A climate policy that’s so secret, it doesn’t even have a name!
Dear reader, we return to our compelling documentary of what’s really happening behind the scenes and unlock some of the secrecy surrounding the Coalition’s stunning Climate Change policies. We hope as the whole front bench does that technologies not yet invented will save the day? Or perhaps technologies that have already been invented but have not seen the day as a conequence of the Coalitions’ sensible distaste for research, science, tertiary institutions and anything that questions the over-arching infallibility of ‘Clean Coal’ and an all-loving God.
Read on, and uncover the wisdom that lies beneath the secrecy….a secrecy over climate dealing which has been witheld from the electorate for their own good.
Sophie has her gag removed and our heroes Ces, Quent and Benny-Boy wait for her to make a sound. Though they know whatever they hear will not be ‘nice’!
A Climate Policy endorsed by Crown Casino’s high flyer suite and Christian’s blind trust.
We stood around her, she’d stopped swearing and her face, flushed brighter shade of crimson, was a picture of pudge. And then, the lips moved, slowly at first, but then sound issued forth, we strained to hear. “Well boys! You think you’ve got it all sewed up. But you need me! I’m glad about that’! She looked at us with such withering contempt, and made no effort to get up. Being a Fair Work Commissioner she liked her soliloquies to be kept salutary and subjugational. In this she evinced great respect for the tools of good governance and the traditions of the Westminster system, a system that had given us Prince Andrew as an exemplar of public behaviour and leadership the world over. And upon refection, the blind trust that paid for Christians Porters defence.
‘You’ve realised as exalted member of the Fair Work Commission that my wisdom is unassailable and my wit impregnable. So….. Let’s do a deal!!
‘Allright Sophe, we want a way out,
And we want our freedom, not in a Uighur or Tibetan or Aboriginal kinda way just to be slotted in jail, a detention centre or Don Dale, but real freedom, to be let go, and left alone. And if you can help us, we’ll pretend none of this ever happened.
You can go back to what you do for a living and we can take the less criminal path’.
Sophie smiled before replying, and the smile was almost grotesque for it seemed implausible for her to be grinning like that.
‘Allright boys, you’re on! Untie me, and I’ll let you outta here,
But first you’ve gotta promise me one thing?
‘What’s that Sophe’? Benny-boy boomed,
A Climate Policy so secret Assange will likely rot in prison for the term of his natural life rather than the public cop an eyeful of Coalition climate science!
‘You’re not to tell anyone of this operation, the pommy nukes or the operatives I have here working for Angus and Xi’.
She looked at each of us with a penetrating eye, as her mascara had run it looked ghoulish and reptilian. it was a tall order, but with Ms Culthorpe’s integrity at stake we agreed it was the right thing to do. We all nodded in furious agreement.
‘Well then boys, Let s get started’.
A climate science so secret that even witness K won’t be let near it as leaking would possibly damage our NATIONAL INTEREST!
It puzzled us, Sophie was almost engaging, she’d stilled the venom, and as we dusted her down, and wiped her pudgy hands and face with Dettol, (there was always a bottle or two on hand) we began to think there was a softer side. Perhaps that why she was chosen as a Fair Work Commissioner, she understood clemency and contrition and deal making. And this was an enterprise bargaining deal that we had to be all over. It didn’t bear thinking what would happen to us if we were unable to see the small print. And in the darkness, it was all a blur.
It was too soon to tell, but one thing we did know, that Sophie held our lives in the balance, once again.
Adjusting her glasses, and surveying the tomb and the rows of pommy nukes, she pointed to an old filing cabinet, used to contain in-trays and requisition orders not yet countersigned by Daryl Maguire. ‘See that! I want you to push on this door here’.
And no sooner as force was applied by the indomitable Benny- Boy the door moved with a great and grinding creak. And beyond it, a stairwell descended deep into the stygian gloom. ‘Down here’! she commanded, “but on one condition I lead”!!. With Benny-Boy taking up the rear, his AK fully loaded, we descended,
A Climate Policy more secret than dudding the French president and not even bothering to tell him that he’d been pissed on by his mates. That’s the ‘AUSTRALIAN WAY’!!
Will Sophie take them for another ride slightly more circuitous than the last one? Will she ditch the witch and confront Ju-liar as she promised with Tone in 2013, and stick it once and for all for climate change? ‘Plus ca change’ as the frogs would say, it’s all submersible and deep water under the Arch de Triomphe. And if you haven’t got one of those, McDonalds arches will do .