Ditto Dutto, a when impenetrable force meets implacable logic that Might is RIGHTEOUS!
NEXT BIT!!
Dear reader, as you may recall, our last episode had Ces and Quent confronting ‘Dutto’ and his side-kick ‘Benny Boy’, ‘Australia’s most decorated soldier’ under the labyrinthine network of Canberra’s sewerage system. They were up to a fiendish plot to infect protesters with reconstituted mung beans, whole- foods and tofu derived from human poo, thus rendering them impotent as a protest group. How can this fiendish plan be stopped? And will our duo escape the grip of (arguably) the two most powerful men in the nation? Find out in this next intestinally tightened episode ;
Bionic Eye
Benny had to do what he had to do, that’s what we like about our elite soldiers in the SAS. They obey orders and above the din, his outline looming ghastly in the sulphurous glow. Dutto raised his right arm, and commanded; “DO IT NOW!!”
Benny laughed maniacally, and punching us both good naturedly in the stomach so that we were winded and doubled up in pain, he said: ‘You’ll love this’! And walking over to a huge wheel he applied all his manly weight to it. Slowly and surely it moved. As the wheel creaked and groaned and the rust flakes poured off it in a sooty crescendo of dis-use, we became aware that the surface of the wall opposite us was moving. For sure enough, ‘Benny-Boy’ was opening up an enormous door, larger than an aircraft hangar and made from our observation and experience in metallurgy whilst on secondment to the Minerals and Energy Council of high grade tungsten reinforced steel.
Benny-Boy really put his weight behind it, and immersed in this Herculean task , shouted above the din. “ it’s moving Boss, shall I take it all the way’?
The Master!
“Yes’! The Gau- leiter affirmed, and Benny-Boy increased his grip and the door opened further, revealing a flight of steps that seemed to go upward and upwards, right into the very core of our Federal Parliament.
There was an enormous jarring metallic clang, and the door stopped. Benny, now shirtless, wiped his brow, and picking up an old service Webley, (as Anzac day approaches our finest are encouraged to use historical fire-arms that have served us well in containing evil-doers) he motioned, “Stay put’! , And for a minute outlined in the blackness, he paused, and calling over the top of our heads, to Dutto, he declared; “I’ll go in, first, then you follow’. WE saw Dutto nod, and then with a wave of his hand bid Benny-Boy onwards.
From within the dark portal, Benny’s voice echoing in the stygian gloom, “ok boys follow me’!, he uttered a sinister chuckle and then to our horror began a corrupted version of the teddy bears picnic;
‘If you go down to the woods to day
You’ll get a big surprise,
If you go down to the woods to day
You’ll get one right between yer eyes’…..
What choice had we? To drown in the filthy corrupted goo? Or do as bid and take a punt on Benny eliciting a shred of Human decency… Logic proclaimed our answer, we followed.
Benny and his mates on a recruitment drive
Barely had we stepped within the portal when as if by magic, the mighty doors clanged shut. The metallic boom resonated, and all was silent, and deathly black. But in the distance we could see Benny, outlined in the halo of his zippy lighter, ( Defence directorate; Zippy lighters may be worn by servicemen and worn for the duration of this week in homage to Australia’s Anzac heroes, )
‘C’mon dummies, you don’t want to miss what we’ve got waiting for you”?
A pit full of vipers?
A wild pack of wolves?
Sharks?
A tank filled with blue-ringed octopi?
A national party backbencher with a texting addiction on a bad day?
The only thing to fear was fear itself, but we were afraid to say we were consumed by fear.
WOKE IN FRIGHT!
Clearly ‘Benny Boy’ had become ‘Dutto’s Toy’, and there was no use being Coy. We were immersed in their corrupted ploy, but to what end? Find out in our next deeply seated episode, ‘A tunnel to oblivion’? Or “the PLIGHT of Duttons Dight”. (Courtesy of the Minerals and Energy Council).