P.M Seeks sage advice from Lord Dutton of the Far North.

Dear reader, as you may remember, the insidious creeping “ black death” of the coal dust cloud has now swept further south engulfing the Gold Coast. And though a spirited attempt was made  by ‘Clean Coal deniers” in Byron Bay and Mullumbimby it ’s creep continues inexorably. The last person to get out of Byron Bay was emotional, but described the chaos. 

Sir Percival Pecksnith, (aide to the Governor General) Holds aloft NEG as guarantee against the ” Insidious creeping black miasma”

“Faith alone may save us”, PM chants. “NEG” in a futile bid to save CIVILISATION!

“ We tried as hard as we could. Every tree along the Pacific Highway was festooned with rainbow coloured flags. We held gay marriage services up and down the coast. WE even adopted a Sudanese  mascot “Umbutu” and a first australian to appeal to the climate gods. But it was to no avail. At first we thought the cloud had been stopped. We rejoiced. For a whole week it just hung there neither going forth nor going back. An invisible line, our belief in science and rational thought as protector against ideology and idiocy seemed to work. But then, just as we began to believe we’d stopped it dead in its tracks it sought us out. It came for us, not down the coast, but around us and behind us. It have moved into the hinterland, drawing sustenance from the Armidale electorate. And fueled by Barnaby’s rise as a non relevant, very loud mouthpiece for Gina Rinehart, it gathered strength, and then, engulfed us. WE were literally done in the back. And I can tell you we had barely an hour to get out. The only people who stayed, were the Byron Bay writers festival attendees. They foolishly believed in the power of the written word, or wisdom and humanity. They died horribly. Our last image of them, Pompei-like the life sucked out of them, frozen, immobile atrophied to the corrupting influence of clean coal. 

Still the black cloud drifts further south. Latest reports describe the Newcastle ports and the Hunter Valley being subsumed and as always, in spite of intense efforts, even the sacrifice of young children to abate its wrath, the resistance has been useless. In a crisis meeting in Canberra, the PM was heard to mutter, “if it can’t be stopped it is gods will’. And the former PM Tony Abbott stating categorically this is what happens when you question the will of Lord Rupert of Murdoch. 

MP Craig Kelly. Deeply troubled about unfolding events.

PM leaves press conference, “I stand for NOTHING”! A broken man.

The sea, and every living thing in it, a coal derived sludge, accelerates the process of coalificaton and surfers off Bondi have noticed the first tell-tale signs. Little chinks of Briquettes and Coke floating in the water as flocculated particles. In spite of this, the NSW government has welcomed the first signs of Coal-ageddon, by sugesting that the Waratah be replaced as the state emblem, and  encouraging signs that school children will be rewarded with “Coal is good for humanity’ fridge magnets, paperweights, wall charts and metric rulers. But Sydney seems doomed, From the electorate of Craig Kelly the cloud is bearing down  and seems unstoppable. Fanned by Islamiphobia. It feeds on Fear, and seeks to make us realise that humanity is doomed unless we adopt coal, eat coal and as all carbon life forms are loathe to admit, burn together in carboniferous union. As the PM said, “There IS no other way”. 

There’s certainty in Coal, and the LNP want you to all now it’s a final solution. 

No question about it.