Footy tipping gone wrong. 

An average Australian admires the spirit of ‘Anzackery’, which (like Shiva), appears in many forms.

At pcbycp we like to do a bit of footy tipping. 

We know what you are thinking, (dedicated, indefatigable and loyal reader) that it’s the cricket season, and though Australia was thrashed by a twelfth eleven from India whom evinced talent, sportsmanship and humour in spades, without the immaturity, abrasiveness and brattishness of the local team.  We still think out sportsmen are fucking great god- heroes, whom shall prevail as Ayesha did in the pallid glow of the eternal flame of Anzackery. Cos cricket,  like international strategic pan global economics is serious business. 

Well, that’s when everything went wrong, 

Miss Culthorpe

We were encouraged, in order to prop up our tea rooms, lending library and hospice for the poor, the indigent and the homeless, with a couple of one-arm bandits. The bloke from the local footy club, who went by the pseudonym of “Eddy”, said that all we had to do was follow his instructions and we’d be able to pay for Mrs Culthorpe, (our tea lady) and ‘have money left over for Monte Carlos’. It was too good to be true. He also said he’d look after the publicity side of things as a “ natural born leader”.  He spoke with such assurance and authority. Then he just said, ( as they do in the Nike adverts) “JUST DO IT”! And it’d be a CERT!. 

‘What cert’? We timidly asked, “will we be able to spot the footy, or will it give us an inside on picking the pre season finalists”? 

The phone cut out, and the very next day we were asked by this bloke who went by the moniker’ Jamie” to sack Mrs Culthorpe and in her stead, employ a “ Susie Wong” to look after the tea roster, the urn and the outgoings. We tried to explain to him that we didn’t have outgoings. Ms Culthorpe had been with us ever since the comp began, and after the tipping contest and the bingo we were down to about 1.15 a week.  And  he said, “ CHICKEN-SHIT’!

Two of the blokes who delivered the pokies

And then he looked angry. “Youse look after the Pennys and i’ll look after the pounds’, and just walked out the door. ‘What the’? We asked, and who is this Susie Wong? Just then Clarrie said; ‘bit of an Arthur Caldwell’, 

(Editors Note) 

For those of us who are historically challenged Arty came up with the famous, ‘Two Wongs don’t make a white’ and he was our Federal opposition leader during the golden age of MING, leader of the Federal Labor Party, a proud man and a great ( though he played neither test cricket nor footy) a GREAT AUSTRALIAN. Bit like Albo with attitude. 

Anyway, the very next day, the other bloke called Eddy, sent us an audit. 

It was fucking complicated, when all we were after was the inside in footy tipping, 

The weird thing was the Collingwood footy logo, 

Success in Ozzie Sport, ( an footy tipping) is measured (apart from face- lifts, loud jackets and narcissism) in BIG MONEY!

That was weirder still as we barrack for the shin-boners and the doggies, cos we’re from the poorer edge of town and aint got the inside on high finance, corruption and the legacy of great Australians like Phonse Kyne, John Wren and Hertier Labumba. 

Then, you wouldn’t fuckin believe it, this huge Truck arrives, and instead of just a couple of pokies it disgorged a whole container load of pokies, and they were all labelled, ‘minnow’, ‘super sucker,’ ‘high roller’, ‘filthy rich but fucked in the head’, and the finally a gold plated, Cadillac inspired pokie machine with wings and leather, the ‘Im so rich I could piss money up against the wall like there’s no tomorrow and know that some small player shit-kicker bastard gets wasted on the process and I couldn’t give a shit” pokie’. 

But,  Clarrie signed the chit and sighed, “we only wanted a bingo light board to open up on Thursday nights and some tips on the footy tipping, but I spose it’s “ progress “

Just sign the invoice, and Eddie will look after it, and we duly did, 

Mr Whu, who approved the pokies, talks on Youtube about Footy tipping.

You’d think we were in trouble mate?

That’s when the trouble really started. 

When we complained about the pokies Eddy pretend he was deaf.

What troubles? What has this bloke called Eddy and the other bloke called Jamie got to do with the price of fish in Macao? Stay tuned to our next high rolling episode, ‘three manques and you’re blanc’, or “Two poker chips and a Dim Sim”.,