrong. Stay tuned to our next probing episode, “tears before bed-time’ or “ The cut and thrust of politics”