Ken Henry V. Warns of a banking Tsunami much worse than BREXIT and the evils of ‘BANK HATE”!

There’s word around that the banks are thinking of going offshore. Described as a “Banking Tsunami”, the four major’s have declared ‘enough is enough’. They wont stand for a bullying government policy, and wont pay a cent more’. On hand to rescue the banks, Ken Henry, (now referred to as brave Ken Henry V) warned; “Australia will be lucky to enjoy one budget surplus over the current cycle, risking the need for dramatic austerity or tax rises in future”. And though we were not on hand to hear his full address to the BBSG, (the Beleagured Bank Support Group) who included amongst its members some of the most concerned members within Australia’s corporate community), he was heard to say;

“And that’s just the start! Once we pull the plug and go offshore you’ll all be completely fucked and you bought it on yourself by your evil high taxing policy of public BANK HATE’!

Ordinary mum and dad mortgage holders rally against populist “BANK HATE” stereotypes.

Asked where he’d go offshore, Ken Henry V retorted: ‘It’ll be like Brexit but ten trillion times worse, and speaking of trillions, that uninhabited island in the Pacific looks good. It’s got a trillion billion pieces of plastic, we can use that resource and convert it into bit-coin. From there we’ll up interest rates on mums and dad mortgage holders, and reduce rates on lending for overseas and any other investor. You’ll be completely fucked over, and well be up to our armpits in bitcoin plastic and laughing ourselves all the way to the Bank. Which incidentally in case you hadn’t forgotten WE OWN’!!

New Advertising campaign launched to demonstrate how Aussie banks nurture community prosperity.

And Ken Henry V (whilst convulsing with villainous laughter composed himself just long enough to take a few more delicate sips of absynthe composed himself to complete the last villainous fragment of his soliloquy). “ Yep, Mums and Dads. We’ve fucked em over on wage growth, fucked em over on housing affordability, and with the overseas investment tsunami we’ll create to punish their ungratefulness and BANK HATE, they’ll be lucky to buy a dog kennel in the Pilbara. And, (convulsing with laughter) Twiggy and Gina will be there to put a flat tax on their dog bowl. And when they come begging, (at this stage Ken Henry V was catatonic with laughter, whilst composing himself just long enough to roll a big fat joint from a real one hundred dollar bill) we’ll encourage em to come along for a bit of financial advice, and when they arrive, we’ll put the sign up on the door.

Another poorly paid salary worker fighting to defend banks against ‘BANK HATE’!

CLOSED’!

Ken Henry V wants a parliamentary enquiry into banking, and promised that the new levy will close business down. Even businesses that pay tax. ‘The 0.6% levy was the final straw, and though aussie banks guaranteed by the Australian taxpayer had a virtual monopoly, the BANK HATE meant only one thing. RETRIBUTION’.

Asked what that retribution would be? Ken Henry V quipped. “ Aha, our secret weapon, we nickname her the Black Death of public confidence, We’ll roll out Anna Bligh. And, (before having a seizure bought about by non-stop convulsive laughter) being an ex Labor pollie she will do you all over and say “ She Cares”.

And why? Because we CAN’!

And we can’t spell Royal Commission either.