Matt Canavan. When he’s not busy sinking taxpayers money into dodgy coal schemes, he’s ensuring that gas exporters get a free kick, and a lunch too.

Poor Matt, let down by the banking sector. They lack the balls to back a truly exciting nation building project. To pour billions into the coffers of Mr Adani, so that he can divert  profits into his Cayman Island bank accounts. If the banks wont do it, he’ll make the taxpayers do it. Cos that’s the way business is done up north. Just ask Chevron, they do it, so why can’t Matt get the banks to give Mr Adani a go. Be fair, these bankers are a pack of soft cocks. We’re up to the back teeth with em, and if they wont toe the line and fund utterly stupid bone-headed projects like Adani’s rail line, they clearly’ not REAL Australians, and will never ever be accepted EVER as Queenslanders.

Expected to speak at the international, G20 meeting with Davros next month Mr Canavan outlined his vision for the future.

Banks were always there to lend a hand in clearing Queensland of ‘Trouble-makers”.

“We’ve gotta nationalise these bastards. They’re welching on investment loans for anyone who’s a card carrying member of the Chinese communist party and now they’re talking bullshit on climate change. It makes me puke. In the past we’ve never had a problem with the banks. Paid for infrastructure in the form of public private partnerships. It’s been GOLD for investors. Never questioned funding a road project no matter how silly, and always provided the pork and the barrel when needed in any marginal electorate. Paid for the buy-up of public utilities at knockdown prices, gouged the population and provided the bulk of the traditional finance to cleanse Queensland of blackfellas and make it pure. So that companies can drill for gas and oil and anyfink and pay no tax.

And now the same bankers have gone soft-cock on saving the planet. It’s all gone “Wilberforce” if you ask me. And, I gotta tell you, there’s only one solution. And that’s as far as the banks are concerned a Final solution.

Two problems solved. Locate Westpac to Mt Isa, and ensure that any incriminating files make their very own contribution to global warming.

We’re gonna nationalise em. From this next budget, we’ll be buying up the banks and moving them lock stock and barrel to regional areas that could do with a bit of pump priming. There’s the four big-uns for starters. The Commonwealth will be re-located to Kingaroy, the National, to Cairns, the ANZ to Bundaberg, and for being such a recalcitrant un-Australian mongrel the Westpac bank will be relocated lock stock and smoking barrel to Mt Isa, in Bob Katter’s electorate, that’ll show em.

And while we’re at it. We’re gonna privatise the national parks, crown lands and public reserves and open em up to the twin pillars of Australian development, housing and mining. That’ll ensure that there’ll be nowhere left for soft-cock greeny intellectuals to hide. And for the Adani protesters, they’ll be rounded up and sent off to Manus Island and Nauru. They’ll learn a bit of humility and think twice before taking on the principles enshrined in being anointed by god to exploit the planet in the noble works of ensuring that Queenslanders alone shall inherit what’s left’.