Sir Cloudsley. Upon realising that he may be stuck in the antipodes as the last of his breed.
Well put Sir, very well put. Couldn’t have expressed it better myself. However out of all this arises a paradoxical paradox.
Shopkeepers hereabouts, Liberal voters to a man, took considerable umbrage recently when the newly installed Victorian Labor Premier declared Tony Abbott Day a public holiday. Flaring, flouncing and fit to be tied our local shopkeepers railed explosively against this new official day off, held public meetings and declared that they simply couldn’t support the notion of being required to pay their staff double time for yet another public holiday. In protest half of the local stores shut their doors on the day.
The holiday making public however, unaware of these financial considerations, from all points of the compass, carpayed the old diem, crammed into charabancs, and flocked to Mansfield in droves. The shut shops suffered. Dismayed and bewildered tourists could be seen gazing blankly at locked doors. Too late the owners wrung their hands, decided to open after all and rang for staffing reinforcements. The reinforcements were nowhere to be seen. Unforgivably, (and utterly disloyally) they had taken the day off and simply weren’t available. The owners, panicking, watching the profits slide away, threw their doors open any way and the tourists flocked in. They flocked out again when there was no one to serve them.
I honestly feel that our shop owners do, however, have a point. Making a living is difficult at the best of times, so the more of these public holidays we can eliminate, the better.
Her Majesty. After digital examination of prized, overweight, constipated corgi, (“Fergie”) holds royal finger as evidence that her pedigree, (the Corgi’s) is unblemished. Order restored.
I therefore suggest, in this safe Liberal seat, that we take our courage in both hands, take a deep breath and eliminate the Queen’s Birthday holiday. If Her Majesty was only made aware of how her birthday was being used to cruelly contribute to the wholesale financial exploitation of Mansfield shop owners then she would not hesitate to act.
She would do this because the Queen is nothing if not an honourable woman, She would do this because she has only the interests of the community, (and her fellow Australians) at heart.
Finally, she would do this because she is in the end Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth 11, God Bless Her.
Sir Cloudseley Logue-Splitterre
After which I.M.A. Purled commented thus
My dear Seurat-Knee,
Sadly, we all noticed your little foe-paw concerning par-ven-noose instead of par-ven-knew, May I. to save your blushes and avoid further embarrassment, suggest the much more easily accommodated ‘Arriviste’ which the more easily trips off the Biro whilst one is in the grip of the creative vision thing.
Aware of your local hostelry habit and your penchant for mixing with coarse artisans and the like, I expect you confused ‘Parvenues’ (sic) with your local saloon bar menu ‘Parma News’ and this is how the confusion arose.
Naturally, I prefer to think of you in less humble surroundings. I see you teeing off with the best of them on top quality golf courses where ‘par venues’ are de rigueur. and only the very best may gain membership. This might constitute a more acceptable explanation.
‘men of questionable standing’. (Not the author).
Finally, there are those places where, God help us, gentlemen of questionable standing assemble in order to pay to press their eye to a ladies changing room knothole.
Need I say more? These are commonly referred to as ‘perve venues’ but I hardly think that a man of your reputation and breeding would lower himself to a knothole. Surely not, as this leaves one’s rear flanks dangerously exposed.
Bated breath here, my dear chap, bated breath,
I.M.A. Purled.