Dear reader, as you may recall our heroes, up to their necks in raw sewerage since they dived for the person-hole outside the Nations capital forecourt. And why did they dive?
Is that the Climate Policy?
They were pursued by a throng, a riotous assembly of angry women. Determined to sacrifice two men as a demonstration of their anger, righteous anger at the patriarchy. And as they were borne away from certain death down a conduit of sewerage flowing into and not away from parliament they were plucked by none other than Australia’s most decorated soldier ever. “Benny-Boy and his master ‘Dutto’! But worse was to come! Imperilled, endangered, and forsaken, they were forced to follow Benny on a special mission only to confront the master-mind, the master-mind who controls Canberra and everything. Their arch nemesis, the man who goes by the name ‘Angus’, and to their shock he’s working as an operative for the Chinese Communist Party, by being a fully fledged General in the People’s Republic Army! Can it get any worse, ?
The core principe at the Centre of National Resilience is to obey the code of MATESHIP’! And in doing so monetise federal policy to MATES!
Find out in this next Sino sinuous episode as the imperilled heroes find themselves needing a Centre of National Resilience!!
Read on…..
There was no mistaking it, Angus loomed evilly, If ever Fleming needed a stand in for ‘Dr No’ this was it. His uniform, displaying the supreme commander of the oceanic region was resplendent with the Order of Mao, the Order of Lenin, and the Order for Szechuan Beef, won-tons braised in Coelocanth* and a side serving of Singapore Noodles. The Field Marshalls baton said it all, ‘No 1 citizen’, and just for clarification, Angus shone a light into an alcove all painted in red and gold, and there for our benediction a portrait of Angus and Xi playing Mahjong. What further proof would be required we arks you?
But with such a shocking revelation we only knew of one thing, we were not going to be able to alert our fellow citizens, as there was obviously too much at stake.
‘There was a climate policy quoth he’,
Angus laughed; ‘You know what they say, if you put your head to close to the wok burner you’ll get deep-fried, and I’ve gotta thank you Benny-boy for your unswerving loyalty to me, and the people I serve’.
‘You swine’! Ces ejaculated, selling your own countrymen down the Yangtze, have you no shame’?
Angus laughed, ‘Shame, you’d think after Clover-gate got done with the help of my mates at the ‘Peoples Daily’ I suffered shame? You think after I diddled the Murray Darling I evinced shame? You think after I made Jam-Land and my position as Energy Minister fully monetised I stumbled for shame?
You can call it shame, but I call it the main game.
When iron ore goes up, I WIN!
When China black-bans wine, beef, crayfish and barley I WIN !
Wen Darwin port gets signed over to me mate Andrew Robb I WIN!
And when the taxpayers buy it back at ten times the price I WIN!
Twins
Even’, he had a laugh which became infections, Benny boy harrumphing in chorus; ‘and even if Labor wins the next election I WIN.
Whichever finger and any pie I WIN, you see thats the main game. WINNING!!!!
Harold taught me that’.
‘Harold’? I was dumbfounded, ‘you’re taking Holt’?
‘Yep mate, Harold taught me everything, you don’t think we go on these trade missions for nothing, Harold has coached all of us into how to make reward for members of the party’.
‘The Liberal Party’, Ces trembled? ‘Nup for fucksakes, where you’ve been? The Communist Party! They’ve got more Cayman Island accounts than you’ve got brain cells, and they’ll have more next year and the next year and the year after.
Monetising Extinction
Cos they’ve got a five year plan, and then another and another’. ‘And all we get’, Ces muttered wryly is Border Force and a Centre for National Resilience’. ‘Took the words outta my mouth, whilst Scomo decorates laziness, do-nothing policies with euphemisms, we forge on. Either way, we WIN’!
‘Anyway you look at it, I WIN! When Taiwan falls I WIN! And when Australia is “conditioned” you know what the answer will be, and at this he loomed menacingly, grabbed the AK 47 off the shelf, and whistled a few bars from ‘the East is Red” I WIN!
‘Jeez Angus what drives you to this sick parody of success’?
‘My tutor, my sage, my idol’,
‘What Mao’?
‘Nup Lawrie,’
‘Everything I learnt was from Laurie Connell, he showed me the way ever since he stiffed that chinless git Warwick Fairfax. Since then, in armaments production, the procurement of subs, the new telcos, coal, oil, and renewables, I WIN. Its like the butterfly sneezes, someone in the world sneezes I WIN’.
Laurie Connell, inventor of the five year plan. W.A Inc.
‘But winning isn’t everything’,
Wanna make a bet? And you know what they say, Winners are grinners”
Angus turned to us, and this was the scary part, he was wearing make-up and rouge had been smeared ungraciously across his cheeks. In his Chinese Communist Party generals uniform he looked both frightening and surreal. If this was the end of the world, this was the devil incarnate. This was business practise 101 endorsed by Lawrie Connell.
‘How can you sleep’?
‘Comfy mate, my pillow is stuffed with bit-coin. All senior party officials deal ONLY in bitcoin’.
‘You scoundrel, you thief, you lick-spittle’,
‘Yep, and loving it.
Take em Benny-Boy’!
What has Angus in store? Will this really be the end or will there be another twist in the tail? Find out in our next cross-dressing episode; ‘Is that a wonton in your pocket or are you just pleased to sue me’? or ‘Three gorges and be DAMNED’!!!
- Coelocanth Prized by Senior party officials as a proven aphrodisiac.