The top of Musk’s spaceship will look a little bit like this.

Special rates to ex cosmonauts and well to do rats

Elon Musk has just unveiled his bold big plan for Mars. He’s going to build a rocket that’ll make the Saturn V, (till now the world’s biggest ever rocket) look like a fire-cracker. His Rocket is FUCKING HUGE. Just imagine 1200 end on end Federal Government White Papers for the F 35 Stealth Fighter. It’s bigger than that!! Imagine, all the money spent on lobbying politicians by ex politicians, it’s bigger than that!. And think of all the money being poured into the Blancmange Plebiscite. It’s even bigger than that! Bigger than the MCG, Bigger than Gina Reinhardt’s breakfast. It’s so fucking big if you stood at the bottom and looked up, you’d get eyestrain, neck strain and spondilitis. That big it’ll even carry George Christiansen, Clive Palmer and Gina into orbit, and not only that! Send em all the way onto Mars.

Mars has already been claimed by this man. Reputedly wealthier than Rupert.

But the best news is that an Australian tech firm is working on the super dooper boosters. These boosters are leading edge. They do some sort of crazy funky ionisation shit and blast plasma out the arse end of those rockets way way faster than anything else, into space. Soon, rocketting to Mars, will be just like catching a V line train, without the delays. It’ll be just be like driving to the servo or the Seven Eleven without being car-jacked. And it’ll be a damn side easier, and cheaper than anything you ever did, wished for, or yearned for from Centrelink. Amazing! Australian technology leading the pack. Wont be long till the ideas are sold off and we get nothing. But in the meantime be fully proud that at last something is happening as a consequence of the ‘Ideas, Innovation, thought bubble and something else Boom’.

Those left on earth will just have to get over it.

And another first is being utilised that Australia has pioneered. Only really really wealthy people will be able to travel on the Mars rocket. It aint cheap getting to Mars, and you’d better believe it when I tell you that by appealing to really wealthy people, we can rest assured that the real leaders of the country, (the Property Council) will be hard on their heels to ensure that the best bits of Martian real estate are quarantined from less desirable types. And with an exclusive Martian population, growing and steadfast in the desire to be as one as only the really well heeled can do, they’re thinking of adopting another Australian principle, and ensuring there’s only private schools to educate the Martian elite. If you’re poor, like would-be refugees, you’d be better off staying at home or plugging for Uranus.

George Christiansen. M.P. leading the space race and the future of mankind, etc. and bigotry, and God.

And, (this is a Pcbycp exclusive), the progressive liberal senator from South Australia, Mr Corey Bernardii, has requested, (and it seems mandatory) that future Martians all be heterosexual. ‘There’ll be no gay marriage on Mars! And to enforce it, the first Martian ship, ‘Austral Bigotry‘ is set to launch the ever first colonisation of the red planet solely with members of the Exclusive Brethren. ‘They’ll have a chance to establish a perfect world, and maintain a degree of purity that is threatened here on Earth. I’d go there myself but I can’t claim the parliamentary travel allowance for Mars, though, that will come, when it’s a thriving colony of, like minded, God-fearing people like myself. There is a plan to re- name it ‘Bernardii’, in my honour, but I suggested they just settle for ‘Christiansen’, in honour of our fundamentalist routes and acknowledgment of it’s giant, (the politician, planet and space-crafts) size’.