Coalition Climate policy seen being delivered before Election LOCKDOWN!
It’s hard to keep abreast of some of the exciting events happening as a consequence of the upcoming federal election. At the current rate of dis-endorsement we are reliably told the only people left standing for re-election will be Barnaby Joyce, the Drovers dog and Flo Bjelke Petersen. Though we are informed that Lady Flo is deceased, we know that her spirit is the single unifying force that unites all Queenslanders to the principles of gerrymander, peanuts and coal. How this fusion between symbol and principle is achieved has something to do with the recent discovery of binary star systems and colliding neutron stars in the distant reachers of the universe, and the consequent impact of gravity waves upon the coalitions climate policy.
Climate change policy you may ask?
When politics was pure.
Towing the party line… to uphold “mainstream Australian Values”.
Yes, the coalition have utilised gravity waves from neutron stars to establish worlds best practice clean coal technology. On hand the energy minister Angus Taylor had this to say: ‘we implore all taxpayers to do more than just give handouts to the Vaile Point power station and the excellent work being undertaken by the Coal Baron Trevor St Barker. These gravity waves have rocketed the valuation of this important facility from one minion to 730 million. Only something of the supernatural and astrophysical could substantiate such a remarkable growth in investment. At this rate coal will be so expensive the entire nation will be mortgaged to this singular individual. In doing so we’ll snatch the initiative away from filthy renewable energy and ensure that the bounty of “clean coal” is the sole source of energy. After closing down the car industry clean coal will demonstrate its versatility in powering the first two of the much anticipated French Submarines le merde and le toilet which will be equipped with coal burning furnaces, coal equipped heating and chunks of coking coal to demonstrate leadership for every petty officer, sailor and midshipman.
This will protect us from shape shifting alien lizard creatures who threaten to damage the process of democracy in Australia by taking away power for lobbyists and big business, and giving it back to the taxpayer, in huge and SUBSTANTIVE CUTS!’
Indeed the shape shifting lizard aliens as endorsed as official policy by independents and Liberals in the vicinity of Darwin, (and where else would you go to learn about Evolution?) are not alone.
You think we’ve gone far enough? Not by half, there’s more on the Clive Palmer front. He holds the destiny of this country through his capacity to detect shape changing alien lizards on the floor of parliament, they’re alive with them, and they’re coming to get you.
Democracy for sale? “Absolutiment!” (that’s French sub- mariner parlance for) “you’ve got the best democracy money can buy. 
Sold for a PUP.