‘Art for arts-sake, money for god’s-sake’.

Jeez folks, after the current NGV security guard scandal we all know a little bit more about enterprise bargaining. You have an enterprise, a public gallery, and you have staff, and under a Howard era enterprise bargaining agreement, you get a bargain. You don’t really have to pay the security, better still you source security staff from people who’ve literally just got off the boat. Pay em cash, and let em lose! No Sunday pay. No Weekend pay. No levy. No sick-leave. No nuffink. If they get sick you just sack em. If they complain about the pay, you sack em. And if they go to public and cry out loud, you sack em and then you shut the door on em. “Troublemakers’. !!!

Troublemaker

This is great news for art galleries. If other pubic galleries could follow the NGV lead, (whilst ensuring their top management are paid exceedingly well indeed) they can lead the word in really interesting and engaging installations. For years we’ve grown weary of boring, dull and utterly humourless installations. The boxes in the corner, marked “ idiom”. The Tracy Emin un-made bed, sans condoms, titled, “Entropy’, and anything done by really serious committed social commentary artists who try and organise confected chaos, and pretend to rail against the system when they need the system and must forelock tug in order to stay in circulation.

With the new security guard thing you can wander along to the NGV and see real poverty at work. Better still, you can see indentured slaves and actual serfs playing out the ever-green Russian proverb, “ We pretend to work, and they pretend to pay us”.

But that’s not all in store for us In this bargain basement Brave New World that we the public so ardently embrace, there’s greater things happening at the ABC. They’re doing their best in upholding the old Trojan, “greater efficiencies”.

That’s right folks. All the staff on the 7.30 report will be outsourced; Camera-men and Camera- women, journalists, investigative reporters, grips, key-grips and tea-ladies. It’s out they go! Bargains, Bargains, Bargains! To establish, (Michelle’s own words) ‘broader audience appeal’!

Goodonya Michelle.

International Women’s day is all about ‘efficiencies”. Michelle Guthrie, Rupert’s little helper.

That’s what we need more of in the ABC, More audience appeal. We have it on good authority that Four Corners, will be re- nuanced to ‘Four by Four’ a motoring enthusiasts show that get to the real nitty gritty of 4wd performance under the harshest Australian conditions. There’ll be more interactive reality games shows, and all other entertainment will be outsourced to Foxtel.

So it’s enterprise and efficiency in a bold new era. Short term contracts for all new staff, and a grandfather clause to ensure that any reporter who actually reports will be sacked.

As a token gesture of my masculinity I should like to wish you all a happy ‘International Women’s Day’.