An Australia Day Exclusive
The P.M. Breaking with Australia Day Honours Tradition. Announces the; ‘Golden Starfish Award”
Cecil accepting the “Golden Starfish Award’, whilst maintaining his complete and absolute anonymity.
Dear reader, It is with breathless excitement , and some heartfelt anticipation that we break with the extraordinary news that we believe, from ‘authority unquestioned and certainty unblemished’ that one amongst us has been annointed with the highest honour bequeathed in the land. I know , as you do after reading about the exploits of our aviation pioneers that it may be Quentin Cockburn for ‘Services to Aviation’, or you may think it is Ira Maine for sterling service in the ‘Pursuit of Poetry and the enlightenment of ‘Man as Machine’. But, we have it in a form more tangible than a rumour that it is none other than Cecil Poole himself who this year will take on the mantle, the responsibilty, the gravitas of Australia’s highest honour, the Order of Australia, “Golden Starfish’ award.
Speaking briefly at a hastily convened press conference, Cecil breathlessly remarked, ‘this has come as quite a surprise, I had no idea this was coming, and I’m exceedingly humbled’. The ‘Golden Starfish’ is an entirely new award, above all the lowly OA’s OAMs and AM’s that have flourished since the Whitlam government dispensed with the puerile, forelock-tugging, royalist. self-seeking gongs that were so characteristic of the sub colonial mindset of Knighthoods and Dames.
Indeed since the Tony Abbott ‘Phil the Greek knighthood fiasco’ last year, the current ‘Prime Minister for Innovation’, The Rt. Hon. Malcolm Turnbull has been hard pressed to breathe new life into the Australia Day Awards scheme. Indeed he’s been hard at work breathing any life at all into the corpus, the moulding residue of “honours” and it was only on the suggestion of the Minister for Innovation himself, The Rt. Hon, Christopher Pyne, that the honours should be given new life by establishing a new, higher strata of award. ‘Something beyond the back slapping, toadying, sycophantic immaturity associated with people being gonged for stuff they do for a living’.
‘Our Man In London’. Lynton.
Proposed new ceremonial uniform to be worn by order of Australia ‘Golden’ and ‘Chocolate’ Starfish Award recipients. Uniforms tastefully designed by the Minister for Innovation, The Rt. Hon. Christopher Pyne. (from his personal collection)
With considerable self effacing elan, the P. M has departed from tradition, and decided to develop a new awards scheme that truly demonstrates Australia at the ‘innovation azimuth’ of contemporary thought. Ignoring suggestions from the former P.M, and the recent Minister for Defence, Kevin Andrews that the new award be the absolute highest, as a ‘Super V.C’, the P.M. deferred and brilliantly came up with a fauna based award scheme to outclass and re-define Australia as truly innovative. ‘The Golden Starfish, (Crown of Thorns first class) the Golden Cane Toad and the Golden Feral Goat, recognise ‘exceptional endeavour’ from these not usually acquainted with patronage and special status’. As the P.M stated in his live address from Canberra; ‘few can have changed the shape of this country more profoundly than the ‘Crown of Thorns Starfish’ and the Cane Toad, how fitting then, that we establish this award to celebrate the unexpected, the quiet achiever, and the challenge of dealing with change and innovation into the Twenty First century’.
In recognition of his tireless commitment to boards, (his house is made of timber), his compassion for poetry, (he has had one live in his house), and literature and the arts, (he’s both literate and artistic), both the Australia Day Council and the Australia Council who include amongst them, some members from outside Sydney have nominated Cecil Poole as their Inaugural Golden Starfish Award winner. And in recognition of his service to this country, will be receiving both a Chocolate Starfish, Order of Australia award, and a REAL Golden Starfish medal from her Majesty the Queen and Lynton Crosby in Buckingham Palace, next week. We are told that the dress code will be smart formal. Who wouldn’t be?