Dyson has offered to re- write the ABC Charter

We at pcbycp are delighted that the ex Murdoch executives who now run the Corporation have come up with some truly imaginative solutions. Solutions that are FINAL.  Initiatives that make REAL money and issues that interest REAL people……. (with money). 

The problem with the ABC for starters is there are no ADS. No product endorsement and no betting channels. The ABC Charter needs re-writing.  

“to provide innovative and comprehensive services which contribute to a sense of national identity, inform, educate, entertain and reflect Australian cultural diversity; to promote the arts; and to broadcast to other countries programs that will encourage awareness and understanding” 

Dyson may compere the muted up-coming ABC Reality TV Series, ” The Night- Stalker”

There is no mention of jobs for mates, sinecures for ex Murdoch executives and a place for Dyson to go, once he’s earnt a reputation that’s a wobble board short of the Rolf Harris. The ABC must be re- nuanced for contemporary Australia.  Show bias, prejudice and practise “Dog whistling’ as a core principle.  Without it, it doesn’t reflect any Australia we know. 

Delighted to hear the new manager of the ABC, talking about additional cost-cutting. The Ultimo Headquarters could be leased out to advertising executives, funds managers or training colleges for recently arrived migrants. And like the universities, establish new revenue streams from selling off assets, sackings, and conversion of facilites to more suitable coal or fossil fuel oriented enterprises. There’s untold real estate potential realised by selling off buildings in desirable locations, and perhaps the entire ABC staff could be replaced by call-centre attendees from the Phillipines, in the Phillipines. 

Clearly this is the vision statement we want from a man with vision. He knows the cost of everything and proves the worth of his other board mates who’ve worked with Lord Rupert of Murdoch.  They knows the value of MONEY. We understand that as a neccesity he must achieve editorial balance. But it begs the question: How much balance is enough?

Dyson working on re- writing the ABC Charter.

The ABC has skewed its operations as a socially progressive platform. This will be abolished. Even now as we write it is pleasing to hear the old videotapes of Bob Santamaria’s, “Point of View” will be restored and re-issued on a new ABC Channel, ‘Bobs 24/7’. This exciting new format will stream non stop into lounge-rooms and confessionals across Australia. But this is just the beginning. 

There are myriad other savings that may be met via a more rigorous approach to de- funding, 

We would like to submit these initiatives to the board, and hope via Sky News and Foxtel a new look ABC might provode relevance and entertaintment at last to the taxpayer. 

1 New ABC uniforms, to further stigmatise the ABC staff as lefty pinko whingers. They shall trial a new pink high viz overall. This uniform will be compulsory and identify to all mining magnates, those with vested interests and kleptocrats that though this journalist may be more difficult to bribe, cower or fear, it can be assaulted or as in other progressive contries, ( Russia, Turkey, Saudii Arabia) liquidated at will. 

2 Sell off ABC archives. Old rubbish. Who gives a witness K. History? Who studies  humanities anyway?

Dyson salary package includes a masseuse, a dresser and a jar of vaseline

3 Robodebt all redundancies.  Put them all onto robodebt, and make them pay for enjoying the luxury of ex-journalistic independence. Except for Tony Jones, who shall duly recieve his AO for starting the intervention, ‘for services to the maintenance of the status quo’. 

4 Source all new appontments form Sky, Fox, or Newscorp.  They do what they’re told and provide ‘infotainment’.

5 Sack the board, appoint Alan Jones as head. Boards are full of dead wood. 

For services to “Dog Whistling”

6 Cancel the “Science Show”, “Insiders”, the “Law Report” and the AM and PM flagships replace with musak and sport. The Federal Governmant HATES science. 

7 Closer tie-ins with gaming, there’s money to be made in sports bet and accredited gaming enterprises to grow the economy

8 Get rid of journalists, replace with celebrities. Celebrities dont worry about ethics, unless they’re fashonable. 

9 Reality TV.  Turn the sackings into a twelve part reality tv show. 

The trialled new ABC Board Uniform

10 Whatever is left to be filled with cooking shows, and shopping shows.

Appoint Alan Jones to write up a new charter of journalistic integrity, send it to Rupert to sign, and find any autocrat, (Hungary, Turkey, USA,China, Phillipines, Nth Korea), to endorse it. 

Reading the new ABC Charter. “Its much sexier than the old one‘, ( Dyson)

With a bit of luck this template will establish the ABC with a wider target audience and fully develop its potential as a window onto what ordinary Australians are deemed to think according to the over- arching principles of Lord Rupert of Murdoch. (Amen)