A a stop-gap before delivery of U.S nuclear subs in 2525, the RAN is trialling a miniature nuclear sub developed between CSIRO and Qualcast, “The Blowfly”
Dear reader, just when you thought it was safe to say “Submarine’ we return you to our subterranean episode of international intrigue, systemic corruption and the labyrinthine cloak of secrecy that confronts our heroes Ces and Quent.
We promise more on the Coalitions cabinet deliberations later.
The “Blowfly’s’ sophisticated controls and stealth technology make it truly “cutting edge”. All Blowfly’s will be Qualcast and Villiers capable, improving and up-grading intra-service operability. Note carefully concealed control mechanism powered by LUCAS ELECTRICS!
As you may recall, Ces and Quent, held at gunpoint by Australia’s most decorated soldier, (EVER) Ben Roberts Smith, and the most powerful woman in Australia, former member for Indi and now exalted Fair Work Commissioner Sophie Mirabella have imprisoned our duo. To whit they find themselves tragically surrounded by seemingly inactive pommy nukes, left over from the first nuclear age. Sophie in an explosive bit of emotional angst has glanced a nuke with an Argyle diamond 24 carat 500gm ring (a gift from Gina) and set one of em ticking. With only moments to spare Ces an Quent must find a way of de- fusing the nukes and then try the one one in a million chance to escape from the clutches of the most villainous, nefarious, manipulative and powerful woman to face the Nation’s Parliament. The excruciating irony being, they only wanted to find out who defiled their tea-lady on secondment to the Nation’s Parliament as an intern Ms. Culthorpe. With the P.M’s office closed to questioning in the national interest, and the top military man, the one they call ‘Dutto’ pulling the strings, they discover there are bigger strings to pull. None stringier than those plucked by the ‘Man of Energy’ and Christian Porters temporary replacement Angus Taylor. With connections to the man they call ‘Xi’ and the nations sovereignty at risk from an assault more devastating that 1788, our heroes are poised on the precipice.
Will they escape?
Will we survive as a peoples, if they don’t?
And does anyone else really care?
Find out in this next detonative episode…
CVSIRO are currently developing a ‘Nano- technology” Blowfly drone, completely submersible and powered by tried and tested kinetic energy power storage systems.
We return to the moment with the clock ticking Ces spies a few old bottles of Purple Para, and flagon of McWhilliams Cream Sherry.
Ces shouted with emphasis, “Drink you bastards, drink for all it’s worth”!, And handing both myself and Benny a bottle he urged us as he set to work on the McWhilliams Cream Sherry.
Favoured tipple of choice for the nuclear conscious Maralinga set in the 1950’s
What could we do? With the sound of the mechanical impeller drawing the firing pin closer to the detonator there was only one thing to do? We drank.
Surprisingly it wasn’t too bad. That was the fortifying thing about Australian ‘Golden Era’ fortified wines. It’s hard to tell whether they’re off or just improving, and to tell you the truth the Cream Sherry wasn’t too bad. Mind you we were a bit thirsty, but pausing mid gulp, Ces remarked, “Jeez, before wine there was Purple Para and Cream Sherry and I wonder if things were simpler then”?
Benny paused mid gulp and opined, “ yeah back in them old days if you wore a V.C your integrity as a human being was unquestioned’?
I added; ‘and just for being an ordinary unassuming average bloke your were lauded as a great hero of Australian Culture, like Chesty Bond, just for being average’.
‘Or Ming’, Ces added
in the 50’s nuclear dining was all about style over substance.
‘Shut your fucking mouth and drink or I’ll plug the lotta youse’, Sophie fumed, and seeing her with the AK 47, the one Benny-Boy found at Tarren Kowt, we obeyed. I’d nearly finished my Purple Para and then before you could say ‘detonate’, Ces commanded; “now Sophie would you mind averting your mince-pies, cos we boys have a job to do’!.
Sophie reacted, “we’re in a equal opportunity environment, and whatever you do I will do also’. ‘Yes Sophie, but it don’t think you quite understand’,
Ming demonstrates to LBJ, the significance of cinque ports and other fortified wines.
‘What? HOW DARE YOU!! That’s typical patriarchal clap- trap! Just the sort of crap I’d expect from you LIVING FOSSILS! What is it you think I don’t understand? How dare you, that you two have thwarted my plans for global domination!! I understand that much, and you will shortly DIE for crossing me one too many times. Which bit then do you think by your leave, (Sophie added for sarcasm) I may not comprehend,? Is it the man-splaining I’ve gotta put up with every time you open your filthy gob? Or just the posturing you men-babies need in order to to feel superior?
‘Fer Chrissakes Sophie, it’s none of that, you just don’t need to know what we’re about to do’.
‘And why’s that? Which piece of secret mens-business am I being discouraged from? Don’t you understand as a fully accredited member of the bench of the Fair Work Commission, on my paltry 450 k, entitlements, super, overseas study-tours and federally funded stipends I have a right to know everything?
Top Secret shipments to Maralinga were disguised as manure spreaders to outwit the KGB
‘Allright then’…Ces fumed, you’ve been warned.
Ces knew that time was running out, and commanded the three of us, (excepting Sophie) to concentrate on the inspection cover which had been removed from the steel chamber containing the pommy nuke. ‘Allright boys, now concentrate!! See the impeller? We all peered at the whirring device. ’See those two wires and the coil’? We could see dimly the wires connected to the Smiths clock, and the coil, proudly labelled ‘Lucas’. ‘When I give the word, we go one by one, and I want you to piss on the mechanism. And be DEAD ACCURATE about it! It’s our only hope.
Just then, the clock gained tempo and the impeller, engaged a camshaft, which moved the striker back and readied it upon the very next revolution for the impact upon the detonator. We had literally less than seconds left.
Will our heroes get out of jail this time? Or will they be beaten by the clock. Find out in the next detonatingly Damoclean episode, ‘is that a ticking time bomb or are you just pleased to sue me’? or ‘two ticks and a tock is a tick too far’.